faggots! 

Don't let the Karma door hit you on the ass on the way out

I keep track of people who make gay slurs or endorse homophobia so it gives me tremendous pleasure in all this shit surrounding Mel Gibson. Years ago there was a magazine called 'Outweek', which was a weekly zine dealing with anything going on in the gay world. Although I was still not into blockbuster type movies and their stars, I was resolved to never watch a Mel Gibson movie in my life after his remarks around that time dealing with gay guys and AIDS and getting it up the ass. Nuff said and to be fair to drunky, I paraphrased that last sentence.
Sebastian Bach was the lead singer of Skid Row, a metal hair band who had their biggest hit with a wuss rock tune and sometimes opened for the hot Guns and Roses at the time. Bach wore a t-shirt at an arena type show which said, "AIDS kills Fags dead." Now he is a fat hasbeen trying to squeeze into his leathers with the same doofy haircut and he, get this, has a recurring role on "The Gilmore Girls." Very straight indeed.
Roy Cohn, over actedly played by Al Pacino in "Angels in America."
Rev. Fred Phelps who drunkenly beat his children into mental disorders.
Axel Rose; ("Immigrants and Faggots, they make no sense to me...) who now sports more Botox than Cindy Adams and has a worse weave than Whitney on her third night at the crack den.
And on and on...
Hey, the man who fathered me could be in this article as well...From "Journal of Psychotherapy"
"...which involves putting a special cuff around the penises of homophobic young men. This cuff measures even tiny changes in the penile circumference. The homophobes are then shown homoerotic films; the cuff shows that their penises get bigger as they watch hot gay men doing what hot gay men do in such films."

Waiting for the Night

Sandy West (far right) was the drummer for The Runaways. She is currently hospitalized for cancer of the lungs and a brain tumor. Sandy (nee Pesavento), stayed with The Runaways until their break up and was all set for the reunion tour of 99 had it not been for Lita Ford backing out. I emplore you to get your hands on The Runaways documentary, "Edgeplay." It was made by Vickie Blue who replaced Jackie Fox when she left the band. The docu also details in depth a lot of the problems Sandy faced when the band broke up. Say a novena or light a candle for this cool as shit drummer.

Pastiche

Lance Bass. Who's next, Travolta? Give me one that Helen Keller's gaydar doesn't seem to pick up on. My next sentence was going to give an example of someone that I might have a crush on who I would hope to come out, someone unexpected. But honestly, no one came to mind that anyone else would know. I seem to be attracted to girls who are strangers, boyfriends.


"Born into Brothels" Please rent this movie. It is brilliant. It really makes you feel grateful for opportunity. This movie is about 8 children from Calcutta whose mothers' are prostitutes working out of their squalid living enviorns. I was struck how these children, who get no schooling whatsoever are smarter than 3/4 of the kids in America. This movie will bring out your altruistic side. It's heartbreaking and inspirational.


Download Pete Yorns' "The Man", a duet with Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks. This song is absolutely gorgeous. (This link will take you to the comments page of the post. Click on, Show origional post, and then you can download it from there. )

The Notebook

Since 1986 I have kept journals. This was well before Oprah's journaling phase and I started right after I moved back to NYC from the Virgin Islands. I've amassed about 55 of these in all different shapes and sizes and covers that suited me at the time.( I went through a Keith Haring 'Pop Shop' journal phase in the late 80's) When Brian and I fled (and I mean hit the ground running) from South Beach (Miami) in 1992 and we were limited for space in his Jetta to drive to Los Angeles, I brought only some clothes and all my journals up til that point with me. The rest of my belongings I put in storage in Homestead, Fla. which then got damaged in a hurricane and I lost every possession of my life and received $75 because I never filled out the insurance form. Since then, wherever I go, I bring the whole group with me, because they are my 'fire' grab. I have them all in this antique wooden Jack Daniels crate from the 40's. (Figures-liquor)
The last couple of years I've felt very, how should I say, milk like. I feel I have an expiration date on me and since I have no kids or house or Life Insurance for that matter the only thing I have to leave behind as my being here are these journals. No one in my family reads anything more than The Post so I can not see them staying up late into the night riveted by the eccentric warblings of their dearly departed brother/son. I think that they would honor them by keeping them, yet nothing would become of them in so far as the romantic notions I would have had I been bequeathed such a lot.
I was thinking of stipulating in a will something to the effect of putting an ad in a well to do college newspaper, which has a good writing program and see if any student might want to be the benefactor of these musings. I would have left them to my college but I can not see the value in leaving a Culinary School the ramblings and thoughts of an alcoholic, sex crazed procrastinator and dreamer. It's funny because of my four closest friends, neither of them are readers as well. As a side note, a recent fuck buddy of mine had seen the lot of them and said that HE would pay for them to be well kept in a security box!
I've been typing each journal, non sequentially onto my hard drive. The fact that I am taking them out randomly has me experiencing kind of fucked up dreams and thoughts when I go for my walk/jog. I have been googling all these 'co-stars' of my life whom I have either burned bridges with or who have stop calling when my drinking and drunk dialing got out of hand. I have been amused and stultified while transcribing. I have seen my potential reach it's apex and I have read my fears and on going anxieties crush me into devastation. I have writings more vivid than a powerpoint lecture and I have seen where I have been an absolute sucker and pushover to eventual users I had let into my life.
Maybe this will be cathartic for me in some way. Maybe since memoirs have been the flavor of the last few years I will send some of the completed works out. I don't know.

Freedom...

I used to be a 'modelizer' in the late 80's early 90's. My friend Brian was working for one of the big agencies as a model and we would go to all these great parties and I would go on a lot of go-see's with him. This was Linda Evangelista's heyday. She basically held some kind of record by being on so many covers in a given month, and consecutive covers for the same magazine. I'm not a big fan of Canadians, but I love when an Italian (heritage) girl makes good. We (Brian and I) would watch Elsa Klench on CNN Saturday mornings to see Linda strut her stuff on the runway. I seriously wanted to be a booker at this time as well. Linda would change her hair color every couple of months and it made fashion headlines. By the mid ninties, fashion magazines started putting celebrities on the covers and basically, aside from Giselle, no real stand out 'name' models have come out of the last decade. (Kate Moss was already a name). This month, a pregnant Linda E. is on the cover of 'Vogue' (Aug). She's 41 and preggers and she looks phenominal. I know it's rare for me to fawn over someone, but I dig her and her "not getting out of bed for less than 10,000" attitude. She claims that she had no 'B' plan if she did not make it in modeling. Determined girl. Buy this magazine people; and show these editrixes at the major mags that we wants some supermodels back.

Reasons Bush is President and more fun facts

• Taylor Hicks. (Is it Tyler?) Whomever. This is the guy who won "American Idol." Have you see/heard his Ford commercial? I was cooking with my back turned to the television and I only heard it. My first thought was that it was a sendup parody of Bill Murrays' 'Lounge Singer' sketches, but I shrugged it off. Later that evening I was watching "Law and Order" and I saw the same ad. Are you fucking kidding me? This guy is such a hack and so "bad Vegas" I can not believe he garnered like 40 Million Votes!

• This guy I knew in Los Angeles is getting his own talk show on the UPN/WB new station, CW. I almost jumped out of the duplex I am living in. I knew him when I was sober for about two years as he was as well. I wondered if 'the miracle' happened yet for a lot of people in this same position. (This is anthem in AA). He was doing this type of Rock-n-Roll type standup at the time, kind of frat boy type comedy which I never related to but sometimes got. He also sent out huge wavelengths on my gaydar, but that could have been because he tried really hard to look good despite an average face. A couple of years ago I was flipping the channels and I saw him on "Oprah" talking about this relationship book he wrote. Kind of like "The Rules" for guys. And now this. Cripes.

• If I ran a website/blog like a lot of these repetitive gossip blogs I would probably get less hits than I do now. I read these sites sometimes when I am bored, and I just don't get it. I don't get the 'begging for the old Britney' pleas and the 'look at Ashley (either one) today in this outfit'. And I especially don't get the comments that are left by these readers. Majority it seems are willing to slag off anyone they could with the hopes of making their own lives seem less pitiful, some are just plain clueless and some are vicariously living through these celebrities lives by the gossip they read of them. They are on a first name basis with these people. Five steps behind that Letterman tormentor. Here are the people who would be on my Celebrity Blog. Kathryn Erbe (L&O:CI), Annabella Sciorra, Lili Taylor, (I scored big when all three of these babes starred in Abel Ferrara's "The Haunting"), Tina Louise, Vincennt D'Onofrio, Toni Collette, Parker Posey, Laura Linney, J.Jason Leigh, Hugh Grant ( I know. But he kind of amuses me.), Cate Blanchett, Wes Anderson, Gwynnie and anyone from "The Gilmore Girls." Man crushes: Tony Ward, Adam Brody, Jonathon Shaech (?), Mark Ruffalo and tons of singer/songwriters.

Vietnam War Lottery...They say it's your Birthday, your gonna have a good Time

Years ago, when I first heard that they had a lottery system for recruits for the Vietnam War, I had always wondered where I stood on being drafted and most likely, killed. What they did was put 366 sheets of paper in a bag. This was to represent each day of the year. Sorry leap year babies; you may only get to celebrate your birthday once every four years but you can die on any given day for your country in 1969 .(What did Jehovahs Witnesses do?) They pulled out the numbers, and viola, you were drafted. It's worse than a round of 'Mystery Date.' Check this out: I'm at 195. According to the site: "Anyone who recieved a number below 196 reported to war, anyone above, did not." I was completely FUCKED!!
Here's the link..."Billy don't be a hero"

Project Runway: There she goes...

Well, last week I wrote about Malan and that accent of his and how he reminded me of Bruce LaBruce's character in 'Hustler White'. I guess he annoyed me but I believe part of his pomposity was due to all the 'lack of testosterone' of the contestants. This week the sewers(?), sewists(?) were given the challenge of creating Miss USA's evening gown in the Miss World competition. Miss USA was there and she is kinda cute. She's got this Tex-Mex thing going on, and she seemed to roll her eyes and grow impatient with ignorami who seem to outweigh in airtime the talented. Is Angela the new Wendy or does she just play one on Reality Television? Actually, at least Wendy could draw. This stupid bitch approached Miss USA with a blank sketchpad and seemed to have nothing except for then trying to hook herself up with the most talented person for this challenge, a guy who LIVES for pageants. She did this maneuvering after she found out that everyone would be working in teams. Seven leaders were chosen and each of those had to pick one of the remainders. Malan was one of the chosen and I think it was pretty shitty of the producers to show the clip of his confessional when he explained that when he was 13 and presented his Mom with some sketches he was working on, she threw them to the floor and said, "Don't ever do this again." He went on to explain how he wanted most of all to show them all now. It was kind of sad coming from someone I perceived to be so full of himself and arrogant the week before. The leader of Angelas team was some nutbag who looks like a cross between Rick Moranis, Peter Allens Flamenco Days and Fred Armison from SNL (who I detest a lot). Angela looked like a pain in the ass who obviously owns a watch. She was like Big Ben while they were shopping for material. When Tim came over to discuss the dress as it was being built she totally distanced herself from the creation. Well, the judging came and the Runway was great, and we were left with only Malan and Angela on the short list to go home. When Heidi said "Angela" and paused for her dramatic effect, I thought for sure she was going to say in her lispy English, "your out". But, it was Malan who got the boot. And that's why I thought it was pretty shitty for the editors to put Malans above statements in this episode. They could have spliced into last weeks episode or 'The Road to the Runway' which was last week as well.
I just would like to state that there seems to be a couple of real assholes on this season. Like, really full of themselves, narcissistic assholes.
Auf Wiedersehen, Mickey

Since Lance Armstrong is Cancer Free, Is it O.K. for me to Hate him now?

Cancer is not funny. And neither is Lance Armstrong, who hosted the ESPY Awards and continued to give shout outs to his 2 balled friends, Matthew McCounaghey and Jake Gyllenhaal. Lance also made an up to the minute "Brokeback" joke. This coming from a guy who wears more spandex than the state of New Jersey. See the clip here.

Hack Director or Envy?

First off we have Kevin Smith, whose claim to fame (?) is "Clerks" which I once tried to watch when there were only like 3 Cable Stations at the time and the fact that it took place in New Jersey (personal vendetta) had me scoffing at the tv screen. He then went on to create failure after failure and from what I've read kept employing the same hackneyed routines from his debut. He also employs Matt Damon and Ben Affleck often, which has a repelling magnet affect on me ("Good Will Hunting" read title above). HE ALSO does bits for Jay Leno, which not only states to me that a mortgage payment was due in the Smith household but has a "maybe the people in Missoula will like me and rent 'MallRats'" ring to it.

Ed Burns. Ugh. Smarmy guy who stepped in shit once and now will not go away. He has a new film out, "The Groomsmen" which has gotten panned in every review I've read and I get kind of a nice warm feeling reading those reviews. (I know, I am a bastard) Although I have also never sat through his debut film, "The Brothers McMullen", I did have the non pleasure of seeing the recycled version of one of his waste of Kodak moments starring none other than Bon Jovi. (See New Jersey vendetta above) I squirmed in my seat of the near empty theater, one of the other eight people sitting next to me; a reciprical jesture on my part for having invited said person to "Big Night" (brilliant!) the previous weekend. Ed Burns in turn married Christy Turlington, whom I once liked until I read a few interviews with her and fell asleep in the crease of the magazine. Three times.

M.Night Shyamalan (sp?). Having been living oversea's at the time of "The Sixth Sense" and the bruhaha that surrounded the whole don't give away the ending hubris, I returned to Los Angeles and started work at an Agency (UTA) whom represented M. I was in the Video Transfer department and we would send out actors and directors (and the likes) demo reels. So if someone wanted to hire Scarlett Johansen (sp) for a roll, I would dupe her reel and forward it. This was one of the best jobs of my life because we represented David Chase and we would get the 'Sopranos' episodes a week before they aired. But I digress. We repped M.Night, and like every other director's oeuvre we had catalogued, I would take movies home to watch. One word,
"Unbreakable". Unbearable. I've also heard from people who were pissed by shelling out money for "The Village" as well.

I guess I feel towards these guys as I did when I was growing up towards kids who had great Dads. (Awww!) Somewhat envious but determined to go it alone.

The Origional FireCrotch

'Wild about Movies' blog recently cornered Kathy Griffin after her 3rd Sold Out show in LaLaLand about setting up an interview. But first they asked her about a piece in "Page Six" which stated that Kathy would not preform at Splash Bar in NYC before she was guaranteed $30,000 and a $10,000 Rider. It bothered me after reading that. I'm like WTF does she need a $10,000 Rider for? She use to play 'Largo' (in LA as well, where I worked) to try out her material for, I swear, $5 and a free drink. Something was fishy and when Wild about Movies cornered her, they asked her about that one story. Following is her quote...read it til the end...she's a fucking pissa.

"The paper said I demanded $30,000 and a $10,000 rider to perform at the gay bar Splash. You know a rider is for all the shit that A-list celebs want, like all the green M&Ms picked out of their fucking candy bowl, and the coke, not from the bottle, and shit like that. I don't need a fucking rider, nor have I ever asked for one. I just need my bottle of water and old stool to set my bottle of water on, on stage with me. That's it." Oh, she also is quick to point out that the person who 'leaked' this item to the Post, was dumb enough to go "on the record, and use his real fucking name, Len Evans. Oh, and get this," adds Griffin, "The Post story says that Len Evans said that I don't love my gay fans because I turned down their offer, which I never got in the first place, and that Jennifer Lopez performed for free at the recent NYC Gay Pride. They need to check the definition of perform. Lip-syncing a couple of songs doesn't count."

Editorial Page

I'm not one to get political, but is anyone else out there feeling like this world is about to fucking blow itself up? I mean, it's fucking non stop mayhem around the planet. And who is causing all of it? 68% Islamic Fundermentalists, 30% African Warlords and thieving Predidents and 2% A North Korean Pansy Ass. You know what all these leaders have in common? They did not get enough toys as a child. I mean, it seems to me like they are the little brats in the neighborhood who wanna hang out with the teenagers, so they feel they have to prove themselves. It reminds me of when I had to steal Nudie Mags to show my older brother and his friends that I was hang-able. All these leaders; No. Korea, Iran, all these Imams, and the aforementioned Africans; they either all have very small cocks or they have these Napolean Complexes. Bin Laden is an altogether different type, he is just a sick fuck.
I've known a few Lebanese people in my life and I'm sure they are like, my country is being destroyed because of some fanatical sect. I don't blame Isreal at all on this one. It's just fucked up because I know we as the US are going to have to intervene or take Isreals side and that means New York will be in danger once more. I hope I don't come off as some racist bastard,but similar to the umpire, I'm just calling them as I see them.

This is my most popular shuffle song...

POP SONG FOR US REJECTS ...by Silverchair
Addiction's held you back But you don't care
Cause you're on a high again
And it's not fair
Consuming alcohol
While I gotta drive
Take a hit from the drugs you stole
And try to survive
Since your life was over
You haven't yet been sober
You have held me back so long
Everything you do is wrong
Now I gotta dump you
Continue my life too
I tried to help you
Don't care what you do

Your state of mind's improved
But we're still apart
I visited you'd moved
Don't know where to start
Your life's and open cold sore
Got to get out of the cream
Now I'm thinking positive
But I know it's a dream

You died yesterday

Fun Facts about the Forgotten Boro #56

Approximately 1 out of every 3 liscensed drivers has a Cadillac Escalade or one of those new Cadillac Coupes.

Runway Dork week One

If you watched "Project Runway" last night, the first of the third season; you may have picked some favorite contestants or like me, you may just want to wait til the crowd gets thinned down to an even seven. Regardless, the evenings biggest doofus had to be Malan. He of the EuroTrashy wanna be (he's from Taiwan) with slicked back hair and clothes out of Vogue Hommes. It was not until three quarters into the show that I realized who he reminded of. The 'Jurgan' character played by Bruce LaBruce in "Hustler White." It is identical. I caught the last half hour first, and I was like, "Oh, he seems cool, she seems nice" and then they replayed the same episode afterwards and I was like, "Slow down Mickey, your first impressions suck." So, I will officially hold off for a favorite to win (I kind of still like the mother of five who put the chandelier pieces on the dress).

Constant Craving

It's got to be unhappiness or unfufillment which is making me Jones more and more for wanting to get fucked up. En route to the library is the 'Buy Right Liquor Store' and I've walked in, browsed around, noticed that Vodka has gotten pretty expensive and walked out empty handed possibly because I was not going to drink some barBQue lighting fuel as my fall off the wagon cocktail. (I bet the least popular baby boy names for Alcoholics' are :Georgi and Alexi)
I don't want to drink.
See, when I take myself to the movies or go for a walk/jog I'm good. But when the dismalness of my life becomes apparent to me, the sheer boredom of everyday life, the life around me...Well, I just want to get drunk so I can fall asleep and be comatose for a few hours without overthinking every minute. Without looking at some succesful blowhard or reading about some spoiled rich tweens or not attending any seemingly sounding cool events or my stupid freaking commute which takes an hour and a half just to get off this island of misfit toys.
I'm getting roped into stupider and stupider jobs. I am like an old lady not being able to say no to telemarketers. God! I need a fucking Extreme Makeover: SOUL Edition.

Fuckin' A!! We are in the finals of the World Cup!
Update: As you know, we won. It was so great watching this in a bar full of real Italians, not guido's or gasp Lenny Kravitz (Did you see him in the newspaper going bonkers and holding up an Italian flag?).

Fizzle

"Today's the fourth of July,
Another June has gone by.
And when they light up our town; I just think,
What a waste of gunpowder and sky"


Aimee Mann

Debra Messing has left the building...

The Emmy people have finally changed their standards of nominations. Now, brilliant actresses who never get recognized are going to get a chance at losing to Edie Falco or Patricia Heaton. (I worked @ the agency that repped P.H. <---before 'Raymond' we were sending her dismal audition reel out constantly to no avail. But, after nabbing 'Ray' she ended up being a big bread winner for the agency). I guess the gayest thing about me (besides the obvious man loving) is that I dig 'The Gilmore Girls'. I guess some would call it a guilty pleasure, but, fuck it, I don't feel guilty about it. If you never watched it, it is kind of like 'Days of our Lives' mixed with 'Northern Exposure' with a little 'Sienfeld' tossed in. Lauren Graham (pictured) is fantastic, but the star of the show is Kelly Bishop, who plays Lauren's mom, Emily.
Update: Lauren got snubbed again. But fucking Debra Messing skated in with a nod. Absolute Shite!!

Central Casting

I took the ferry to the Pines @ Fire Island yesterday for a job. It was hysterical. Every type of gay guy or woman you can possibly stereotype was on this ferry. It was like in the movie "Airplane!" when they were showing all the different airlines and attatching the obvious stereotype to each. (The Isreal Airline had hasidic locks around the big nose of the plane). But the more I think of it, I guess once you are assosiated in a culture or nationality, I guess everyone is put into a little box. I know that in "Italian" culture, we have various labels for different type of person. Puttana's, Gavones, Mafiosa, Finoche...(answers* Whores, Slobs, Crooks and Gays).