Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Scam in the new age

I have gotten scammed 2 times in my life...will tell you those stories in the future.
My mother came home from her daily 2 mile route (she frets from trespassing this border line, in short, she fears the driver's on the road).
Some "woman/girl" approached her in the parking lot as my mom was loading stuff from Stop and Shop, and then let me take it from here.
My Mom was like:  "this nice lady came up to me in the S-N-Shop parking lot and could not stop complimenting the color of my car..."
Ba Dump.
I became infuriated.
Mom, your car color is fucking called Burgundy.  It is in the frigging Crayola collection, I heatedly told her.
The next day we pulled into this parking lot at a shopping center and I pointed out at least 21 of her same colored cars. 
This woman has been through so much, I do not need some smack head with a stroller to destroy her.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Casimir Pulaski Day

I have not listened to my iPod for at least 2 weeks.  And I rarely listen to music at home because I am always listening to podcasts.  I've had this Snow Patrol song in my head (non annoyingly), "Hands Open ".  I must be a happy, because, I was actually sort of singing to myself today when I was doing some errands.  "Hands Open " comes on the station in my head.  The line I started singing when the train came was, "...put Sufjan Stevens on..."  Train doors open.  I sit down.  Take out my New York Magazine that just arrived.  Cover page, advertisement, advertisement page, Letter from the editor, Story..."Sufjan Steven's Ballet Lessons".  Unbelievable.  How frigging random, first; my song in my head.  Second, a Sufjan Stevens article about him doing the music to a ballet in NYC.

Sunday, September 09, 2012

I am the 600$ man

I got a new bridge for my lower teeth, filling in all those gaps of teeth that had receded so bad that I pulled them out with pliers and WD40 because they frigging hurt so much. It sounds gross (I never used WD40), but sometimes the pain is too much. Last time this happened, I went to my dentist and I was out of there in about (I swear) 3 minutes. It took me longer to get in that chair contraption which looks like a boiled shrimp. I sat down, opened wide and he had this gripp-ey tool which needed no help. 30 seconds and no blood. What sucks is that these are all front teeth. So, unless I want to look like Cletus or a Jack-o-lantern I will suffer. For what? I have no idea. I am probably never gonna hook up for the rest of my life.
Curse you Damn Life.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

There is no U in victim

C'mon. Haven't I been through this shit enough? How many fucking times must I ride the high rode for one second only to be sent careening down the mountain.
If you don't know...I went on an interview for perhaps the greatest restaurant (money making-semi casual) in NYC. I saw the ad the night before another which was to take place an hour later.
I was the first applicant there. They numbered me, #1.
I interviewed and it went great.
They said callbacks were on Monday, in which I held my phone next to me the whole day.
On Wednesday, i recieved a 212 call and could not answer it for the fact that I happened to be at a subway where it rang. I transferred it immediately to voice mail so the caller did not have to endure 6 rings. Does anyone remember the early samsung phones wherein you could set your voice mail to two or one rings? That was great, and they did away with that.
I called 5 times after and left messages to no avail.
Now I am kind of pissed.

Sunday, June 24, 2012


So,this guy I knew in Los Angeles. A fantastic guy.  A smoothie, if you get my meaning.  Like, he can make the concrete feel like grass.
I found an old address book a few years ago and I plugged in all these names that I had forgotten or mis-spelled while trying to fins them on FB. Annnd, we got in touch.
You know what fucking pops my balloon?  People who steal idea's and go far.
When I was in Los Angeles there was a weekly paper and I tried to be a food critic.  I honestly could only afford to review places that I had enough money to eat at, but I wrote these concise reviews which I typed(!) <---this was 1999,mind you.
It turns out that B---- knew a person at the weekly and he was working on getting my reviews looked at.
Sluggishly, if at all.
Well, well, well...guess if you must, but our new found friend is a local reviewer for 3 outlets and he gets to go on all of these gorgeous junkets wherein he photographs every morsel.  Big teethy smile:  Good For Him!!
Always a bridesmaid.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


I seem to be neglecting my music in leiu of Podcasts.  I basically listen to 98% comedy podcasts.  Actually, "Comedy" might be better.  Most are hosted by comedians,but they are not all about comedy.  Some of them get deeper,and are not a stand up routine.  I am not talking about WTF hosted by Marc Maron (which I stopped listening to once he started thinking he is superior. <---I stopped with the Louis CK episode,where someone put Maron in his place for being a jealous,smug asshole).
I have found that many, many comedians are on the wagon.  When I worked @ this Comedy Place in Los Angeles a dozen years ago, I only knew of about 3 who did not drink. (Kathy Griffen and the above M. Maron being 2...also Greg Behrendt)
But this seems to be the de rigour.  I have to applaud them and consider them,more good company.  I keep a list of people I admire (who do not drink) in this little date book I always carry with me,just in case I feel like going off.
Mike and Tom eat Snacks  Hilarious Hosted by Michael Ian Black (The State) and Tom Cavanagh (Ed) wherein they discuss a different snack every week.

Professor Blastoff  5 out of 5 stars  Hosted by Tig Notaro, Kyle Dunnigan and David Huntzberger.  The bring in a special(ist) guest each week and discuss a single concept each week. i.e. Twins, Prayer, Tides.

Comedy Bang Bang  Now a show on IFC.  This is always bringing in the great recognizable guests who are either in their alter ego's or themselves.  Most shows are a strong 4 out of 5 stars.  Sketch comedy over the radio.

Sklarboro Country  Hosted by Randy and Jason Sklar.  This show always has a great guest who is into sports.  Most stories covered are the absurd news makers in the sports field.  5 out of 5 stars.

The Bugle  Hosted by John Oliver (The Daily Show) and his comedian buddy from England Andy Z.  5 out 5.  Covering the weeks (mostly) political events.  Frigging Hysterical.

(These links will direct you to the show page where you can listen to the episodes without going through iTunes...use iTunes if you want to sunscribe to a certain podcast so you can listenon you ipod).

Saturday, June 09, 2012

I'm Rorry

Sorry for not writing as of late.  I am in flux (?) is that right?  Like  I am in between things and I am laying so low, just waiting.
I will be working at the airport soon and I just took an excrutiating 3(read: eyelid closing) class with TSA agents and took a test afterwards in which I recieved 25/25.  Fingerprints and backround check went great.  They love the blog (ha!).
I should be meeting all sorts of interesting people and I am looking forward to sharing them with you.
Till then, you have got to watch this show on the Food Netwoork called "Mystery Diners" (this link will open in a new window) which is fantastic.

Here is J.Mascis of Dinosaur Jr. singing leaving on a jet plane

Thursday, May 24, 2012

I Can now add video's!!

I joined BLogger in it's hey day...just 7 years ago...can you believe it.  I was, not to applaud, but I was one of the first bloggers.  Blog,the noun has gone from what? to Huh? to chuckle.
I laugh when i write this because about 3 years ago I saw some girl with a shirt (ironic or not) which said across her beautiful tits.."Have you read my Blog?
I use to follow all the blogger news.  I stopped.
Now we can add video's.
I never watch the kittens who mew channel. but I promise
...to bring great songs with my meanings.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend...be safe lovers


the Mats...just read another book about these Minnisota dudes.

Wait no more

For 6 or so months,i hope to be working at this place at JFK.  It takes me about 3 hours to get there.  5 shifts a week.  I can do it.  I need to re-group.  And at least I can do this waitering.  I have zero qualms about my age, et al.  It is...the only steakhouse in JFK.  We'll see.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

"Damages" It's a Good Thing...Maybe

I've been trying to find some television series that I can get invested in. One that has run for a couple of seasons, so I can always turn to it (the show) when I am bored.

I was ambivalent about the show "Damages" starring Glenn Close, only because I am sort of iffy on her. I think it's because she reminds me of some snooty Connecticut Waspy type.

I recently heard that she was in that Cult-y teen group in the 70's called, Up with People, so I kinda loosened up on her and started watching.

Man,I was hooked. Great co-stars, great plots. I found myself watching 3 episodes and still not being able to fall asleep,and watching a fourth.

Couple this with me trying to, for the 112th time, find a suitable job. Oye!

I had this dream that I was working @ this huge Macy's size store, solely deigned for Martha Stewart. Martha was in the store preparing us (the staff) for the Grand Opening. I think I was like a Manager or something.

Oh,I forgot to mention. If you have never seen "Damages", Glenn's character is named Patty and she is a Lawyer. Wait. Lawyer is probably the 15th thing on a list that explains this absolute Barracuda. Conniver, Back Stabber, Killer?, Manipulator,et al.

Back to the Grand Opening. We were walking around the store with the staff, and Martha turns to me and asks me, by name, to retrieve something, and at this point she is pointing her arm out in the direction of this massive store. I wanted to asked her to narrow it down a little, but she continued to tour the group and I was afraid to cut in. So, I walked in the direction of ,her arm. Just like looking for something to jump out at me.

I wandered around and was walking back empty handed, when she stopped the group speak. She walked up to me, and she was furious. Her face was steaming with rage. She started to stomp up the store, (at least I had the direction right) as she was berating me. The group of trainee's and myself followed. She was repeating this word over and over which sounded foreign to me. She stopped in front of this gigantic wicker basket filled with gallons of her paint cans. She was like, "I said blah, blah, blah (meaning the paint color name)" and she picked up the wicker basket (which held about 40 different gallons) and spilled them all out on the floor. They all rolled around, and I woke up, kind of laughing.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I'm Stunted

Some say that Alcoholics are stunted in maturity (type of level) starting from when their addictions began.
I was thinking about this the other day when I was on the train going to the ferry. I felt this girl/woman was looking @ me. And, who knows, I could have had a booger or toothpaste on the side of my mouth. But I was flattered none the less. And as I sat there, I was like,Michael,she is looking at a 47 year old you, and inside I am feeling like I am getting cruised @ a crowded bar @ Wildwood, NJ circa 1986.
I do not act my age. I was in a meeting @ work and I feel like I am so immature, yet, when I was 15 or so, I was like 30 years old and all my responsibilities.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Creepy and Crackie...Passengers Today

Hopefully this will be a new segment. Being that I have to travel 2 hours to get to Citi Field (The Mets stadium). This is what I take...SI Rail to SI Ferry. Subway #6 line to #7 line which takes me to the field.

Going to work, I had the pleasure (really) of getting a seat on the 7 train ( a long ride). As did Oxy girl/crackie girl. She and her mate sat across from me, and her other friend a death metal looking 35 year old from Germany sat next to me. Mr. Annoying. He had hair down to his waist which he proceeded to tie into this convoluted pony tail hitting me in my face and neck.

This girl was so fucked up she could be the most promising video for the D.A.R.E. program. It was so sad, and I hope she gets help, man.

On the ferry ride home that evening, this was a group of Japanese touristy young 20 year olds. A group of 6, 4 girls. The girls were all gorgeous. Two of them were stunning and it was sort of hard not to keep stealing glances at her because she was so stunning. (Now I sound like the creepy one!)

I had to pee really really bad, and the deck I usually sit on had their bathrooms closed, so I went up to the tourist deck. Within the first minutes of leaving Manhattan, an announcement came over the loudspeaker: "NYPD please go to the rear Brooklyn side". This is rare. Hmmm. The nosy parker in me thought. In the next 30 seconds, this 6'7" behemoth with a red Scotch drinkers face, 35 ish is sort of right next to me, out of breath (reeking) and pretending to talk to someone on his phone. More Hmmm's from me as I sized up the perp for when I need to give clue's to the sketch artist later. (ha)

About 15 minutes go by (the ride is 28 minutes), and creepy is gone, but then I see the group of Japanese kids come in from taking their picture's of the Statue of Liberty, and trailing behind them, looking more inebriated is him. They proceed to sit down in one of the many empty rows of bench like seats. And this guy is actually lurking and hovering and staring like a fucking sex crazed pig @ the girls and then he sits right next to them.

Right after that, I swear, an undercover female cop sat a foot away from me, and we both were keeping an eye on this disgusting bastards next moves.

Listen, there is no where to run. We are floating in the Hudson. You could really tell the uncomfortableness of these kids, but they were very cool about it.

Man, there are so many predators out there.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


I honestly hope her last breathe was about her kid.
We all have waving fingers but can I say, to you...Addiction is so real.
I tried to off myself with my perps and all I got was this lousy...seriously, I did, but II never had anything strong.
Listen, a major voice died...sad
But do not think you were attending?
I am hoping this will not be a spectacle.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Thank You HBO

for Deadwood

I never watched you and I love T.Olyfaynt (sp) on "Justified"

I watched 1 season while I had pneumonia which I think is diabetis. None of the cool women in this...

Monday, February 06, 2012

Note to Un-Civilized Societies...

We Win and We Do Not Burn up the Joint.

"Immediately following the end of the New England Patriots' loss in Super Bowl XLVI, thousands of students from the University of Massachusetts in Amherst erupted in a much-predicted riot outside the Southwest Residential Area."

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Man, My thoughts...Can not stop em

I've read enough succesful persons articles/bio's wherin they say, if you do not visualize it, you are hurting yourself and your mind.
I started doing this years ago and I would get swept away like I was in a Calgon bath. I thought of my whole life A.D. --->after deservedness.
Maybe I have ruined it.
I have been on 2 positive interiews for this awesome job and I am already living in Brooklyn or UpState NY where the train runs a block away from the job I did not get yet.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Golden Globe Predictions

I know these are a farce. I know these sycophant GG people just are masturbating to their guest list. I know, I use to tell Bennie, my step-dog, I know.

BestPicture-The Descendants




Actress Com./Mus-Kristin Wiig

Actor Com/Mus-Jean Dujardin

Animation- Tin Tin

Foriegn-A Seperation (Melencholia shouldhave been here)

Sup. Actor-Christopher Plummer-(freaking amazing)

Sup. Actress-Octavia Spencer

Director- Scorsese




TV Drama-Homeland

Actress Drama- It Better fucking be Madeline Stowe

Actor Man Drama-Cranston

TV Comedy-Modern Family

Comedy Actress- It fucking better be Amy Poehler

Actor-Alec Baldwin

MiniSeries ha...just go hom you other losers

Downton Abbey

Actress Mini-Winslet

Actor Mini-Hugh Bonneville

Sup Actress Mini-Mags Smith

Sup Actor Mini- I hope-Guy Pearce

I will have a cool recap

Page Turning

Darrell Hammond, most known as the best Bill Clinton impersonator from SNL has written a harrowing book regarding his self inflicted abuse before and after SNL.

I know Mr. Hammond's is more extreme, but I can relate on his mother's emasculation of him,and the cutting.

I did something worse than cutting. I use to use my thumb nail to just etch away those seven layers of skin. And I would make it look like suicide scars on my wrists. This is his fresh air interview. Terry Gross was so coolto him.

Friday, January 13, 2012

7 Year Anniversary!!!


Pearls of Wisdom

The other night while trying to fall asleep, my sleep aid, the BBC had this 'brain surgeon' on. This expert was on who 'claims' to be a networking expert, you know, like the 'experts' they have on for 3 minutes on The Today Show.

She's blathering on and on about some such nonsense that the corner vagrant could have told you, when see spat out this diamond from her clenched ass.

"...and these steps should lead you to the cream of the crop, or what we call the Marzipan".


I was in complete darkness and I through my hands up as if to say, what?

Marzipan, as far as I know is basically a sculpting almond paste. Some people enjoy it. I worked at this one place where the marzipan was shaped into fruits and vegetables, and they are painted with edible coloring stuffs.

I have never seen a dessert except for maybe a certain petite four or two topped by marzipan? Why not tiara ? Or telephone book on the refrigerator? Or those light bulbs in the ceilings of museums that you wonder how the hell, and who the hell puts those in?

Marzipan? Really?

I picture said authoress sitting in her local Patisserie, daydreaming over her second or third Sancerre that she is going to be the next J.K.Rawling(s?), when she espied a dessert she was craving and viola-marzipan.

Holy Shit.

Marzipan,on desserts (or almond paste) is usually on the bottom, and taking this birds advice, that's where you will end up.

Friday, December 30, 2011

EnD oF YeAr LiSts

Downton Abbey- It's not pronounced Down-town nimrod eurudite's. I watched the next season and I will not spoiler alert tell you anything...just that Edith is a tw...ryhmes with cot.

Walking Dead I honestly wish every charector would get eaten. Starting with that little jerkoff boy and followed by Gladys Kravitz with the camper. That nosey man with his nose hair and flaining nostrils irked me.

Justified Yeah, I thought I would never get into this show, but it hooked me. Shane, the scumbag partner from "The Shield" is in it as is Margot Martingdale,one of the greatest charector actressess next to Shield alum CCH Ponder.


I just discovered "Pulling" from the BBC which ran 2 seasons which means 12 shows and it is gone. They did the same thing with the origional Queer as Folk, and it sucks. But the BBC takes the backlash (really) from the fans and they make tV movies to tie up the ends.
(I also watched all of the "Inbetweeners" and saw the movie).

"Parks and Rec" I think Alainis had a song called "Perfect"

"Revenge" 2 words. Madeline Stowe

"2 Broke Girls" Everyone calls CBS the Grandma network. I have never seen/heard more blatant and raunchy second lines in my life. It's still a decent show.

I can not wait for "30 Rock"

Saturday, December 17, 2011

At Christmas Time

Have you noticed that no one believes in God? Since we are in 2011, it had to be around 1999 when all I met were all these people from the comedy front that were atheists.
I remember turning to co-worker Lisa one day and being aghast at the atheism projected from the comics. It seemed bitter.
I may be some idiot, and thats cool.
I have a zero religion that I pray towards. I just kinda believe.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Coincidence? I think not.

In AA they say "there are no coincidences". I disagree. I can not tell you how many I have had this week. Mostly involving words.

Por Ejemplo, por vavor: (By the way, this happened twice)

I was playing Boggle Bash, which if you know what Boggle is, it is randomly making words out of the letters given (I think it is 16). You are given 3 minutes.

Usually when I play, I am listening to the many podcasts that are stuffing my iTunes.

The first time the word I was typing and the word said by the person on the podcast, simultaniously, I just freaking smiled.

Oh, I forgot to say. The words, are not your basic verbs or smaller adjectives. May I now present you with the word I remembered, so I could write it down.

I was in a game, and as soon as I typed the word, MISLEAD, the frigging comedian or whomever said this word at the moment I found it and was typing it in. Now, besides the fact that MISLEAD is a 7 letter word (4 pts.)-it is such a random word.

The other coincidences involved a reataurant I worked @, long gone, and the first story I read in NY Magazine, mentioned this restaurant in the first paragraph,very random as well, as in they were siting a specific area of Manhattan, and they said, "...right around the corner from the old Cafe Rafaella".

There was one more but I can not remember it.

(BTW: The Boggle Board pictured above contains the names of 9 countries)

Downton Abbey

I can not say enough. I was laid up for a day w/the flu. I had this show on my list of things to watch. Oh man. 16 hours later. Watch This Show!!