Monday, November 27, 2006

Despise? Abhoar? Ah, fuck...I hate em

Matt Damon, Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Ben Affleck, Jamie Foxx, Usher, J. Simpson and her father, all the Jackass guys,Prince, Jay leno, Dane Cook, Fred Armisson, Rob Schneider and Dan Ackeroyd (sp), Adam Sandler and Tom Green. Carol Alt (she knows why) and brendan Frasier (he knows why as well). Bruce Willis and Demi Moore and Ashton K.
Cameron Diaz and her boyfriend, Craig Kilbourne,Eva Longoria, Queen Latifah (UGH), Kathie Lee Gifford, Star Jones, Den-zeeeel Washington, Spike lee,James Blunt, Moby,almost all A.I people exclusively Clay and that Tylor/Taylor guy. Paula Abdul, The whole 'Hogan' family, Jimmy Kimmel and Joe Rogan and that 'Girls gone Wild' guy.
edited for space

Sunday, November 26, 2006


In the first season of "Project Runway" the designer's were told to create some that seethes envy. Since I was with the show at it's inception (thank you) before it became a phenomenom (thank you), i played this challenge in my head.
My biggest envy in this world would be towards brilliant writers. Sedaris, Franzen, Murakami et al.
When i came home from the Virgin Islands, I was eager. I met Yasmine on my third week and we bonded so bad it was against the law. She got me to read 'classics'. Then i turned her onto this book I picked up called "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh." It was a little press, actually i think they called themselves "The Little Press."
This is when screenplay writing became a second hobby to me.
I wanted to make this ito a movie. Cripes, it was my life.
I wrote to "Little Press" and inquired.
The rights were baught. This 1987-88.
The movie is now being filmed.

sidenote: Read "the Corrections" or "The Wind up Bird Chronicles"

Da nah nah nah nah nah

There was a funny episode of 'Wings' where one of the main characters was at a fancy party with a piano, and all he played was the theme to "Entertainment Tonight."

Being kind of laid up (I have 2 more stones to pass, {5 in all}) I've read a lot of newspapers and a lot of blogs.
Yes, I saw the Brittney sans panty pictures and I could give a shit(or stone). What really has me questioning my value in this world is the fact that I am absolutely drawn to those pictures of Angelina and Brad in Vietnam on the scooter. God Almighty, she is the freaking hottest woman in the world. She just really makes me transfixed to everything about her. Her pose on the scooter, her make up, her posture, her icy glare oblivious to the (i'm assuming) mounds of photogs. She's just this cool chick, who has a freaking great heart and she hit the genetic lottery.

When I worked @ Largo (in L.A.), Kathy Najimi's (the heavy woman from 'Sister Act' fame) husband had this band called, "The Dan Band." His catchphrase was, "Just a guy; singing woman's songs." He would do medleys of "I've never been to me" and "Waterloo" and shit like that. We made bucks those nights. She basically knows EVERYONE in Hollywood, so one night, Brad and Jen came. Honestly, the H-wood crowd there (max 125 people) did not stir with them in the midst.
If I was to ask him a stupid question, it would be, "How was it working with Tina Louise?" (Johnny Suede). But that's not me. I've never been really attracted to him (he did look great in 'Thelma and Louise').
He must look crappy (ish) in High Def, because he has awful skin (yeah, there is a God). Anyway, he's not my type.
I like him so much more now. When I see him carrying Maddox or Zahara.
Besides, we are the same age, so i have that affinity with him.
I hate being so pulled into some photog's infringement on privacy. But I like these pics.
I also LOVE the new Amex commercial with Ellen and the animals.

I am starting to believe that these Kidney Stones were begot from me. I was stressing Big Time. I have so many pimples on my face that I pick and pick, because all I do is play with my face and stress out. It cost me 9 bucks at the hospital to fax to my new job, that I was in the hospital. (Chuckle) I don't do that for anyone. And these pricks said; they can not use me. Even though I said it would be 6 days max.
Do you wanna know how fast a hospital sends their bill?
I stayed at my Mom's the first night, and the next day when I got home, the bill was there.
My evil credit rating of 666 is now going to be skewed.
There is a great line in "Longtime Companion' when (Jake), the hottie from "16 Candles" says a disease is just a dis-ease of the body. I love that part. He is so sincere.
Highlight of this is that i think I found a doctor to fill my presciptions for anti-d's.

Other News
Iraq is a miasma
Russia is still kind of evil

Everytime I have to pee, it's like a celebration. I have to inspect the bowl, to see if i (sorry0 passed anything, and guess what...I have to pee now.

Saturday, November 25, 2006


Because I wrote that "the Bicycle Theif" was one of my favorite movies i guess this cinephile dude (who sent me a pic and looked good) did not agree with the list of questions he asked me.
"What movie moved you to tears?"
"Longtime Companion (especially the last ten minutes makes me lose it) and as far as sappy goes, "Love, Actually."
We met, two weeks ago, and I felt like I had to be on the defensive.
You know, it's one thing if you are writing for a magazine, but don't recite your frigging thesis to me you asshole, and then have Brett Ratner's "X man 3" in your library; you dick.
I am always going to be single.


Thanks to Chris Albrecht (sp?) @ HBO, we the viewing public of television have been given two of the greatest shows in the History of Television (according to me). You would think "The Soprano's" would be #1, but alas; I believe "6 Feet Under" usurps Tony and his 'families.'

This is the deal when these shows aired for me. I would look forward to them, like a dinner date. I would supply the wine and the atmospheric ambiance, and watch them.
But, sadly, I never realized their brilliance due to my imbibment. In the beginning of "SFU" I was working @ UTA and we would get the episodes the week before they aired. I think I was so in love with Claire's boyfriend Gabe (and his nose) that I was lost on the other storylines, and the acting brilliance that I admire so much while re-watching them now.
Nate? When Mrs. Fisher told Benda that he 'so fragile.'
David: Wearing Claire's shirt out on a date and his date coming back with an International Male quip.
Ruth Fisher: Absolute brilliance in acting.
Brenda & Billy Chenowith, Frederico and all the rest.
This my friends is the greatest show that ever begat the screen we look to pacify us.
I hope, if you've never seen this show you will heed my advice to watch.
I gotta pass a stone;
Jeremy Sisto

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Kind of Funny

I'm alone today on this day of feasts. It's not sad, I just wanted to preface that.
I was reading all my old journals to kind of see what state of mine I was in on Turkey Days of past.
This particular entry had me laughing (due to the fact that I know the outcome now).
When working in the hospitality industry you miss a lot of holidays.
I was working @ the 'Tea Room' @ the time. I got off @ 9 ish. I had beucoup bucks in my pocket, so I went to 'Uncle Charlie's' this kind of upwardly mobile gay bar near my house.
It's not that I like the suit and tie set (it's not like I don't), I just liked playing the field.
Alphabet City one night, the preps the next. (That theory is mute these days). This was 1991.
Anyway, i was standing by the bar with an Amstel when this guy was like, staring at me.
I have horrible vision, and half the times that I do have vision, I am lacking a contact lens. Add to this insecurity, and you've got a psychosis party.
He was a hottie beyond belief.
We hooked up and stumbled to my place about 5 blocks away.
Never ask your fuck buddies what they do aside from cruising bars.
He started singing.
Oh, my God.
How do you look at this hot guy with ambitions and then crush them with a snarky comment.
I was like dead wood now (if you get my drift). I was disappointed.
He did not have to open his mouth at all (except to kiss me), yet he did and he turned me off.
I had to work the next am.
So, he was 'still asleep' as I showered.
I came back, woke him up and we parted.

Epilogue: On Dec.22 when I went Christmas shopping, I realized that my checking acct. was depleted. This prick with the horrible voice stole one of my inside checks. (I was on 110 and he stole 116). I claimed bank fraud (which I won). The asshole wrote on the Memo part: sofa.
Maybe he's getting fucked in jail. Ha!

I want to be the girl with the most cake

Courtney is photo shopped to perfection. A lttle 'Edie-ish'...'A little'Madonna (circa "Sex").
I'm loving that hairstyle. Posted by Picasa

Happy Thanksgiving

Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The "P" word

I woke up one morning (this may be a former post; I don't know) and I had to pee, viciously. The night before Brian and myself went to see "Cry Baby"(new release-date it) down the street at the Waverly, and as usual, Mr. Thirsty(moi) had to get a 'big' soda. (Although back then they were not as huge). {A quarter more and you can have...}
It was a late showing, and we went back to Thompson Street and laid(layed) down for the night.
Anyway, I woke the next morning to get ready for work, dying to pee (natch) and when I stood in front of the Kohler ceramic, I either was 'pee shy' or 'had to many things on my mind.' Whatever.
I got into the shower (a rare; high pressured one I might add) and I figured, with no sweat from my brow, I'd pee there. Time is money.
When the warm water trickled over my supple body; oops,( I reverted. to my Penthouse 'Letters' days. )
When the warm water came down upon me, I knew i was gonna pee.
I was kind of aching at this point.
The next scene would have an ambulance pulling up, but instead I dug out my list of doctors and found a urologist who could take me.
I had not peed in 15 hours or so.
Next stop was 'Cabrini Hospital' where I stayed for 9 days.
My bladder basically was sick.
It was a form of 'Mono.'
Apparently, I was in such good shape that this 'flu-ish' thing took it's part on my bladder. One of the weakest organs.
I'll save the AIDS test debacle for another post (neg).
I was catheterized in O.R.
Does this hurt(?) I asked the nurse and in total NY fashion she replied that she does not know because she does not have a penis.
Day five, with my lips dry and looking for something frosty, I asked Brian to bring me in a beer.
It was that or a fountain 'Diet Pepsi' and although I don't care for beer (and Bri knew it), I guzzled one, while the guy next to me was dying from some liver thing. He was yellow and old and Spanish and his family loved me. Similar to the Corona Brian brought in.
When I drank the 'Corona' , it only took a minute for me and Brian to see it (or it's forefathers in the Urinary Tract) to pass through the catheter. It was kind of funny.
I thank Union 101 (?) for paying for this whole debacle, and I guess I've been stupid lately regarding my health.
I go shopping for necessities, ya know. Grade-A Burgers and Chicken Breasts; but I have not incorporated any vegetables into my diet. (I freaking love vegies). I've been lazy, ya know.
As a 'bachelor', and an avid TV-aholic (better than the hootch), everything seems to be on a sandwich these days. Not good.
I have kidney stones. They are minute, which means in other terms, I do not have insurance (from the hospital), so I will not get them broken up by a laser. I have 4. I passed (sorry) two. It hurts like fuck.
I've always been compassionate towards women giving birth.
I hear ya ladies on the 'tennis ball going through a garden hose.'
Turkey is a binder.
Mom is making a pork roast.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

One last word on these stones

In 7th grade I did a thing on the urinary tract for the science fair. I bought those glass tubes that you use in fish tanks for the urethra (franklin...hah). It is through this that I feel like a golf ball is trying to go down. It's like sliding down, and it has those golf ball ridges and concaves. Every three minutes I'm like, "Oww." Ungghh. My neighbors must think I'm having the best sex of my life.
Like 4 days ago i was thinking about my diet and that I really needed some vegies in my system. Who knew. Oww. Unghhh.
I forgot to ask the doctor why I have a raging hard on (sorry about the visual), I could not hear him because I have frigging Sprint.
I do know one thing he told me; have a cocktail and try to get some sleep.
It will Pass.
Yeah, at what exspense?
I'm going to church tomorrow morning.
They are all phonies so it does not matter which denomination. I just wanna hear some decent words.
I'm off til next week, I've wrote a boatload these last coupla days.
I hope for your sake I did not go on too long.
Love, Mick

tennis ball through a garden hose

I just got the news.

Why am i peeing red?
Why can't I pee.
Why do I have this raging boner?
Why do i have this major boner as I'm trying to pee?

Ding Ding, Richaerd Dawson, kiss.
Kidney Stones

Iconoclast or Trend Setter? You Decide.

So, the married guy just left for what I believe is the last time.
I'm not about to hear from my small but vocal female readers about this indescretion.

His screen name is something stupid. It's like a 'mafia' nickname, but lame.
"Joey the shnozz" is a lot better.

He comes from Italy...He was born there. His kids (sorry ladies) are 1st generation Americans. He was moved here at two years old.

I thought circumsision was kind of wide spread with Catholics? I guess not.

He won't leave me alone. I get like 20 Emails every M-W-Fri, the days I guess he is at the office.

He brought over a bottle of 'Jim Beam' last night.
As a writer, this looked like a scene out of a "made for Lifetime' movie.

The kissing made me part passionate and part revulsed. The oaky, cedar taste of the booze had me enticed for a bit, and then the best part of my brain kicked in. This is ALL WRONG. All of it. Kick him out, now, Mick, You are so much better than this. You desrve so much better.

I let him get his jollies off, as I basically played Suduko in my head.
The parting was uncomfortable, and that is a compliment.

I got an Email about an hour ago.
Can't this dude get the hint? I treated him so bad and he wants more.

Makes me think what an abysmal married life he has.

Here I am, in my stupid little world. No consequences, no debts, no worries. And then I am presented with this dude; kids, wife, double life, most likely a mortgage, uncut (hah) and commuting from Jersey.

I have to get my shit together. I am a smart guy and I should not be struggling like this anymore.

I'm going running.
I've got to clear my head.

Friday, November 17, 2006


I have 3 days off until I start the new jobbie. I was going to go shopping at Macy's but the threats of this storm kinda hindered this. I'm transfixed in a way. I have my iTunes on, and I'm playing all these 70's songs. "Sky High" "Run Joey Run" and I'm smiling like a freaking Jack-o-lantern.
Those were frigging good times.
Forget that the "Summer of Sam" was approaching and a heat wave.
I remember playing "I declare war" with the kids on the street. I remember my older brother trying to get me into the game of "street hockey" as i was reading on the sidelines.
Whenever i would play my younger brother in whiffle ball, as he was the Mets I was the California Rockers, with Lita Ford batting first.
As Pearl jam sings:
"It's Evolution baby."


I'm kind of envious of the Sedaris'.
If David was not enough you get Amy. Let alone Gretchen and the others.
When reading some of David's short stories, the story started out right, for a foray into the madcapped world of "The Santa Diary's" et al.
The four of us (brothers) sitting around a hideous kitchen table. My mother standing over with a More 120 ciggerette. Enter: Comedy Routine.
The sad thing is: Peter is a Jehovah, Phillip is a doctor with a penchant for gambling and he lost his house and Jackie (the baby) has not spoken to us since 1990 .
Kind of hilarious, no?

I think it was 1988

When I started to really keep a journal. (234 Thompson St.) My best friend Eddie lived with me, and he was a fricking nosey rosey. I was still a closet case but acting out quite voraciously at Uncle Charlie's(especially Friday).
This item I am to present comes from one of the first hard covered books i baught with the intentions of being my journal. (As opposed to spiral notebooks).
After some intro's, this ditty starts it:

Vodka -80 proof

Vodka, Vodka in my veins
Floating in my body and brains.
Vodka always mixes nice
Add any juice and ice.

6 dollars will buy a quart
makes me feel all out of sort.

Vodka mixed with juice of grage
Makes me fold just like a crepe.
Cheap vodka is no good alone.
Makes me slur and pick up the phone.

Can't afford the imported stuff
Goes to show that times are rough.
When i pour I go half and half;
I watch t.v. and cry and laugh.

Vodka makes my libido wait
Takes so long to masterbate
Vodka makes my past seem near
And then I awaken,
With a fear.

Ciao Baby

D-Listed has the trailer for "Factory Girl."

I am your brother

I never pay much interest to Gay issues. Fuck em is my policy.
My mother has changed her political stance a lot since my coming out debacle. Little by little, certain things inched inside her pysche. My older brother is, ready for this, a Jehovah Witness. And he sends me the recent rulings on 'gays' according to "The Watchtower." <---non NY ers will not get this.
It's kind of funny that the South (of US) is totally against anything 'gay.' When I moved to Los Angeles, it seemed that every blatant queen was from the South. I'm talking, Clay Aiken GAY. Just, like Mary's.
So, I thought, maybe these 'oily rich' families just gave 'gay junior' the money to get the frig out of Dodge.
We were the first family to get divorced on the 'block.' Sal Scotto asking where is my 'dad's' butcher truck (where all our names were emblazened in front) hurt.
We got over it. (I actually prayed for it)
We call him, 'asshole' these days when speaking.
That's all he is.
In rehab, the gorgeous Stephanie taught (is that a word) me to stop referring to 'him' as my sperm donor and say, "my biological dad."
Kind of Chemistry Class, no?
I lost my train of thought.
Don't castigate.
Don't throw stones.
I am your brother.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

"Nicollette Sheridan? Personality of spam."


Salma Hayek is this to me. She is freaking 'smoking' as the necktie around his head guy high fived going "wooo-hoo" .
She just doesn't do it for me.
Nice tits though, and I think they are real.
She dates blander people.

Road Trip

After winning and finally collecting on the game show money, I needed to get back home (to NYC). The towers were down, my mom was a Complete mess and I was living off of Palm Springs w/ my grouchy brother.
Lisa called. Lisa is the one who also called me at 7 am (Los Angeles time) on Sept. 11th to tell me about the crash.
She was over Los Angeles now and what was my deal.
We drove cross country. It was a lot of fun and tough on my ass. I drove the whole way sans liscense. Like, not misplaced, but, taken away from me.
We had her 3 cats and Ruby (all rescued) in the back.
Here's a great description of her. A visual.
Remember "Like a Prayer"? Madonna with the black hair? That's Lisa.
Yet she has fierce tats on her arms (which she can not wait to get lasered off) and she is skinnier.
She talks with the greatest NY accent, she is the Worst waitress of all time and every Hetero guy within 2 miles (including musicians) was in love with her. "Ah, screw him, he lives in Malibu and he acts like a beatnik."
She calls me Mikey and I like that.
I made about 40 cassettes for the road trip and the car only had a CD player. We listened to a lot of Moby and that great CD of Grunge people doing "The Carpenters" songs.
She always had her shit together at Largo, so it suprised me to learn on our journey that she was a recovering heroin addict and alcoholic. (Like 6 years sober)
Maybe I'm (cough...cough <---there is a bug going around) an okay example of someone who is remaining sober?
She's back to using. She needs my help.
This is me. I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, yet I drop everything for my friends.
"Don't flatter yourself Mickey." I'm not. I kind of like Super-helpful Guy. My costume involves a monocle.

"Not " at Hyde

This is the young female who should be snarring all the roles. She is Tammy Blanchard. She played the yound Judy Garland in that 'mini-seies.' We repped her at UTA. (We), like I'm a stckholder.
I was watchimg a L&O repeat and she was on. Captivating sounds gay and corny. So, I'll say she is; captivating.
P.S. she was 'gypsy' on bdway this past year for you theater queens.

SPECIAL NOTE: She is going to portray "Sybill" in a new flick.
P.S. I'm still awake Posted by Picasa

Rhymes with "Hesbian"

This morning when I was getting ready for the onslaught of rejection (read:interviews) I switched the channels. On Oxygen; (never knew I got it) "Ellen" was on. It was "the puppy episode" which was the coming out one.
Cue the song "Memories".
And I was instantaniously transported to where I was at that moment. Kind of like "where were you when Kennedy got shot?", but gayer.

I decided to watch it at "Splash". (This was 1997 BTW)
A big ole gay club, that was having an 'Ellen" party.
At the time, my address was, Seat 4 c/o "The Port Authority." I lugged around this piece of rolling luggage; always. With the pretension I was off to 'merry ole England' or 'bringing back my winter stuff from my mom' as I went to interviews'. I actually was working at this (excuse the french) 'vermin ridden cock sucking place for 3 days' (City Crab-Park Ave. So)before they caught on and they fired me. (God; how sad). I just needed a week to get my shit together and the place(rat hotel) on Jane Street was too exspensive (176 a week).
Okay, back to "Ellen."
This my people (pre-outing, unfortunately) is one of the best sitcoms ever. She (and the cast) were spectacular. (kudo's to Jolie Fisher, the resplendant Clea Lewis and Jeremy Piven's hairplugs).
Okay, back to 'Splash.' I feel gross. I don't actually stink, but; a laundry mat and a mani/pedi
would be a plus.
I'm at the bar, (stealing drinks...sorry-sad face); when this kinda hottie in a suit tells me he is in love with my ass.
See, if I was Hotty F. McTwatty, I would shrug this off as a kind of 'construction worker' comment; but I was exremely needy at this point (and lacking my sleep index #).
Fast Foward to me leaving with this dude and me trailing a piece of Sampsonite on 3 wheels behind me (that i checked! {@ Splash}). <--- I am laughing my ass off now
I never saw this whole episode.
I remember a taxi uptown, and probobly passing out next to him before we did anything.

Today, watching this episode, I was laughing and smiling. It felt good, ya know.
At least I'm in a different place.
I'm smiling.
That's a good start.

Off with her head


It used to be Tony Ward.
Ya know, kind of crushing.
Not much else out there these days.
Just mangled and refangled kind of guys.
90210 noses and abs.
Fresh breathe from New York
in the name of S.V.U.
Along with Jayne's daughter
From the perch
It's quite aview

Have you watched S.V.U. lately with Connie Nielson as Stabler's new partmer? The frigging sexual tension is so tight and sexy. Cripes, when he wears that thermal shirt...That is sexy.I effing love this chick (but I have a major affinity for Danes). I dig Marishka, and I know all about the baby weight, but can't Dick Wolf just het rid of Ice T?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Pertinent AA Slogan of the Day

(or one they borrowed)
"Things always have to get worse, before they can better."

If you really dissect this sentence, linguistically, that is; it would seem that the moral would be, there is always room for improvement.
But, when you look at it from the point of view of someone who is already down, it brings hope.

After futile interviews and compounded stress about not making the right impression on said interviews; I am pleased to announce the birth of job #96 (no shit).
It will be paying the bills and then some, since I live so minimally when I'm broke and I kind of don't reach that far out of the box when I do have duckets. (shoes are a big thing, and coats {with winter almost here} are a compulsion)

I just have to 'make this work', ya know. I'm sober and stable and I actually feel pretty great despite recent fluctuating weight (which really knocks my dick in the dirt due to childhood issues) and jonesing to drink based on insecurities.

**Note to Bart: I was with you through your whole interview process (month+week) and when you did get hired I was delighted.

The funny thing is, I got hired on the spot. They were not desperate (I don't think). But when I interjected that I took the day off (cough...lie) to interview today, the offers started rolling out.

Man, I think, tonight, I will be able to sleep, unobstructed for 6 hours.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Dear Bart

I forgot. Not "Born Innocent", not "Bad Ronald", not "Nightmare in Badham...". THIS IS MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE TV MOVIE EVER.
(Martha the mute sister). Robby (Ode to BillyJoe) Benson. Samantha Eggers. Jon Savage and Stacey Keach. Please tell me you've seen it.
Fricking Classic Posted by Picasa

Saturday, November 11, 2006


Even though I never thought some H'wood guy/girl could make me say yum.

Holy Shit; I have never watched C.S.I. I was too busy w/ all those freaking L & O's.
I love Meloni, Erbe, Hargitay, D'Onofrio and quite frankly, Waterson. But nothing prepared me for this guy.
Thankx Spike TV Posted by Picasa


So, Sorry"

Will the few of you involved; accept my apology?

I have been so stressed lately.
If you had read the trials and tribulations from my last job on my posts (7-9/06), you would think that I had the perserverance to 'carry on.' I did; a lot, at first. I knew I could not deal with being in the kitchen again (cooking as a line cook, et al).
I use to be the greatest waiter. Do you know how many people from Akron and Fargo have a picture of me in their scrapbooks from their visits to NYC or St.Thomas? I excelled.
So, I set out to go back to waitering for a bit (to pay the rent; so to speak).

See, this is the thing.
When not living in Manhattan, and I go there, I feel four inches smaller and 35 pounds heavier. I sent out about 75 resumes (all reflecting my waitering jobs) and no one called. I went on these 'cattle calls.' Wherein the employer says they are meeting people from 3:30-5:00 pm. (Bring Resume!).
With the above feelings all nourishing my insecure psyche, I braved through 3 days of this bullshit, because, every cattle call wants to see you from 3:30-5:00 pm. And I wanted a positive, an interest, ya know; and then I would look around and see these hipsters (and I do not fault them at all) and they would be talking to the manager for like, 7 minutes, and I would get, like 4.
Yes, I percieved that.
At one interview this really good looking guy was ahead of me. He reeked of weed. We both entered and sat next to each other at the bar to fill out the same fricking standard "Staples" job application form while waiting for the next available douchebag manager to call us. He was #62, I was #63 (my football number i thought, cool). I start filling it out voraciously (familiar) as he taps me on the shoulder to ask for a pen.
Are you serious? Your coming to a job interview without a pen? Like, didn't you circle the ad?
#62 gets called and I'm watching as this non-feminine type of manager who did not set off my Gaydar is interviewing him.
Oh, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle as they talked. Mr. psuedo manager has his pen and he's pointing out the whole place. Mgr. is writing down something. (Maybe 'Joe Bong-hit' can not work Thursdays because thats when his drum circle gets together?).
They shake hands, and I'm next. It's like, (excuse the poor taste in analogies) Mister Manager just came. He wants no part of me, and my DESIRE to make this restaurant work.
He asks me some basic question and pretends to peruse my resume, and after 2 minutes, I'm done.
I wanted to SCREAM (!) out loud; you fucking STAR FUCKER, who are you working for? That dipshit who hit the genetic lottery did not even bring a frigging pen! And he tops your list? Good Luck.
3 days this went on, and 3 days this is how I felt. On Thursday and Friday of last week, I had appointments with agencies. Normal agencies, some Temp. some Perm. who provide a support system.
I don't have a GED. I have a frigging AAS. I was told by 4 agencies they can not use me.

Insert Mickey breaking down on the S.I. Ferry.

Each night, I was coming home with the 9-5'ers on the ferry. It's packed (about 5,000 people) each 15 minutes from 4:30 to about 6:30.
And each night I would see clusters of people, whom I KNOW, I am more talented and smarter than. Was I being so presumptious? I would hear their conversations and hear their bad grammer (spelling does not count in speaking) and I was near tears. Here I am reading the brilliant Camille Paglia's "Vamps and Tramps" and trying to educate myself more, and these people around me are playing 'circle the word' or talking like they are doing the voice overs from 'Cops.'
All working.
All making a living.
As I am being offered less than baby sitting wages to sweat my dick off for 12 hours a day.
I have so much anger inside of me, and that is not me.
I've squandered my personality.

This is my deal.
I'm going back to college to get a BA. (Shit, Sallie Mae more than invited me to take out another loan)
I want to teach.
I'm going to teach in Culinary School, and my focus is going to be on 'Nutricion.'
I'm not going to forecast.
I started taking my 'Lexipro' again and I feel like, just giving up is not the answer. (Also because, once again I have an apartment with an electric stove and no garage. (Figure that out).

I sincerely apologize to B,L,D, and X.
I could not read your Emails last Sunday and today. I am so embarrassed to have tangled you into my web of despair, I was at my lowest in a long time.
I will open them after I stop cringing from the fact that I was telling complete strangers (well, not really) that i was going to off myself.
I'm off the pity pot, as they say in Rehab.
I hope you guys will be my friends again.

This was written with ALL my heart and sincerity and bad spelling.
Mick Posted by Picasa

Monday, November 06, 2006

To nose you is to love you

My older brother Peter broke my nose twice while we were growing up (yellow whiffle ball bat is on a constant playback on my mental TiVo). No hospital was involved. Just a terry clothe (from the dirty clothes) towel and some ice and about 15 minutes with my Mom. Good Times.
I love noses.
Like schnozzes, not recently constructed ones. Tony Ward (if you know of him, we are soul mates) rocked my socks with his beak. I like obscurity; the immperfect. the married dude sent me a pic, mostly obscured, but he had this cool looking broken nose and I could not get back to him fast enough. It's like height, weight...insignifficant...How hung is your nose?
Chris Meloni? Instant wood.
I even love them on women. Cate Blanchett...have you seen her profile?
Listen, I've been going through a lot of shit recently. I'm not going to be the blogger who cryptically forsaw his demise. (To Bart, Laura, Xiou, Big Bro. and the rest)
I kinda need some hope. You know, I'm hitting some black ice here. And I'm spinning out of control. And I think of the elixer. That bottle. 80 proof. That freaking bottle is clear but it holds so many clouded memories. Much of my life's dreams were doused by this liquid. And it boggles my mind that it still controls me. The guy on the ferry with cheap Vodka breath next to me appalls. The guy with his tie around his head who asks me to be his friend on My Space repulses me. The girl in the "Girl's gone Wild" commercial is obviously wasted beyond control.
Did they get over this hump?
Did they just start 'not drinking' one day. Tara Reid?
Is it possible not to obcess (sp.? looks weird) over this.
What is one of my favorite words?
I am my favorite word.

A frown is a smile turned upside down

Man, i got the shit kicked out of me this weekend. Unlike CSI, this dealt with the mind. I really do not want to go through this again It may seem that I have this chuckly outlook. But I am not. Black is the backdrop for all my scenes of life. I am so freaking sad, all the time. I'm a mess. All my music is morose. A couple of peppy tunes...that deal with suicide.
I need a mentor or something.
I'm just stating this because...well because.
Here are the facts. I'm young 40's. I have not had hair since 23. I have more bridges in my mouth than the 5 boro's combined. i have an identity crisis, the one guy I meet who absolutely craves me is married with two kids, I have been in and out of rehab two times, i make less than a babysitter most weeks. I just want this nixtric oxide that I can breathe and just be gone. i just wanna leave my writings, asinine and imbecilic as they are.
You know, about 6 months ago I met this dude, and as he slept, I was writing in the corner. We got into a convo about writing, I told him this is all that remains from my 'sold' storage spaces of yore. He 'promised' to put all of these in a safe place. regardless that he smoked crank; is'nt it the gesture which counts? God? Are you there?
I'm going to go to sleep now. For the meantime; read my archives March2005-June are classic.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

More brunch

I hit 'publish' before i finished.

First off: "Madonna on Regis": credible, looking good for what? 47 ish.

Second; Watching Russell Crowe on '60 Minutes'. Has anyone else noticed that his lips are delectable. Here i am, jumping on the bandbagon again. When I was a foreign film newbie, i saw this Austrailia film .. Gay son and dad. This movie ripped my heart. It starred, a young R.Crowe.

Sunday brunch

Does anyone know who Lisa Lampinelli is? She's a comedienne, and I warn you, if you go see her do not sit in the first three rows.(I sound like Jackie Hervey from The Onion) I watched the Jeff Foxworthy roast on Comedy Central last night when i woke at 3 and change. It was unedited. She's a frigging riot.
one of her punch lines ended with her saying: "that's like being called the prettiest one on The View"
on Greg Giraldo (a comedian) : He has 8 kids, ages 1 to 2.
Do not, i repeat, Do Not go to her show and sit within the stage, She will rip you a new one. Of course i have my two cents on this. We had comedy night @ Largo every Monday. The best 5 bucks you could spend in your week. Sarah Silverman, Andy Kindler, Jeannine Garafalo, kathy Griffin, Zach Galifinakis et al. Lisa L. played as well. She was kinda starting out. They would get 5 bucks and a draft Guiness. I knew she was going to go far. If going far means being on C.Central @ 3:30 am. ba-dum-bump.

Mann or Mouse?

My favorite woman, Aimee Mann has a Christmas ??!!! Album out. First of all, how frigging hot does she look here? I implore you bastards (and bitches) to buy this.
One reviewer wrote (and I cracked up out loud-kinda rare) ; "Debbie Downer does Christmas"..he loved it, besides the alliteration. This is one of the greatest songwriters today, and if for that fact, ever. She also has the greatest husband, kindest soul in the world, Michael Penn. He of the 'romeo in black jeans' fame. I seem like some slap happy PR dude, but it's not true. Aimee played at Largo for every Tuesday in different months. I'd be working in the office and she would come in for sound checks. Sometimes her band was late and she would hang with me in the office. It was a 'Comfortable' silence, and sometimes i would make a comment and she would smile (genuinely) with that broad smile of hers. I frigging dig her so much, and she got robbed. She got robbed at the 'Oscars'. You know the rest. "Magnolia" and all. IF that is not enough, she does a cover of THE GRINCH song...Posted by Picasa

Nine 24

I was lacking lexipro in 4- 5/98. I was really down (natch) and i had no direction (double natch). With that aside; I used to buy these B-Day cards for people which had this amazing fat black woman on the cover posing as each star sign. Libra (the scales) had her wearing this gold lame bra, kind of representing the scales. They were kinda funny and each recipriant would state, "You send the best cards mickey". Inside it would give you your horoscope for the coming year in 'ghetto speak.' Future: "get yo hand offa my ass." They also listed famous people born on your birthday. I had always been enamered of these things, because I would like to think that when/if a famous person died on my birthday and in my year, they might have possibly been transported into the screaming child born @ The Public Health Hospital located in Staten Island.
My birth date has very few notables. Yet, when Phil Hartman come into the public eye, he joined the crowd and I was glad. I absolutely loved that guy. It's kinda like feeling, you are part of the company you keep. I am constantly reminded of this phrase I heard (or remembered) about 12 years ago. Do you wanna see yourself? Look at the friends you keep.
I dropped a lot of baggage after that. So much in fact, that I had no one to party with. I was left with Joyce, Donna, Carol and Brian(fucking loser cock sucker sychophant). Ahem. Did i just say something?
Linda McCartney died. She was a 9/24 b-day, yet I never had a connection to her. The whole 'vegan' thing and her socialite status (Eastman/Kodak), besides; I never got into the Beatles. And then Phil Hartman got killed by his druggie wife. All good things come in three's right? I thought this would be the right time to 'check out.' So to speak.
It's kinda always on my mind. A speedball would be cool, but who want's that stigma attatched. Wrist slicing...not succesful, like a fine rump roast, you have to slice against the grain.
Hanging? I'm peaking at 192, is there a pipe duct around to hold me?
I've been facinated by the engine running in the garage way. Kinda peaceful. Non exsistant. Ever since i saw that movie with Molly Ringwald and her boyfriend. Thing is, now that I finally own a car, I have this freaking open air garage.
Obviously, i'm still here. For better or worse.

3:27 pause 3:28

I still have a bad case of insomnia. I'm falling asleep at the weirdest times and then waking up when 92% of the EST hemisphere are dreaming. I have so much on my mind and yet, it's all kind of minute in comparison to relevant events. Hey, being up late and watching bad tv has it's pluses. You get to hear breaking news. Like the fact that some poor bitch at NBC just interrupted the 3:30 am SNL to tell me that Sadaam is going to hang.
This reminds me of when Princess Diana died. I was watching the 3:30 am SNL, Rob Lowe was the host and I was staying at this 'hotel' that charged by the week. Hotel is too kind. Squalor would be too pleasant of an adjective. The room was the size of a twin bed plus one foot. I paid $174 a week as I tried to find an apartment. I had a tv which came with 3 channels. I learned to love that sitcom about that robot girl (and look forward to it coming on). God, my life is a freaking joke sans punchline.
Every three weeks I would have to check out for a day. It's some kind of residency law. This is when I would check into "The Carter Hotel" in Times Square for a day (80 clams) and then re check in @ The Fleabag Hotel (which I may add, is the backdrop in a lot of L&O episodes when they are dealing with sleazy murder transvestite hooker issues).
One time I checked in for the week and I plopped down on the bed (my own sheets+ plastic sheet) and I started to feel rustling beneath me. Now, I kick my leg a lot while I am supine, so I thought it was the reverberations of my kicking. So, I layed still. I was more stiff than a bowl of fruit. And then I'd feel it. Rustle, rustle, rustle. Bedspring thump. My heart racing. My absolute reality check of where I am at in my life. There is a rat living in my mattress.
"Mad About You" is on nick@Nite @ 5 am. Paul Reiser is so gross. Like, i think this show was on only like ten years ago, right? Who constructed his wardrobe? Sweaters and vests, and vests worn over sweaters. And what is that on his head? Is that a jew-fro or a wig? Why is he like always making out with Helen Hunt. It borders on the worst PDA's I have ever seen. it actually makes me feel bad for her. She must've left work for the day just crying. No wonder she won an Oscar, she had better acting lessons than The New School on a Wednesday. To kiss and make out with neurotic 'stereotypical' Jewish mensch who dresses bad and has the most annoying voice and worse hair next to Kevin Dobson on 'Knot's Landing' is Academy gold in my book.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Don't be a Hero

I met Billy on my third day @ Rehab. He is a gregarious guy. While all of us were waiting to be procesesedl in 3 days; he waited for 25. Then he came to my small group. We shared a lot there. We sat next to each other all the time, it was a given.
Last week Billy called me and he was so fucking wasted. I need to retract that. He called me about 3 weeks ago and I saved the message w/out listening to it. I was erasing all my saved messages the other day and I came upon this. "Dude, i fucking love you so much, I think about you all the time, i can't rationalate, i mean rational, wait; I know the word, rationalinizing...laugh...I am so fucked up...rationslization, right?"
I called Billy tonight. He's 'juggling 3 chicks' and he was popping a beer as we talked. I guess he is cured. Lourdes? I can't judge.
i frigging need strength.

As I Am

The header for this is a great Joan Jett song (I don't want to go on about how she was neglected for the R&R Hall of Fame-25 years in the industry is the pre requisite {she-30}) but my spirit is dying here. I'm trying to distance myself from the hospitality industry My last 6 jobs just say, chef, chef, chef, and I want to scream. I am so much more than this pseudo-monolithic chef. Each and every hour while working at hotels and/or restaurants i craved to have other people's jobs.
Working in a kitchen sucks big time.
I always seem to be envious of other people's occupations.
And then i will read about some big CEO who has taken up baking and it cracks me up. Yeah, get into the real world.
I have a kind of high IQ <---by reading that last sentance you would never know. I have a great speaking voice and great work ethics. (Is this "
I just want to get the frig out of the restaurant buisness.
You know what. Maybe I'm not "power" ready. But, three interviewee's have told me they thought I was too young to manage thier restaurants. (Steak Frite's be damned). And then I go for a waitering job and I feel like Oldy Von Moldy. These cattle calls with young hipsters. If I owned a restaurant I would not care if the waitress had a scoliosis brace on; as long as she represented.
I want to get into Civil Service. A desk job. Oh, God, tan pants make my ass look big.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Can 14,000 people be lacking gaydar?

Have you seen this guy, Rev. Haggard. Yeah your Haggard The 'man' has Waylon Flowers and Madam written all over him.
Echh. He is such a Chelsea queen wannabe in Colorodo. They all have the same nose, same build, same jeans; it's fucking disgusting. Let's not castigate because they are gay, how bout sending them to the fucky tacky asshole police.

How can you mend...a broken heart

What is your feeling on me dating a married man from Brooklyn with 2 kids, I'm curious?

The Unbelievable Truth

It's sad. As you could guess, I was a great admirer of Adrienne Shelly's work, starting with the above movie by Hal Hartley. This movie is what sparked my interest in writing. It basically introduced me to 'Indie' Films, and I believe Hal Hartley and his muse Adrienne were on the threshold of this fantastic, introspective genre.
So too often underused in front of the camera, she decided to get behind the camera.
I used to wait on her at "Mappamondo" and, I kind of fawned over her (1991-ish; in a 'I won't say it but, I love your work, kind of non creepy way) as I would have Lili Taylor- my neck and neck hetero loves. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Family 'Jules'

I have a song stuck in my head because I watch too much 'Spike TV.' Yeah, I watch every CSI (the Vegas one),'s "only on Spike." Spike is like 'Maxim', I know, but; I was deeply involved with any 'L&O' going on @ the time "CSI" aired.
Anyway, as with any cable channels, you start seeing the same commercials each time the segment breaks; and (as I was playing Literati or Scrabble to fall asleep to), it dawned on me. I know this song, and let's see, it's from a movie I love, yeah, I know this, I know this, and then the commercial ends and I loose my train of thought. Then a 1/2 hour later it comes on again. Closer...closer. Okay, this is a remake of a song, that was toned down. A song from the 80's. Closer. Boom, next commercial. Lost it again.
Humming, humming, humming...2 days. Snatch..."Donnie Darko" dammit!! That's it!
I went on line and looked for this song which was definately a remake of something I liked years ago but could not put my finger on it.
That's it. It was a 'Tears for Fears' song; "Mad World." But who is singing it?
Gary Jules! Gary Jules? Oh My God. Another person I saw scraping by in Los Angeles. He would play "Largo" where I worked and attract the worst crowds (his friends) and we would be 1/4 full. I hated his music and he thought he was so funny and cutting edge, yet he reminded me of this 30 something still hanging out on the corner with the 20 year olds (his crowd). But kudo's to him. Apparently he was childhood friends with the director of 'Donnie Darko', whom if you saw the movie, really had a thing for 'Tears for Fears.'