Monday, January 30, 2006


or, as I like to say: The 'N" word meets "The L Word".
I guess I missed the memo where it is okay for white guys to say the word Nigga. I guess since it is pronounced this way, leaving off the er and replacing it with an a; it's do-able. Because I've been hearing that word thrown around a lot lately. It's like when anal sex started getting a lot of press. It's weird when something that has been taboo just pops out there and is now taken as normal.
This guy in my room who is my age is having a serious Peter Pan crisis. He thinks he's down with the younger guy in my room by conversing and calling him Nigga in every sentance. I've even heard him talking on his cell (one of those stupid Motorola Walkie Talkie jobs that are so fucking annoying) with his (I'm guessing) girlfriend, calling her Nigga. You've got to be kidding me.
I remember in Los Angeles, this one flamer knew that I had been with a couple of guys, so he was talking to me one day and he said, "C'mon Girl..." or "C'mon Mary" and I nearly cold cocked him in the mouth. I was like, "Listen, no one calls me Girl (or Mary)..."
"No one puts baby in the corner".
But this girl (woman), I mean what the fuck? She lets a guy call her "his Nigga?"
The other morning, those other two roomates had to get up early for work. It's like 5:15 am and I hear, "Nigga this" and "Nigga that". It's fucking lame. It's another stupid ass attempt on the part of insecure people to try and fit in.
The funny thing is, I know it was all the rage when black guys were calling each other Nigga and then Bill Cosby got all pissed off like he had a pudding pop up his ass, but I hear it most among white guys and tons of Latinos.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

No Wonder

No wonder why you always hear about these stampedes in Arab Countries with tolls of dead numbering in the 100's. I live in this part of Queens where it's kind of diverse, but I'd have to say being a white guy I am a minority. It is mostly a Latin American Pampoosa clogging streets festival or Hindi kids with thick sideburns donning Catholic School uniforms that roam these avenues. This morning I came to the library before it opened at noon. Usually if a Normal NON THIRD WORLD customer shows up, he/she starts a line, and everyone usually que's up. No such luck this morning. I show up around 11:50 ish and there is what looks like a convention of under five foot brown haired people clustered about. Upon closer inspection, it is the makeup of my neighborhood standing around the front door like those fervant morons who line up for that big Wedding Dress Sale that some Bridal Shop does every year. I figure I'm not going to cuss under my morning breath about the udder stupidity of this line up which in fact is a crescent shape. I pass the time until the doors open listening to my Shuffle which shuffles the same songs all the time while doing a Soduko puzzle. The administrator comes to the door to unlock and let us in. A passerby from England might think, "Wow, these Yanks sure love to read" but thats not the case as most people on the check out line usually have the maximum of 5 dvds to check out with an additional copy of Cosmo Latina or Sari News tucked in there. Anyway, the door unlocks and it felt like being in a mosh pit at The Lollipop Guild. My body was lifted off the ground as this wave of usually quiet people who dont eat beef rustled to get in the doors. A little girl fell and almost got trampled as some Johnny Come Lately to the crescent shape tried to get ahead of everyone and cram through the door for the computer. It was fucking insane, and could have been completely alieviated with a line.

Friday, January 27, 2006

No. We can not all 'just get along'...

Halfway House Drama

This new guy Frank just got the boot for soliciting a prostitute. We are given $23.35 a week by Public Assistance. Maybe they arrested him because the decoy cop was insulted by the amount he had offered her?

This 'big mamma' chick who just got out of Rikers (I may have mentioned her before) told the administrator that she had a dream that her boyfriend kidnapped her and forced her to smoke a crack laced blunt in a van. After she left the office, she was flagged down to be drug tested for which she came up positive for both of those. Shit, I wish I could have her dreams; only mine would be with me, annabella sciorra and Tony Ward on a desert island.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Retiring SNAP!, Macarena and Peace Out to the cemetery of Tired Phrases

You know how sometimes, something might be around forever (Cher...haha) but it is not until it is pertinent in your life does it take on meaning, and then at that point it is "old" in the coolsville world we would like to live and be a permanent resident of, so we do not admit that we want to incorporate this into our lives.
IF THAT LONG ASS SENTENCE DID NOT EXPLAIN, I'll let the newer and more assertive me take over.
In Rehab I kept on hearing the phrase, "If it don't apply, let it fly". Now, if there is one place that bests Springer or Sally Jesse (is she still on?) for using tired ole phrases it is Rehab. If you don't get the gist of this phrase, it simply means; if it does not concern you, let it go. Don't let the stupid shit eat you up inside.
I usually let a lot of shit eat me up inside. I allow a lot of people to "rent space" (another beaten to death Rehab cliche) in my head, and it's just not healthy.
I have to say that I have been great at not doing this these days, so it sort of stuck out recently when this guy in the house just BUGGED the FUCKING living SHIT out of me.
He is this gross, dated QUEEN who wears acid washed jeans that look like they came from KMart to showcase his expansive buttocks wherein his top body is lean...sort of like a Bartlett Pear. He looks like he may be a Petri dish of diseases and he is very non chalant about having long dirty fingernails, then not abiding by the rules to wear rubber gloves when you are touching or nearing the community food in the house.
I was living on salads recently until I saw those filthy talons dig into the center of a head of iceberg and I basically wanted to have my insides steam cleaned.
I hope most of you reading this know that his being a nancy boy has nothing to do with my complete disdain for this character.
He is this nosy fuck who pops up all over the house in the weirdest places as he just stares and needs to know what is going on. He shuffles through the mail before the head counselor looks at it and he Viciously talks about people behind their backs.
They say (another one!) that when you get sober, you are the age mentally of the person you were before you started. I'm basically according to that rule, a teenager. I do not want to do this High School BULLSHIT all over again.
I'm thinking devious thoughts lately about telling someone about this guys antics so I could get him kicked out, but that seems evil. Evil, yet true.
So, as I rolled out of my room today, to start this great day off, there he was, sitting by the front door, watching all the comings and goings of everyone like that pain in the ass woman we all had on the block when we were growing up who knew everyone's business.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Globes Wrapup

Nothing made me happier than my girl, Mary Louise Parker winning for "Weeds" beating out all thos bitchie housewives who will be on a Reality Show five years from now. I don't get Eva Longoria. She reminds me of a Q-Tip or something. She's too skinny and too small and her face is not that great people.
That guy from "Lost" and "Hettie Wainwright Mysteries" Dominic Monaghan was suing some people about a year ago for saying that he is gay, yet,when I went to the Getty Images, there he was posing with Nathan Lane. That'll squelch em! Melanie Griffith looks abysmal and Virginia Madsen is the epitomy of a gorgeous REAL Woman. Saw a picture of Mariah Scarey and she always looks like she is retaining about 4 gallons of liquid and is about to bust her seams. BTW, I'm loving those fat pix of Janet Jackson, but, I dont really think that this is her. I just can't understand it. Wasn't she at Michael's trial wearing like a white hootchie suit? Wasn't that trial within the last 8 months or so? I feel like Rip Van Winkle. Yeah, it is possible to gain 40 or 50 pounds in a couple of months. I did. It was called the Vodka and totally ravenous appetite when you woke out of your stupor diet. I gained 45 pounds in like, 4 months. I also lost it all in Rehab. I just hope she doesn't go through this big Ab-Crunching Bullshit Starvation thing again. She should embrace her cherubicness.
Man, Zach Braff is not the greatest looker, is he. Kinda reminds me of what Ray Romano may have looked like in college. I love seeing the afterparty pictures and you see all these POSER RAPPERS at the parties trying to act all sophisticated and refined. Hollywood really makes me sick some (most) times. I wish I had the opportunity to invite whom I would like to some after gig. I'd personally do the door that night.
"Don't you know who I am?"
"Yeah" I would answer, "...and that is the reason why you are still waiting here."
Chris Kattan at the Golden Globes...Can you imagine how much he was seething with jealousy at every former SNL Player, Host, Musical Guest, Gaffer, Best Boy ect...wishing he had their career!
Harrison Ford is kinda dick-y huh?
I think I used to live with Kate Walsh, who is either on 'Grey's Anatomy' or 'House'. She was dating this guy I was sharing a sublet with. If it's the same one from the Drew Carey Show about 6 years ago, then it is her. More to come when I digest the afterbirth of this night and spew more venom. Looks like my Wellbutrin is not working.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Just three years behind

Being technically inept; I just found out that I can view DVD's and Burn Discs on my laptop. Scoff if you must, I'm a dink, I know it. Although the halfway house does not allow PC's and Lap Tops and Mini DVD Players; the thieves I'm living with will be the first one's to help you find what they just stole, I'm sort of sneaking around with this. Besides the fact that I have a surge plug with about 20 wires plugged in and only a lamp visible makes me a prime candidate for getting busted whenever one of the counselors comes around for a room check. That blue glow that emanates from the screen saver does not help matters much either. One of my other roommates has a personal DVD player after seeing me enjoy myself and being able to not associate with the douche bags I reside with.
Anyway, I still can't afford to join a Video Store (NON BLOCKBUSTER if there is any!) so I've been relying on the library. Today I took out "Swimming Pool." It was a small film with great reviews. It reminded me of the same acclaim that "Sexy Beast" received when it came out. Wow, this film was great; with fantastic performances from Charlotte Rampling and this young chippie names Ludivine Sagnier (whom I looked up on IMDB and found out that she has been at this acting gig for about 16 years. I thought she was some blond with nice tits whom the director pulled out of obscurity). The greatest line in the movie is when C.R's character who is a writer meets an up and coming writer in her agents office. Overhearing that he has just recently won a writing award, Rampling muses when he leaves that "...awards are like hemorrhoids, after a while every Ashley gets one." SNAP!
The movie is really good; I highly recommend it. Next up from the 'Elmhurst Library eclectic Film Batch' is "Jules and Jim."

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

"Match Point" Aces the Loews Competion

I was recently given a couple of free movie tickets. I had to use them at any Loews Theater (or Magic Johnson Theater <--- 5 theaters of "In the Mix" thanks). In Manhattan there are about 6 Loews Theaters and some of these bastards are like Milli-Plexes. I thought I could catch a lot of cool movies I missed while I was in Rehab. No such luck. It seems that every Loews has every single same movie as their sister theater. So, "Wolf Creek" playing on two of the 6 screens on 19th street is also on 3 of the 25 at 42nd street and so on. I was lucky enough to spot the new Woody Allen film "Match Point" in a solitary one screen on East 11th. The film is very good; for those who hate Woody; he's not in it. Neither is his usual star, New York. The whole story takes place in London and it stars a mostly Brittish Cast with the exception of Scarlett Johanson. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is excellent as is the supporting cast. The movie is intriguing and it moves along with well paced editing. The London used here as the backdrop is a London that shines even when it is overcast out. All in all , I recommend checking this movie out, if you can even find it out there.

Like; it's Literally, red.

Some wrote to me to say which words seemed to be overused in 2005, which; literally, were not in too many peoples lexicon.
The ghetto house where I currently reside has me hearing new words or street terms all the time. The one I hear the most is 'shorty'. This little tub of butter who is my roomate just got out of a 21 day rehab and when my other roomie asked him if he wanted to go to a meeting (AA) with us, he said; "Dam man, I just wanna see's (sic) my (pronounced mies) shorty'. I'm guessing (his girlfriend. Yikes and shudder is all I can say to seeing there reunion.

I've gotta tell someone...

The coolest story in the world...
I tried to get the link to the story in the Daily News but it was such a small story I guess they did not put it on line. It seems this guy was burning his trash (I'm guessing this is the norm where he comes from). Anyway, I suspect he caught a mouse in his house (alive), so he decided to throw the mouse (alive) in the rubbish fire. The mouse sort of did a 'wow, it all of a sudden got very hot here' and dashed from the fire, ON FIRE, and ran into the mans house, which proceeded to BURN DOWN!!! The paper talked to him, FROM HIS MOTEL ROOM for a comment. This is the funniest shit I have read in a while!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

I'm a lazy bastard...........

Well, maybe not...
With the glut of blogs everywhere by everybody in the freaking world clamoring for recognition and trying to be wittier or nastier than the next person I sort have been going through a certain malaise about writing. Although I'm featured on some of my friends blogs in the 'other sites' listings, I'm wondering if anyone really does that anymore. Shit man, I'm on the computer about three or four hours a day, and I kind of feel guilty sometimes. Like I am neglecting my other life, or is my only life what I am doing now.
I have to say that four hours on the computer goes a helluva lot faster than 4 hours at a job. Sometimes I look at the time and I'm like, shit; how the hell did that go so fast, yet waiting for five minutes on the frigging line at the bank seems like a freaking dentists visit.

Has anyone noticed that the word "queue" is becoming pretty popular these days? I would hear my friends from the UK use this word about 15 years ago and then I adopted into my vocabulary; but some a lot of North Americans were like, "Um, what the fuck is he saying?"
If you have noticed some words gaining mainstream popularity, let me know...