Worst.Interview.Ever.

Sophia Petrillo (cheesecake in hand-never eating it though...{don't you hate when they do that on tv?}): Picture it. 2009. A damp, misty September noontime in Manhattan with Floridian humidity. Kinda chunky guy gets off the Staten Island Ferry at 11:30 to get to his interview @ 12 noon. All seems good. With the possible exceptions of the self-loathing, the lack of cool clothes, etc. He's got money on his Metro Card and the subway is right downstairs. Ha! This is a Bravo docu-reality show. We have to set him up for some type of embarrassment, right? It seems that while NYC is topping out at what seems an extra million people due to ALL THE FRIGGIN Tourists(!), the MTA thinks it's a good idea to work on all the lines of the lower Manhattan subway line. And I use the word workin' on loosely. So this kind of awkward man who is already perspiring is forced to use his instincts that he had as a messenger in this same area more than 25 years ago and find another line to take him to West 23rd. Buses are out of the question. No shameal New Yorker takes a bus unless you are just starting to read 'War and Peace' and hope to finish it when you get to your location. With a plan set in motion he heads to another line. 10 minutes until he has to interview. He gets off @ 14th and Lex and hopes, HOPES to hoof it 9 blocks over and 6 long ones down. What did he not remember? Newly shaved heads and lotion, along with a long sleeve black linen shirt, boots (for height) and like 15 blocks to go in 9 minutes.
This guy hates to run. Use to cross the track in gym and all when the class had to do laps. Would never make it 2 minutes in a soccer game.
Passing the Chelsea Hotel he stops to gather his breath as he nears his destination. He enters and as the construction workers are putting their finishing touches on the place. Shakes hands with both Karen and Mike, owners and GM, and just then it starts.
The Fountain Of Trevi spews less H2O. In rivulets, down his head. Discovery Channel will make a show out of this. Ayn Rand rolls over in the grave. "The real Fountainhead".
It just didn't stop. They were horrified. The mortification also took hold of our Jenny Craig candidate. He stumbled on questions and answers even though he read every food blog about this place, and really did his homework on this company. The shirtsleeves were now dripping as well since he was using them to wipe his once stubble free dome, now turned into some oddly constructed water park ride. Defeated, our protagonist walks around searching for an open subway heading downtown.

Walking, Walking, Walking...

This was an old Ellen DeGenneres stand up routine. Before she became homogenized by going mainstream. It's funny because dyke's figure into this post later on. Oh, was I being derogatory towards dyke's? Lesbians is the correct term? So, these 2 carpet munchers were on the train.
Me and the Mrs. got into another fight. Oh, don't worry, I have not gotten married. But still I live in hell. I'm talking about Mrs. Miceli, as in Pliny the Elder. Hint...she pushed me out on consecutive times in 1963, 1981, 1986, 1991, and now. Oy. To be at the hands (and muttered expletives) of others.
Josie was getting ready this a.m. I decided I would take a ride with her since her office is near the library that opens @ 8a.m. No biggie right? I'm ready, she's ready...long story short I took the train.
Okay, non Staten Islanders...the train runs for the whole 22 miles of this mis-begotten, time warped place. You get on (no payment) and you ride to your destination. You only pay at the last stop which is the landing for the Staten Island Ferry (which is free as well). The stop before the ferry is about a 12 minute walk (7 if you walk like me). In the morning the ferry runs every 15 minutes to Lower Manhattan. It's kinda funny to see all the cheap skates who get off in Tompkinsville (stop before the Ferry) and walk to the free (for all) ferry. WTF!
They get off @ this stop and walk like those fervent power walkers you hope to never befriend. They are manic. Cheap Fucks.
Every time I witness this, there is always a lesbian or three. I mean, I haven't checked their cards or anything, but judging by the appalling couture (ha!), I'm betting the farm on this one.
My cheap lesbian encounters took place in Los Angeles when I worked @ un-named (probably named in other posts) nite-spot. We had either Michelle Shocked, Jill Sobule or Michelle Noga-I forget about you. They flooded the place. They all wanted reservations. To sit @ a table, you had to pay at least 10 clams for food. No biggie right?
Why are they all vegetarians? Is Monsanto now making a vegetarian carpet. (man, I kill myself).
These pit bulls would fight tooth and nail over that frigging 10 bucks, and usually they were like producers or some other gay mafia industry thing. Ugh. They were so cheap. I think they made their own stereo-type.
Your saying, Mick...your faggy?...Yes. And guess what. Some of my best friends are lesbians. My new bumper sticker BTW on sale at the gift shop down the hall. Joyce is my love supreme and she is far from cheap. Just like my friend Patrick Lee who is a good driver. But, c'mon. We could not be the human race without our faux pas and secret assumptions. Love to all

facebook people

If your trying to catch up on my life. Start from the oldest post and come up to recent times. Thanks

Matthew McConaughey Commercial

Oh man, were you saturated with that stupid commercial during the holidays? The one for the cologne? Is this the most unbelievably ego maniacal ad in the world. It's like he has to take a crap so bad, that he is walking with his cheeks clenched, so slow. And then he plops on the couch like a model posing for a Rubens painting. Ughhh. I mean why does this commercial bother me so much. I'm not jealous, not by a long shot. I just abhor people who are so consumed with themselves.

This is my Exercise

Hey 3 readers and building. i will be writing every day I can get to the computer at the library, until I get one. Which is sad and I will share that story with you soon.
I can not wait to talk about the Golden Globes, Robert Muwgave and a lot of other shite.
Love and Kisses

Movie Recommendations

"He died with a falafel in his hand" -from Austrailia. With Noah Taylor (who was 'Shine' the younger)

"Ira & Abby" -second feature by Jennifer Westfeld (Don Drapers real life girlfriend) and also featuring the GREAT Chris Messina from '6 Feet Under'-(Clair's final boyfriend-the yuppy)

I'll keep updating this.

My Paul Newman Encounter

Ya know, about a year ago I was thinking about people who are sorts of legends, who happened to be alive @ that time. I was trying to think of people from all walks of life, ya know, every occupation and claim to fame. When I tried to think of Celebrities, I could only think of two or so, and one of them was Paul Newman. And then I thought how, yeah, maybe he was a movie star and all... and that was his launching pad, his day job so to speak, but this guy is so much more, due to his creation of the Hole in the Wall organization. I was listening to BBC the night he died and the Emails from people all over the world speaking about what he did for their children, sending them to spend a week in an Irish castle with other ill children and so many more examples.
In 1989 as I was working at the Russian Tea Room, the owner decided to use the less oft used second floor and create a Cabaret space. We had great acts, not that i was familiar with any of them at the time, but the small room was capacity for each of the two shows they performed. It was a great gig for us waiters because it was, get em' in, get em' out, make a lot of cash.
Anyway, one Sunday we were to have one of Paul & Joann's daughters playing. I honestly can not remember which one she was, anyhow. They had reserved a table in the front, a banquette seating 11 or so people. I was their waiter. I was never an ass kisser with celebs and this time was no different. Paul and JoAnn had to work the room but I kept him happy with some beers and I would always catch his eye (how could you not-those eyes) as he was across the room making nice for the benefit of his daughter. I watched as she performed and the look on both of her parents faces was of beaming pride. I was jealous of her (I think it was Melissa). He looked filled with pride. When the room was clearing out he told me he was not going anywhere and do not bring the bill to anyone but him. I think the total was like 600 bucks or so and he left me like 1/2 of that as a tip. A very cool and classy guy.
I still have the credit card copy of the tip and the autograph. Once I get my own PC and I can upload a pix (I can't on the library PC), I will update this.
I watched Letterman's tribute to Paul Newman last night and involuntarily, tears rolled down my face, as did the other night while listening to BBC World.
This is what a legend is.

Hatred=Teenagers

Let alone that i had to stand next to this LOSER on the train, this dickbag, who , God help me, rapped the next 12 stops, I wanted to strangle him with my calloused hands
Next Day: Notre Dame Acadamy. This is a school for girls.
This one girl, was, absolutely the most annoying fat shit I have ever been in tune with. She was laughing like she was acting out the part for, cripes, I don't know what or which. I fucking hate this fat, pre-pube-cellulite amassing tundra.
HATE!!!
She was banging this thing from the container store and I wanted to strangle her.
Simmer down now.
Fuck. I hated her.

Twats

Ya know, you little dickheads...People like me and Bart and the Porno guys were the first bloggers...Just so you know.

Haiti or Hell

Maybe the Devil worship is not working out for ya Haiti. Every single island in the Carb. prospers. Did ja ever think?

Biden

What do you think... I hope to God that Obama chooses Joe Biden for his running mate. You can read about my love for Biden on previous posts boosting him to presidency. And you know, no one was talking about Joe, except people in the know. On "Charlie Rose" and such he proved his points. Even Joy Behar was an advocate for Biden saying that he was lost in the crowd, yet the most competent.

The Blogger Commentator You Would Like to Be

It's hard being a commentator on a blog. I mean you have to work up all this agita and vitrol and then you sit there at your desk or more likely on the floor with the dog your supposed to be walking licking your face, and as you tuck in your over extended bra strap to your 3 dollar 90%off sale from JC Pennies tee by Arizona, you need to sound off about Michael Phelps. "He's not that cute", you write, intermittingly taking collect calls from the Iowa jail where some guy who finger fucked you in 8th grade is staying and your about to get married soon. And while your at it, why don't you sign on to TMZ or Perez, because maybe if you write something witty (maybe being the operative word) someone will cede and answer your comment and make an even wittier one, wherein you (searching past 'Garfield' strips and your vast knowledge of all things 'Friends') tries to 'get back attcha', so you both could be rotfflol .

Joe Lieberman is an old shriveled dick

When he lost in Conn. as a republican, this sore loser/ loser turned indy. Yeah, I guess if he could have joined a party called 'Not Dem' he would have as well. I think the Conn. people just said 'fuck it' or else none of the ones who did not pick him the first time, did'nt bother to vote or he won with one of those Nadar situations (taking the votes away from Gore).
His voice can put anyone to sleep.

He thinks by pandering to McCain he is going to be a vice president candidate. Maybe thinks McCain, I could get those Jewish Obama voters? At least win Conn.
Are you kidding me? Lieberman addresses Obama voters as 'young folks'. Is this guy for real? Is he as out of it more then Reagan's second term/ year 3? This country is so fucked! Fucked!
Edwards talking shit about Bill Clinton's infidelities while he is screwing some aged ho, with that Brylcream hairdo that makes what women swoon? Whom? I have never met a woman who thought he was sexy? You know what type of woman thinks John Edwards is sexy? The six women who read Playgirl and thought the guys were straight.


Sorry it to me so long to get back on this thing, but look at one of my first posts, i was what some might consider an early blogger.

"Fetus" sung by Celine Dion

Well you nasty papparazzo and such (hah)...We never made a baby. Maybe it's me and maybe it's her.
I'm like completely defensive here.
We really only did it 'sort of' correctly 2 X.
Joyce is a stupid luni-toon.
The fucking house is at 68 degrees- constant. I'm sure all my spunk got fucking frost bite.

Then, we did not know what we were doing.

I had a MAJOR fight with Miss Joyce at the end of this deal and she was so pissed. She was like, berating my sperm...Saying they were 'Drunk and Lazy'.

We did not talk for the last 3 months, mind you. (P.S. She never paid me for that last month)

Whatever...
We talk now. They are adopting some trpod from Russia.

I love you all, and I hope you all come home.

Much Love,
Mick

Fuck heads

Listen, ever since Ellen became famous, I dumped her (Not really...I just took a side step, but that dancing and smiling thing took me for a loop). So, she went to work while the writers strike was in progress. But, it's not like I do not feel for her. She was the first to do her show sans writers. Now, after all the belly-aching from these M&M munching frat geeks comes a new proposal that may see Letterman on the air very soon. Cool.
BTW: Nightline has gotten it's best figures yet.

can you get that spinach off your tooth

Do you know why I am so neglected. First offf, I do not give good headlines. I mean I could be like "Lindsey" X 6...I have no care for her.
What? To get more readers lambasting me?
Screw it.

My Love List


Jennifer Connelly
Holly Hunter
Gywennie
Laura Dern (I must be drunk)
This black chick who was on "The Shield" Season 3-(Trish-4 episodes, I think) I freaking love her
Kate Winslett (I just saw "Little Children")

This Is The Deal

From the calculations I have heard...There is a blog every 30 seconds. I can not keep up with that. I'm scared of failing. My 7 return customers, ya know.
I love you all. And if I can tell Bart... that he is as gorgeous as he writes. I've been in Fla. with no laptap for 4 months.
I love all you guys
ENORMOUSLY

Um, How can I put this

I"M BACK BITCHES

Ding...Ding...ROUND THREE

Well, she's definately ovulating this time. The kit says so. So we did the method commonly referred to as the turkey baster method this morning. This sometimes ensures it will be a girl. I went running/jogging/walking/crawling afterwards so I can get my endorphins pumping for part two this afternoon.
Sloan has the greatest girls name picked out.
Mikaha pronounced Mick-kye-ya
And whats cool about this name is that it incorporates the Mickey part...
This was not intentional.

The 3rd time is the charm

I'm headed down to Florida again next week for the monthly offering.
Gosh...Miss Sloan wants a bambino so bad. She is already registered to the fact that it won't happen. Cripes. She's 34! How many drunk ass 34 year olds are going to go out tonight, have a few Cosmo's (or Mojito's) , get laid and find out they are preggers in a month!!!!
Dam it!!



I was going to make this a lot longer, but this suit and tie guy next to me is using everything in his power to itch every centimeter of his body, and I think he has crabs and I do not wan't to get them. Yeah, they jump.
Later.
Love and kisses,
Mickey