New Feathered Friend

So, this place is really a psych ward, with a special spot quar-dened (sp) off for their 28 day program. So, I was at the bottom right? Well, this is what I had to deal with. I made the call, went to the safe place and,this is the shape I was in, how low my depression hit me. I bolted from my apt. Ya know,I could NOT see the Forrest for the trees. I was so mind fucked that I packed up this blue collapsible duffel that Dona Freehoff had given me when I left for St.Thomas in 87'. I put the stupidest shit in there. I just figured that I will eventually have no stuff,why not lose it now. Say goodbye. Th Band Aid theory. Just rip it off. A little pain and then none.
But that theory is wrong. I am a person who reflects...a lot. Hence the 50 plus journals I've kept.
I have to say, that compared to some people's stories(of their loses) mine was not minimal but it could not hold a candle to them. (Does anyone know where that phrase came from?)
So, back to Steve. He was a good guy. He talked a lot, he was young, and I don't know the validity of his stories, but he made me laugh. A lot. And God knows I needed it at this point, because everything was kicking in. The MESS of my life, the missed chances at success, the missed chances at LOVE. And now, everything I had ever held onto was probably (at this point my Landlord was calling nine times a day, and that was 10 days before)gone. (cont)

New Feathered Friend

I had no desire to be this guys friend. He made me laugh a lot, when it was needed. He was this character. So, with a voice actually louder than mine, we became friends.
We ended up rooming at Staten Island Psych Care. We were the best roomates, ever.
Cont.

God Almighty

I'm watching this guy on YouTube who I know as Pedro the Lion sing this gorgeous song "The Longest Winter", and I have never seen him. He's like this gigantic teddy Bear. I'm not into bears,per se, but it makes me smile.

Fair WeathrED friend Pt. II

So, I was hungry and broke. And thank God for some of these food banks I was able to eat. I know I'm a little chunky, but all I was living on was stinky ass chix buillon for Christmas through New Years. I was just waiting for someone to drop off a package. It was horrible guys. Ihave never been sosad in my life. I did it all to myself. Josie worked every single un medicated nerves of mine in a Costco parking lot, and although I do not remember this, apparently, I raised my hands to her. From there I was cut off for basically life. A month later, after discovering food banks and stuff, I willingly put my selfinto Rehab again. First, I had to stay at the place above. The safe place. It is here I met Steve. I thought he was a coolguy because he melded to me faster than I to him. We were totally friends in this joint. I introduced him to the movie "Rushmore" which he scoffed at, because either Croc. Dundee, Sly Stallone or The Rock was not in it. Dick. We both ende upgoing to South Beach Psychiatric Center for...cont (heh)

Fair WeatherED Friend

Before I went to the last rehab, I checked myself into this joint which was an old hospital (where, ironically, I was born). It was like a 'safe place' and for people to detox. I did not need to detox, I had been clean about 8 days, but at this time, a little past Christmas, i was really suicidal. Every plan for offing myself came with complications. I unfortunately did not have a garage or a car for that matter,in which I could go silently into the night with the silent killer.Everything else kind of scared me or believe it or not, I was worried about the people I might harm. There is this bullet like express train that passes a couple of hundred feet away from my door. i wanted to jack-knife into it. Instantanious, and then I thought about the driver of the train and what would happen if it derails and shit like that.Ich-shnay.
I needed a bar-b-q lighter to lite my oven every time I used it,and I was going to turn on my Gas, whch recently got shut off,just to make that simple mistake of non ignition. But what if someone's pet or worse yet, someone else in my building died in the interim. What if the whole building blew up? That widow downstairs that I help with her Pathmark bags. What becomes of her? (cont)

Sarah

This chick ruffles my feathers...her songs are like having root canals done on your ears. And she's Canadian to boot!

Kate plus Eight?

I just wish anyone who KNOWS me can listen this song. ya know,it makes me wanna live another day.... honestly.keepme alive Click the link <-----My salvation lies in yourlove....

Rhianna-choking

God,I frigging Love New York. The Yankkee's won the World Series tonight. Today, pre-Championship,I wore my Masui #55 shirt. The ferry and Manhattan was a sea of blue and white. Shirts,,,Posada,petitte,A-Rod and ofcourse Jeter. Yankee people were like, Matsu; yea!!
For those that don't know, Matsui got awarded the MVPof the series. No, not A-Rod. My main man Hideki. It's like if "The National" won band of the year


"God damright it's a beautiful day" Eels

Suri goes to school

I have 4 brothers. Up until recently I had 3 plus one who was kinda pissed off (13 years) but he came bck into our lives and it's brilliant....seriously.It's not like a day passed. We talk almost every day, and now...I don'tknowif it's me, but I lost the other 2. Grouchy (bro #3), {we have prissy, fatty (me), grouchy and fruity} a doctor, just moved to Vegas and he was like, "schlubba, their is a room for you." well,I guess the white zin was flowing because as soon as i could click "tell me more" he fucked me over. Prissy, the elder, my guiding light, my (ugg) only muse and mentor was the one to come over the other night when Jo had her hystrionic post menpausal breakown. He smashed my soul to smithereens. I aplogize for being needy.

The Hills update

Did I ever talk about my foray in Delray? (hah) I lived in a sober house with like 8 idiots. All homo-phobes, and basically they all dropped trou for a crack rock in their past and I will bet the farm on it. Well, Mrs.Livingston moved in (god, I loved her..."Mr. Eddie's father...I think this started my Asianation)...queeny (natch, he was Phillipeeno-intntial spelling mis hap) and he had the best music on this double computer. I used to blast "Float On" by Modest Mouse (see FB for link)and clean the whole house, and, I WAS Sober. I know i've been bleak lately. I want to make it. Like Mare in Minneapolis. I have to prevail. I need my mind to start working for me more than answering trivia.

The Hills (hit this title for Alexi Murdoch) i don'tknow how

dear God readers, you must listen to this guy from Ireland. --->get this.... (firstname) Alexi...now you tell me about gentrification.(!) His name is the wonderful Alexi Murdoch. Listen, with your good ear (frinds of mine). YOU Are behind me, Toots. Fuck that. This guy is aces.

The link above is the only one I could find. Your welcome. This is the most wonderfulsong. Fuck You Miceli Brothers

John Gosselin

Sail away with me honey...now
I wanna holdyou now.

Fucking Brian
We both left the land of the uncircumcised penis together. Like outlaws. We took a "Thelma andLouise"photo when we left. I have it.
I knew this guy fot 13-14 years and nothing.
Does he not think of me some nights?
My favorite thing on earth was when we would pile into his Range Rover and go down to Laguna. By us I mean, Brian, myself, Rexie and Ben (chocolate lab and the most awesome Cocker)). I mean,there was silence in the car, but it was protected. A sigh was recognised, not a sound in the abyss. I'm trying to convey the absolut happiness, which it was. Bliss. Fucking Bliss.I could name 10 things if you give me a minute of why I should be happy he is not in my life. I'm on 2 and I miss him. Stupid Fuck.Sorry for all the cursing.

RHIANNA

Okay 4 or 5 readers...Were gonna shake it up a bit. Every title (subject of Post) is going to have nothing to do with the actual post. So, when i say "John and Kate plus Masterbate!", what i mean in the post is that i am still looking for a job. No rhyme or reason. Just looking for some mid-west nitwit find me and get some pissed off comments. (Rubbing hands together mishieviously) XXO

Are You A Douche-Bag?

My mother hates that word. And so would I, if it pertained. Who decides this stuff? Is just wearing an 'Ed Hardy' shirt enough? In my books, yes...but . Then wearing a diamond in each ear and calling them, "Q Z's" to Nancy Grace (aka Quibic Zarconia's) (sp). I have like 4 fabulous women in my life who keep me real. It seems that anyone can say anything to me and it would not be taken to the cliff. Like, I'm jumping because you said I'm fat. Fuck,i have 7,000 other reasons to jump.

I was thinking of this song...

Last night when i was flying. I don't know why. When me and Brian drove from Miami to L.A. this was just getting airplay (1993-sh?). It's the total traveller's song. I fell in love with this guy, ShannonHoon, lead singer of Blind Melon. And then he died. poor bubby. I met this great kid in Rehab #1 and we both knew the whole album. He got kicked out and then O'D ed. Gosh,he was so beautiful (interior wise...not esthetically).





All I can say is that my life is pretty plain I like watchin' the puddles gather rain And all I can do is just pour some tea for two And speak my point of view But it's not sane, It's not sane I just want some one to say to me I'll always be there when you wake Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today So stay with me and I'll have it made And I don't understand why I sleep all day And I start to complain that there's no rain And all I can do is read a book to stay awake And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape escape......escape......escape...... All I can say is that my life is pretty plain ya don't like my point of view ya think I'm insane Its not sane......it's not sane

Kings of Leon

Am i so regular for loving these guys?

10,000 miles

Blogger (this site) is kinda fucked (the last coupla days). I spent the last 2 hours trying to get on, through by-ways and hi-ways and now I friggin' forgot my point of view. Dorky me.

Agita pansexul

These are the types of words that I have to type in some times as security measures, it kinda gets comical.

Your insanely overpaid and shut your mouth....

Natalie Portman....? Really. You sign on to this Polanski thing. So, basically, when you made "The Professional" where I believe you were 13, getting raped by your director wouldhave been okay. People. Edit. That's why you do 30 takes for a scene where you say, "Who is it?" Fools.

Cooking 101- Stew

First you need to ask your mother for the car. When she refuses you take anything that pops out to you from the fridge and pound the fuck out of it. Masicate it man. Go to town on it. Get it all out. realize that this will never lie to you, and then beat it senseless for being a stupid fuck.
Drown it in Gravy Master since you basically can not Master a simple task like holding a job or having a relationship. Ruminate for hours until no one is left who wants to eat w/ you.

Whoa no...not me

So your having a dinner party. And your in the ktchen and everything is glorious. And then HE walks in. Fuckin Joe know it all. Boo. Jeapordy's on. Fuck.
What is a prime number
Who is Claire Daines
What is fucking Liberia

Shut this douche bag up.

This use to be me. I swear.
Now, me an my mom watch cash cab (best show ever) and I answer nary a Q. I'm busting at the seams, but I won't. I can not be that guy.

Go home.. Go home you smart aleck

Is it Me??

But am I digging the Fray.


Certain guys voices just move me, man. I apologize for being a weenier.

Go Rams...

This is kinda chuckle-able. I signed up with this agency for Cater/Waiter stuff and they sent me out today (Sat) for the Homecoming of the Fordham dun na na's. Two of my sports minded brothers did no teven know that Forham had a football team (and one of my bro's use to take bets on collge football). Anyway. They say that Staten Island is the missing link of the 5 boroughs. Try getting to the Bronx. The campus was unbelievable. Smack,dab in the heart of hootchie clothing stores and a zillion sneaker stores (oh, and refill your cell phone minutes stores) is this gorgeous campus. Green for miles (grass) archaic buildings and a marching band. I, fruitcake that I am, always get a lump in my throat from Marching bands. Shoot me now. Anyway,they put me on the bar. Cough. I was good. I like neither beer nor wine. Thanks be to God they didn't have a Jaegger fountain. To proceed...I was just being myself. It was a homecoming party. All these alumni with their seat cushions (WTF!) showed up, and you could tell like who ran the college in their days. There were these 6 chicks (possibly the 'Heathers' of their time) all dyed blonde and kinda rough looking, but still everyone was having a blast. We had to shut the bar when the game started and we had our share of belligerant (sp) patrons. But the greatest thing happened in the 3rd and 4th quarter. As all my little enclave of tbles left, everybody gave me thier cards and emails addy's and my space sites(does anyone use that shit?). I have the biggest grin on my face. I saw this freaking hot bastard and, I don't know why, but I tried to take his picture w/ my phone. I got busted, never the less. Anyway, this col guy leaves and he gives me his card. Heart Fucking Palpitations, yo!

Just a coupla specifics..MY Personal Ad

I just turned 45 and I need a big change. I really want a kid(s) and I can’t do it by myself. I’ll start with my stats and then if your interested in my quirks and stuff, you can read on. I’m, like I said, 44 and I’m Italian American (Sicilian). I’m 5’8” on a good heal day, with a good body that is getting better . I have a shaved head (since I was twenty two or so), a little facial hair and a couple of tatts. I’m a chef, and I’ve been working since I’m 12, and I’m kind of tired of it. (hence the family).I’m totally clean in every way, and that’s amazing because I lived through some really heady years. (Pats shoulder).I’ve squelched a lot of my personal desires, either due to work environment, family or other harbingers, and I’m over it. I’m a (closet) writer, and I would have loved to have pursued this path if I was not forced into the Culinary world. ( “Bitter, table of 1?” No.) I’ve travelled a lot and lived in some cool countries and islands, but I want to settle down. I’m totally into being the house-husband and really concentrate on my writing, and raising the kid(s). That’s where you come in. A relationship can only work if there is an attraction and respect and most of all honesty.My preferences in looks: I really like tall guys, a lot. But that’s just an aesthetic quirk. I’m really masculine and I like the same. This can not be faked on one date. Please read this line again if your doubting. I’m sorry, and I’m not being judgmental but I’m not into fems. .I’m into Italian Guido’s, musicians-writers and broker types in suits. My favorite body part is the nose, especially if it’s broken looking (Tony Ward, Christopher Meloni) or pre-Raphaelite-ish. I need someone with some smarts. A mind and intelligence is a beautiful thing. When I see a good looking guy on the subway reading, it’s a total turn on. I’m a sucker for a handsome face. I’m also not looking for another shaved head guy. I had no choice in the matter, and thank God I have an excellently shaped head. I’m not into guys who shave their body hair either. Not into blondes too much, but I dig Michael Pitt. You know what, there is a lot of beauty out there in all types and sized packages, so I can not get too specific.Some of my other Major Likes. I read a book a week. I watch too much of t.v., but certain shows. (Dexter, Californication, P.Runway, All L&Orders, The Closer, Saving Grace, Weeds, Life, BBC stuff), but, ‘Six Feet Under’ is probably my all time favorite show.Music: Despise Rap/R&B. My music tastes go from Jeff Buckley and Aimee Mann to Pearl Jam (absolute fav.) and Alice in Chains to Band of Horses and The Fray to the Shins and Dusty Springfield. Movies: I could go on for ever here, but I’ll limit it to the fact that most of the movies I like do not get wide releases. And yeah, I love foreign movies, a lot.Sports: I play(ed) all sports, but I’m not this jock guy who reads the sports pages. I love watching hockey and football, baseball is only fun to watch @ the stadium, and I’ve never been into basketball. So, yeah, I live in NYC at the moment. I was born and raised here. Right now, I took a six months lease on a place in Staten Island after spending the summer working in the Hamptons. I really want to do this marriage/kid thing. Way before I even knew what gay was, I wanted to always be the father that I never had. So now, with the hopefully mutual admiration of a cool guy who wants the same and who also happens to live in one of the smarter states (that allows same sex unions) and who might have a good enough nest egg to get this thing rolling until we figure out my role, I think it might be a ‘good thing.’I guess I could go on, but, I’ll leave it at that for now.Take Care,Michael

Long ago, in a faraway land...

Okay, how can I put this correctly. I was never read to as a child. You know, Mommy or Daddy tucks you into bed and you just plead for one more page of "The Princess and the Pea" and then it's lights out, you promise, while your nibbling on an Oreo with a glass of milk set upon a bev nap on the nightstand. And with that, I guess, my imagination was not nurtured to grow vivid. And that Teflon-like inventiveness would have come in handy for what was to proceed in the next couple of years to my family and most scarring, to me. For years I've been reading about the movie studio wars with the making of the children's book,"Where the Wild things Are", which coincidentally, I read as an adult.(Too late). When Spike Jonze was attached to direct it I was equally psyched (Being John Malkovitch, Adaptation). I happened to see the trailer in the movie theater the other day, and I kind of almost lost it. Instantly, I got this Florida Grapefruit in my throat. It's a story about a boy who needs and wants protectors. And he finds them in this pack of 'wild things'. The part where I almost lost it was At the end of the trailer, where the one wild thing says to the boy, "I wanna eat you up, I love you so". Hokey? I guess to some, yes. But, it's just all about the conviction in the voice. So sincere and heartwarming for someone who definitely needs these words of love. Watch the trailer...choose #2 This looks fantastic.

I am Jerri...

Jerri's intro claimed that she's 46?Boozer, User,Loser. Right? Well, cripes, so am I.

I just turned 46. I started this blog when I was 39 ish. And she's got better teeth and smaller hips than me. Man, I've become what I laughed at a few years ago. Okay, I did just get some dental work done, so I'm cancelling the pity party.

Worst.Interview.Ever.

Sophia Petrillo (cheesecake in hand-never eating it though...{don't you hate when they do that on tv?}): Picture it. 2009. A damp, misty September noontime in Manhattan with Floridian humidity. Kinda chunky guy gets off the Staten Island Ferry at 11:30 to get to his interview @ 12 noon. All seems good. With the possible exceptions of the self-loathing, the lack of cool clothes, etc. He's got money on his Metro Card and the subway is right downstairs. Ha! This is a Bravo docu-reality show. We have to set him up for some type of embarrassment, right? It seems that while NYC is topping out at what seems an extra million people due to ALL THE FRIGGIN Tourists(!), the MTA thinks it's a good idea to work on all the lines of the lower Manhattan subway line. And I use the word workin' on loosely. So this kind of awkward man who is already perspiring is forced to use his instincts that he had as a messenger in this same area more than 25 years ago and find another line to take him to West 23rd. Buses are out of the question. No shameal New Yorker takes a bus unless you are just starting to read 'War and Peace' and hope to finish it when you get to your location. With a plan set in motion he heads to another line. 10 minutes until he has to interview. He gets off @ 14th and Lex and hopes, HOPES to hoof it 9 blocks over and 6 long ones down. What did he not remember? Newly shaved heads and lotion, along with a long sleeve black linen shirt, boots (for height) and like 15 blocks to go in 9 minutes.
This guy hates to run. Use to cross the track in gym and all when the class had to do laps. Would never make it 2 minutes in a soccer game.
Passing the Chelsea Hotel he stops to gather his breath as he nears his destination. He enters and as the construction workers are putting their finishing touches on the place. Shakes hands with both Karen and Mike, owners and GM, and just then it starts.
The Fountain Of Trevi spews less H2O. In rivulets, down his head. Discovery Channel will make a show out of this. Ayn Rand rolls over in the grave. "The real Fountainhead".
It just didn't stop. They were horrified. The mortification also took hold of our Jenny Craig candidate. He stumbled on questions and answers even though he read every food blog about this place, and really did his homework on this company. The shirtsleeves were now dripping as well since he was using them to wipe his once stubble free dome, now turned into some oddly constructed water park ride. Defeated, our protagonist walks around searching for an open subway heading downtown.

Walking, Walking, Walking...

This was an old Ellen DeGenneres stand up routine. Before she became homogenized by going mainstream. It's funny because dyke's figure into this post later on. Oh, was I being derogatory towards dyke's? Lesbians is the correct term? So, these 2 carpet munchers were on the train.
Me and the Mrs. got into another fight. Oh, don't worry, I have not gotten married. But still I live in hell. I'm talking about Mrs. Miceli, as in Pliny the Elder. Hint...she pushed me out on consecutive times in 1963, 1981, 1986, 1991, and now. Oy. To be at the hands (and muttered expletives) of others.
Josie was getting ready this a.m. I decided I would take a ride with her since her office is near the library that opens @ 8a.m. No biggie right? I'm ready, she's ready...long story short I took the train.
Okay, non Staten Islanders...the train runs for the whole 22 miles of this mis-begotten, time warped place. You get on (no payment) and you ride to your destination. You only pay at the last stop which is the landing for the Staten Island Ferry (which is free as well). The stop before the ferry is about a 12 minute walk (7 if you walk like me). In the morning the ferry runs every 15 minutes to Lower Manhattan. It's kinda funny to see all the cheap skates who get off in Tompkinsville (stop before the Ferry) and walk to the free (for all) ferry. WTF!
They get off @ this stop and walk like those fervent power walkers you hope to never befriend. They are manic. Cheap Fucks.
Every time I witness this, there is always a lesbian or three. I mean, I haven't checked their cards or anything, but judging by the appalling couture (ha!), I'm betting the farm on this one.
My cheap lesbian encounters took place in Los Angeles when I worked @ un-named (probably named in other posts) nite-spot. We had either Michelle Shocked, Jill Sobule or Michelle Noga-I forget about you. They flooded the place. They all wanted reservations. To sit @ a table, you had to pay at least 10 clams for food. No biggie right?
Why are they all vegetarians? Is Monsanto now making a vegetarian carpet. (man, I kill myself).
These pit bulls would fight tooth and nail over that frigging 10 bucks, and usually they were like producers or some other gay mafia industry thing. Ugh. They were so cheap. I think they made their own stereo-type.
Your saying, Mick...your faggy?...Yes. And guess what. Some of my best friends are lesbians. My new bumper sticker BTW on sale at the gift shop down the hall. Joyce is my love supreme and she is far from cheap. Just like my friend Patrick Lee who is a good driver. But, c'mon. We could not be the human race without our faux pas and secret assumptions. Love to all

facebook people

If your trying to catch up on my life. Start from the oldest post and come up to recent times. Thanks

Matthew McConaughey Commercial

Oh man, were you saturated with that stupid commercial during the holidays? The one for the cologne? Is this the most unbelievably ego maniacal ad in the world. It's like he has to take a crap so bad, that he is walking with his cheeks clenched, so slow. And then he plops on the couch like a model posing for a Rubens painting. Ughhh. I mean why does this commercial bother me so much. I'm not jealous, not by a long shot. I just abhor people who are so consumed with themselves.