Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Dear Guido's and Guidettes;

Please. I beg of you. Refrain from dousing yourself in your Designer/ Imposter Designer fragrances before you go to work out or go jogging/walking. There is nothing worse than breathing in a big gulp of J.Lo or Gaultier for Men or (in Staten Island) some Hilton sisters idea of 'beautiful'. It's bad enough with the stagnant heat, but then to pass by you with me all huffing and puffing and then inhaling that merde is mind numbing.
Have you ever heard of pheromones? They are our Natural scents. Far more sexier (in my opinion) than some contrivance of thistle, lemon, patchulli and lotus flower! Have you ever been into like, minute 13 on the stairmaster or whatever that skiing gizmo is, and then some 'Joey Boombatz' takes the next machine smelling like he just baptized himself in the River Chaps? It's kind of obnoxious people.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Too many Margherita's ?

Yesterday, I glanced down at the little headlines on Yahoo and it said:
Buffet to give away three quarters of his fortune.
And I was like, "That's cool, but I still hate his music and those parrot-head fans of his." I had read somewhere a year or a two ago that he was one of the highest grossing touring acts of that year. "Cripes, did he make that much money off of a few hits?"

Then I was listening to BBC News and they said it was, Warren Buffet. "Ah, that makes more sense now Mickey, doesn't it?" The story went on to say that this humongous amount was going to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. And Bill and Melinda have all this money and Bill and Melinda have given away billions...But wait? Shouldn't it just be like, Bill's gazillions? I mean, what did Melinda come into the marriage with. Was her dowry that high? Does Bill just cringe when he hears this 'Bill and Melinda's money'? Is he driving in his Prius and listening to NPR and mumbling to himself, "Yeah right, Bill and Melinda's fortune...sheesh."
Like, did she say,
"Um, Bill, maybe now that were kind of living together, maybe we should get a joint bank account? Let me just make my next payment on my Discover card, and we'll just combine em', kay?"

Had a Dad...

I can not even begin to tell you the story involving this book, but it was a synchronicity of sorts. Because there are no such things as coinc...This book also began a rollercoaster ride of unaware coinc, I mean sychronicities of my DVD selections. From the sublime "The Postmen in the Mountains" (China) to "The Son's Room" (Italian) to the obvious "Father and Son" (Russian), all of these movies related to a father and his son. And the fact that God bestowed upon me the worst father since, did Hitler have kids? Well you get the drift.
By the way, I'm not some pretentious snob who only sees films with subtitles. Also a person who calls movies, films. But the library where I go has the suckiest collection of like 65 films. With doubles of "Cecil B Demented" and "Cruise Ship" et al. So, I wander into the 'foreign' section. Pretty soon I'm going to need a different branch or else I'll be watching the aforementioned.
Also, the book above "Long Way Back" is absolutely gorgeous. Recommended for anyone who is a lapsed Catholic and has a knowledge of music pre 1985 ish.Posted by Picasa

Saturday, June 24, 2006

New Directions

I'm sure people in a lot of occupations can agree with me. Have you ever been told by a prospective employer who has led you on, strung you along for weeks, that they are now going to go in a different direction? I know actors can relate, but Chef's? How the fuck do you go in a different direction?
"Oh, so I guess your going to, what? Open an automat?"
Fail like "Pret a Manger" and pre wrap all your foods and sell them out of one of those refrigerators that look as though you are going through the car wash?
I don't understand.
Freaking Cowards! I should have charged them for my 'holding time'.
Complete Bullshite.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Book Shnook

I've been reading novels like a fiend. I read (6 years later) "A Heartbreaking Work..." in a day. Pretty Good, I guess. Kinda rambly.
But now I'm almost finished with the Tom Shales/Miller book "Live from New York", on SNL. I've been watching SNL since it's inception, show it's kind of interesting. I'm almost done, but before I comment on a few cast members, I have to say this.
First off, if your not familiar with the way "Edie" was edited by George Plimpton, which I believe had started this type of 'biography', the book reads like this.
Joe Blow actor
And then Joe Blow says something here for a paragraph or eight.

Suzie Doe producer
And then Suzie says some shit pertaining to the section or timeline.

Well, they speak to practically everyone who is still breathing from the show (sadly, not Laura Kightlinger) and it's like, you can see the personalities from these people just by reading the comments they made to Shales. These people, the writers and actors, are so fucking NEEDY. They are all self congratulatory on the skits that they did. I mean that's nice, but to start off a sentence by stating, "You know, I wrote blabbity blah skit. I checked the applause meter and it was the highest rated blah blah blah", it's so fucking sad. It reminds me of those eager beavers at sleep away camp; "Let's put on a show!"
The last chapter is a bukkake scene for Lorne Michaels; who comes off as kind of a dick/genious/Star Fucker.
Chevy Chase : News Alert- He's a gigantic ASSHOLE
Garrett Morris: Seriously in Denial about his drug use. (he set 30 Rock on fire, free-basing)
John Belushi: Still dead
Dana Carvey: Kind of insecure ( he and his Wayne's World buddy Mike Meyers hated each other)
Joe Piscopo: Totally Nutso. He honestly does not take a shit w/out calling Tina Sinatra up.
Jeannine Garofalo: Disgruntled yet has Integrity
et al

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


---------->>>> Watched the stupid fucking show Hell's Kitchen the other night and could not believe the ineptness of the morons they chose for this show. 1 person out of 12 is not a complete asshole. Leave it to Fox. You know what infuriates me most? The a-hole winner gets to be a CHEF of a million dollar restaurant in Vegas. These fucking people could not (6 to a team) get out one tables APPETIZERS in under and hour and a half, a table of 2 mind you. These idiots are sweating in food, don't wear gloves, it is un FUCKING real. Man, I just caught my self. Sure it's unreal. It's reality television.

---------->>>> Bravo is kind of pissing me off lately. They've been showing these promo's for some kind of gay television channel or website or comcast or something to that effect. Now, here I am, watching it with my Mom and all they show is like, models and this bullshit, with all these sexy people and nakedness. Now, don't get me wrong. I love sexiness and I love nakedness; especially when I am the one naked with the sexy, But... Can't the fucking powers that be who made this commercial show that we have a little more substance than that? Cripes! It's like hey gays!, you love sex, that's all your good for, here's a show/site for you. How bout' having a show like Biography on there or a Charlie Rose type show or a drama other than 'Wet Palms' where everything is not about screwing. "The 'L' Word" anyone? The Brittish version of "Queer as Folk". You know, gays run freaking Hollywood, so how come when it comes time for us to have our own channel we get hubris like this? Show "Butterfly" (Pia Z. not Pariah) or some campy movie like that. Have an edge, have some freaking humor (the gays love to laugh!) have a video show that features more than 'Erasure'. You know, Joan Jett, Melissa Etheridge, Rufus Wainwright and other artists all have new stuff out there. Maybe the "Crystal"
Generation can come out of their K-holes long enough to program some of this stuff. I worked at a very successful Agency in Los Angeles and I see what these up and coming 'auteurs' point of reference is coming from. They do not know shit from before 1980. Could an agent representing some big star not know who Fellini or Antonini or Houston( not Whitney!) is. I've witnessed it dozens of times in similar fashions.
P.S. While watching Bravo, prepare to maybe see me on there in the next 6 months if things go correctly.

Sidenote: I Heart Kathy Griffin and Janice Dickenson so freaking much. Besides L&O: Criminal Intent in blocks on USA, these two shows make me turn on the television.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Dorff Doffs Dungaree's Dick Display

Keeping Kathy Griffen company on the D list is a little humbling I guess to Steven Dorff. Star of nothing that comes to mind is about to turn into a gay icon (I guess) when he drops his drawers in the upcoming "Shadowboxer". According to director Lee Daniels in the latest issue of the free glossy MetroSource, "We got swinging dick from Steven Dorff. Big swinging dick". He then goes on to say that they shot him fully erect, semi-erect and flaccid. He said they decided on semi for the theater version and that the director's cut "should be off the hook". With co-stars such as Mo'Nique, Macy Gray and Cuba God Awful Jr; I say, as would Jackie Hervey from 'The Onion'; Oscar Meyer Winner!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

somewhat of a good thing

If anyone can remember what I am schooled in and sometimes work as then you will be excited to know that I got a second callback from a show dealing with just this profession. It's a 'contest' with the winner getting $100 G's. When I discovered this show midway through it's last run, I almost jumped through the screen with excitement and the knowledge that I would kick some reality show ass. I'll know in two weeks or so if it is a go. I can't reveal too much information.