Monday, October 09, 2006

Obsequious I can handle

Laura was this gorgeous dyed blonde (not into blondes BTW) woman/girl I met when I started working at Rafaella. This place is a staple of the West Village. Eclectic antique un-matching chairs and small dessert tables. Way before Starbucks even had a master plan, I worked at Rafaella. Great money, bad hours (shift 4pm-3 am). I was the only guy there at the time which is weird because, hey, it's a block away from Christopher Street and across from the Duplex (queens will know these landmarks).
She was kinda elfin but gorgeous in that she made me laugh my ass off and I made her chuckle, to boot. She was an origional Manhattanite (rare) and she had great taste.
When we became joined at the hip, I kind of had to wonder what the deal was. At this time, I was weighing in with bedding 12 or so girls and 15 or so guys, so I was kind of topsy-turvey.

I walked her home nightly and dealt with her boyfriend woes. When she was on bad guy number 3 I fiqured she was doing this as a wake up call to me to ask her out. She obviously had bad Gaydar. (ha)
We became like Eng and Cheng...joined at the hip. She would come in on her days off to see me, and I decided to take it to a different level.
She called me "OBSESSIVE."
I was like, I know this word, and I think I know what it means, literally, but...obsessive?
I looked it up. (I have to sidebar here and tell you that Laura was very well read...she turned me on to a lot of great classic books).
This is probably the definition I read:
1 : a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly : compelling motivation
Crestfallen (a fav. word of mine) was how I felt. I also started to sense that I am viewing the people i love with rose colored glasses.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

This is not Kansas, Doherty

So, Pete Doherty, the drug addled boyfriend of Kate Moss seems to go to more Rehabs then I go through jobs.
I recently worked with this 12 stepper, and everytime a song came on by Alice in Chains or Blind Melon; I would be like; "poor bubby" (because their singers had O'd ed) and he would respond with, "Good for em."
That's not very 12 stepper-ish.

When addicts are in this position I'm sure a thought goes though the head of the loved ones watching from the sidelines, "Just die already...you are causing us so much pain and grief." They think it but don't say it.
The Babyshambles' record company must be going broke from plopping Pete in these cushy Rehabs. I wish I could suggest St. Christophers for him. It's kind of free, or at least cheaper and he will never get a better handle on his addiction.
These cushy Rehabs for the 'rich' have plasma screen t.v.'s , fridges in the rooms, whirlpools; probably turn down service.
I called 'Promises ' when I lived in Los Angeles. I heard the rate (something astronomical like 10G's a week) and I asked if they had a kind of work (there) /rehab there like program. Un-uh.

Pete or Kate: (if your reading this...Suppressed laughter) come to NY and go to Garrison, NY. There is a train from Grand Central. One of the monks will pick you up. Cross your fingers that you get Stephanie as your counselor. You'll probably drop Kate for Jennifer(another counsel) cause she is smoking. No Pete; I know your eyes lit up when I used that euphemism. She's not actually 'smoking', she is a hotty.

When my drinking was completely out of control (liter of Vodka @ night, two years running) I just wished I had the means and money to go to a desert island and get a grip. That's what pisses me off about this "28 days" mentality. You need 90.
This is my newest script.
Since, thank God, they are not making "A Million Little Pieces" into a movie anymore; please hope that I can sell this beauty. It's called (working title) "In the Road"
Love Mickey

Tidbits in Entertainment

Pretty cool of Bravo to be airing "Six Feet Under"...One of the greatest shows ever.{ on (cable) television.} I watched Season 1 eps. 1&2 yesterday and besides the fact that they turned 'fuck' to 'frick', it really held up. It's sad, because this reminds me of the 2nd greatest job I ever had in my life; working at UTA.

These Audrey Hepburn commercials for "The Gap" seem kind of creepy to me for some reason.

There is this 'Sonic' (food chain. Like a stepdaughter to Wendy's) commercial where these two people are drinking this ghastley Strawberry Cheesecake Milkshake and the guy is going on about his blog. It's kind of funny. I hope you get to see it.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

A Mess before Materializing

My teeth are shot.
I may have said it here or in my journal. But for any of you younger ones out there, I have one word for you...
Floss.

When the Italiano boys were young, we would have an interrupted class @ our school. It was some Dental Hygenist giving us these red pills (?) which showed where we had cavities. My teeth must have looked like I ate a box of red hots.
I believe in Gene's these days. I got every single 'BAD' gene and then some.

Hair loss...check (Moms dad...a cueball)
Homosexuality...check (Although this queen could be one of many from both sides; who was
closeted)
Alcoholism...check...not many overt ones, yet I'm sure enough to make a gen-ome
Gingivitis...check (Mom and Dads side)

When I was only 24, I had this haircutter @ Astor Place(NYC) ; telling me I was going bald. The next year, I had insurance and went to the Dentist and I was told I am losing my teeth at an alarming rate and I can not save them.
My last three teeth that came out were removed with my fingers, and hardly a drop of blood fell. It's like my teeth are just hanging in there for the sake of comfortability as if a renter has a fear to move from the apartment they live because they will never find anything better.
I have more bridges than the 5 boro's.

I went to the Dentist the other day . He took molds. I gagged like a new hooker with John Holmes. I screwed up the molds. They had to be returned. More gagging ensued and we sent it out.
Dr. ---- (ends with a stien or a berg) tells me it can not be back until Columbus Day .

I have (tried) to live these past three days without speaking to people. It's been too hard. I look hideous. It is my 3 most upfront teeth (upper) and it sucks.

Moral of this post: Floss

PrePubescent Crushes Pt.II

This is Glynnis O'Connor. I first became aware of her when she starred with Robbie Benson in a movie called "Jeremy" and then a year or so later, in the amazing "Ode to Billie Joe." I totally loved her because of the characters she played and then her hat trick came the next year with "Boy in the Plastic Bubble."
She kind of disappeared off the radar after that, at least to me.
I was thinking of her when I did the 'Robbie Douglas' post yesterday, and two hours later I was watching L&O and; she was on. (I don't get freaked out by these synchronisities anymore, I just wish I could channel the lottery #'s).
Well Glynnis looked good, and I was glad to see her getting work. Posted by Picasa

Take a vacation from Procreation

I know it's not elderly crankiness on my part. I think babies are cute and my nieces and nephews mean the world to me.
That said, I am amazed at the halcyon dazed mothers raising these brats today. If these holy terrors are not bad enough in supermarkets; throwing tantrums, opening foods and or throwing jars to exploding salsa messes on aisle 4, we now have kids on roller skating sneakers barreling down the aisles, slamming into shoppers (namely me) and not apologizing, all while their mothers stare blankly ahead and wheel their carts. The obliviousness of their satanic offsprings' destruction upon other shoppers is like a white noise to these Stepford Shop-Riters.
I've worked in instances where (either in Hotel or Restaurant work) families convened, and I would say no matter how classy or casual the establishment, the wrath of these children knows neither racial nor monetary bounds.
Tips increased when I would tell the parents how well behaved their brood was, but those words were not spurted often.
I'm not blaming the mothers, although my mom raised 4 boys while working two jobs and she did a hell of a job (in regard to manners, respect and appreciation). The absent fathers are not around because most are indulging in their own spoiled behaviors.

Friday, October 06, 2006

PrePubescent Loves...PartI

I had the hots for Robbie Douglas from "My Three Sons" growing up. I was kind of pissed when he married the Tina Cole character; that
she- wolf who I believe went by the name Katie. Robbie's real name is Don Grady, and I must say; Don is keeping himself pretty well preserved. I would hate to post a recent picture of Chip or Ernie; Robbie's fictional brothers on the same show, I believe Uncle Charlie has kept himself better than the brothers Livingston, even if he is 6 feet under. Posted by Picasa

This is one of the best blogs I have read yet

Worker#3116...This guy is a pretty funny bastard

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I'm a Danish, I'm a Danish...Fuck me I'm a Danish

Like any dis-repecting homo; I almost got married. Twice!! The first was when Lisa, my Catholic respecting girlfriend missed her period the week after we had sex for the first time. She 'carried' for about 4 weeks before she mis-carried. In those 4 weeks, I already had us on a plane and me working double shifts to make it work (thanks Tim Gunn). We broke up before the yearbook came out and she dedicated her whole half page to me. Sneaky me, on the other hand decided to work for the yearbook that year and got to pull out all the sappy 'Little River Band' references.
Tora was next. Wow, she was a handful. She moaned and groaned when I would hold her hand. I was like, this can't be true. No human could be this into someone. Tora was from Denmark and I thought she only wanted a greencard.Alas, i was wrong.
I saw mis-carriage girl on the ferry about 12 years ago and she is fine, without me.
I looked up Tora on google Denmark and found her, unbelievably. She is fine. Without me.
As my friend Joyce says: Don't flatter yourself.

The company you keep

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Tuesday is for television

I've watched a lot of the tellie today. I hope this is not a trend.
I can not begin to exault to the fact that Brooke Sheilds is on L&O:Criminal Intent tonight. With Donofrio and Kathryn Erbe. Not the Chris Noth pseudo version.
I dig Brooke. Besides the fact that she is half Italian, and she survived by being managed by a lunatic mother; I just dig her so much.
Maybe it's because we are the same age (Keanu, Johnny Depp, et al).
Maybe it's because she prevailed after asshole Cruise's shitstorm towards her.

Please excuse this commercial interuption

You must watch "House of Carter's."
I have no recollection of anything regarding "The Backstreet Boys" but I have to hand it to Nick Carter, besides hooking up with Paris Hilton; I'm totally digging him. He reminds me of my older brother in regards to keeping it together. This poor guy has his hands full.


Breast Cancer Update: Barbara (Babs) just called me. I text-ed her this am while I was giving up my top teeth as she was going in for her 2nd breast deal. The needle went in, and it drained. The Power of Prayer. This means she has cyst's (sounds kind of gross, I know) as oppossed to cancerous cell matter. I had tears coming down my face as she was telling me. Take two seconds to read about this woman. My age...foxy as hell. We kind of clicked with the angel world in a conversation. So, she baught this book last week and I'm sure it was to assuage her uneasy feelings of the breast thing. She calls me two hours later. "Listen"..."I just baught this book and I'm turning down basically every page because I'm reminded of you..."

There are great people in this world.

Heartbreaking

Please watch "Child Star Confidential" on E! if you get the chance.
Besides this, the other morning I woke up at like 6am and there was a show on A&E about child stars. It was like a round table with child stars ranging from 20-70. It was so riveting. Kim Fields (Tootie-"Facts of Life") really stole my heart.
I have to be home today because of some dental work.
E! was on in the dentists' office with this show.
I know we are all tragic, but it is kind of soothing when you hear of someone with beacoup bucks going through the same thing.
I never watched 'Baywatch' , but the kid who was Hasslehoff's son on the show was FUCKED up.
As per Los Angeles, Crystal Meth made him a mess. Jeremy Jackson is his name, and actually, he's kind of hunky.

Getting closer to that 'Soprano's' gig

My new job may be in "Waste Management." I shit you not.

Monday, October 02, 2006

The Comfort of Strangers

Rupert Everett has this new book coming out, "Red Carpets and other Banana Skins." And like most Brits, he is really introspective and on spot.
Here is an excerpt:

"Now no one wants me. Being gay and being a woman has one big thing in common, which is that we both become invisible after the age of 42. Who wants a gay 50- year-old? No one, let me tell you. I could set myself on fire in a gay bar, and people would just light their cigarettes from me. I don't want to be carried out of a club wearing a tie-dye T-shirt and a cap on the wrong way around when I am 70, but I would like to settle down a bit. Maybe with a partner. In some ways I do feel more settled, but now I want to take part in things."

Man, this is so true. I have basically come to the conclusion that I will sleep alone for the rest of my life. I saw a clip from the Janice Dickenson show and she was in Palm Springs for the 'white' or 'black' party and their were these 90 year olds in speedo's and/or thongs. It frigging made me ashamed. It's like the Iranian in the office who everyone else in the office feels the whole country of Iran is her nieces and nephews and she feels the guilt when something Iranian is mentioned.
I have the worst personal ad. I am like no Rap, no R&B, no Clubbing, no Meth, no Poppers, no 3 ways, no Name Dropping...et al
I am never going to be the older guy with the A&F t-shirt and the baseball cap on angled. I'm sure this guy gets laid, as well. It's kind of like my roommate in college who would be like, "Yeah, I got laid last night" and I would think to myself, "Yeah, you hit on over 75 girls, it was bound to happen."
I'm an asshole. I know. I'm opinionated and kind of stand off-ish. But, I still soberly cry at "The Gilmore Girls" every day, and for that, I am kinda faggy.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Nino Garcia

First of all, (back pats are accepted) I discovered Project Runway. I think the first episode of the first season it was myself and Seal watching. That said; I wanna tell you guys a story from the mickeyitaliano vault.
I was 6 or so, when neighbors started moving into my block. My uncle built all the houses, so we got first dibs and we were solo on Barlow for a while. My older brother soon found friends but I had no one my age except for two girls (separate families) who were a year older. The three years separating me and my brother at that time were like decades, so to hang with him was not going to happen.
So, I hung with Elaine and Carol Ann (and soon to come Denise). We played jump rope, hopscotch and Barbie's. I did have a GI Joe but, frig, he never came with a change of clothes! I soon became enamored with Barbie's house and Camper and her wardrobe. She had so many looks, while GI Joe still had his stinky Camo's on.
We had a room downstairs which we called the 'little room.' It contained all our toys, some Samsonite luggage and my mothers' Singer sewing machine, which by the looks of it, was the original prototype. Instead of a rubber type belt, the belt was leather. It had this foot petal that was similar to a metal shoe and the needles were a crochet club's nitemare...thick and revolving at MPH.
I started to really want a Barbie. I wanted to change her clothes. I asked for one and after the beating from the 'donor', I came to find out that boys do not play with those kinds of dolls.
More crafty than hurt, I told Carol Ann, Elaine and now Denise that my Grandma, (who, God Bless her Soul was a phenomenal sewist) was going to make their Barbie's a whole new wardrobe. They each gave me a Barbie for measurements. The 'collection' would be forthcoming.
I had seen my mother with patterns on the dining room table (hence: the matching Easter Outfits of 1966) and while playing with my bald playschool people in the little room, her sewing voraciously.
I could do this.
From scraps of fabric and odds and ends around the house, I set forth to create a 'collection.'
I'm laughing my ass off, because I just remembered how I fucked up that strong ass needle when I decided to sew a skirt made from the netting of the "wedding gift stinky almonds."
It was downhill from there. The girls were getting impatient. They were besmirching my grandmother's talents. I told them she had taken to hospital, and returned their Barbie's, who were now, non virginal and bi.
Fast forward. I was a senior in High School and in Art Class we had a selection of finals. One, was to make a fashion collection. I went with my strengths and even though I was not thought to be 'swishy', at all, I did this.
The girls in my class, some of whom were on their way to F.I.T. were so excited by my work, telling me I should definitely go into fashion design. Theresa Minnucci actually took one of my sketches for a gown(?) and entered it into her book for her interviewA Parsons or F.I.T..

I hope Laura wins.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Preverbial shit; hitting fan

Last week was a wake up call to my whining. In rehab they have this saying; "Get off the pity pot."
So, sans tooth; I will fill you in.
Every highlighted name is someone in my circle. My circle consists of 4 great friends and my family.

Yolanda (my sis in law) has to go back for a second mammography.

Barbara (aka Babs) has to have her breasts "needled" (I do not know the correct term for this procedure.) If liquid comes out of the lumps, that's good (a cyst). No liquid = biopsy.

Carol's (pic. of her and me in April archives) Mom has discovered spots on both lungs.

Donna (my truest love; mother of three with a dickhead husband whom she kicked out; friends 25 years) has been having these brain spasms and she had to wear a cap with electrodes for a full day after an unsuccessful EKG. No tentative diagnosis was determined. Script given for iron supplements and spasms continue.

I could put a colon and right hand parenthesis and make a sad face after each of these statements but that would belittle the situation. And here I am bitching and moaning about losing a tooth for a week. I absolutely love these women. They all are my age, and reality is kicking in.
I honestly do not fear death. The only thing I fear about it is not having enough coverage for my funeral and sticking the bill on someone.
That said. I fear for everyone else's health. I'm selfish that way.
I pray for these peoples positive outcomes and I get distracted too easily. I need the monastic environs of my rehab upstate. I pray on the train and get distracted. I pray in my bed (when I wake intermittently at 3 and 4 am) and get distracted from the white noise of the running t.v. in the background.
I just hope that God knows, these persons' outcomes are a gigantic heaviness on my heart.

The Best Word in the World Pt.2

Demonstrative

Oxymoron #2

War on Terrorism

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Toothy McGrinner

Sunday I discussed with my mother what my future will be holding for me, could be holding for me, with some set plans for looking forward and upward. She's a frigging hard cookie to convince, but she appreciated my candor and the fact that I have followed her advice my whole life and all the rash mis-steps that I made were me running from personal aspects in my life that I hadn't yet come to accept at that point.
I felt great going home and as I was working on my script, my tongue was playing with the tooth next to my front tooth, which is kind of loose.
Before I knew it, it was hanging on a thread and three quarters of the way out of my gums.
I kind of resemble a Jack-o-lantern.
Not the best time to get head shots.

Monday, September 25, 2006

this is either really Jersey or really gay

Anjelina Jolie is on ass-smacker's show "Inside the Actor's Studio"
God almighty, this woman is a freaking goddess.
She is the hottest woman I have ever laid eye's on.
I would be with her in a second and I know I would get a boner.
I sound like such 'a gay' saying, I freaking Love her,
but I do.

Let it go

When I was about 9, my mom received some tickets for "A Chorus Line" for her family as a gift. Then, we were going through a divorce; so, the sperm donor drove us to Manhattan, and while we watched the show he was probably screwing some whore or at OTB.
We were driving home, on the Verazanno Bridge, and there is this big turn and there are these zebra 'warning' stripes.
We were all talking about the show still (I was taken with how it moved my Mom to tears), when I stood in the Cadillac (natch) backseat and peered over the two front passengers (Mom and Bio dad).
"Mom, I'm gonna be on Broadway too. And you can come to every show I'm in."
Up until this point in my life, I had never expressed any desire to be a cop or a fireman or an architect.
Sperm Donor turns around from driving, grabs me by the throat and tells me "No son of mine is going to be some faggot actor."

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Ben is Love

This WAS to be the name of my production company (if ever). Ben is the name of Brian's cocker spanial. It was when we moved down to Miami. Ben was like, 9 months old. I taught him to swim, and he taught me about intruistic love.
About three weeks ago I had a dream that Benny had died. (It's 13 years)
So, I called Brian @ the "ranch."
I left a message.
Two weeks later, I saw I had a VM. The operator was like 7-6-0 and I was like; where the frig is 760? " Hey Mickey, this is Brian..."
I instantly hit save.
I don't know why? I am always guilty.
Tonight, I listened to it. It was full of hate and rage and fuck you. I am so freaking sad now. I have been face-masked.
I lived my FUCKING LIFE through this asshole. I gave up everything other than being a housewife for this dick.
I have lost hope in make up sex.

Parable

I heard this years ago and it kind of makes sense.
Let's go back to the beginning of time or whatever.
There were tribes.
And each of us descended from such a tribe.
It was said that we would all find those from our original tribe.
That, this is who we gravitate towards.

Thanks guys or should I say, tribal ancestors

Mick

They say it's your

I became disgusted with Birthday's in Los Angeles. Brian would get these ivites stating: "Come join me.." Valet Parking available at my house..."

I wanted to throw up, and my cynisism rubbed off on him.
I wonder what's up with him these days.

Today is my birthday.
My mom is making eggplant parm. My desert island food.
God, I love her so much...

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Frig Contracts

So this is the deal i spoke of a few months ago. I was supposed to be on the Bravo show "Top Chef." I had a second call back, yet the day before one half of the production team asked me to come up with 'something' from my Past.
Errkkk. (car brakes slamming).
I went home that night thinking. Whay shall I reveal?
Gay is passe; and everyone knows all chefs are finoche's. (Italian word for fennel which also means 'gay')
I was not about to tell these eager beaver producers about my last 4 months in Rehab...they would have loved that.
Can you imagine? Everytime my face was plastered on the screen, underneath it would say "12 stepper" or "Drunk Bitch"
I would not prostitute myself for 100G.
So, I went for the secons interview at some hotel on 58th street (very cool, I might add).
I did the whole intervirew and, honestly, I was barren, but I did not think I had to be an actor. I wanted to recite recipe's.
So, blond assistant; who lived in Los Angelos yet knew nowhere I knew except for KooKooRoo was the person prompting me for fodder.
I told them I have not been in a relationship in over 8 years and that I have been through, possibly, 76 jobs.
Lookit...I'm seeing the promo's. I am so much canera ready (better looking) and talented.



Whatever

Oooh, your my best friend

I remember being in High School and being friends with all these people and we were like, whimper weep, "it will never end." Well it did. I am now back in my hometown and I walk with my head down just so I will not see any of these 'monstrosities'--hah.
The thing is...I met Donna while I was in college. That was in 83 ish. We have had our ups and downs...usually my ups made her take downs; but I have known and loved this woman for 25 years-through 3 children-one dog who went to chase rabbits upstate and an asshole husband.

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Best Word in the World Pt. I

Monstrosity

G-Man

Scroll up...Look at my mug. Do I look like a big pansey? I have no lisp and I do not do Crystal.
All stereotypes are gone, right?
I fucking love "The Gilmore Girls."
I thought the gayest thing in my life was the brown "Carpenters" album.
Yet, maybe it's the witty banter or the pop references, but mostly it's the acting.
Kelly Richmond who plays Mrs. Gilmore is; the best actress . I IMDB'ed her and found out she won a Tony and an Obie. Cool.
Liza Weil is brilliant as Rory's nemesis. I actually IMDB'ed her after an episode of L&O:SVU.
I think that's when I started watching.
Anyway, this is a guilty pleasure you only admit on line or in an interview of Detour.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Mickey Italiano BUSTED...story at eleven

I can not begin to relate these last two days to you.
I was ready to walk from my job (as in, bolt) both yesterday, and today(and two weeks ago when I GAVE the first "two weeks notice" of my life.)
I fucking hate this job so much, it ties knots in my stomach at night and I pee a little blood in the am.

The sad thing is, I work with three people daily.

I am the guy who would get the best dinner (from the chef) via the dishwasher when I was Front of the House (waitering).
I am the guy who did not call Dajib, Nabs; because I could tell them apart.
When I cooked, I made the "Family Meal (all the employee's) with more love and care than I did the customers.
I loved all these restaurant people I worked with in Manhattan.
Fast Forward:
Staten Island...
I have this "Utility Man" <---pots, pans and jail teeth assisting me. Apparently he "went" (got sent while in Rikers for being on good behavior) to (gasp) 'Culinary School' and he thinks he is better than me.
I gave this job my two day notice because of this guy; and they have not come to me with any compromise. I am so fucking delighted. I felt so liberated when I told them this tonight.
I think they might be happy with this guy being their 'prision chef'? That will work, right? Who doesn't like a good balony sandwich. Poor Bubbies.
I need a job now. I do not want to not be on my feet anymore.
My fucking feet are killing me.
I mean; I'm not like that fat lady in the office who never leaves her chair, it's just that because of years on those black rubber mats my feet are aching.
Oh, the Busted part.
I cashed my check, and I ran up to the New Dorp train station to catch the 7:29. Of course, because I was not waiting for the train, it came early.
By the way, these are above the ground stations. I now had 20 minutes to wait for the next train.
On minute 14 I lit a cigerette and about a minute later I saw this husky man in blue coming down the stairs. Instinctively, I put the cig out. Fatty did not give me a warning. He saw the shaved head and he thought he made a killing. He called for back-up. (He could not, I swear; get in on his radio to check my I.d)) I was soon ensconsed by 4 of NYC finest. I wanted to scream. This was like a Sarte experience. Or a Munch painting. Whatever. I got a ticket after an hour of waiting when tubby said it would take a minute.
P.S. There was a hotty Russian woman cop. She was blonde (like Oxiana Biulle) and she was looking at me like; "fatty is such a dick...he does not even know the code" He didn't. He had to ask the sargeant what the code was for smoking on the platform.---> FAT FUCKING DICK

Marco?

i just got free HBO for a month because all I wanted was to have Bravo added to my "150 channels plus Internet" and it wasn't there. I struck a new deal. Anyway, because I was pleasant to 'Rico' on the phone, he gave me 1 month free of HBO.
Hence me watching; "Meet the Focker's" tonight. I only saw like the first (boring) 30 minutes when Donna called.
I just caught the last 30 minutes as well.
But I am reminded of my days at United Talent Agency (UTA) {<---a powerhouse} when we repped Teri Polo and we sent numerous (!) tapes of her out every frigging day.
It worked.
Meanwhile; Streisand (who is very good here) got better billing then she; who was in the origional.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Hate is a strong word!!!

I kind of hate talking about porn-y things here, because as much as I love sex (when it droops it's ugly face at me); it's been kind of an under the cover subject with my family. I remember one time my cousin was talking about his orgasm via a shot glass and I know my mother was aghast. I, was just confused (still...hah).
I remember watching the "Queer as Folk" (Brittish Version) and one of the mom's of the gay guy said: "You know what it is...they are sucking cock"
This kind of made a profound statement to me. Cause it's the truth.
My mother and I can not converse, because; I think...she see's me sucking cock.
(By the way, I gag at draining pasta)
I work with this cool woman...let's say her name is Kim (inside joke)
She has this like ; magna cum laude Angel-Dar.
I would never, as Joyce states "don't delude yourself."
But I have to say, I told my little "Charlie's Angels" crew about her and they are freaking jealous!
I told Donna. "Listen...I'll be history pretty soon; you guys will all meet up at the wake. And then you will all be friends."
Kind of like the 9/11 widows but with less money, and she laughed.
She knew my prophecy was true.
Anyway, "Kim" is positive. The kind of person I need in my life. And she is not here for me. Because, I require zero.
I hope to be a special moment in "Kim's" life.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Oxymoron #1

radical Muslim

Mr. Menopause

I've been crying like crazy lately. I don't know what's going on.
Last week I made the CD that will be playing at my funeral.
I discovered this gem from my "older brother" listening days.
It's on "The Desperado" album by The Eagles.
It's called "Dooling Dalton/Desperado Reprise".
I want the Desperado version playing on a loop.


The queen of diamonds let you down,
She was just an empty fable
The queen of hearts you say you never met
Your twisted fate has found you out
And it' fin'lly turned the tables
Stole your dreams and paid you with regret
Desperado(Is there gonna be anything left, is there gonna be anything?)
You sealed your fate up a long time ago(Ain't it hard when you're all alone in the center ring?)Now there's no time left to borrow(Is there gonna be anything left?)Only stardust(Maybe tomorrow)Maybe tomorrowMaybe tomorrowDesperadoDesperado

Grace


Tragedy follows me in spades. And frankly; that is a full house I can deal with. I just finished reading "Dream Brother..." by David Browne (no relation to Jax). I freaking wept when I heard this poor bubby died 7 years ago. I started having dry weaping heaves re-living it. It's so weird; that all I could think was; I could save him. Same with Edie, et al. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, September 16, 2006

I think I've seen this movie?

I signed a year lease; and I'm kind of pissed. I think (gasp) I would rather live on Long Island near my friend Donna and her three boys that she is raising alone; thanks in no part to ANOTHER dickhead dad.
We've been friends for 25 years. Isn't that weird? I write that on applications sometimes, and it seems so inconcievable.
Today I had Brooklyn Union Gas (Keyspan?), Time Warner and Con (Get an) Ed come. I was joking to Joyce last night that I hoped one of them was a hotty.
You know the routine...scheduled between 8 and 12.
Around 11:15 Keyspan arrived (kinda fugly) and a minute later Time Warner um, comes. He was fiddling around as was I...hanging these effing panels for the third time because they are too long. There I am with my Black and Decker Power Tool, when this cable guy gets my Internet up. My 'Favorites' column is listed at the left; and he's like; "I love this site"
Cripes.
He was playing with himself the whole time.
It was kind of weird and kind of attractive.
I feel kinda whore-ish.
Like...What do I look like?
He had a wedding band on to boot.
Guy's are pigs.

Amazing Lyrics Pt. 1116

Your father cracks a joke
And in the usual way
Empties the room
Tell all of my friends(I dont have too manyJust some rain-coated lovers
puny brothers)
Dallow, spicer, pinkie, cubittRush to danger
Wind up nowhere
Patric doonan
- raised to wait
Im tired again,
Ive tried again,
andNow my heart is full
Now my heart is full
And I just cant explain
So I wont even try to

Friday, September 08, 2006

The Island of Misfit Toys

I just woke up. I had a real nitemare.
In case anyone needs to be reminded, I live on Staten Island, New York now.
I grew up here and I have not been back in about 22 years.
I had to pick up some stuff today with the owner of the place I work at. She drove; and we passed a few familiar locations.
(Actually, i know the whole fucking island by heart, but these streets seemed new and old to me)
We rounded a curve and cruised down a street, but the rounded curve had me transfixed in a way.
Backtrack
When i was 5 years old I peed on my brother as we were playing on the stairs. My (ahem) father was watching us because it was my mothers bowling night. His great parental skills led him to pack a small suitcase that we had with all my stuff and take me to this location on Staten Island. It is the home of a girls private school called St. Joseph's Hill Academy, but I did not (of course) know that then. It's a creepy (at night) location and he told me it was an orphanage. He dropped me off there with my little suitcase and took off.
After I shit my pants and cried he pulled up.
Happy Fathers Day.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Just Call me

Call me gay...call me Bi...Call me a chubette...I don't care. All I know is that Hope Sandoval's voice penetrates me (quit it, you pervs) so much. I love this woman's voice so much. You might know her from her band, Mazzy Star...They had a hit or two..."Fade into You"...She's so ethereal...I'm switching teams soon.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Great Lines in songwriting Part One

"Now that I've met you,
Would you object to
Never seeing, each other again.
Cause I cant afford to;
Climb aboard you;
No ones got that much
ego
to spend."


Trouble Enough: Aimee Mann (from 'Magnolia' sntrk)

Shnooks on tape

My family has this place in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. They go every year. I have not been for the last two. Rehab and halfways and all the other shite. I was (as of February) all set to go. Plane tix baught; bringing my gorgeous friend Donna and what do you know; I get a (kinda) real job.
Long story short...I was living in Elmhurst in February so I decided to get this "Spanish to English" book(cd) on tape. I vowed to be as proficient at Spanish than my sister in law who is from Puerto Rico. I wanted to dazzle em'. I was going to listen to this 6 cd deal on my ipod for the 5 months leading up to the trip. I was going to speak the native tongue rather than eat it in some entree I may have mis ordered.
Suffice to say; because of this wretched asshole job; I never got to go.
The kicker is this.
I was listening to my 'library' on iTunes.
And after a great 'Hole' tune (Malibu), the freaking Spanish to English cd kicks in. At first I was trying to repeat and memorize ---> sidenote: I took Spanish for 3 years and got the 'hat trick' by going to summerschool for it 3 years(!)
So she's like: me pregunta el burro (?) And before the male voice answers ; I'm like: "I own a donkey"
And then he says (to my dismay): "My donkey can not make it up the mountain".
What I'm trying to say is; I fucked off in Spanish.

Funny Part:
Female Spanish Voice: Nunca Mas

Me: I know this one...Yeah!! Cool... "No More" or "Never Again"

Male Translator: "My child is not in school today"

I swear to you. This tape is like a fucking reject. So, if I would have memorised this tape, I would have been the biggest dick.

Monday, September 04, 2006

.99 on I Tunes will get you this gem

"Float On" Modest Mouse

Sick Fucks

When i was a young lad and I use to want to hang out with my older brother. It may have been because of a sick fuck named 'log'. He was 13 at the time (me 10) and he proudly showed of his 10 incher. I grew up with him my whole life and all, but this revelation at this age struck me.
"Log" would loop his pole through the chain link fence or whip it against a tree(never witnessed by me). Yet, I did get to see the great candle incident of 1979 and I fondly remember playing Marco Polo with him in my pool and he held his pole out and I thought it was someones wrist(?).... Polo
Log was a sick fuck, but not as much as Steve Irwin....later gator

Compete

Do you know? If I put "Christina Aguliara" in my headings; I would get about 25-35 losers coming to my spot.
Fuck em.
My 'friend' Bart just wrote the greatest essay (see favorites to link to him)

i guess on all your approximations: I am a dick

People hate me...so much.
I just think that on the outside looking in. I seem like this free spirit. And they are so jealous that I "KNOW" what's going on. Like, I know my job and I can do do it, blah...
I'm getting sabotged
Yeah, these folks want my position. (YOU CAN FUCKING HAVE IT)
They minipulated the ribs I made for 6 hours, turning the jets up from 300 to 450.
Amd meanwhile this dude who I expect it to be is supposed to be 12 stepping.
Unbelievable.
Twats
Mick

Monday, August 28, 2006

Wordsworth? Longfellow?

I have no wife
I have no kids
I have no equity.

I do not want to meet anyone I went to school with.
I still feel.
I'm better than them.

Now I am a cool gay guy they know;
before it was,
smash and trash.
Now it's interest; fuck you.

I hate you Isle of Staten.
and every guido is now bi
give me a fucking break
that I was chastised when I hid.

CUNTS

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Jakob

"well the same black line that was drawn on you, Was drawn on me ...and know it's drawing me in...6th Avenue Heartache.""

Friday, August 25, 2006

Thank You P___ Tube

Nuff said

Ain't nothing going on but the rent

In case anyone is curious, for the last three weeks I have designed the menu for this cafe, purchased everything for the menu, made it all, been underwhelmed by the 'utility person' they hired for me (pots, pans and peeling) and almost quit twice.
I can not take this business anymore.
The deal is this. They baught a catering space which also has a front cafe. I'm only there for the cafe, yet the catering 'chef' is this bitter fat slob bitch. Okay, Mickey...calm down.
This is the thing about people who cook. They brand themselves 'chefs' as soon as they turned their first hamburger @ Wendy's. I went to Culinary School. I have lived and worked around the world with some great people who I have learned so much from, and still, I never call myself a chef. I know how to cook. I cook great stuff. I have fantastic taste buds. I can create a frigging dinner by opening a refridgerator, yet; the title bothers me. I was working in the Plaza Hotel at 1CPS, a very distinguished place, as a Sous Chef, and all the workers were like, "Chef?" "Chef?" And I was like, "Please...call me Mickey." I guess the glut of 'chef's' who are complete douche bags that I have either worked for or seen in public or on TV have made me feel that I never want to be a part of that group. Kind of like that Will Rogers saying of, "I would never belong to a group that would have me as a member."
I know where my talents lye. I know what I make is unique and tastes great. I see 95% of the customers coming back for more. Thats all I need to know.
Anyway, this whore bag is so malicious and maybe jealous of me, that she is trying to sabatoge everything I do and poison my name to the few people I befriend. She's this fat fucking failed plus model who calls herself a chef.
They have a catering gig this sunday and she is making the french toast today. She is using Pathmark Brand White bread to boot. And then she is talking loud about how someone is sponsoring her in some competition and she can not decide which one of her 'signature dishes' she will make.
Oh my God, I fucking hate this bitch.
The other catch is this. Everyone who works at this place are best friends. So, whorebag is best friends with the owner. And all the venom she has for me is most likely being spread in rumors about me. You know how they say 'the boys club' and how hard it is to break into it. Well, I'm now working at the "Bi-Polar Cafe".
This is so pathetic. I want to wait like three more weeks, save up the money (pittance) and move to Holland. I'm working my dick off and some cupid stunt is making Brushetta's on Thursday for a Sunday party, and she is breaking me.
Fucking people suck so bad.
I'm too pissed off to spell check pittance and others. Any advice is cool.
Love, Mickey

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Yes I've paid the price...But look how much I've gained

What bothers me about other blogs is just what is going on in society today. It's a recycling of idea's. Case in point. Getty Images goes to some shindig and takes a picture. Therein, 5,000 bloggers (and I am being generous in that #) will take that picture and write about it.
I could give two of my last dying day shits about Jessica, Britney, Jen and Vince and the rest. These mags (us, star, enquirer et al) are all fanzines. And, i like my fanzines. Especially if the dentist office or jet Blue has one. It's a nice 30 minute diversion, if that much. I dig Angelina as much as anyone else but I do not need to see her new fucking St. John advertisement on the cover of the newspaper when 3 more soldiers got blown to bits because of a dickhead President.

Personal Ads to Stay Away From Part I

Hey...I'm glad you included a picture...but, a gang sign? At 34 ish and white? Yikes

10 foot poll

It's fucking so weird

You know who.


"I've been one poor correspodant;
I've been too too far to find,
But it doesn't mean you aint been
on my mind"

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Way after the goldrush

You all know that KD Lang has one of the greatest voices in the singing world. (please God, you must)
Did you know she came out with this album last year covering all of her (gasp...gag) fellow Canadians?
You know that Neil Young song? ; "After the Goldrush"?

Sure you do...I swear you do...Even if you never heard of him.

"...There was a band playing in my head and I felt like getting high,..."

All you have to do is listen to this gorgeous woman sing this you will be drunk dialing anyone whom you have been associated to in the last 2 decades. This is the major make out song. Don't tell anyone else; please.
You heard it from me first, right?

Psych...I'm back!!

Thanks to Randy and Jeff and Donna D and Melanie and Heather ...you bastards rule


....Listen...I was so dis heartened the other night when I was listening to Mr. Blogger himself on NPR saying that 175,000 blogs are created each week and half will be deigned useless in 6 months...The Cool Store has been around for close to 2 years now...my traffic is that of a Montanan Highway on Christmas Eve....
Nevertheless...At work, I think about stuff to write; (because I have such a mindless job), I am always saying to myself (sometimes aloud, thus getting breath-a-lized) does anyone care about these thoughts of mine? I guess I was basing the amount of my readers on the comments section; which you can attest to; are usually nil.
That reminds me...Does anyone have a scribe which can tell me how to use a semi-colon? I hear it is over used by novices like myself.
The Cool Store is back, by, ahem; overwhelming demand.
Love to you all; <---
Mick

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Later...for a bit

I think I'm retiring from this site...
If I get more than one email asking me to stay I'll reconsider
All the love in the world to you all,
Michael

Monday, August 14, 2006

Shuffle off

I ave this song by "The Lemonheads" called 'Big Gay heart' on my shuffle. If you are not familiar with these guys, their lead singer is a major hottie in the strung out heroin kind of way...at least he was then...
Anyway, this song was on one of their first albums, "Come on, Feel The Lemonheads" and it is on a couple of my playlists.
The funny thing is, that when it comes on, I am always scanning around the crowd to see who (comically) has my, 'big gay heart'. Yesterday I was buying bagels, and I had my headphones around my neck. Although I could hear a tinny sound of music I could not decipher the song being too pre occupied. I left the store, headphones still ajar when I spotted this construction worker across the street who was freaking Totally cruising me, I mean, it kind of made me uncomfortable in a way and I started to get all shifty and self conscious. So, as I was like licking my lips and trying to stand tall and oblivious, I realized that my shuffle was playing and my headphones were around my neck. I put my shopping bag between my legs and put on my headphones... "...My big Gay Heart...please don't break my big gay heart..."

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Doughboy

I freaking love my bread man.
If you don't understand...Here is the synopsis.
We needed a new bread man, so we went off to visist them, they want your business, so they give you samples. Who has the best deal, the best bread and all. And, let me say....it was like Cher meeting a half armed Nic Cage. (There go thoses gays with there Cher and all)
I met this dude; let's say Franco; and he was a freaking hottie.
I was like; "We'd like to try your bread"
and honestly;
if the owner Rita was not there this could have turned into some kind of scene.
It was so innocent.
He was this brash, guido: "taste this" and he shoved the Panelle slice into my mouth....
"Ummmm...yeah, that's great", honestly;
I'm not a big bread conniseur, but this was so fucking hot.
She went to look at desserts. he said, "I only wanna deal with you."
...my guido breadmaker.
I could quit this job and be fine, if i was lying next to him in some floury mess.
Pleasant Dreams

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Allah (kneel) Allah (kneel)...Let's kill everyone

I hope you guys know, we are all fucked. The severity of this plot is so fucking animalistic it boggles my mind that so many human beings can be so brainwashed by some higher ups in a 'religion'. One of the terrorists was wearing his Air Force uniform whilst holding his explosives.
Thank God for the security at Heathrow and Manchester. (Heathrow detained me in 1984---I was just some rocker looking dude, but still). We can not single out every Muslim in the world. I would like to, but there is just too many of them. Fuck racial profiling...I could give two shits. If some Italian Americans did something detrimental, and I knew I was innocent, I could care less if they detain me or pull me out of a line.
Listen folks. I take the S.I. Ferry everyday, 2X. Do you wanna know how many times I have gotten scanned and my bag checked. It's in the higher double digits. Do I give a shit? NO. If they make me miss the Ferry, yeah. Am I hiring that dragon lady from ACLU, no. I am glad that they do this, and quite frankly, it makes me chuckle a little to myself how many times they pull me out.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

This is my childhood

Long story short...My older brother loved Jackson Browne. We would hear it on 8 tracks all the time whilst bemoaning the trip to 'dad's'.

I love my older brother. He set my course in music. I fucking dig lyrics.

Everybody's just waiting to hear from the one
Who can give them the answers
And lead them back to that place in the warmth of the sun
Where sweet childhood still dancesWho'll come along

I decided to to put on my headphones this evening instead of listening to NPR & BBC like I usually do. This is the first song that played; mid sentence.
I (a wuss) cried. It's called "Everyman" and it is gorgeous. Did you know Jax (as we call hin in EMails) was a lover of Nico. Did anyone out there see Nico Icon? Am I speaking to myself?

Gosh peple...you are missing so much. Bungled up with your "Gnarls Barkley"...You are missing so FUCKING MUCH.

Calling a Spade a Digging thingy...Part II

I did not pine for "The Pines" (Fire Island).

Maybe I am cynical? Negative? Bitter? Lonely?
Maybe I'm not into being surrounded by one demographic. I could see myself being the same way had I went to any other place wherein everybody there was on the same page, so to speak. It was like working somewhere and having only one restaurant to choose from, day in day out on your lunch hour. The menu gets a little played.

I come from growing up in a household where my formative years happened to coincide with living in the same house as my father. He happens to be a bigger racist and bigot than the fictional Archie Bunker. I grew up to be his opposite, at least trying my best to. Yet, I can not shake the feeling that his racism was too impaled in me.

For the few months that I lived in South Beach (shutter-Miami Beach) I worked at this International Hostel. The only way you could check in was to have a foreign passport. I absolutely loved being at this job. The daily mix of people coming and going or checking in for a week was such a great cross section of the world. At any given time there were 95 or so guests there and it just made me want to travel the world afterwards, based on this melange of culture.

Another example that comes to mind is working in a restaurant in Manhattan (specifically my stint @ 'Lemon'.) This basically pertains to the Front of The House. The maitre d' was French, the waiters and waitresses were all emigres from France, Ireland, Italy, Australia, Germany and South America. The busboys were usually Pakistani or Indian.
If you had a bitchy queen co-worker to deal with you went and talked with the cool Kiwi girl whose fashion ruled. If you got blue in the face speaking to the fascist reared Italian you went to speak to the more liberal Dutchman. If you wanted to pound some shots you went to hang with the Celtic girl who always smelt of Gin and Tonics. It was this great big utopian stereotypical world.

Esoterica

The more I hear that Americans do not, in general read books, the more inclined I am to get through more of them.

I just finished reading "Magical Thinking" by Augusten Burroughs; after a quick read of Burroughs first 'novel', "Sellevision" earlier in the week. Both were decent and enjoyable, but again, I have to add that I think Burroughs expended all his humorous devices with "...Scissors." Maybe because I read "Running with Scissors" first, my shock value was unhinged and the others paled in comparison?(Especially "Dry"; which I stopped reading after it was trying too hard. It seemed like it needed a laugh track)

But, I do not pick up anything with such huge expectations of being shocked or amused. It's a free flowing inherent device that can happen from either a comic strip (Calvin and Hobbes), a television show (Six Feet Under, Strangers w/ Candy) or a movie (Little Miss Sunshine, Once Were Warrior's). Where as the last three examples are all of a visual type of medium, when a book can achieve this, it is nothing short of brilliance in my world. David Sedaris, Haruki Murakami (The Wind Up Bird Chronicles) and Katherine Dunn (Geek Love) are perfect examples.

Next up is "Dream Brother: the Lives of Jeff and Tim Buckley." Where as with Tim (the father) I really could care less about, it is Jeff whom I absolutely loved. Another tragic person I've bonded with, sans knowing.

one serious Question; asked without an agenda...

Does Israel have the support of any country in the world? I just have not heard of one, besides; of course, US.

What are you reading

Armistead Maupin wrote the brilliant "Tales from the City" books and also a sweet little tome called "Maybe the Moon" which I would buy for everyone I knew who read because I loved it so. Here is an exerpt from a Planet Out interview done with the author recently.

So what are you reading these days? What new author has grabbed your attention?
I read a book recently when I was driving around Scotland with my husband, titled I Am Not My Self These Days by Josh Kilmer-Purcell. (The central character) is an ad exec by day and a seven-foot drag queen by night. His boyfriend is a crack-addicted escort and, believe it or not, it's absolutely hilarious and heartbreaking and heartfelt. Oddly enough, my British editor gave it to me because I had not run across it when it was published in the States.

Sounds pretty cool

Anyone?

If anyone can help me with 'bit torrents' and the like, I would appreciate it a lot.
Email me @ vedderjett@yahoo.com

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Yeah...it does seem to be the hardest word

What's happening in this world these days? Was I in Rehab when the message got passed around that you no longer have to say, 'I'm sorry.' I mean, I know at one point I would overuse this phrase; it was probably while I was getting the shit beat out of me by my sperm donor/father and I was about 7 years old and I had done something I KNEW I would repeat. But those disingenuous words do not apply to me as an adult when I say them and mean them.And don't get me started with those fuckheads I have met in my lifetime, for when I would say ' Sorry bout that' or something to that effect, reply with 'You don't have to be sorry.' Fuck, I wanna body slam em' right there.I deal with my mother a little to much these days, and even she, the woman who would cry @ the telephone company commercials refuses to use this phrase. "You want me to say I'm sorry? I'm not." WTF? What do you say when you are wrong and want to make peace?She'll be (sarcastic tone), "Okay. Your right, Mickey. Your right. Okay?""Um. No. It's not okay. Just say your sorry."Saying your sorry about something has you acknowledging that you may not have been right in that situation. It's sort of saying to the other person, 'Okay. I made that mistake and it won't happen again.' Not drilling your sarcastic laced venomous voice into said persons head that you were actually wrong but I will say 'your right' so you can get away from me. Whew.

Monday, July 31, 2006


faggots! Posted by Picasa

Don't let the Karma door hit you on the ass on the way out

I keep track of people who make gay slurs or endorse homophobia so it gives me tremendous pleasure in all this shit surrounding Mel Gibson. Years ago there was a magazine called 'Outweek', which was a weekly zine dealing with anything going on in the gay world. Although I was still not into blockbuster type movies and their stars, I was resolved to never watch a Mel Gibson movie in my life after his remarks around that time dealing with gay guys and AIDS and getting it up the ass. Nuff said and to be fair to drunky, I paraphrased that last sentence.
Sebastian Bach was the lead singer of Skid Row, a metal hair band who had their biggest hit with a wuss rock tune and sometimes opened for the hot Guns and Roses at the time. Bach wore a t-shirt at an arena type show which said, "AIDS kills Fags dead." Now he is a fat hasbeen trying to squeeze into his leathers with the same doofy haircut and he, get this, has a recurring role on "The Gilmore Girls." Very straight indeed.
Roy Cohn, over actedly played by Al Pacino in "Angels in America."
Rev. Fred Phelps who drunkenly beat his children into mental disorders.
Axel Rose; ("Immigrants and Faggots, they make no sense to me...) who now sports more Botox than Cindy Adams and has a worse weave than Whitney on her third night at the crack den.
And on and on...
Hey, the man who fathered me could be in this article as well...From "Journal of Psychotherapy"
"...which involves putting a special cuff around the penises of homophobic young men. This cuff measures even tiny changes in the penile circumference. The homophobes are then shown homoerotic films; the cuff shows that their penises get bigger as they watch hot gay men doing what hot gay men do in such films."

Waiting for the Night


Sandy West (far right) was the drummer for The Runaways. She is currently hospitalized for cancer of the lungs and a brain tumor. Sandy (nee Pesavento), stayed with The Runaways until their break up and was all set for the reunion tour of 99 had it not been for Lita Ford backing out. I emplore you to get your hands on The Runaways documentary, "Edgeplay." It was made by Vickie Blue who replaced Jackie Fox when she left the band. The docu also details in depth a lot of the problems Sandy faced when the band broke up. Say a novena or light a candle for this cool as shit drummer. Posted by Picasa

Friday, July 28, 2006

Pastiche

Lance Bass. Who's next, Travolta? Give me one that Helen Keller's gaydar doesn't seem to pick up on. My next sentence was going to give an example of someone that I might have a crush on who I would hope to come out, someone unexpected. But honestly, no one came to mind that anyone else would know. I seem to be attracted to girls who are strangers, boyfriends.


"Born into Brothels" Please rent this movie. It is brilliant. It really makes you feel grateful for opportunity. This movie is about 8 children from Calcutta whose mothers' are prostitutes working out of their squalid living enviorns. I was struck how these children, who get no schooling whatsoever are smarter than 3/4 of the kids in America. This movie will bring out your altruistic side. It's heartbreaking and inspirational.


Download Pete Yorns' "The Man", a duet with Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks. This song is absolutely gorgeous. (This link will take you to the comments page of the post. Click on, Show origional post, and then you can download it from there. )

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Notebook

Since 1986 I have kept journals. This was well before Oprah's journaling phase and I started right after I moved back to NYC from the Virgin Islands. I've amassed about 55 of these in all different shapes and sizes and covers that suited me at the time.( I went through a Keith Haring 'Pop Shop' journal phase in the late 80's) When Brian and I fled (and I mean hit the ground running) from South Beach (Miami) in 1992 and we were limited for space in his Jetta to drive to Los Angeles, I brought only some clothes and all my journals up til that point with me. The rest of my belongings I put in storage in Homestead, Fla. which then got damaged in a hurricane and I lost every possession of my life and received $75 because I never filled out the insurance form. Since then, wherever I go, I bring the whole group with me, because they are my 'fire' grab. I have them all in this antique wooden Jack Daniels crate from the 40's. (Figures-liquor)
The last couple of years I've felt very, how should I say, milk like. I feel I have an expiration date on me and since I have no kids or house or Life Insurance for that matter the only thing I have to leave behind as my being here are these journals. No one in my family reads anything more than The Post so I can not see them staying up late into the night riveted by the eccentric warblings of their dearly departed brother/son. I think that they would honor them by keeping them, yet nothing would become of them in so far as the romantic notions I would have had I been bequeathed such a lot.
I was thinking of stipulating in a will something to the effect of putting an ad in a well to do college newspaper, which has a good writing program and see if any student might want to be the benefactor of these musings. I would have left them to my college but I can not see the value in leaving a Culinary School the ramblings and thoughts of an alcoholic, sex crazed procrastinator and dreamer. It's funny because of my four closest friends, neither of them are readers as well. As a side note, a recent fuck buddy of mine had seen the lot of them and said that HE would pay for them to be well kept in a security box!
I've been typing each journal, non sequentially onto my hard drive. The fact that I am taking them out randomly has me experiencing kind of fucked up dreams and thoughts when I go for my walk/jog. I have been googling all these 'co-stars' of my life whom I have either burned bridges with or who have stop calling when my drinking and drunk dialing got out of hand. I have been amused and stultified while transcribing. I have seen my potential reach it's apex and I have read my fears and on going anxieties crush me into devastation. I have writings more vivid than a powerpoint lecture and I have seen where I have been an absolute sucker and pushover to eventual users I had let into my life.
Maybe this will be cathartic for me in some way. Maybe since memoirs have been the flavor of the last few years I will send some of the completed works out. I don't know.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Freedom...


I used to be a 'modelizer' in the late 80's early 90's. My friend Brian was working for one of the big agencies as a model and we would go to all these great parties and I would go on a lot of go-see's with him. This was Linda Evangelista's heyday. She basically held some kind of record by being on so many covers in a given month, and consecutive covers for the same magazine. I'm not a big fan of Canadians, but I love when an Italian (heritage) girl makes good. We (Brian and I) would watch Elsa Klench on CNN Saturday mornings to see Linda strut her stuff on the runway. I seriously wanted to be a booker at this time as well. Linda would change her hair color every couple of months and it made fashion headlines. By the mid ninties, fashion magazines started putting celebrities on the covers and basically, aside from Giselle, no real stand out 'name' models have come out of the last decade. (Kate Moss was already a name). This month, a pregnant Linda E. is on the cover of 'Vogue' (Aug). She's 41 and preggers and she looks phenominal. I know it's rare for me to fawn over someone, but I dig her and her "not getting out of bed for less than 10,000" attitude. She claims that she had no 'B' plan if she did not make it in modeling. Determined girl. Buy this magazine people; and show these editrixes at the major mags that we wants some supermodels back. Posted by Picasa

Friday, July 21, 2006

Reasons Bush is President and more fun facts

  • Taylor Hicks. (Is it Tyler?) Whomever. This is the guy who won "American Idol." Have you see/heard his Ford commercial? I was cooking with my back turned to the television and I only heard it. My first thought was that it was a sendup parody of Bill Murrays' 'Lounge Singer' sketches, but I shrugged it off. Later that evening I was watching "Law and Order" and I saw the same ad. Are you fucking kidding me? This guy is such a hack and so "bad Vegas" I can not believe he garnered like 40 Million Votes!

  • This guy I knew in Los Angeles is getting his own talk show on the UPN/WB new station, CW. I almost jumped out of the duplex I am living in. I knew him when I was sober for about two years as he was as well. I wondered if 'the miracle' happened yet for a lot of people in this same position. (This is anthem in AA). He was doing this type of Rock-n-Roll type standup at the time, kind of frat boy type comedy which I never related to but sometimes got. He also sent out huge wavelengths on my gaydar, but that could have been because he tried really hard to look good despite an average face. A couple of years ago I was flipping the channels and I saw him on "Oprah" talking about this relationship book he wrote. Kind of like "The Rules" for guys. And now this. Cripes.

  • If I ran a website/blog like a lot of these repetitive gossip blogs I would probably get less hits than I do now. I read these sites sometimes when I am bored, and I just don't get it. I don't get the 'begging for the old Britney' pleas and the 'look at Ashley (either one) today in this outfit'. And I especially don't get the comments that are left by these readers. Majority it seems are willing to slag off anyone they could with the hopes of making their own lives seem less pitiful, some are just plain clueless and some are vicariously living through these celebrities lives by the gossip they read of them. They are on a first name basis with these people. Five steps behind that Letterman tormentor. Here are the people who would be on my Celebrity Blog. Kathryn Erbe (L&O:CI), Annabella Sciorra, Lili Taylor, (I scored big when all three of these babes starred in Abel Ferrara's "The Haunting"), Tina Louise, Vincennt D'Onofrio, Toni Collette, Parker Posey, Laura Linney, J.Jason Leigh, Hugh Grant ( I know. But he kind of amuses me.), Cate Blanchett, Wes Anderson, Gwynnie and anyone from "The Gilmore Girls." Man crushes: Tony Ward, Adam Brody, Jonathon Shaech (?), Mark Ruffalo and tons of singer/songwriters.

Vietnam War Lottery...They say it's your Birthday, your gonna have a good Time

Years ago, when I first heard that they had a lottery system for recruits for the Vietnam War, I had always wondered where I stood on being drafted and most likely, killed. What they did was put 366 sheets of paper in a bag. This was to represent each day of the year. Sorry leap year babies; you may only get to celebrate your birthday once every four years but you can die on any given day for your country in 1969 .(What did Jehovahs Witnesses do?) They pulled out the numbers, and viola, you were drafted. It's worse than a round of 'Mystery Date.' Check this out: I'm at 195. According to the site: "Anyone who recieved a number below 196 reported to war, anyone above, did not." I was completely FUCKED!!
Here's the link..."Billy don't be a hero"

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Project Runway: There she goes...

Well, last week I wrote about Malan and that accent of his and how he reminded me of Bruce LaBruce's character in 'Hustler White'. I guess he annoyed me but I believe part of his pomposity was due to all the 'lack of testosterone' of the contestants. This week the sewers(?), sewists(?) were given the challenge of creating Miss USA's evening gown in the Miss World competition. Miss USA was there and she is kinda cute. She's got this Tex-Mex thing going on, and she seemed to roll her eyes and grow impatient with ignorami who seem to outweigh in airtime the talented. Is Angela the new Wendy or does she just play one on Reality Television? Actually, at least Wendy could draw. This stupid bitch approached Miss USA with a blank sketchpad and seemed to have nothing except for then trying to hook herself up with the most talented person for this challenge, a guy who LIVES for pageants. She did this maneuvering after she found out that everyone would be working in teams. Seven leaders were chosen and each of those had to pick one of the remainders. Malan was one of the chosen and I think it was pretty shitty of the producers to show the clip of his confessional when he explained that when he was 13 and presented his Mom with some sketches he was working on, she threw them to the floor and said, "Don't ever do this again." He went on to explain how he wanted most of all to show them all now. It was kind of sad coming from someone I perceived to be so full of himself and arrogant the week before. The leader of Angelas team was some nutbag who looks like a cross between Rick Moranis, Peter Allens Flamenco Days and Fred Armison from SNL (who I detest a lot). Angela looked like a pain in the ass who obviously owns a watch. She was like Big Ben while they were shopping for material. When Tim came over to discuss the dress as it was being built she totally distanced herself from the creation. Well, the judging came and the Runway was great, and we were left with only Malan and Angela on the short list to go home. When Heidi said "Angela" and paused for her dramatic effect, I thought for sure she was going to say in her lispy English, "your out". But, it was Malan who got the boot. And that's why I thought it was pretty shitty for the editors to put Malans above statements in this episode. They could have spliced into last weeks episode or 'The Road to the Runway' which was last week as well.
I just would like to state that there seems to be a couple of real assholes on this season. Like, really full of themselves, narcissistic assholes.
Auf Wiedersehen, Mickey

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Since Lance Armstrong is Cancer Free, Is it O.K. for me to Hate him now?

Cancer is not funny. And neither is Lance Armstrong, who hosted the ESPY Awards and continued to give shout outs to his 2 balled friends, Matthew McCounaghey and Jake Gyllenhaal. Lance also made an up to the minute "Brokeback" joke. This coming from a guy who wears more spandex than the state of New Jersey. See the clip here.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Hack Director or Envy?

First off we have Kevin Smith, whose claim to fame (?) is "Clerks" which I once tried to watch when there were only like 3 Cable Stations at the time and the fact that it took place in New Jersey (personal vendetta) had me scoffing at the tv screen. He then went on to create failure after failure and from what I've read kept employing the same hackneyed routines from his debut. He also employs Matt Damon and Ben Affleck often, which has a repelling magnet affect on me ("Good Will Hunting" read title above). HE ALSO does bits for Jay Leno, which not only states to me that a mortgage payment was due in the Smith household but has a "maybe the people in Missoula will like me and rent 'MallRats'" ring to it.

Ed Burns. Ugh. Smarmy guy who stepped in shit once and now will not go away. He has a new film out, "The Groomsmen" which has gotten panned in every review I've read and I get kind of a nice warm feeling reading those reviews. (I know, I am a bastard) Although I have also never sat through his debut film, "The Brothers McMullen", I did have the non pleasure of seeing the recycled version of one of his waste of Kodak moments starring none other than Bon Jovi. (See New Jersey vendetta above) I squirmed in my seat of the near empty theater, one of the other eight people sitting next to me; a reciprical jesture on my part for having invited said person to "Big Night" (brilliant!) the previous weekend. Ed Burns in turn married Christy Turlington, whom I once liked until I read a few interviews with her and fell asleep in the crease of the magazine. Three times.

M.Night Shyamalan (sp?). Having been living oversea's at the time of "The Sixth Sense" and the bruhaha that surrounded the whole don't give away the ending hubris, I returned to Los Angeles and started work at an Agency (UTA) whom represented M. I was in the Video Transfer department and we would send out actors and directors (and the likes) demo reels. So if someone wanted to hire Scarlett Johansen (sp) for a roll, I would dupe her reel and forward it. This was one of the best jobs of my life because we represented David Chase and we would get the 'Sopranos' episodes a week before they aired. But I digress. We repped M.Night, and like every other director's oeuvre we had catalogued, I would take movies home to watch. One word,
"Unbreakable". Unbearable. I've also heard from people who were pissed by shelling out money for "The Village" as well.

I guess I feel towards these guys as I did when I was growing up towards kids who had great Dads. (Awww!) Somewhat envious but determined to go it alone.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

The Origional FireCrotch

'Wild about Movies' blog recently cornered Kathy Griffin after her 3rd Sold Out show in LaLaLand about setting up an interview. But first they asked her about a piece in "Page Six" which stated that Kathy would not preform at Splash Bar in NYC before she was guaranteed $30,000 and a $10,000 Rider. It bothered me after reading that. I'm like WTF does she need a $10,000 Rider for? She use to play 'Largo' (in LA as well, where I worked) to try out her material for, I swear, $5 and a free drink. Something was fishy and when Wild about Movies cornered her, they asked her about that one story. Following is her quote...read it til the end...she's a fucking pissa.

"The paper said I demanded $30,000 and a $10,000 rider to perform at the gay bar Splash. You know a rider is for all the shit that A-list celebs want, like all the green M&Ms picked out of their fucking candy bowl, and the coke, not from the bottle, and shit like that. I don't need a fucking rider, nor have I ever asked for one. I just need my bottle of water and old stool to set my bottle of water on, on stage with me. That's it." Oh, she also is quick to point out that the person who 'leaked' this item to the Post, was dumb enough to go "on the record, and use his real fucking name, Len Evans. Oh, and get this," adds Griffin, "The Post story says that Len Evans said that I don't love my gay fans because I turned down their offer, which I never got in the first place, and that Jennifer Lopez performed for free at the recent NYC Gay Pride. They need to check the definition of perform. Lip-syncing a couple of songs doesn't count."

Editorial Page

I'm not one to get political, but is anyone else out there feeling like this world is about to fucking blow itself up? I mean, it's fucking non stop mayhem around the planet. And who is causing all of it? 68% Islamic Fundermentalists, 30% African Warlords and thieving Predidents and 2% A North Korean Pansy Ass. You know what all these leaders have in common? They did not get enough toys as a child. I mean, it seems to me like they are the little brats in the neighborhood who wanna hang out with the teenagers, so they feel they have to prove themselves. It reminds me of when I had to steal Nudie Mags to show my older brother and his friends that I was hang-able. All these leaders; No. Korea, Iran, all these Imams, and the aforementioned Africans; they either all have very small cocks or they have these Napolean Complexes. Bin Laden is an altogether different type, he is just a sick fuck.
I've known a few Lebanese people in my life and I'm sure they are like, my country is being destroyed because of some fanatical sect. I don't blame Isreal at all on this one. It's just fucked up because I know we as the US are going to have to intervene or take Isreals side and that means New York will be in danger once more. I hope I don't come off as some racist bastard,but similar to the umpire, I'm just calling them as I see them.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

This is my most popular shuffle song...

POP SONG FOR US REJECTS ...by Silverchair
Addiction's held you back But you don't care
Cause you're on a high again
And it's not fair
Consuming alcohol
While I gotta drive
Take a hit from the drugs you stole
And try to survive
Since your life was over
You haven't yet been sober
You have held me back so long
Everything you do is wrong
Now I gotta dump you
Continue my life too
I tried to help you
Don't care what you do

Your state of mind's improved
But we're still apart
I visited you'd moved
Don't know where to start
Your life's and open cold sore
Got to get out of the cream
Now I'm thinking positive
But I know it's a dream

You died yesterday

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Fun Facts about the Forgotten Boro #56

Approximately 1 out of every 3 liscensed drivers has a Cadillac Escalade or one of those new Cadillac Coupes.

Runway Dork week One

If you watched "Project Runway" last night, the first of the third season; you may have picked some favorite contestants or like me, you may just want to wait til the crowd gets thinned down to an even seven. Regardless, the evenings biggest doofus had to be Malan. He of the EuroTrashy wanna be (he's from Taiwan) with slicked back hair and clothes out of Vogue Hommes. It was not until three quarters into the show that I realized who he reminded of. The 'Jurgan' character played by Bruce LaBruce in "Hustler White." It is identical. I caught the last half hour first, and I was like, "Oh, he seems cool, she seems nice" and then they replayed the same episode afterwards and I was like, "Slow down Mickey, your first impressions suck." So, I will officially hold off for a favorite to win (I kind of still like the mother of five who put the chandelier pieces on the dress).

Friday, July 07, 2006

Constant Craving

It's got to be unhappiness or unfufillment which is making me Jones more and more for wanting to get fucked up. En route to the library is the 'Buy Right Liquor Store' and I've walked in, browsed around, noticed that Vodka has gotten pretty expensive and walked out empty handed possibly because I was not going to drink some barBQue lighting fuel as my fall off the wagon cocktail. (I bet the least popular baby boy names for Alcoholics' are :Georgi and Alexi)
I don't want to drink.
See, when I take myself to the movies or go for a walk/jog I'm good. But when the dismalness of my life becomes apparent to me, the sheer boredom of everyday life, the life around me...Well, I just want to get drunk so I can fall asleep and be comatose for a few hours without overthinking every minute. Without looking at some succesful blowhard or reading about some spoiled rich tweens or not attending any seemingly sounding cool events or my stupid freaking commute which takes an hour and a half just to get off this island of misfit toys.
I'm getting roped into stupider and stupider jobs. I am like an old lady not being able to say no to telemarketers. God! I need a fucking Extreme Makeover: SOUL Edition.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006


Fuckin' A!! We are in the finals of the World Cup!
Update: As you know, we won. It was so great watching this in a bar full of real Italians, not guido's or gasp Lenny Kravitz (Did you see him in the newspaper going bonkers and holding up an Italian flag?). Posted by Picasa

Fizzle

"Today's the fourth of July,
Another June has gone by.
And when they light up our town; I just think,
What a waste of gunpowder and sky"


Aimee Mann

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Debra Messing has left the building...


The Emmy people have finally changed their standards of nominations. Now, brilliant actresses who never get recognized are going to get a chance at losing to Edie Falco or Patricia Heaton. (I worked @ the agency that repped P.H. <---before 'Raymond' we were sending her dismal audition reel out constantly to no avail. But, after nabbing 'Ray' she ended up being a big bread winner for the agency). I guess the gayest thing about me (besides the obvious man loving) is that I dig 'The Gilmore Girls'. I guess some would call it a guilty pleasure, but, fuck it, I don't feel guilty about it. If you never watched it, it is kind of like 'Days of our Lives' mixed with 'Northern Exposure' with a little 'Sienfeld' tossed in. Lauren Graham (pictured) is fantastic, but the star of the show is Kelly Bishop, who plays Lauren's mom, Emily.
Update: Lauren got snubbed again. But fucking Debra Messing skated in with a nod. Absolute Shite!! Posted by Picasa

Monday, July 03, 2006

Central Casting

I took the ferry to the Pines @ Fire Island yesterday for a job. It was hysterical. Every type of gay guy or woman you can possibly stereotype was on this ferry. It was like in the movie "Airplane!" when they were showing all the different airlines and attatching the obvious stereotype to each. (The Isreal Airline had hasidic locks around the big nose of the plane). But the more I think of it, I guess once you are assosiated in a culture or nationality, I guess everyone is put into a little box. I know that in "Italian" culture, we have various labels for different type of person. Puttana's, Gavones, Mafiosa, Finoche...(answers* Whores, Slobs, Crooks and Gays).

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Dear Guido's and Guidettes;

Please. I beg of you. Refrain from dousing yourself in your Designer/ Imposter Designer fragrances before you go to work out or go jogging/walking. There is nothing worse than breathing in a big gulp of J.Lo or Gaultier for Men or (in Staten Island) some Hilton sisters idea of 'beautiful'. It's bad enough with the stagnant heat, but then to pass by you with me all huffing and puffing and then inhaling that merde is mind numbing.
Have you ever heard of pheromones? They are our Natural scents. Far more sexier (in my opinion) than some contrivance of thistle, lemon, patchulli and lotus flower! Have you ever been into like, minute 13 on the stairmaster or whatever that skiing gizmo is, and then some 'Joey Boombatz' takes the next machine smelling like he just baptized himself in the River Chaps? It's kind of obnoxious people.
Thanks

Monday, June 26, 2006

Too many Margherita's ?

Yesterday, I glanced down at the little headlines on Yahoo and it said:
Buffet to give away three quarters of his fortune.
And I was like, "That's cool, but I still hate his music and those parrot-head fans of his." I had read somewhere a year or a two ago that he was one of the highest grossing touring acts of that year. "Cripes, did he make that much money off of a few hits?"

Then I was listening to BBC News and they said it was, Warren Buffet. "Ah, that makes more sense now Mickey, doesn't it?" The story went on to say that this humongous amount was going to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. And Bill and Melinda have all this money and Bill and Melinda have given away billions...But wait? Shouldn't it just be like, Bill's gazillions? I mean, what did Melinda come into the marriage with. Was her dowry that high? Does Bill just cringe when he hears this 'Bill and Melinda's money'? Is he driving in his Prius and listening to NPR and mumbling to himself, "Yeah right, Bill and Melinda's fortune...sheesh."
Like, did she say,
"Um, Bill, maybe now that were kind of living together, maybe we should get a joint bank account? Let me just make my next payment on my Discover card, and we'll just combine em', kay?"

Had a Dad...


I can not even begin to tell you the story involving this book, but it was a synchronicity of sorts. Because there are no such things as coinc...This book also began a rollercoaster ride of unaware coinc, I mean sychronicities of my DVD selections. From the sublime "The Postmen in the Mountains" (China) to "The Son's Room" (Italian) to the obvious "Father and Son" (Russian), all of these movies related to a father and his son. And the fact that God bestowed upon me the worst father since, did Hitler have kids? Well you get the drift.
By the way, I'm not some pretentious snob who only sees films with subtitles. Also a person who calls movies, films. But the library where I go has the suckiest collection of like 65 films. With doubles of "Cecil B Demented" and "Cruise Ship" et al. So, I wander into the 'foreign' section. Pretty soon I'm going to need a different branch or else I'll be watching the aforementioned.
Also, the book above "Long Way Back" is absolutely gorgeous. Recommended for anyone who is a lapsed Catholic and has a knowledge of music pre 1985 ish.Posted by Picasa

Saturday, June 24, 2006

New Directions

I'm sure people in a lot of occupations can agree with me. Have you ever been told by a prospective employer who has led you on, strung you along for weeks, that they are now going to go in a different direction? I know actors can relate, but Chef's? How the fuck do you go in a different direction?
"Oh, so I guess your going to, what? Open an automat?"
Fail like "Pret a Manger" and pre wrap all your foods and sell them out of one of those refrigerators that look as though you are going through the car wash?
I don't understand.
Freaking Cowards! I should have charged them for my 'holding time'.
Complete Bullshite.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Book Shnook

I've been reading novels like a fiend. I read (6 years later) "A Heartbreaking Work..." in a day. Pretty Good, I guess. Kinda rambly.
But now I'm almost finished with the Tom Shales/Miller book "Live from New York", on SNL. I've been watching SNL since it's inception, show it's kind of interesting. I'm almost done, but before I comment on a few cast members, I have to say this.
First off, if your not familiar with the way "Edie" was edited by George Plimpton, which I believe had started this type of 'biography', the book reads like this.
Joe Blow actor
And then Joe Blow says something here for a paragraph or eight.

Suzie Doe producer
And then Suzie says some shit pertaining to the section or timeline.

Well, they speak to practically everyone who is still breathing from the show (sadly, not Laura Kightlinger) and it's like, you can see the personalities from these people just by reading the comments they made to Shales. These people, the writers and actors, are so fucking NEEDY. They are all self congratulatory on the skits that they did. I mean that's nice, but to start off a sentence by stating, "You know, I wrote blabbity blah skit. I checked the applause meter and it was the highest rated blah blah blah", it's so fucking sad. It reminds me of those eager beavers at sleep away camp; "Let's put on a show!"
The last chapter is a bukkake scene for Lorne Michaels; who comes off as kind of a dick/genious/Star Fucker.
Anyway
Chevy Chase : News Alert- He's a gigantic ASSHOLE
Garrett Morris: Seriously in Denial about his drug use. (he set 30 Rock on fire, free-basing)
John Belushi: Still dead
Dana Carvey: Kind of insecure ( he and his Wayne's World buddy Mike Meyers hated each other)
Joe Piscopo: Totally Nutso. He honestly does not take a shit w/out calling Tina Sinatra up.
Jeannine Garofalo: Disgruntled yet has Integrity
et al

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Sigh...

---------->>>> Watched the stupid fucking show Hell's Kitchen the other night and could not believe the ineptness of the morons they chose for this show. 1 person out of 12 is not a complete asshole. Leave it to Fox. You know what infuriates me most? The a-hole winner gets to be a CHEF of a million dollar restaurant in Vegas. These fucking people could not (6 to a team) get out one tables APPETIZERS in under and hour and a half, a table of 2 mind you. These idiots are sweating in food, don't wear gloves, it is un FUCKING real. Man, I just caught my self. Sure it's unreal. It's reality television.

---------->>>> Bravo is kind of pissing me off lately. They've been showing these promo's for some kind of gay television channel or website or comcast or something to that effect. Now, here I am, watching it with my Mom and all they show is like, models and this bullshit, with all these sexy people and nakedness. Now, don't get me wrong. I love sexiness and I love nakedness; especially when I am the one naked with the sexy, But... Can't the fucking powers that be who made this commercial show that we have a little more substance than that? Cripes! It's like hey gays!, you love sex, that's all your good for, here's a show/site for you. How bout' having a show like Biography on there or a Charlie Rose type show or a drama other than 'Wet Palms' where everything is not about screwing. "The 'L' Word" anyone? The Brittish version of "Queer as Folk". You know, gays run freaking Hollywood, so how come when it comes time for us to have our own channel we get hubris like this? Show "Butterfly" (Pia Z. not Pariah) or some campy movie like that. Have an edge, have some freaking humor (the gays love to laugh!) have a video show that features more than 'Erasure'. You know, Joan Jett, Melissa Etheridge, Rufus Wainwright and other artists all have new stuff out there. Maybe the "Crystal"
Generation can come out of their K-holes long enough to program some of this stuff. I worked at a very successful Agency in Los Angeles and I see what these up and coming 'auteurs' point of reference is coming from. They do not know shit from before 1980. Could an agent representing some big star not know who Fellini or Antonini or Houston( not Whitney!) is. I've witnessed it dozens of times in similar fashions.
P.S. While watching Bravo, prepare to maybe see me on there in the next 6 months if things go correctly.

Sidenote: I Heart Kathy Griffin and Janice Dickenson so freaking much. Besides L&O: Criminal Intent in blocks on USA, these two shows make me turn on the television.




Monday, June 05, 2006

Dorff Doffs Dungaree's Dick Display

Keeping Kathy Griffen company on the D list is a little humbling I guess to Steven Dorff. Star of nothing that comes to mind is about to turn into a gay icon (I guess) when he drops his drawers in the upcoming "Shadowboxer". According to director Lee Daniels in the latest issue of the free glossy MetroSource, "We got swinging dick from Steven Dorff. Big swinging dick". He then goes on to say that they shot him fully erect, semi-erect and flaccid. He said they decided on semi for the theater version and that the director's cut "should be off the hook". With co-stars such as Mo'Nique, Macy Gray and Cuba God Awful Jr; I say, as would Jackie Hervey from 'The Onion'; Oscar Meyer Winner!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

somewhat of a good thing

If anyone can remember what I am schooled in and sometimes work as then you will be excited to know that I got a second callback from a show dealing with just this profession. It's a 'contest' with the winner getting $100 G's. When I discovered this show midway through it's last run, I almost jumped through the screen with excitement and the knowledge that I would kick some reality show ass. I'll know in two weeks or so if it is a go. I can't reveal too much information.