Tuesday, December 18, 2007

"Fetus" sung by Celine Dion

Well you nasty papparazzo and such (hah)...We never made a baby. Maybe it's me and maybe it's her.
I'm like completely defensive here.
We really only did it 'sort of' correctly 2 X.
Joyce is a stupid luni-toon.
The fucking house is at 68 degrees- constant. I'm sure all my spunk got fucking frost bite.

Then, we did not know what we were doing.

I had a MAJOR fight with Miss Joyce at the end of this deal and she was so pissed. She was like, berating my sperm...Saying they were 'Drunk and Lazy'.

We did not talk for the last 3 months, mind you. (P.S. She never paid me for that last month)

We talk now. They are adopting some trpod from Russia.

I love you all, and I hope you all come home.

Much Love,

Fuck heads

Listen, ever since Ellen became famous, I dumped her (Not really...I just took a side step, but that dancing and smiling thing took me for a loop). So, she went to work while the writers strike was in progress. But, it's not like I do not feel for her. She was the first to do her show sans writers. Now, after all the belly-aching from these M&M munching frat geeks comes a new proposal that may see Letterman on the air very soon. Cool.
BTW: Nightline has gotten it's best figures yet.

can you get that spinach off your tooth

Do you know why I am so neglected. First offf, I do not give good headlines. I mean I could be like "Lindsey" X 6...I have no care for her.
What? To get more readers lambasting me?
Screw it.

My Love List

Jennifer Connelly
Holly Hunter
Laura Dern (I must be drunk)
This black chick who was on "The Shield" Season 3-(Trish-4 episodes, I think) I freaking love her
Kate Winslett (I just saw "Little Children")

This Is The Deal

From the calculations I have heard...There is a blog every 30 seconds. I can not keep up with that. I'm scared of failing. My 7 return customers, ya know.
I love you all. And if I can tell Bart... that he is as gorgeous as he writes. I've been in Fla. with no laptap for 4 months.
I love all you guys

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Ding...Ding...ROUND THREE

Well, she's definately ovulating this time. The kit says so. So we did the method commonly referred to as the turkey baster method this morning. This sometimes ensures it will be a girl. I went running/jogging/walking/crawling afterwards so I can get my endorphins pumping for part two this afternoon.
Sloan has the greatest girls name picked out.
Mikaha pronounced Mick-kye-ya
And whats cool about this name is that it incorporates the Mickey part...
This was not intentional.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

The 3rd time is the charm

I'm headed down to Florida again next week for the monthly offering.
Gosh...Miss Sloan wants a bambino so bad. She is already registered to the fact that it won't happen. Cripes. She's 34! How many drunk ass 34 year olds are going to go out tonight, have a few Cosmo's (or Mojito's) , get laid and find out they are preggers in a month!!!!
Dam it!!

I was going to make this a lot longer, but this suit and tie guy next to me is using everything in his power to itch every centimeter of his body, and I think he has crabs and I do not wan't to get them. Yeah, they jump.
Love and kisses,


I've been waiting for this movie via the library waiting list for a bit. Like a month. Yesterday it arrived with Jarmusch's "Coffee and Cigerettes". The movie is "Mysterious Skin" by Greg Araki and starring that kid from "3rd rock from the sun." This movie creeped me out big time within the first 17 minutes. I have to keep on watching. Kinda like a disaster.
It's not your usuall kid gets raped by Pedophile fare, where it is creepy but watchable. This one really sets the mood correctly. Meaning, Creep-orama

Monday, August 20, 2007

Rail Roaded

I heard a train in the distance @ 11:30 pm this past Sunday. The subways are few and far between as it is already on the weekends, forget about the fact that I would have to wait about another 40 minutes and then miss two ferries in the interim. So, I had prepared myself with my money and my metro card which kookily enough had 45 cents on it. A Metrocard is a plastic card which serves in place of tokens these days in New York City. It also gives you the liberty of swiping it after a subway ride for a transfer on another MTA mode of transport. I had the exact change for the remainder of my card, $1.55, and the train in the distance. I inserted my card in, hit refill, hit $2.00 cash, inserted the cash and change...train getting closer...Heart pounding...Transaction completed, no receipt thank you. I swipe my card and it says "Insufficient Funds" or something we never like to see. I did not get a receipt. Train getting closer. I see the MTA lady in the booth talking to some tourist and explaining so nastily the trains to take. I'm next. She actually made believe I was invisible and went back to her circle a word game. Train about to pull in any second.
"Miss, I just put two dollars in the machine..."
"Use the gate" she barks as she points to the entry for people with suitcases and strollers.
"No, but, I need the transfer"
"Use The Gate" she points harder to the crusted black peeling jail bars.
"I know where the gate is, I need the transfer for when I get off the ferry"
Just then the train was pulling in.
"Do you wanna miss your train or what" she stated in such a way as if she was asking me if I wanted the curtain or the box, and one of them has a booby prize.
I took the curtain, I mean the train. I stressed the whole way over on the ferry because I did not have my ATM card and I did not feel like getting arrested for jumping the turnstiles. Stress...Creating Lies in my head...all because I paid the money and got nothing in return. I ended up getting off the ferry and asking the train conductor in Staten Island if he could give me a break, and before I could get the rest of my contrived 'story' out he waved me through. I thanked him profusely and headed home.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


There is a scene in "Saved" a cool movie wherein these two teenager lovers were underwater and having a conversation. He says" I'm blurb bubble bubble gay" and it's really funny. I used to do the same thing with my brothers in our pool. I was thinking of this last night when I took a 1 am dip in the pool @ my condo. We also used to have tea parties underwater.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Sad Reputation

I was watching Saturday Night Live last week and the musical guest was Avril Levine (Canadian) and I swear to you, after singing this first song about '...being your girlfriend..' or some such nonsense, I thought I would fling the remote and I felt as though my ears were bleeding. But, then her 2nd ditty came on and it was absolutely the worst song I have heard in ages. I really felt sorry for her band mates, or whoever is feigning interest in her music for the sake of scoring some money on her tour. These guys looked kind of cool, but the overacting to her abysmal singing and non sensical lyrics that were so freaking contrived made me think that after this tour they should be plagued with either one of those ditties sticking in their heads' for like a year.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Judge and Jury and Judy

I've been laid up the last couple of days and I guess I've tested the 5 channels of televisions daytime options. There seems to be a lot of new Judge shows on. I like this one named "Judge Maria Lopez" and this other guy "Judge Alex". <--- that last one sounds so funny, kind of like 'Eric the Clown' on Seinfeld. Anyway, I've noticed that a lot of the plaintiffs and defendants have one, two or most of the following characteristics that do not necessarily affect their cases.

  • Substance Abuser they looked toasted on screen often
  • Trans Gendered or Trans Sexual a lot of times someones witness is this
  • Mid Western (natch)
  • Gay male who is married
  • Fat...actually really fat and dressing a little too skimpy (reminder:the camera adds 10 lbs)
  • All Dog fights involve pit bulls
  • Look WAY older than it states they are
  • None of the boyfriends of either suers/sued ever works

Please add your own.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

You Can Not Deny It

I'm never prompted to fully out and out comment to myself out loud whilst watching television on someone's absolute beauty. But, God Almighty, did anyone see Catherine Zeta Jones on Letterman last night? Holy Cripes, she is just flawless. Absolutely flawless.
This is the kind of person you never want to meet in person because; a) she may make you lose any sense of decorum or speech and b) she may be this 'ugly' person and supercede all of that beauty.

Monday, July 23, 2007

The Swimmers

I'm back in Florida for another round of insemination. I arrived on friday night @ around 11:30 pm. Joyce picked me up from the Lauderdale airport and then we shot over to the B&N to buy the new Harry Potter for someone where they were selling the book @ midnight. What a bunch of kooks. I know that some of the Potter crew were adults, but I never realized they made up the majority. Dressed up in capes and stuff. I'm not going to knock them. Every salt shaker deserves a pepper shaker, right? So, by the time we got to her house, Sloan was sleeping. I tried to get to work (wanking) and, I don't know if it was the long day or what, but I could not, er...um...produce. I went out to have a cigarette, and Joyce was waiting at the kitchen table. She thought I (finally) had the stuff. I told her about my nether regions having jet lag, and she said not to worry. But i did. I told her I was having a smoke. I sat outside and listened to the never ending random fireworks that are constantly exploding and when i came back in, I said to her; "i just thought of a good scenario. I'll be out in a couple of minutes."
I looked back over to her to see if she heard me, and she was doubled over laughing uncontrollably. I didn't mean it as a joke, but it was kinda of funny. Now when we do it, she asks me if I have any good scenario's.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Musings (Cripes!)

I can not even begin to tell you the dismay in my heart regarding my profession. (Chef...at good times), line cook (sous chef-whatever you want to call it) at other times. Right now, thanks to the proliferation of immigrants in the country, my job is paying a HEFTY, $10.00 an hour on average. I am High Balling here. "Zoe" managers, "Blue Fin" or "Blue Grill" (whatever the frig your name is) people as well. Check out Craigs List. They have the balls to proclaim the 10 bucks like we are breaking their doors down.
Long story short. In 1996, I was working @ this place called 'Lemon' (yeah, it was). I started out as a line cook. Pasta station. Easy as pie. Chanterelles were sauteing as 'vodka' sauce was simmering (p.s. no one uses vodka in their vodka sauce). $17 clams an hour. I sweat ed my peepee head off, but the paycheck was cool. We are now, 11 years later. And the best I could get is $11 on the books.
If your asking where industries are being affected by this problem, by 'Joe Schmoe' (no hint to his/her skin tone or their countries parallel on a map.)
I was to start this job two days ago and then yesterday and then today and I have been dicked around in each instance. And the funny thing is that I think this job is really shakey and they think I'm a dork. Listen. I'm the last person to 'je accuse'. I feel like Dudley Moore in "Arthur" when I say it is a 'hookah' bar.
Fuck. You have to laugh with me. Only me, right.

Monday, July 16, 2007

May cause lethargy and or incontinance

I have a brother who is probably one of the most difficult persons in the world to get along with. I just left my mothers house where he is living for the time being, after blowing his whole net worth on gambling, and as usual it ended in me storming out of the house because I refuse to scream and yell at someone who's main goal is to get you into that state.
I left there thinking, as I always do when I'm in his company, "God, I wish I can make this person happy."
When I was young, like 12 years old, I remember saying something to him which was kinda profound for my age. I told him that if he was in my class (12 boys/13 girls), I probably would not ever speak to him. Which was the case with 2 of the boys that I went K-8th grade with. He is just a sad, miserable person that I hope can have a day of pure happiness in his life instead of the many condemnations he passes along either vocally or silently in that narrow minded head of his.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Too Much Info

Here are some bullet points of my life and travels as of late.

I stayed in Florida for a month. The woman I'm to get preggers got her period. I thought for sure it was going to take. But, I now see the mistakes we made, although the have studied up on how to do this pretty well.

There is a perception that lesbians are cheap or that they always complain about their lack of money, which I concur.

US Air FUCKING SUCKS. I had a lay over in Charlotte that turned into 26 hours with no vouchers for food or hotel. They claim everything is an act of God. What God do they believe in? At one point they were telling us that our crew had not shown up yet. Is that an act of God? Because Susie Lou was out partying last night? Assholes.

I took a complete 180 in my life going down to Fla. It was too chaotic for me. I've come to believe that I am going to die a hermit. Although I befriended a lot of people, I need to see people on my time, not all the time. I require space and some down time. Sounds selfish and priggish, I don't know.

I saw someone with a bluetooth on. It struck me that about 9 months ago every turd was wearing these things. Bluetooth=Pet Rock.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Kind of Humiliating

Hey Everyone.
Here are a few more details regarding my sperm-donorage.
I arrived 2 tuesdays ago. Great flight on Jet Blue @ 6:30 am.
Here's a hint. Fly on a tuesday. The flights are always empty. I had 3 rows. Michael Musto from the Voice was on my flight. He recognized me from the halcyon days. (late 80's)

I flew into West Palm Beach and Joyce and Sloan picked me up and swooshed me to a doctor to get blood tests.
I was freaking because one of the tests in the "Lesbian's Handbook for Giving Birth" asked for a liver test or something to that effect. I'm guessing for hep. Miss Joyce knows I have been a raging alchie for years...and I was just worried.

Donna assuaged my fears the night before by stating the obvious. Trailer Trash. They are always plastered and the are always popping kids out like clockwork.

I've been good lately.

The tests came back (via a friend of Joyce and Sloan's), and they were all good. I started um, doing my thing. Sloan took an ovulation test and she was positive while she was at the firehouse. Joyce drove me there and wanted me to whack it in a Mobile Mart. I didn't.
We will find out in 2 weeks if this worked. It was so weird. I would do it (solo) and then put it up in a syringe.
I was like; in front of their door. "Orders Up."

Joyce has no problems with this stuff. It's kind of like being a nurse. She has seen all and done all.

Monday, June 18, 2007

The ONLY way to see Indie flicks in Florida

So, I'm here in Florida, doing my duty as the heir to a lesbian couple's baby daddy. One of which is my best friend. I've been bored out of my skull, I'm reading books at a rate of 1 every 2 days. Discount movie theaters are all over the place but they are all playing the same 4 films, those of which I am not into.

How fortunate was I to stumble upon the Public Library of Boynton Beach; the parenthetical name being "Indie movie HAVEN."

As some of you may know, I had some "away time" from 'theatrical release time' in NYC for a while (yes, that's what I call it). So, I missed some great stuff.

Below please find 6 of the 10 (limit you can check out from the library) I viewed in the last three days and my Imploring wish that you view @ least the Top 3 (which are actually on the bottom of the list).

~6. The Great New Wonderful great cast (Maggie Gyllenhaal, Edie Falco, Jim Gaffigan)
I really enjoyed this a lot, but it just seemed to be missing
something, let me know if you checked it out because I
can not put my finger on it.

5. Kiss The Bride good cast of a lot of people who are talented that I have
never seen before. It was kind of predictable, but I
admire the chutzpah of the writer/director/actress/
producer and singer of this film.

*4. The Weatherman Another great (but too small of a roll for) Hope
Davis. I don't dislike Nic Cage, it's just that I've
only seen his non-blow this shit up movies, which
from his great performance in this, are too few.
I enjoyed this a lot.

*3. Quinceanera Absolutely Fantastic. The 3 main characters (Carlos,
Magdalena and Tio Tomas) were so great. I did not
scoff at minute portions that seemed a little contrived.
Please RENT this.

*2. Thumbsucker Absolutely Brilliant. A brilliant cast ( V.D'Onofrio, Keanu,
Tilda Swinton) and the best performance of anyone I've
seen in a long time (teen or otherwise): Lou Pucci. This
movie brought out every single emotion I contain, and
I thoroughly enjoyed them all emitting. YOU MUST SEE

*1. The Motel What can I say. It's number one here, so any adjectives
that were written above can not super cede what I think of
this film. When I read the back and saw that it was 76 min-
utes, I had thought that maybe it was like, a 'short film',per
About 5 minutes into it, I never wanted it to end, and I did
not want the clock on my cable box to distract me, knowing
the film was ending soon. All I can say is that if I had any
thing to do with making movies, I would put the actor who
plays Sam (Sung Kang) in everything I was involved in.
This is about adolescence, being ignored, being unapp-
reciated, being in love, being silent, being sad, having
bursts of euphoria and directness. This movie has def-
innately edged it's way into my all time Top 10. Please,
I implore you to rent it.

codes * cried ~ almost cried

Monday, June 11, 2007

Knocked Up

Well my dear friends.
I'm going to be a dad.
It's kind of convoluted and it goes from the ridiculous to the sublime.
I think this is finally going to be the thing that changes my life.
I'm (for lack of better imagery) saving my stuff.
The ovulation period is about 10-15 days after Aunt Flo visits.
Sloan is riding the cotton pony now(heh...so grammar school, I know).
With Russian adoptions out and basically every Chinese girl adopted by Upper West Side barren moms and gay yuppies, Joyce and Sloan looked to the sperm bank.
Then Joyce kind of felt unsure. I was like, why don't you ask one of the hottie firefighters Sloan works with. She said she did not want some loony tune coming after the kid in 15 years, i agreed. She's like..."What about you?"
I'm like: "I told you I would do it"
"What happened?" she replied.
"You told me I would be too hurt"
"Screw that" she replied.

Fast Forward.
We are on babies names.
Everyone thinks it's going to be a boy (because I have 4 brothers) but I am putting all the eggs in the girl basket.
If you notice. Guys with a gayish tendency seem to produce girls.
Maybe this is my scientific research.
I like (love) Isabella, Grace and Edith.
Boys...Xavier, Jeremy and Shane Michael.
Can't wait to hear from you.

Friday, June 01, 2007

The 'Yoots' of today

Gosh. I sound like such an old asshole. But I have to say it. I hate teens today. Maybe it is the teens in the burbs like Staten Island where I'm living now.
I use to think I was a big cursor.
I would completely review every sentence before I spoke in front of my niece, like a smoker inhaling a stogie before he gets to his non-smoking in laws.
I am not a cursor anymore than a person who eats chicken considers themselves a vegetarian. You have to take the train with these kids. The lot of them going to school and stuff. It sounds like a verbal pissing contest as to who could say fuck the most in a sentence as with the word like. They stand in front of the doors, they step on your foot with out saying excuse me, they litter the streets worse than the free dailies. They are all over each other with no regard to disease. (Okay...stop right there Mick! you yourself where a bit of putana? No? ...Yes, dear reader, I was a semi whore (19 ish) but the only thing spreading those days were rumors of who was gay. Me.)
These two girls with re-fried blonde hair and the black underneath (which usually works for me), who were so in need of the Jessica Simpson/Vanessa Williams 'proactive' infomercials were rubbing this 6 foot guy friend of theirs. they were so eager. "Do you have hair on your nipples yet?" "I have a mole on my tit, wanna see."
And you guys, these kids were just coming from the middle school across the street.
Okay, maybe these were just some hyperactive sexually charged teens. I'm gonna say nay on that. It's all around. "MOTHERS!!! Hide your daughters."

I missed you all. I've had maybe 9 jobs since.

Monday, April 30, 2007


Maybe you watched the debates and we can agree on something. Obama may have a few things going for him, but thinking quick on his feet is not one of them. Someone used the adjective 'gauzy' to describe him, and I kind of like that.
At the time of Bush's first term, I kept on seeing Joe Biden showing up on "Charlie Rose." I found him to be quite smart and sort of likable (if ANY politician besides Rob Lowe's character on 'Brother's and Sister's' could be). It seems that he knew a lot about the Mideast and it's division amongst it's own frigging citizens, and I (call me malleable) became a fan.
I wish he did not make that faux pas about Barack earlier on, because he kind of marred his chances to be heard by the people who had never heard of him.
I think Biden certainly held his own in the debates, and I feel he is the only chance for having a non-Hillary face off with the Repubs.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Whatever happened to...

Holly Hunter?

Linda Fiorentino?

Jennifer Jason Leigh

Lauren Ambrose and Tammy Blanchard? (so damn up and coming it's stalled)

It's not like I'm wondering where the first Marilyn Munster is or anything. These actresses basically rule and command the screen. I know I can go to IMDB and see what's up. Checking out some of the straight to video release DVD's (I'm assuming) @ the library and come across movies I have never heard of, { "Prime" w/ Meryl Streep and Uma Thurman anyone?} (BTW-it sucked so bad and had some many inconsistencies) I never see any of these actresses. I wish I could create this major sweeping drama that could employ about 15 or so of some of my favorite actresses who have fallen by Hollywood's wayside.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Cock Blocking

My version of 'cockblocking' does not involve some some smarmy stud moving in on my future prospect for the night. It seems this phrase rings through my head every travelling moment of my day. I'll be walking on the ferry and (as I walk at a fast pace) and out of nowhere some slow moving vehicle; represented here by some of the following will come out of nowhere and throw a wrench into my pace:

An old battalack (sp) wandering aimlessly in a pre WWI halcyon daze.

Some lazy ass who is too out of shape to carry a backpack that they have to wheel it. Dragging it along like a new puppy on a leash, as they munch on their bearclaw.

Someone on their cell phone. This person will usually stop dead in their tracks to continue the inane conversation they are having. Also, usually involves them smoothing over a relationship they just ruined; asking the electric company to continue their service, or just making theatrics as if they are auditioning for a commercial, meanwhile they are listening to their voicemails.

If this happens once, it happens a hundred times through my day. On the street. In a store; where I always seem to be shopping on whirling dervish day.
I propose fast lanes and slow lanes on the sidewalk. We would also have to post Amber alert like messages in every tunnel and bridge (and Luftansia) explaining to the B&T sect that you can not walk in groups of fives down the street thinking your Carrie and the girls from 'Sex and the City.'

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Was it Cher who had the song "Bang, bang" ?

Gosh...It frigging sucks in Virginia.
Give a kid a book and he will live in a world of mystery and hope. Give a kid a gun...

I saw whom formerly has been called my best friend, this weekend. I say that because it was either me or her that was a 'raggatto' <--- rage face (head) (Italian). I think what happens is this. I am so excited to see someone, anyone... that I can hold a pertinent sentence with; that I get all excited. Yeah, like a dog when his master comes home. So, these people (whom I love) take me for this 'waste product'? maybe or this needy a-hole.
Some days I speak maybe 5 words. "That's for the News" As I'm buying my paper. That's it. So excuse me if I get a little excited being around people.
Joyce is being told she is loved and is beautiful 15 times a day...Me= zero.
The greatest thing Joyce said to me was, "You are the smartest frigging bastard that I have ever known and you make the salary of the 'jamba juice' guy. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
She bought me a DVD player to replace my VHS (which I love) and I'm conscience of the feeling of love

Monday, April 16, 2007

Movies you probably saw when they came out, unlike me

Junebug This movie was fantastic. Amy Adams was brilliant. Yeah, I cried like a wuss.

"your a Rock Star, but we are going a different way"

The public at large are a bunch of dicks. They take a phrase and use, abuse and over kill it to death. Obama is a rock star. Some 14 year old kid from Somalia who wrote a book about being in the gangs that slaughtered 1000's of people is a rock star. What the fuck does that mean? To some of these people Bon Jovi and Sting are rock stars. These fools have completely taken the term and mis -used it more than the word 'behoove.' When people ask me my tastes in music, rock doesn't even enter the vernacular...Why are these two cited not being called 'rap stars?' I mean for all intents and purposes, rap far out sells 'rock' according to the charts, and they are both black. But, being a 'rap star' has too many negative connotations. Pimp, playa, 4o's, guns, ho's with nappy hair (ha)...
Recently, I recieved not one but three messages from perspective employers saying that they do not want me for a job. All three said; 'we are going a different way'. What the fuck does that mean? Are you hiring a robot? Are you turning your restaurant into a museum? Just freaking say, 'thanks, but no thanks' or "we really enjoyed meeting you blabbity blah blah..."

Friday, April 06, 2007


Sunday's use to be for sports and housewives...
This Sunday... (you must say this with that voice over guys tempo)... They are back.

I was in Fla. when I read the NY Magazine Listings that David Chase was having a Q&A with all (or lots) of the characters he killed off including my wife in a hetero world, Anabella Sciorra this past week. If anyone out there went to this, I would love to hear from you.

Maybe Little Carmine (cuz) will have a big role...He can not say anything to us sycophants...Only fooling...I ask him nothing at all.

What pisses me off the most is that I have sent Tony Ortega a writing sample and my credentials to review TV in the dying 'Village Voice' and no one has gotten back to me. If i was in this illustrious circle, I would have been getting preview tapes and stuff. Just like when I worked for UTA.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Embrace the Day

I guess I was getting too used to reading New York Magazine. I have read this mag for about 22 years and just recently I started to realize that I was not in their target group. Subconsciously I did, because, I was going to make it, ya see.
Maybe, from being poor, it seemed that this was some Elitist Mag and I was not invited. Yet, scurriously; I have used this publication.
I used to work at this very cool apt/hotel and I dealt with the mail. We had this 'bitch-face' lady who had one of the rentals ($320 a month) versus 160 a day. Anyway, I caught on to her act. She used to get this Manila Envelope from NY Magazine bi-monthly, and it was then that I had became addicted to the 'Crosswords' of New York mag (which was on the back page). Upon nary a search, Miss Sourpuss Sophisticate was putting an add in the 'Personals' column. (kind of pricey) on the pages previous to the Maura Jacobson brilliantness of a puzzle.
This snot face, whom I'd see with different guys through the week was a desperate hag.
I also found out some other cool things. The guy 'married' to the old feeble woman was getting "Playgirl"... (This was in the times of the murder of this Swedish exchange student which was attributed to Andrew Crispo, the curator). The bar, "Rounds" was right across the street from my hotel.
Some nights I had to work a double and my boss; a creepy faction of the earth would let me 'sleep over.' He was this creepy looking dude. He was not pretty. He was a cross between Danny DeVito and Pauley from Rocky. Anyway, the 'apt' I got to take was 4F...He permanently lived in 4 D. Yuch-o-rama.
I knew I was being filmed as I whacked off to Robin Byrd.
It was a sick scene.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

How do you spell Fucked?

On December 22nd as I was in Macy's on 34th and I thought my phone was history, my phone rang. It was my landlord telling me that I was a month behind and with the new month in a couple of days that would make me 3 months behind.
Holy FUCK. I was in Macy's for the simple fact that they have "The Cellar" ( a gourmet shop) and this is where I was going to buy my Christmas Dinner instead of eating the obligatry chicken/turkey franks (99 cents). I baught some cool comforting food. Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese on baguette, 5 slices of pizza and a bunch of noshing things like butter brickle chocolate (which I'm never into) but I felt like a stoner in a mini mart...I just needed food. GRRRAWWWWW.
Thus begins my story to follow.

Friday, February 09, 2007

I can't...no matter what

Man. I have so much to say. So many b.s. politics going on. So much wrong in this world. No one can fix it. The one's who say they will are the last. It's all a bunch of bullI can see shit.
Anna Nicole---> I prayed for this woman (not nightly, but when I would see her in appearances) She was in desperate need of help. I can see as it has been said before that this chick was out of control. None of the people on her payroll decided to confront her. Son dies. Oh, well. WTF!!!
It's a bunch of greedy parasites who only see dollar signs.

The "Edie" movie sucked so bad. I have been writing this script in my head since 1983'ish when I read the book. Dylan was a 1 minute character. Are these people insane. This movie showed nothing, NOTHING, about the pain this woman felt about her Father and her brothers and the guilt she felt about taking stuff from her grandma. It's all so superficial without ANYTHING from the book about her being this leaf in an autumn breeze. Cambridge, the Chelsea. Yeah, props to Sienna Miller for looking like Edie. really. As much as I hate this twat , she looked good.
Note to Women Reading This: I used the word twat like the English...(picture me with one tooth...'Ya stupid twat!')
All is good right; lady readers? Readers of your "aunt flow" and stuff?
I'm always your man.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I Wish They Would Write A Song About It

"A long December, and there's reason to believe, maybe this year may be better than the last..."

I know...I know... Johnny Drama here. I don't mean to be. I'm like this magnetic field towards all possible calamaties.
I love the handfull of you people so much. I think of you all at some part during my day. Laura, when I see the shopping Mom with kids, Tesa when I see a gorgeous tree or plant, Xiou when I think I'm ready for a relationship (inside comment) and last but not least 'The Scarecrow.'

When my brothers and I were younger, we would watch the "The Wizard of Oz" and bet on ( I guess we got the betting thing from my father) whom Dorothy loved the most. I guess we were so young that it may change every year. And every year I picked the scarecrow. Funny how the other two brothers became a doctor and a CPA!

Bart is the coolest guy I have never met. His site, Agitpropbart is on the side of my column. Please read him. It's like "The New Yorker" in class and "House and Garden" in discovery of a new house.
I'm going to tell you other readers. As soon as he commented on my site last year, and I knew he was from New York, I asked him if he wanted to talk a walk around Central Park and just talk. He declined, and I now know why he did so. I would never do this with most people. but i kind of felt like he was placed on this site.
Gushing aside.
Thanks Bart. To put it in NY terms: Your a frigging excellent guy.