Friday, December 15, 2006

No Need to hide your disappointment

Those of you who have travelled down this long and arduous highway with me in the hopes that I might secure myself a job for more than maybe, let's say a month, I've got some bad news.

Interview on Monday went well. I'm scrapping the bottom here, I'm applying for line cook positions, because I really need money, badly, and if you look on Craig's List, there are tons of these positions available. About two thirds of that ton are corporate umbrella type jobs. Meaning, there are hardly any 'mom and pop' restaurants in NYC anymore. Everything is affiliated with either an ego maniacal chefs 'name' or some 'theme' type restaurant whose corporate owners greedy, roux stained hands are umbrella's for any restaurant over 80 seats. 'Ruby Foo's' begot 'Dos Caminos' begot 'Atlantic Grill' begot 'Blue Fin' etcetera. And that is just one corporation (Be R Guest <--- figures it's a frigging Disney tune!). This joint I interviewed at was newly opened (bad sign). The first chef quit (can a flag be any redder?) The new chef seemed okay, and I specifically told him 'what I was looking for'. He yessed me to death. He actually wanted me to train that night (sung to the tune of 'Desperado'). I declined. I went back Tuesday and trained. You know what's funny about these places? The kitchen area has to be the most homophobic work place of professionals. Fag jokes and 'boyfriend' jabs are tossed around like a vinaigrette on frisse. Either all these guys are just closet cases or they are all idiots with bad jokes.
I totally got thrown into the mix right away and I superseded any expectations, and 5 hours later, with no training pay (these bastards have some racket), the chef hired me. He told me to come back today(Thurs) @ 2:30. I immediately sensed something was amiss. He was like a giant dick to me. He was telling me about these strippers who were there the previous night for someones Christmas party dressed in these skimpy outfits, and I was like, "Yeah?" or "Really". Like I was not all, testosterone about it. Who gives a crap. Then he would tell me things to do, and I'd be doing them and he was just so contradictory. I swear to you, my dear friends, I almost left three times, but I took a few deep breaths and I told/psyched myself into staying because I have to. The service started and this guy just ripped apart EVERY FUCKING THING I DID. I could make an amazing Risotto blindfolded, and he is seasoning it with more and more salt. Then he says something else to me, and he's like, 'What's wrong with you?' and next sentence, "Pay attention." FUCK YOU, you dick. Fuck you and that 27 year old chef mentality you have.
I was like, pulling off my fucking rubber gloves, "I don't need this shit" (very low voiced) but it seems that the whole kitchen became quiet. I frigging felt so justified walking out of there with my head held high. No dickbrain has ever nor will ever talk to me this way.
P.S. This is how hunger starved for compliments these guys (chefs) are. He was standing next to me, making a Demi-Glace, and he tasted it, and I hear him say to himself, "Sometimes I amaze myself."
I'm pissed because I left my French knife there. Dammit.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Welcome. Now go home.

Why are tourists such idiots? Even worse, when they are travelling en -masse. I mean with all those heads together can none of them come up with a concrete decision or the right directions? Did any of them research this trip they are on? Buy a "Fodors" or a "Let's Go"? Jeez. The Internet even has guides and directions and subway tips.
Do I sound too elitist? Do I sound like a stuck up New Yorker? I don't mean to be.
It seems that NYC has become a year round tourist destination. It use to be that the summers were do-able, and we would have February through April sans the ever increasing size (in number and girth) of these visitors.
It's not really the amounts of people that bothers me, it's the clear headiness in which they do things. Walking at a turtles pace four abreast on the sidewalks and up the subway stairs. During rush hour no less. Stopping mid sidewalk to pull out a map or gaze up at a building. Holding up lines in deli's or shops because Martha, who is in the bathroom, has the traveller's cheques. Traveller's Cheques!
I guess this would make most New Yorkers the savviest of traveller's themselves. I don't know.

Maybe it's all of us. The euphoria of a new city, the people watching and the shops. But, all I ask is, get a clue. Make a decision. If you are standing on the same subway platform with me for ten minutes with all the ladies from your red hat club, and the train pulls in, is this the time to feel hesitant if you are on the right side or if this is the right train to go to 'Ground Zero'? I know security is better in numbers but is it better in bunches blocking the revolving doors or at the top of the escalator? Must you all gather round the Metro-Card machine for one card?
I would like to make a video that will play on every Hotel channel in Manhattan. Just my little way of giving back.

Ancient Chinese Secret

I was walking along Rivington Place this afternoon and I spotted Monica Lewinsky shopping with an older woman. I of course was dropping off yet another resume.
The ferry going home was so overheated and so stuffy I sort of started nodding off. And I was thinking about the 'blue dress.'
Didn't she say that she tried to dry clean it but the sperm did not come (for lack of a better word) out?
Suddenly, I was awake, and I'm like, what?
Not to gross any of my female readers out, but, I am a guy. And, well I'm 41, and I've not been in a relationship for most of my life. So, I ask you to do the math.
Wasn't it a Gap dress? Probably a cotton blend or such? 60% cotton 40% rayon maybe? I've got better thread count sheets and they are sans stains. Same with some of my underwear.
So, now I'm confused. If anyone could answer this query, much thanks.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Next...on Lifetime

10 friends struggle through every day life in "Soccer Moms". STARRING
Judith Light as the coma victim, Tracy Gold as the illegitimate daughter, Donna Mills as the MILF, Lisa Hartman Black as the horse whisperer, Merideth Baxter-Birney as the abused housewife,Jaclyn Smith as the jilted secretary, Nancy McKeon as the single mother to a bi racial child, Valerie Bertanelli as the alcoholic, Michelle Lee as the shoplifter& Alexandra Paul as the professional dominatrix...with Tori Spelling as Carl the handyman.

I've been meaning to share this with you

I found this book of short stories written by Woody Allen from the early eighties. It's mostly an accumilation of stories he had written for "The New Yorker." The title of the book is called "Side Effects" and this quote comes from a story called 'Condemned.'

It kinda really made me think.

"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good one's slept better, Cloquet thought, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."

No Go For My Bro

So, my brother, Dr. Italiano is a BIG staunch Republican. Like, Major. He's younger than me by three years and our childhood name for him was 'bucky' (due to teeth) which changed to the popular, 'grouch'.He did really well in school and from a young age he had always wanted to be a Doctor. Problem being, we were in no position to afford anything other than State College and that required student loans, forget about the additional years of schooling required to become a doctor.
My mother heard about this deal wherein the Navy will pay for your Medical School, and depending on the amount of years you go to school, that is how many years you must give to the Navy by being a doctor for them.
Well, I guess the first couple of years went so well for him (the Clinton years, I may add) that he re-upped and signed a contract for 6 more years. He re-upped again, both times getting big ass bonuses.
Lately, his man, George 43 has sent him to Guantanamo Bay for 2 years, where he came back a different man, started gambling big time, got transferred to Connecticut, lost his house to gambling, and now guess what, they want to send him to Iraq.
This is the brother who for the last 3 years has driven me to madness when we would argue of this frigging war. He expressing the validity of it, quoting his National Review Magazines.
Well Grouchy aka Bucky is refusing to go, and he may get brought up on some sort of charges soon if he does not change his mind.

Friday, December 08, 2006

From Nikkie Finke of the LA Weekly

Calling Planet HollywoodSo I’ve read The Hollywood Reporter’s annual list of sky-high-earning actresses, and all I can say about some in the top 10: on what planet? Here are my reasons:

1. Nicole Kidman: Makes $16 mil–$17 mil per picture. What she should be earning: less than $1 mil.That’s right, I’m saying that Nicole should practically be paying film companies to hire her, not the other way around. That’s because she’s poison at the box office, the female equivalent of Sean Penn. Women dislike her, men don’t think she’s sexy, and those Chanel ads induce nausea. My guess is Nicole’s rate dates back to Sony Pictures overpaying her for that bomb Bewitched. Since then, she’s been doing smaller films, but is signing for studio projects right now. Note to majors: Save your $$$ and hire Reese or Angelina.

2. Reese Witherspoon: $15 mil. What she should be earning: $25 mil.Reese can do no wrong. Women love her, men love her, and the camera loves her. And she’s smart: When she was looking for a new agency, she lamented not owning her Legally Blonde character because it’ll be Broadway bound. Which doesn’t mean all her films are great, but she’s always great in them. She opens a movie. ’Nuff said.

3. Renée Zellweger: $15 mil. What she should be earning: $5 mil.Renée doesn’t open movies, unless the material is Bridget Jones–cloned. She’s fine as the wife or girlfriend, but her price needs to be cut to a third. Worse, audiences are sick of her changing hair color whenever she changes parts. That’s a dye job, not an acting job. Sadly, she’s lost her once-winning girl-next-door quality; now she’s trying to be a fashion diva. Ugh.

4. Drew Barrymore: $15 mil. What she should be earning: $3 mil.Drew has never been able to open a movie, and she never will. That doesn’t mean she isn’t sweet onscreen, but lately her roles have been too saccharine. If only she’d bring back that Poison Ivy edginess she once had. Women like her, but they don’t want to be her (or even briefly married to Tom Green), whereas men don’t think she’s hot anymore. Drew’s price should go up when she grows up.

5. Cameron Diaz: $15 mil. What she should be earning: $7 mil.Put her in a bikini, and she’s worth it. Put her in a chick flick (In Her Shoes, The Holiday), and she’s not. Everyone finds her sexy, but women don’t like her. (It’s jealousy. And not just because of Justin.) Plus, from the neck up, she simply doesn’t have much range as an actress.

6. Halle Berry: $14 mil. What she should be earning: $5 mil.Once she lost her shot at launching a new franchise as 007’s Jinx, she lost what should have been her biggest paydays. Alas, she’s now the wrong side of 40, and Hollywood is cruel that way.

7. Charlize Theron: $10 mil. What she should be earning: $10 mil.A smart actress, surrounded by smart people, doing smart roles. Just don’t fuck it up with too many vanity projects.

8. Angelina Jolie: $10 mil. What she should be earning: $25 mil.There’s no one hotter and cooler right now than Angelina onscreen and off (just ask the stalkarazzi), but that could change if she starts auditioning for sainthood by making too many message movies. Let’s hope she’s too badass for that.

9. Kirsten Dunst: $8 mil–$10 mil. What she should be earning: $1 mil.Eventually, the Spider-Man franchise will end. Marie Antoinette dying in theaters didn’t help her price. She was an idiot not to star in Bring It On sequels for big bucks. She’s not sexy enough and she won’t age well with audiences. This is a career about to end.

10. Jennifer Aniston: $8 mil. What she should be earning: $1 mil.She’s not a movie star. She’s a TV star. Big difference. Most of all, she’s not an interesting actress. She can’t open a movie, and her choice of material is abysmal. Sure, The Break-Up did okay business, but that was because of Vince and in spite of her. Soon she’ll be lucky to score the next Lifetime movie.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Enable

When you read this word, what do you think of? It's a very tricky word.
I use to thing of this word, translating into "helper, abider."
Until I went to ReHab.
Then this word took on a different twist.
If any of you watch 'Intervention' you might come to know a different definition of this word.
It's more along the lines of 'aiding and abetting (sic)."
It's a very popular word in the Hab.
(i just made that word up-{Hab}-hah)

Basically every family that attends the 'family meeting' 9 weeks into your recovery is introduced to this term. Because of the fact that they came (9 hour drive to Lake Saranac) means one thing.
The 'enabler' noun can be tossed about ad nauseam.
You were stupid enough to give your son a key to your has and now he robbed everything. Enabling.
You pay your sons rent because he is in this black stage and depressed. Enabling.

Whore

I've loved Theresa Russell since "Track 28", "Black Widow". I'm glad she is making some money lately. She is HARD looking but gorgeous. I wish I was a casting agent. Posted by Picasa

USA...USA!!!(channel)

Today was the Season 5 marathon for L&O:CI. (Law and Order:Criminal Intent) on the USA channel. If you do not watch this show, skip down to the next post.
I was in Rehab when this was happening. I did not understand why Vin D'Onofrrio and Kate Erbe were on one week and then (gasp) Mr. Big and my girl (Annabella Sciorra) were on the next.
A Wiki Post states that Vincent D'Onofrio (amazing actor: "The Whole Wide World" yeah I know "Full metal Jacket.) was suffering from a kind of nervous breakdown/exhaustion thing. Dick Wolfe (creator of L&O) decided to split the ..."Criminal Intent" shows between 2 teams. Hence Sciorra and Noth.

When I came out of Rehab and I was in the halfway house from hell, never able to change the channel on the 3 seperate televisions(playing Rap video's) in the house, I gave up on my favorite shows.
They were to be repeats that I have never seen before in my life, and in the words of REM; "I feel fine."
Dick Wolf was really testing me. I have to make a decision between "Oz" Erbe or "Soprano's" Sciorra. On "L&O" Hmmmm.
Erbe wins in a decision. While watchimg this season with Noth and Annabella it seems she is phoning it in, although I must think she was playing her character this way, I think she is just too beautiful to be credible in this situation. She is supposed to be the smarter one. But, now I wonder why she either left or got fired from this gig.
I completely dig Annabella Sciorra.
I completely dig Katheryne Erbe. More.
It's like rooting for 2 underdogs.
The worse thing he can do is add Lil Taylor. I'd be fucked.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Ben is Love

Thanks to bart , I need to talk about Ben.
In 1991 my whole world was crashing around me. The prior 3 years I was this club kid without the make-up. I was working 4 hours during the day and making major dollars and going out every single night getting free admission into Limelight, MK,The Roxy, The Underground et al. With drink tickets to boot.
But everything was falling apart. Or was it me?
In 1992, after a few weekend visits to So. Beach, Fla. with Joyce; I kept on reading that this was going to be the new 'Toronto' (meaning film industry.) I was taking all these scattered classes and lectures to hone my script @ that moment, and I thought that maybe, if I was in this budding enviorment, I might be able to meet with someone.
Brian (ex-lover/best friend) was now in Los Angeles. He was a semi succesful model in NYC and he was having trouble assimilating to the model/actor role he had to be in L.A. (Stiff as an emery board is what I remember him telling me his agent said on that commercial interview),
South Beach was the European catalog capital. (The sunlight) Remember when all those German tourists were getting shot? Yeah, that time.
Anyway, I had no choice but to make a move. I could not handle the 2 bedroom @ Washington Square by myself for (gulp...only) $1100. I did not want to deal with the parade of perspective roomates. 92 of them or so. It was a down market then (stocks, rent) so I just decided to fold like a crepe.
I moved down to Fla. two weeks later. I secured a spot in a weekly hotel room for Brian and I; who moved down a week later.
Yeah. I convinced him.
He braught down his little pup. Ben. He was about 9 months old now.
I never had a pet. I have always been afraid of dogs. (I use to deliver the "Daily News"). Ben was this 'bluff' Cocker Spanial. Dirty blonde-ish (bluff).
It was at this moment in my life that I truelly experienced unconditional love. (BTW: the song, "Unconditional Love" by Cyndi Lauper is so underated).
I could NOT wait to get out of work and run up to the motel/hotel and take Benny for his walk.
I taught him how to swim in the ocean. It freaking brings tears to my eye's thinking of it now.
He ate this whole slew of Kenny Cole shoes that I had been gifted. He just, I guess loved me so much when I (we) were out of the room, he needed our scent.
I wrote this great poem about benny called "Ben is Love." If anyone would like to read it I will send it to you.
Hindsight: To have this beagle-ish 'Snoopy' dog just love me and follow me around and obey me and trust me (when we went swimming the first time in the ocean, ben was shaking so much, I thought he was going to have a heart attack). Afterwards, when we went to Laguna (in Los Ang), he would Charge into the ocean.
Brian, Myself and Benny slept in the same bed every night. Do you know how beautiful it is to be woken up by these little velvety kisses by this sandpaper like tongue. And he knew all my hot spots. (I'm laughing writing this). He use to lick my ear til I was like, "Benny?" And he would have this huge smile on his face.
God is love.
Love is a dog.
God Dog.

Job #313 Update

Thank You, God
(Even if I do not get it)

I met for my interview on Saturday with Administration. Grueling, but good, because I felt so confident that this position was tailor made for me. I did not stammer or sweat. They left to have a confrence. They than asked me to meet with someone higher up today, Sunday.
I feel it went even better today. Unless I am a delusional. I'll know tomorrow a.m.
Perks: 9-5:30, M-F. Benefits after 60 days. Job Security and tons of advancement. Sweet.

Oh Yeah, I guess I should thank the kidney stones, because without them, I would still be putting in 6 days at 12-14 hours a day for the same money in a location by the S.I. Landfill.

(special thanks to Laura & Tesa)

Friday, December 01, 2006

And I think it's Gonna Rain Today

Today (friday) we are supposed to get a nice big storm. I can't wait because it would be the brightest thing in my life this week.
Of course, I have been interviewing again, since my aborted attempt at working 3 weeks ago hindered by nature and a bad diet in the form of kidney stones. I was told not to get too stressed. Ha-fucking-Ha.
Anyway, I've been sending out reams of resumes and getting call backs to interview and going on the interviews only to find out that the job they described is 'not exactly' the job the explained in the ad, per se. And like, I'm in no position to refuse anything, let alone a job that would have me waking at 3:30 am to get to the UWS by 5:30 am or the job (because they know they have you by the balls) that pays less than a babysitter or for that matter lestt than double of what my friend pays her housekeeper per hour. Every great job posting I see, I hit send with my resume and cover letter and say to myself "Be the Ball." (This was an expression I learned which helped me to hit better in baseball).
So, as I wait for my phone to ring with a 212 area code calling back with hopes that it is from the bachelor who is looking for someone to cook at his place for him nightly or from the the restaurant that needs an expeditor (salary, benefits, not cooking), I feel like once again I have to give in to the shitty job(s) that hire me on the spot. (The Kosher Restaurant, The Pakastani Deli who wants me to cook E-talian stuff).
Earlier today a job got posted for an Admin. Asst. for a High Profile Catering Org. to be a direct liason between the Chef and the Office with specified duties listed.
I could not type fast enough. I could not make the cover letter most specific to the fact that this job was for me. I wanted to implore them with out sounding too desperate to the fact that, I Want This Job.
Send.
Be the Ball. Be the Ball.
I get zero phone reception in my apartment. Sometimes, I'll leave the house and like 3 minutes later I will find out that I have 3 missed phone calls.
I shut my phone off. I went outside every hour after I hit send to see if I had any calls. On the 3rd attempt, I got the call (besides a few other jobs that I just put to save). The guy seems pretty cool. He is going to meet with me tomorrow (Sat.) and when I hung up and got up to my apartment, I freaking broke down.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Despise? Abhoar? Ah, fuck...I hate em

Matt Damon, Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Ben Affleck, Jamie Foxx, Usher, J. Simpson and her father, all the Jackass guys,Prince, Jay leno, Dane Cook, Fred Armisson, Rob Schneider and Dan Ackeroyd (sp), Adam Sandler and Tom Green. Carol Alt (she knows why) and brendan Frasier (he knows why as well). Bruce Willis and Demi Moore and Ashton K.
Cameron Diaz and her boyfriend, Craig Kilbourne,Eva Longoria, Queen Latifah (UGH), Kathie Lee Gifford, Star Jones, Den-zeeeel Washington, Spike lee,James Blunt, Moby,almost all A.I people exclusively Clay and that Tylor/Taylor guy. Paula Abdul, The whole 'Hogan' family, Jimmy Kimmel and Joe Rogan and that 'Girls gone Wild' guy.
edited for space

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Green

In the first season of "Project Runway" the designer's were told to create some that seethes envy. Since I was with the show at it's inception (thank you) before it became a phenomenom (thank you), i played this challenge in my head.
My biggest envy in this world would be towards brilliant writers. Sedaris, Franzen, Murakami et al.
When i came home from the Virgin Islands, I was eager. I met Yasmine on my third week and we bonded so bad it was against the law. She got me to read 'classics'. Then i turned her onto this book I picked up called "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh." It was a little press, actually i think they called themselves "The Little Press."
This is when screenplay writing became a second hobby to me.
I wanted to make this ito a movie. Cripes, it was my life.
I wrote to "Little Press" and inquired.
The rights were baught. This 1987-88.
The movie is now being filmed.

sidenote: Read "the Corrections" or "The Wind up Bird Chronicles"

Da nah nah nah nah nah

There was a funny episode of 'Wings' where one of the main characters was at a fancy party with a piano, and all he played was the theme to "Entertainment Tonight."

Being kind of laid up (I have 2 more stones to pass, {5 in all}) I've read a lot of newspapers and a lot of blogs.
Yes, I saw the Brittney sans panty pictures and I could give a shit(or stone). What really has me questioning my value in this world is the fact that I am absolutely drawn to those pictures of Angelina and Brad in Vietnam on the scooter. God Almighty, she is the freaking hottest woman in the world. She just really makes me transfixed to everything about her. Her pose on the scooter, her make up, her posture, her icy glare oblivious to the (i'm assuming) mounds of photogs. She's just this cool chick, who has a freaking great heart and she hit the genetic lottery.

When I worked @ Largo (in L.A.), Kathy Najimi's (the heavy woman from 'Sister Act' fame) husband had this band called, "The Dan Band." His catchphrase was, "Just a guy; singing woman's songs." He would do medleys of "I've never been to me" and "Waterloo" and shit like that. We made bucks those nights. She basically knows EVERYONE in Hollywood, so one night, Brad and Jen came. Honestly, the H-wood crowd there (max 125 people) did not stir with them in the midst.
If I was to ask him a stupid question, it would be, "How was it working with Tina Louise?" (Johnny Suede). But that's not me. I've never been really attracted to him (he did look great in 'Thelma and Louise').
He must look crappy (ish) in High Def, because he has awful skin (yeah, there is a God). Anyway, he's not my type.
I like him so much more now. When I see him carrying Maddox or Zahara.
Besides, we are the same age, so i have that affinity with him.
I hate being so pulled into some photog's infringement on privacy. But I like these pics.
I also LOVE the new Amex commercial with Ellen and the animals.

I am starting to believe that these Kidney Stones were begot from me. I was stressing Big Time. I have so many pimples on my face that I pick and pick, because all I do is play with my face and stress out. It cost me 9 bucks at the hospital to fax to my new job, that I was in the hospital. (Chuckle) I don't do that for anyone. And these pricks said; they can not use me. Even though I said it would be 6 days max.
Do you wanna know how fast a hospital sends their bill?
I stayed at my Mom's the first night, and the next day when I got home, the bill was there.
My evil credit rating of 666 is now going to be skewed.
There is a great line in "Longtime Companion' when (Jake), the hottie from "16 Candles" says a disease is just a dis-ease of the body. I love that part. He is so sincere.
Highlight of this is that i think I found a doctor to fill my presciptions for anti-d's.

Other News
Iraq is a miasma
Russia is still kind of evil

Everytime I have to pee, it's like a celebration. I have to inspect the bowl, to see if i (sorry0 passed anything, and guess what...I have to pee now.
Later

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Later

Because I wrote that "the Bicycle Theif" was one of my favorite movies i guess this cinephile dude (who sent me a pic and looked good) did not agree with the list of questions he asked me.
Example
"What movie moved you to tears?"
Answer:
"Longtime Companion (especially the last ten minutes makes me lose it) and as far as sappy goes, "Love, Actually."
We met, two weeks ago, and I felt like I had to be on the defensive.
You know, it's one thing if you are writing for a magazine, but don't recite your frigging thesis to me you asshole, and then have Brett Ratner's "X man 3" in your library; you dick.
Ughhh.
I am always going to be single.

Savour

Thanks to Chris Albrecht (sp?) @ HBO, we the viewing public of television have been given two of the greatest shows in the History of Television (according to me). You would think "The Soprano's" would be #1, but alas; I believe "6 Feet Under" usurps Tony and his 'families.'

This is the deal when these shows aired for me. I would look forward to them, like a dinner date. I would supply the wine and the atmospheric ambiance, and watch them.
But, sadly, I never realized their brilliance due to my imbibment. In the beginning of "SFU" I was working @ UTA and we would get the episodes the week before they aired. I think I was so in love with Claire's boyfriend Gabe (and his nose) that I was lost on the other storylines, and the acting brilliance that I admire so much while re-watching them now.
Nate? When Mrs. Fisher told Benda that he 'so fragile.'
David: Wearing Claire's shirt out on a date and his date coming back with an International Male quip.
Ruth Fisher: Absolute brilliance in acting.
Brenda & Billy Chenowith, Frederico and all the rest.
This my friends is the greatest show that ever begat the screen we look to pacify us.
I hope, if you've never seen this show you will heed my advice to watch.
I gotta pass a stone;
Mickey
Jeremy Sisto

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Kind of Funny

I'm alone today on this day of feasts. It's not sad, I just wanted to preface that.
I was reading all my old journals to kind of see what state of mine I was in on Turkey Days of past.
This particular entry had me laughing (due to the fact that I know the outcome now).
When working in the hospitality industry you miss a lot of holidays.
I was working @ the 'Tea Room' @ the time. I got off @ 9 ish. I had beucoup bucks in my pocket, so I went to 'Uncle Charlie's' this kind of upwardly mobile gay bar near my house.
It's not that I like the suit and tie set (it's not like I don't), I just liked playing the field.
Alphabet City one night, the preps the next. (That theory is mute these days). This was 1991.
Anyway, i was standing by the bar with an Amstel when this guy was like, staring at me.
I have horrible vision, and half the times that I do have vision, I am lacking a contact lens. Add to this insecurity, and you've got a psychosis party.
He was a hottie beyond belief.
We hooked up and stumbled to my place about 5 blocks away.
**Caution
Never ask your fuck buddies what they do aside from cruising bars.
He started singing.
Oh, my God.
How do you look at this hot guy with ambitions and then crush them with a snarky comment.
I was like dead wood now (if you get my drift). I was disappointed.
He did not have to open his mouth at all (except to kiss me), yet he did and he turned me off.
I had to work the next am.
So, he was 'still asleep' as I showered.
I came back, woke him up and we parted.

Epilogue: On Dec.22 when I went Christmas shopping, I realized that my checking acct. was depleted. This prick with the horrible voice stole one of my inside checks. (I was on 110 and he stole 116). I claimed bank fraud (which I won). The asshole wrote on the Memo part: sofa.
$900.
Maybe he's getting fucked in jail. Ha!

I want to be the girl with the most cake

Courtney is photo shopped to perfection. A lttle 'Edie-ish'...'A little'Madonna (circa "Sex").
I'm loving that hairstyle. Posted by Picasa

Happy Thanksgiving

Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The "P" word

I woke up one morning (this may be a former post; I don't know) and I had to pee, viciously. The night before Brian and myself went to see "Cry Baby"(new release-date it) down the street at the Waverly, and as usual, Mr. Thirsty(moi) had to get a 'big' soda. (Although back then they were not as huge). {A quarter more and you can have...}
It was a late showing, and we went back to Thompson Street and laid(layed) down for the night.
Anyway, I woke the next morning to get ready for work, dying to pee (natch) and when I stood in front of the Kohler ceramic, I either was 'pee shy' or 'had to many things on my mind.' Whatever.
I got into the shower (a rare; high pressured one I might add) and I figured, with no sweat from my brow, I'd pee there. Time is money.
When the warm water trickled over my supple body; oops,( I reverted. to my Penthouse 'Letters' days. )
When the warm water came down upon me, I knew i was gonna pee.
I was kind of aching at this point.
The next scene would have an ambulance pulling up, but instead I dug out my list of doctors and found a urologist who could take me.
I had not peed in 15 hours or so.
Next stop was 'Cabrini Hospital' where I stayed for 9 days.
My bladder basically was sick.
It was a form of 'Mono.'
Apparently, I was in such good shape that this 'flu-ish' thing took it's part on my bladder. One of the weakest organs.
I'll save the AIDS test debacle for another post (neg).
I was catheterized in O.R.
Does this hurt(?) I asked the nurse and in total NY fashion she replied that she does not know because she does not have a penis.
Day five, with my lips dry and looking for something frosty, I asked Brian to bring me in a beer.
It was that or a fountain 'Diet Pepsi' and although I don't care for beer (and Bri knew it), I guzzled one, while the guy next to me was dying from some liver thing. He was yellow and old and Spanish and his family loved me. Similar to the Corona Brian brought in.
When I drank the 'Corona' , it only took a minute for me and Brian to see it (or it's forefathers in the Urinary Tract) to pass through the catheter. It was kind of funny.
I thank Union 101 (?) for paying for this whole debacle, and I guess I've been stupid lately regarding my health.
I go shopping for necessities, ya know. Grade-A Burgers and Chicken Breasts; but I have not incorporated any vegetables into my diet. (I freaking love vegies). I've been lazy, ya know.
As a 'bachelor', and an avid TV-aholic (better than the hootch), everything seems to be on a sandwich these days. Not good.
I have kidney stones. They are minute, which means in other terms, I do not have insurance (from the hospital), so I will not get them broken up by a laser. I have 4. I passed (sorry) two. It hurts like fuck.
I've always been compassionate towards women giving birth.
I hear ya ladies on the 'tennis ball going through a garden hose.'
Turkey is a binder.
Mom is making a pork roast.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Mickey

Saturday, November 18, 2006

One last word on these stones

In 7th grade I did a thing on the urinary tract for the science fair. I bought those glass tubes that you use in fish tanks for the urethra (franklin...hah). It is through this that I feel like a golf ball is trying to go down. It's like sliding down, and it has those golf ball ridges and concaves. Every three minutes I'm like, "Oww." Ungghh. My neighbors must think I'm having the best sex of my life.
Like 4 days ago i was thinking about my diet and that I really needed some vegies in my system. Who knew. Oww. Unghhh.
I forgot to ask the doctor why I have a raging hard on (sorry about the visual), I could not hear him because I have frigging Sprint.
I do know one thing he told me; have a cocktail and try to get some sleep.
It will Pass.
Yeah, at what exspense?
I'm going to church tomorrow morning.
They are all phonies so it does not matter which denomination. I just wanna hear some decent words.
I'm off til next week, I've wrote a boatload these last coupla days.
I hope for your sake I did not go on too long.
Love, Mick

tennis ball through a garden hose

I just got the news.
Yeah.

Why am i peeing red?
Why can't I pee.
Why do I have this raging boner?
Why do i have this major boner as I'm trying to pee?

Ding Ding, Richaerd Dawson, kiss.
Kidney Stones

Iconoclast or Trend Setter? You Decide.

So, the married guy just left for what I believe is the last time.
I'm not about to hear from my small but vocal female readers about this indescretion.

His screen name is something stupid. It's like a 'mafia' nickname, but lame.
"Joey the shnozz" is a lot better.

He comes from Italy...He was born there. His kids (sorry ladies) are 1st generation Americans. He was moved here at two years old.

I thought circumsision was kind of wide spread with Catholics? I guess not.

He won't leave me alone. I get like 20 Emails every M-W-Fri, the days I guess he is at the office.

He brought over a bottle of 'Jim Beam' last night.
As a writer, this looked like a scene out of a "made for Lifetime' movie.

The kissing made me part passionate and part revulsed. The oaky, cedar taste of the booze had me enticed for a bit, and then the best part of my brain kicked in. This is ALL WRONG. All of it. Kick him out, now, Mick, You are so much better than this. You desrve so much better.

I let him get his jollies off, as I basically played Suduko in my head.
The parting was uncomfortable, and that is a compliment.

I got an Email about an hour ago.
Can't this dude get the hint? I treated him so bad and he wants more.

Makes me think what an abysmal married life he has.

Here I am, in my stupid little world. No consequences, no debts, no worries. And then I am presented with this dude; kids, wife, double life, most likely a mortgage, uncut (hah) and commuting from Jersey.

I have to get my shit together. I am a smart guy and I should not be struggling like this anymore.

I'm going running.
I've got to clear my head.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Respite

I have 3 days off until I start the new jobbie. I was going to go shopping at Macy's but the threats of this storm kinda hindered this. I'm transfixed in a way. I have my iTunes on, and I'm playing all these 70's songs. "Sky High" "Run Joey Run" and I'm smiling like a freaking Jack-o-lantern.
Those were frigging good times.
Forget that the "Summer of Sam" was approaching and a heat wave.
I remember playing "I declare war" with the kids on the street. I remember my older brother trying to get me into the game of "street hockey" as i was reading on the sidelines.
Whenever i would play my younger brother in whiffle ball, as he was the Mets I was the California Rockers, with Lita Ford batting first.
As Pearl jam sings:
"It's Evolution baby."

Ideal

I'm kind of envious of the Sedaris'.
If David was not enough you get Amy. Let alone Gretchen and the others.
When reading some of David's short stories, the story started out right, for a foray into the madcapped world of "The Santa Diary's" et al.
The four of us (brothers) sitting around a hideous kitchen table. My mother standing over with a More 120 ciggerette. Enter: Comedy Routine.
The sad thing is: Peter is a Jehovah, Phillip is a doctor with a penchant for gambling and he lost his house and Jackie (the baby) has not spoken to us since 1990 .
Kind of hilarious, no?

I think it was 1988

When I started to really keep a journal. (234 Thompson St.) My best friend Eddie lived with me, and he was a fricking nosey rosey. I was still a closet case but acting out quite voraciously at Uncle Charlie's(especially Friday).
This item I am to present comes from one of the first hard covered books i baught with the intentions of being my journal. (As opposed to spiral notebooks).
After some intro's, this ditty starts it:

Vodka -80 proof

Vodka, Vodka in my veins
Floating in my body and brains.
Vodka always mixes nice
Add any juice and ice.

6 dollars will buy a quart
makes me feel all out of sort.

Vodka mixed with juice of grage
Makes me fold just like a crepe.
Cheap vodka is no good alone.
Makes me slur and pick up the phone.

Can't afford the imported stuff
Goes to show that times are rough.
When i pour I go half and half;
I watch t.v. and cry and laugh.

Vodka makes my libido wait
Takes so long to masterbate
Vodka makes my past seem near
And then I awaken,
With a fear.
LIFE SUCKS.
01/01/88

Ciao Baby

D-Listed has the trailer for "Factory Girl."

I am your brother

I never pay much interest to Gay issues. Fuck em is my policy.
My mother has changed her political stance a lot since my coming out debacle. Little by little, certain things inched inside her pysche. My older brother is, ready for this, a Jehovah Witness. And he sends me the recent rulings on 'gays' according to "The Watchtower." <---non NY ers will not get this.
It's kind of funny that the South (of US) is totally against anything 'gay.' When I moved to Los Angeles, it seemed that every blatant queen was from the South. I'm talking, Clay Aiken GAY. Just, like Mary's.
So, I thought, maybe these 'oily rich' families just gave 'gay junior' the money to get the frig out of Dodge.
We were the first family to get divorced on the 'block.' Sal Scotto asking where is my 'dad's' butcher truck (where all our names were emblazened in front) hurt.
We got over it. (I actually prayed for it)
We call him, 'asshole' these days when speaking.
That's all he is.
In rehab, the gorgeous Stephanie taught (is that a word) me to stop referring to 'him' as my sperm donor and say, "my biological dad."
Kind of Chemistry Class, no?
I lost my train of thought.
Don't castigate.
Don't throw stones.
I am your brother.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

"Nicollette Sheridan? Personality of spam."

Vague.

Salma Hayek is this to me. She is freaking 'smoking' as the necktie around his head guy high fived going "wooo-hoo" .
She just doesn't do it for me.
Nice tits though, and I think they are real.
She dates blander people.

Road Trip

After winning and finally collecting on the game show money, I needed to get back home (to NYC). The towers were down, my mom was a Complete mess and I was living off of Palm Springs w/ my grouchy brother.
Lisa called. Lisa is the one who also called me at 7 am (Los Angeles time) on Sept. 11th to tell me about the crash.
She was over Los Angeles now and what was my deal.
We drove cross country. It was a lot of fun and tough on my ass. I drove the whole way sans liscense. Like, not misplaced, but, taken away from me.
We had her 3 cats and Ruby (all rescued) in the back.
Here's a great description of her. A visual.
Remember "Like a Prayer"? Madonna with the black hair? That's Lisa.
Yet she has fierce tats on her arms (which she can not wait to get lasered off) and she is skinnier.
She talks with the greatest NY accent, she is the Worst waitress of all time and every Hetero guy within 2 miles (including musicians) was in love with her. "Ah, screw him, he lives in Malibu and he acts like a beatnik."
She calls me Mikey and I like that.
I made about 40 cassettes for the road trip and the car only had a CD player. We listened to a lot of Moby and that great CD of Grunge people doing "The Carpenters" songs.
She always had her shit together at Largo, so it suprised me to learn on our journey that she was a recovering heroin addict and alcoholic. (Like 6 years sober)
Maybe I'm (cough...cough <---there is a bug going around) an okay example of someone who is remaining sober?
She's back to using. She needs my help.
This is me. I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, yet I drop everything for my friends.
"Don't flatter yourself Mickey." I'm not. I kind of like Super-helpful Guy. My costume involves a monocle.

"Not " at Hyde

This is the young female who should be snarring all the roles. She is Tammy Blanchard. She played the yound Judy Garland in that 'mini-seies.' We repped her at UTA. (We), like I'm a stckholder.
I was watchimg a L&O repeat and she was on. Captivating sounds gay and corny. So, I'll say she is; captivating.
P.S. she was 'gypsy' on bdway this past year for you theater queens.

SPECIAL NOTE: She is going to portray "Sybill" in a new flick.
P.S. I'm still awake Posted by Picasa

Rhymes with "Hesbian"

This morning when I was getting ready for the onslaught of rejection (read:interviews) I switched the channels. On Oxygen; (never knew I got it) "Ellen" was on. It was "the puppy episode" which was the coming out one.
Cue the song "Memories".
And I was instantaniously transported to where I was at that moment. Kind of like "where were you when Kennedy got shot?", but gayer.

I decided to watch it at "Splash". (This was 1997 BTW)
A big ole gay club, that was having an 'Ellen" party.
At the time, my address was, Seat 4 c/o "The Port Authority." I lugged around this piece of rolling luggage; always. With the pretension I was off to 'merry ole England' or 'bringing back my winter stuff from my mom' as I went to interviews'. I actually was working at this (excuse the french) 'vermin ridden cock sucking place for 3 days' (City Crab-Park Ave. So)before they caught on and they fired me. (God; how sad). I just needed a week to get my shit together and the place(rat hotel) on Jane Street was too exspensive (176 a week).
Okay, back to "Ellen."
This my people (pre-outing, unfortunately) is one of the best sitcoms ever. She (and the cast) were spectacular. (kudo's to Jolie Fisher, the resplendant Clea Lewis and Jeremy Piven's hairplugs).
Okay, back to 'Splash.' I feel gross. I don't actually stink, but; a laundry mat and a mani/pedi
would be a plus.
I'm at the bar, (stealing drinks...sorry-sad face); when this kinda hottie in a suit tells me he is in love with my ass.
"Como?"
See, if I was Hotty F. McTwatty, I would shrug this off as a kind of 'construction worker' comment; but I was exremely needy at this point (and lacking my sleep index #).
Fast Foward to me leaving with this dude and me trailing a piece of Sampsonite on 3 wheels behind me (that i checked! {@ Splash}). <--- I am laughing my ass off now
I never saw this whole episode.
I remember a taxi uptown, and probobly passing out next to him before we did anything.

Today, watching this episode, I was laughing and smiling. It felt good, ya know.
At least I'm in a different place.
I'm smiling.
That's a good start.

Off with her head

Meloni

It used to be Tony Ward.
Ya know, kind of crushing.
Not much else out there these days.
Just mangled and refangled kind of guys.
90210 noses and abs.
Sad.
Fresh breathe from New York
in the name of S.V.U.
Along with Jayne's daughter
From the perch
It's quite aview


Have you watched S.V.U. lately with Connie Nielson as Stabler's new partmer? The frigging sexual tension is so tight and sexy. Cripes, when he wears that thermal shirt...That is sexy.I effing love this chick (but I have a major affinity for Danes). I dig Marishka, and I know all about the baby weight, but can't Dick Wolf just het rid of Ice T?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Pertinent AA Slogan of the Day

(or one they borrowed)
"Things always have to get worse, before they can better."

If you really dissect this sentence, linguistically, that is; it would seem that the moral would be, there is always room for improvement.
But, when you look at it from the point of view of someone who is already down, it brings hope.

After futile interviews and compounded stress about not making the right impression on said interviews; I am pleased to announce the birth of job #96 (no shit).
It will be paying the bills and then some, since I live so minimally when I'm broke and I kind of don't reach that far out of the box when I do have duckets. (shoes are a big thing, and coats {with winter almost here} are a compulsion)

I just have to 'make this work', ya know. I'm sober and stable and I actually feel pretty great despite recent fluctuating weight (which really knocks my dick in the dirt due to childhood issues) and jonesing to drink based on insecurities.

**Note to Bart: I was with you through your whole interview process (month+week) and when you did get hired I was delighted.

The funny thing is, I got hired on the spot. They were not desperate (I don't think). But when I interjected that I took the day off (cough...lie) to interview today, the offers started rolling out.

Man, I think, tonight, I will be able to sleep, unobstructed for 6 hours.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Dear Bart

I forgot. Not "Born Innocent", not "Bad Ronald", not "Nightmare in Badham...". THIS IS MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE TV MOVIE EVER.
(Martha the mute sister). Robby (Ode to BillyJoe) Benson. Samantha Eggers. Jon Savage and Stacey Keach. Please tell me you've seen it.
Fricking Classic Posted by Picasa

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Wow

Even though I never thought some H'wood guy/girl could make me say yum.

Holy Shit; I have never watched C.S.I. I was too busy w/ all those freaking L & O's.
I love Meloni, Erbe, Hargitay, D'Onofrio and quite frankly, Waterson. But nothing prepared me for this guy.
Thankx Spike TV Posted by Picasa

Crazy

"I'm SORRY
So, Sorry"

Will the few of you involved; accept my apology?

I have been so stressed lately.
If you had read the trials and tribulations from my last job on my posts (7-9/06), you would think that I had the perserverance to 'carry on.' I did; a lot, at first. I knew I could not deal with being in the kitchen again (cooking as a line cook, et al).
I use to be the greatest waiter. Do you know how many people from Akron and Fargo have a picture of me in their scrapbooks from their visits to NYC or St.Thomas? I excelled.
So, I set out to go back to waitering for a bit (to pay the rent; so to speak).

See, this is the thing.
When not living in Manhattan, and I go there, I feel four inches smaller and 35 pounds heavier. I sent out about 75 resumes (all reflecting my waitering jobs) and no one called. I went on these 'cattle calls.' Wherein the employer says they are meeting people from 3:30-5:00 pm. (Bring Resume!).
With the above feelings all nourishing my insecure psyche, I braved through 3 days of this bullshit, because, every cattle call wants to see you from 3:30-5:00 pm. And I wanted a positive, an interest, ya know; and then I would look around and see these hipsters (and I do not fault them at all) and they would be talking to the manager for like, 7 minutes, and I would get, like 4.
Yes, I percieved that.
At one interview this really good looking guy was ahead of me. He reeked of weed. We both entered and sat next to each other at the bar to fill out the same fricking standard "Staples" job application form while waiting for the next available douchebag manager to call us. He was #62, I was #63 (my football number i thought, cool). I start filling it out voraciously (familiar) as he taps me on the shoulder to ask for a pen.
Are you serious? Your coming to a job interview without a pen? Like, didn't you circle the ad?
#62 gets called and I'm watching as this non-feminine type of manager who did not set off my Gaydar is interviewing him.
Oh, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle as they talked. Mr. psuedo manager has his pen and he's pointing out the whole place. Mgr. is writing down something. (Maybe 'Joe Bong-hit' can not work Thursdays because thats when his drum circle gets together?).
They shake hands, and I'm next. It's like, (excuse the poor taste in analogies) Mister Manager just came. He wants no part of me, and my DESIRE to make this restaurant work.
He asks me some basic question and pretends to peruse my resume, and after 2 minutes, I'm done.
I wanted to SCREAM (!) out loud; you fucking STAR FUCKER, who are you working for? That dipshit who hit the genetic lottery did not even bring a frigging pen! And he tops your list? Good Luck.
3 days this went on, and 3 days this is how I felt. On Thursday and Friday of last week, I had appointments with agencies. Normal agencies, some Temp. some Perm. who provide a support system.
I don't have a GED. I have a frigging AAS. I was told by 4 agencies they can not use me.

Insert Mickey breaking down on the S.I. Ferry.

Each night, I was coming home with the 9-5'ers on the ferry. It's packed (about 5,000 people) each 15 minutes from 4:30 to about 6:30.
And each night I would see clusters of people, whom I KNOW, I am more talented and smarter than. Was I being so presumptious? I would hear their conversations and hear their bad grammer (spelling does not count in speaking) and I was near tears. Here I am reading the brilliant Camille Paglia's "Vamps and Tramps" and trying to educate myself more, and these people around me are playing 'circle the word' or talking like they are doing the voice overs from 'Cops.'
All working.
All making a living.
As I am being offered less than baby sitting wages to sweat my dick off for 12 hours a day.
I have so much anger inside of me, and that is not me.
I've squandered my personality.

This is my deal.
I'm going back to college to get a BA. (Shit, Sallie Mae more than invited me to take out another loan)
I want to teach.
I'm going to teach in Culinary School, and my focus is going to be on 'Nutricion.'
I'm not going to forecast.
I started taking my 'Lexipro' again and I feel like, just giving up is not the answer. (Also because, once again I have an apartment with an electric stove and no garage. (Figure that out).

I sincerely apologize to B,L,D, and X.
I could not read your Emails last Sunday and today. I am so embarrassed to have tangled you into my web of despair, I was at my lowest in a long time.
I will open them after I stop cringing from the fact that I was telling complete strangers (well, not really) that i was going to off myself.
I'm off the pity pot, as they say in Rehab.
I hope you guys will be my friends again.

This was written with ALL my heart and sincerity and bad spelling.
Love,
Mick Posted by Picasa

Monday, November 06, 2006

To nose you is to love you

My older brother Peter broke my nose twice while we were growing up (yellow whiffle ball bat is on a constant playback on my mental TiVo). No hospital was involved. Just a terry clothe (from the dirty clothes) towel and some ice and about 15 minutes with my Mom. Good Times.
I love noses.
Like schnozzes, not recently constructed ones. Tony Ward (if you know of him, we are soul mates) rocked my socks with his beak. I like obscurity; the immperfect. the married dude sent me a pic, mostly obscured, but he had this cool looking broken nose and I could not get back to him fast enough. It's like height, weight...insignifficant...How hung is your nose?
Chris Meloni? Instant wood.
I even love them on women. Cate Blanchett...have you seen her profile?
Listen, I've been going through a lot of shit recently. I'm not going to be the blogger who cryptically forsaw his demise. (To Bart, Laura, Xiou, Big Bro. and the rest)
I kinda need some hope. You know, I'm hitting some black ice here. And I'm spinning out of control. And I think of the elixer. That bottle. 80 proof. That freaking bottle is clear but it holds so many clouded memories. Much of my life's dreams were doused by this liquid. And it boggles my mind that it still controls me. The guy on the ferry with cheap Vodka breath next to me appalls. The guy with his tie around his head who asks me to be his friend on My Space repulses me. The girl in the "Girl's gone Wild" commercial is obviously wasted beyond control.
Did they get over this hump?
Did they just start 'not drinking' one day. Tara Reid?
Is it possible not to obcess (sp.? looks weird) over this.
What is one of my favorite words?
Crestfallen.
I am my favorite word.

A frown is a smile turned upside down

Man, i got the shit kicked out of me this weekend. Unlike CSI, this dealt with the mind. I really do not want to go through this again It may seem that I have this chuckly outlook. But I am not. Black is the backdrop for all my scenes of life. I am so freaking sad, all the time. I'm a mess. All my music is morose. A couple of peppy tunes...that deal with suicide.
I need a mentor or something.
I'm just stating this because...well because.
Here are the facts. I'm young 40's. I have not had hair since 23. I have more bridges in my mouth than the 5 boro's combined. i have an identity crisis, the one guy I meet who absolutely craves me is married with two kids, I have been in and out of rehab two times, i make less than a babysitter most weeks. I just want this nixtric oxide that I can breathe and just be gone. i just wanna leave my writings, asinine and imbecilic as they are.
You know, about 6 months ago I met this dude, and as he slept, I was writing in the corner. We got into a convo about writing, I told him this is all that remains from my 'sold' storage spaces of yore. He 'promised' to put all of these in a safe place. regardless that he smoked crank; is'nt it the gesture which counts? God? Are you there?
I'm going to go to sleep now. For the meantime; read my archives March2005-June are classic.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

More brunch

I hit 'publish' before i finished.

First off: "Madonna on Regis": credible, looking good for what? 47 ish.

Second; Watching Russell Crowe on '60 Minutes'. Has anyone else noticed that his lips are delectable. Here i am, jumping on the bandbagon again. When I was a foreign film newbie, i saw this Austrailia film .. Gay son and dad. This movie ripped my heart. It starred, a young R.Crowe.

Sunday brunch

Does anyone know who Lisa Lampinelli is? She's a comedienne, and I warn you, if you go see her do not sit in the first three rows.(I sound like Jackie Hervey from The Onion) I watched the Jeff Foxworthy roast on Comedy Central last night when i woke at 3 and change. It was unedited. She's a frigging riot.
one of her punch lines ended with her saying: "that's like being called the prettiest one on The View"
on Greg Giraldo (a comedian) : He has 8 kids, ages 1 to 2.
Do not, i repeat, Do Not go to her show and sit within the stage, She will rip you a new one. Of course i have my two cents on this. We had comedy night @ Largo every Monday. The best 5 bucks you could spend in your week. Sarah Silverman, Andy Kindler, Jeannine Garafalo, kathy Griffin, Zach Galifinakis et al. Lisa L. played as well. She was kinda starting out. They would get 5 bucks and a draft Guiness. I knew she was going to go far. If going far means being on C.Central @ 3:30 am. ba-dum-bump.

Mann or Mouse?

My favorite woman, Aimee Mann has a Christmas ??!!! Album out. First of all, how frigging hot does she look here? I implore you bastards (and bitches) to buy this.
One reviewer wrote (and I cracked up out loud-kinda rare) ; "Debbie Downer does Christmas"..he loved it, besides the alliteration. This is one of the greatest songwriters today, and if for that fact, ever. She also has the greatest husband, kindest soul in the world, Michael Penn. He of the 'romeo in black jeans' fame. I seem like some slap happy PR dude, but it's not true. Aimee played at Largo for every Tuesday in different months. I'd be working in the office and she would come in for sound checks. Sometimes her band was late and she would hang with me in the office. It was a 'Comfortable' silence, and sometimes i would make a comment and she would smile (genuinely) with that broad smile of hers. I frigging dig her so much, and she got robbed. She got robbed at the 'Oscars'. You know the rest. "Magnolia" and all. IF that is not enough, she does a cover of THE GRINCH song...Posted by Picasa

Nine 24

I was lacking lexipro in 4- 5/98. I was really down (natch) and i had no direction (double natch). With that aside; I used to buy these B-Day cards for people which had this amazing fat black woman on the cover posing as each star sign. Libra (the scales) had her wearing this gold lame bra, kind of representing the scales. They were kinda funny and each recipriant would state, "You send the best cards mickey". Inside it would give you your horoscope for the coming year in 'ghetto speak.' Future: "get yo hand offa my ass." They also listed famous people born on your birthday. I had always been enamered of these things, because I would like to think that when/if a famous person died on my birthday and in my year, they might have possibly been transported into the screaming child born @ The Public Health Hospital located in Staten Island.
My birth date has very few notables. Yet, when Phil Hartman come into the public eye, he joined the crowd and I was glad. I absolutely loved that guy. It's kinda like feeling, you are part of the company you keep. I am constantly reminded of this phrase I heard (or remembered) about 12 years ago. Do you wanna see yourself? Look at the friends you keep.
I dropped a lot of baggage after that. So much in fact, that I had no one to party with. I was left with Joyce, Donna, Carol and Brian(fucking loser cock sucker sychophant). Ahem. Did i just say something?
Linda McCartney died. She was a 9/24 b-day, yet I never had a connection to her. The whole 'vegan' thing and her socialite status (Eastman/Kodak), besides; I never got into the Beatles. And then Phil Hartman got killed by his druggie wife. All good things come in three's right? I thought this would be the right time to 'check out.' So to speak.
It's kinda always on my mind. A speedball would be cool, but who want's that stigma attatched. Wrist slicing...not succesful, like a fine rump roast, you have to slice against the grain.
Hanging? I'm peaking at 192, is there a pipe duct around to hold me?
I've been facinated by the engine running in the garage way. Kinda peaceful. Non exsistant. Ever since i saw that movie with Molly Ringwald and her boyfriend. Thing is, now that I finally own a car, I have this freaking open air garage.
Obviously, i'm still here. For better or worse.

3:27 pause 3:28

I still have a bad case of insomnia. I'm falling asleep at the weirdest times and then waking up when 92% of the EST hemisphere are dreaming. I have so much on my mind and yet, it's all kind of minute in comparison to relevant events. Hey, being up late and watching bad tv has it's pluses. You get to hear breaking news. Like the fact that some poor bitch at NBC just interrupted the 3:30 am SNL to tell me that Sadaam is going to hang.
This reminds me of when Princess Diana died. I was watching the 3:30 am SNL, Rob Lowe was the host and I was staying at this 'hotel' that charged by the week. Hotel is too kind. Squalor would be too pleasant of an adjective. The room was the size of a twin bed plus one foot. I paid $174 a week as I tried to find an apartment. I had a tv which came with 3 channels. I learned to love that sitcom about that robot girl (and look forward to it coming on). God, my life is a freaking joke sans punchline.
Every three weeks I would have to check out for a day. It's some kind of residency law. This is when I would check into "The Carter Hotel" in Times Square for a day (80 clams) and then re check in @ The Fleabag Hotel (which I may add, is the backdrop in a lot of L&O episodes when they are dealing with sleazy murder transvestite hooker issues).
One time I checked in for the week and I plopped down on the bed (my own sheets+ plastic sheet) and I started to feel rustling beneath me. Now, I kick my leg a lot while I am supine, so I thought it was the reverberations of my kicking. So, I layed still. I was more stiff than a bowl of fruit. And then I'd feel it. Rustle, rustle, rustle. Bedspring thump. My heart racing. My absolute reality check of where I am at in my life. There is a rat living in my mattress.
"Mad About You" is on nick@Nite @ 5 am. Paul Reiser is so gross. Like, i think this show was on only like ten years ago, right? Who constructed his wardrobe? Sweaters and vests, and vests worn over sweaters. And what is that on his head? Is that a jew-fro or a wig? Why is he like always making out with Helen Hunt. It borders on the worst PDA's I have ever seen. it actually makes me feel bad for her. She must've left work for the day just crying. No wonder she won an Oscar, she had better acting lessons than The New School on a Wednesday. To kiss and make out with neurotic 'stereotypical' Jewish mensch who dresses bad and has the most annoying voice and worse hair next to Kevin Dobson on 'Knot's Landing' is Academy gold in my book.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Don't be a Hero

I met Billy on my third day @ Rehab. He is a gregarious guy. While all of us were waiting to be procesesedl in 3 days; he waited for 25. Then he came to my small group. We shared a lot there. We sat next to each other all the time, it was a given.
Last week Billy called me and he was so fucking wasted. I need to retract that. He called me about 3 weeks ago and I saved the message w/out listening to it. I was erasing all my saved messages the other day and I came upon this. "Dude, i fucking love you so much, I think about you all the time, i can't rationalate, i mean rational, wait; I know the word, rationalinizing...laugh...I am so fucked up...rationslization, right?"
I called Billy tonight. He's 'juggling 3 chicks' and he was popping a beer as we talked. I guess he is cured. Lourdes? I can't judge.
i frigging need strength.

As I Am

The header for this is a great Joan Jett song (I don't want to go on about how she was neglected for the R&R Hall of Fame-25 years in the industry is the pre requisite {she-30}) but my spirit is dying here. I'm trying to distance myself from the hospitality industry My last 6 jobs just say, chef, chef, chef, and I want to scream. I am so much more than this pseudo-monolithic chef. Each and every hour while working at hotels and/or restaurants i craved to have other people's jobs.
Working in a kitchen sucks big time.
I always seem to be envious of other people's occupations.
And then i will read about some big CEO who has taken up baking and it cracks me up. Yeah, get into the real world.
I have a kind of high IQ <---by reading that last sentance you would never know. I have a great speaking voice and great work ethics. (Is this "Monster.com?)
I just want to get the frig out of the restaurant buisness.
You know what. Maybe I'm not "power" ready. But, three interviewee's have told me they thought I was too young to manage thier restaurants. (Steak Frite's be damned). And then I go for a waitering job and I feel like Oldy Von Moldy. These cattle calls with young hipsters. If I owned a restaurant I would not care if the waitress had a scoliosis brace on; as long as she represented.
I want to get into Civil Service. A desk job. Oh, God, tan pants make my ass look big.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Can 14,000 people be lacking gaydar?

Have you seen this guy, Rev. Haggard. Yeah your Haggard allright...ba-dump-bum. The 'man' has Waylon Flowers and Madam written all over him.
Echh. He is such a Chelsea queen wannabe in Colorodo. They all have the same nose, same build, same jeans; it's fucking disgusting. Let's not castigate because they are gay, how bout sending them to the fucky tacky asshole police.

How can you mend...a broken heart

What is your feeling on me dating a married man from Brooklyn with 2 kids, I'm curious?

The Unbelievable Truth

It's sad. As you could guess, I was a great admirer of Adrienne Shelly's work, starting with the above movie by Hal Hartley. This movie is what sparked my interest in writing. It basically introduced me to 'Indie' Films, and I believe Hal Hartley and his muse Adrienne were on the threshold of this fantastic, introspective genre.
So too often underused in front of the camera, she decided to get behind the camera.
I used to wait on her at "Mappamondo" and, I kind of fawned over her (1991-ish; in a 'I won't say it but, I love your work, kind of non creepy way) as I would have Lili Taylor- my neck and neck hetero loves. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Family 'Jules'

I have a song stuck in my head because I watch too much 'Spike TV.' Yeah, I watch every CSI (the Vegas one), and...it's "only on Spike." Spike is like 'Maxim', I know, but; I was deeply involved with any 'L&O' going on @ the time "CSI" aired.
Anyway, as with any cable channels, you start seeing the same commercials each time the segment breaks; and (as I was playing Literati or Scrabble to fall asleep to), it dawned on me. I know this song, and let's see, it's from a movie I love, yeah, I know this, I know this, and then the commercial ends and I loose my train of thought. Then a 1/2 hour later it comes on again. Closer...closer. Okay, this is a remake of a song, that was toned down. A song from the 80's. Closer. Boom, next commercial. Lost it again.
Humming, humming, humming...2 days. Snatch..."Donnie Darko" dammit!! That's it!
I went on line and looked for this song which was definately a remake of something I liked years ago but could not put my finger on it.
That's it. It was a 'Tears for Fears' song; "Mad World." But who is singing it?
Gary Jules! Gary Jules? Oh My God. Another person I saw scraping by in Los Angeles. He would play "Largo" where I worked and attract the worst crowds (his friends) and we would be 1/4 full. I hated his music and he thought he was so funny and cutting edge, yet he reminded me of this 30 something still hanging out on the corner with the 20 year olds (his crowd). But kudo's to him. Apparently he was childhood friends with the director of 'Donnie Darko', whom if you saw the movie, really had a thing for 'Tears for Fears.'

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Bette Davis didn't dot her 'i';s.

it's 7:30am on Sunday and I have jkl; imprinted on face.
I'm trying to write all my journals.
I'm on this keith haring jobbie.(a journal I bought at his store)
It deals with Miami (South beach).
There was this guy. i totally discovered him.
He was quite possibly the hottest guy who walked the earth.
His name was Ernie Levy (hhm. Jewish name, spoke not abeat of English..must be Argentian)
He worked and ran this store called "Carol Rollo" on a seedy street.
He was always there.
If I could explain his face.
His nose was unreal. What a profile.
I think he was losing his hair, he wore a hat a lot.
When i moved back to NYC, I would see him in some random pics. from 'Paper Mag" or whatever, weird don't you think.
I obsessed (see Laura) over him.
Sometimes Bri and myself would go in the store (mind you, he's a model) nothing. We would leave kind of laughing.
He likes bottoms.

"Wake me up before you go-go"

I have been a complete insomniac lately.
Money/Job problems. Same shit, different day.
This past week, I believe i slept a total of 15 hours. 7 days.
Joyce called; she made a windfall in India. She is lending me 500 clams.
On Friday (the day of the phone call) I slept 17 hours straight. It was right before 'Judge Judy', at like 3:58 pm (EST).
I like familiar voices to fall asleep to...The guy from 'American Justice' is the best. NPR is good as well as BBC News.
Tonight, after watching SNL, I fell asleep. I knew that 'Evening @ The Apallo' was next, so I changed the channel towards something that ran for like 3 hours and would not irk me.
MSNBC. I know. Lot's of commercials. But I thought it would be 'white noise' for me. Until. Until, this report on San Quentin or whatever. Then this jailbird starts to sing. I was like half awake and waiting for it to end. It did not. I finally woke and just clicked to Nickolodean. I hate r&B to begin with, and now to have it subjected upon me, REM cycle, is not fair. I clicked back, and this dude is still going on.
Lesson: R&B sucks and every person who bought a Mariah or R.Kelly CD should be tatooed.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Alpha, Beta, Zeta

I hate talking about celebs here, but the inevitable happens. They are on the tube all day, on the covers of magazines (remember when Linda Evangilsta ruled), they are on voice overs in commercials and their every moves are blogged ad nauseam (sp).
I was living with Mrs. Italiano(mom) when I tuned into her basic cable and saw some (NBC...I think) movie based on 'Titanic"...this was like 4 months before the Leo/Kate blockbuster. The movie had a Speilberg connection or some sorts. As I was watching, I saw this captivating woman. She just took over the screen. She was freaking gorgeous in this, black haired, hazel eyed kind of way. The kind of chick you root for on a Miss Universe contest. The gorgeous underdog from Sri Lanka.
She was, as I watched the credits, Catherine Zeta Jones.
After that, I guess Speilberg in his lair, saw the rushes and popped one off while watching her.
Fast Forward...That dueling flick with scuzzy Banderas and then Connery.
Pat my back.
Okay, I'm waiting.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Smashing Pumpkins

I'm not into the whole Halloween thing. You know how some (straight) guys just CAN NOT wait to get into drag and see if perhaps they would be a hot chick? I know a lot of gay muscle dudes do the same thing as well. Anyway, I was living on Thompson St. At the time of this great shindig going down. The twist was, everyone had to be in costume. I kind of fail in the creativity department when it comes to these things.
I went to 'Abracadabra' (an all year round costume/prop store) on the 31st and just walked around and around in like this cluster fucked haze of ambivalence. I left, but I had my eye on this fake Academy Award I spied. I went home and looked at the invite again and pumped up my motivation (a drink may have been involved). I went back to Abracadabra and this time I noticed this dreadlocked wig.
Ding!
Whoopie Goldberg had just won an Academy Award a year or so before. I bought the wig and the award. I went to 14th street and bought this tacky dress and some size 11 heels. Then I saw these black gloves with pink nails attatched (WTF!). I went to CVS and bought this CoverGirl Cappuchino foundation.
Before I left my house I snapped a few pictures.
The bottom of my building was this restaurant with a facade of floor to ceiling windows. it was 9:30 pm and as always, it was packed. When i walked past the first window I looked in. Someone pointed at me and suddenly everyone in the restaurant was looking. I held up my Academy Award and mouthed in a not very politically correct accent, "I Won". God almighty, I must have been so drunk or delussional. The party was near The Palladium (14th street), and I decided to walk the whole way. What was I thinking? I'm this white boy dressed as a black woman in the East Village! I got stopped so often to take pictures with tourists and the like. The party was disappointing based upon all the build up in my mind. I think I came in third for best costume. I wish i could scan this picture for you, but lacking a scanner, I can't.
This Halloween I'm going to check out Cary Brothers @ The Living Room.

Songs from my Funeral CD Pt. I

I don't have a will, nor a life insurance policy. I have no bequeeths (sp) except that I hope someone does something with my journals...no one in my family 'reads'. With that said, I have been making CD's to play at my "Fischer Funeral Home" when I croak. This first song I am enlightening to you is sadly, a song Karen Carpenter sang. Not like, "oh, I'm too cool for "The Carpenters", but more like, they were cooler than you think." Karen was singing all these songs of despair and gloominess and making them Top Ten Hits. (Rainy Days, anyone)
It's called "A Song For You" as sung by the ineffable Dusty Springfield from "Dusty in Memphis". I use to have this two line verse as my voice message: "And when my life is over, remember when we were together...we were alone and now I'm singing this song for you."
Nuff said.
P.S. I tried to find the link to ITunes, but (cough) I am too weak. Love, mickey

Lacking Iron; Chef

Here's a little note to all you 'culinista's'...I have just discovered the spice 'sage'...I have only used it in the past with stuffing recipe's. Recently, when I went to the .99 store to stock up on spices (because you are a fucking sucka if you buy spices in Pathmark @ 3.99) and Sage was one of the ones I threw in for the hell of it. Today, I was like 'starvin' Marvin who just smoked a huge jay. I had these chicken breasts defrosted and I rolled them in 60% sage, 10% white pepper and some Kosher salt (the 30% missing consisted of paprika, garlic powder and fresh parsley). I then wet the breasts (kind of salacious) and pressed them in this mixture and then sauteed them in half butter/half olive oil. It was awesome. I swear. If I was an entertainer like Amy Sedaris or Martha, I would have made a sauce, but this chicken; on the great bread I just bought from Sullivan Street Bakery was amazing. I also see some lemon rind in this recipe as well for the future.

Maybe I'm Amazed

Does anyone really ccare about Paul McCartney anymore? He is on this A&E Special. God, I hope it was like; some A&E stupid production manager , who got a call (from aul's peeps)and said Mrs.Doutfire was going to do a concert and then they blew the whole load on this crap. Besides his stupid ex-wife and the gossip these days, who wants to see a man who still is living in the Gilligan phase? Granted, he had some okay stuff with the 'Wings', but fucking give it up already. He feels that everytime he strums on a guitar, girls are going "Ahhhhhh."
No, Paul...you kind of suck, and your audience is now filled up by "Tiger Beat" fatties from the mid-west who had no balls to come to NY for the Shea concert.

Ginger is palitable...

For Bart...To recognize the hotness.
"Death Scream"
"The Day The Women Got Even"
"Friendship, Secrets & Lie's"
"Nightmare in Badham County"
"Rosemary's Other Baby"

ah man, those channel 7 Friday night movies ruled. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Some Paella for Thursday...

Someone needs to dig into Andrea Peyser's history and discover something.


In a city of 9 million people, don't cha think we would be first on Sprints list to make service available? My third apartment and all I do is ROAM.


A Proud Daddy: I 'discovered' Cate Blanchett when I saw "Paradise Road" and then "Oscar and Lucinda" before she made her semi breakthrough with "Elizabeth." Please invest your movie dollars in "Babel."

My newest wage per hour is less than what a babysitter makes. (see desperate/AKA Mario Battali's place)

Monday, October 23, 2006

Waiting for the Night

Sandy West died.
I am so sad.
Joan dedicated her show on Saturday night.
Posted by Picasa
The song "Everyday is like Sunday" (Morrissey) came on as I wrote the last entry.

Romper Room

Did you ever listen to a song and get so enraptured. So caught up in the beauty and the melodies. You are a thousand miles from here(space), that you don't care about looking cool for that party; that your breathe is ok,;that your tits actually look good in that shirt.
I love being transported to this place.
I pray that you can feel this today.
I do.
mick

Job #312

When i lived in Miami beach, I worked @ this Youth Hostel. It was the second greatest job in my life. I met people from every country.
Being Italian by insemination, I had an affinity to these T.O.N.Y.'s
The thing is; everyone(Japanese, German, French et al) knew a little English, but it seems all these Italians were like goats in the road.
I honestly prayed for them and their safety. They were like "We go to Hialeah", and I'm like "NO" you will get killed.
I am smiling so much this morning because I just downloaded a compalation ofPearl Jams greatest hits in Europe. One stop was Bologna, Italy and they(the Italians) sang/knew every song. Fast forward to me bawling.

So, not the hipster

I was at Wigstock (maybe 1989 or 90) with Phineus (yeah, that was his name; for true). He had come from Florida, a guest, I guess.
Some girl had this 1940's camera, and she took our photo. I regaled then recinded.
That night Phin told me he had read all my journals.
I'm still finding markings in the margin where he wrote his little extra's.
Little fuck.

Just like Yesterday

I was working at 'Lemon' which was in itself a freaking lemon, but this was 1996. Fuck! I can not believe it.
The only reason why I know this is because Alanis M. came out with a 10 year retrospective on her album.
We were holding the after party for(Alanis) Maddie's label, and the success off the aforementioned.
None of us were that psyched to tell you the truth.
Then someone set up a mic in the alley and stated that Sade was going to be here. It took less than five minutes for everyone @ Lemon to have a boner or hard nipples. I'm not lying. Frig Madonna...fucking Sade was going to be here.
Sade never showed, but tons of artists did. Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins) smoothed over my dome and (he newly shorn) regaled in me.
The biggest 'what the fuck' came by seeing the guys from 'Alice in Chains.' Man, they looked so hot.
2 months later...Layne Stanely killed himself.
I honestly wanted to cuddle up to layne. He looked so hot, in a suit, I thought he had his shit together. I was wrong. Poor bubby.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

"Brothers and Sisters"

Wattch it...

Give me an "L"

Man, I've been the biggest loser on the interview front. I can't seem to put my finger on where I am going wrong.
I'd hate to name drop but I have this awesome (conservative) Hugo Boss suit, and I shaved my head so meticulously and then I have this thing with dropping 25 cent words into the conversation, and still, I leave these interviews barren. No hope in sight. I'm not trying too hard, yet I may be, subconsciously.
I just wish I had a friend who knew me and said, "Go to H.R. on Monday morning and we will take it from there." I have so much to offer and it kind of makes me all sorts of bummed out.
Should I be blatant: "I have a very high IQ and you will succeed with me in this position." How pretentious.
I know I am going to be slicing ham for you behind the deli counter. I should have networked.

Rhymes with Osama

Seems like the Dems are hip on Barak Obama. Yeah, he's got his shit together and all, but is this our new failure for the next elections? What's wrong with Joseph Biden? Man, when I hear this guy talk, I question why he is not mentioned more often. I think he has some skeletons and it sucks because with a Biden/Obama ticket, we could win.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

6 degrees of Kevin Bacon

I think it was 1993 or 4 that I worked at 'The Sunset Marquis Hotel & Villa's.' I started by being a room service order taker (great stories) and then I was moved up to 'private villa butler.' We had 6 villa's (condo's) wherein people (uber money) rented these out for months at a time while they were filming whatever. I was the 'liaison' between the manager/handler and the hotel. They went to me first. It was weird and fun. If Al Pacino called at 3:30 am and asked for a 'bloody Caesar', I was there. I was on call all the time.
Linda Perry checked in. She was from 'Four non Blondes' fame. "Hey, hey...What's going on"
She was so cool. I sat there in my starched white chef coat thing which I was required to wear as she strummed acoustic, with her gorgeous voice. Back then she was sporting those nasty dreadlocks. Hey, she was a lesbian in a mans world.
She has worked with C. Aguliera and others, but most noteworthy is the work she is doing with Courtney Love.
Right after I left this job (heh), Courtney checked in and had a huge fight with Trent Reznor. Dam. I missed this.
I can go on print by saying 'America's Sweetheart' (courtney's first solo) is not as bad as every disector makes it out to be.
I guess you have to love the voice first, ya know.
She's no Dusty S.
I bought the 'teenage whore' album on whim. A whim that took me to Hackensack since Bleeker Bob's did not have it.
I am loving the new Courtney, I just can not put to much faith in her, because I lack faith in myself these days.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Grassy knowles

My head is going to implode. These Republicans have a commercial which has Bin Laden's face and a ticking time bomb voice over in the backround.
I want to scream. I want to tackle this asshole commander in chief.
Thanks for making us a paranoid state.
Look at these asshole politicians. They all think they are in the ring. How does any country which considers themselves free have so much polorizing views?
We are not free. We are so seperated. Besides asswipe coming for the UN meetings, when was the last time in the last 6 years that Bush has been in New York? Does he visit any sates? This is like 'America's jumping the shark' with this guy in command. And i blame everyone over 18for not voting.
I know, I am going to get my ass out there to get fags to vote. Maybe there is a j/o slash voting booth in Chelsea?
We are not only the laughingstock, but also the biggest target.

Sigh

When the day is long
and the night,
the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough
of this life,
well hang on.
Don't let yourself go,
everybody cries
and everybody hurts
sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone,
(hold on, hold on
If you feel like letting go,
(hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life,
well hang on.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Joke

A boss and his worker were in the storeroom.
The boss turns to the worker and says;
"I'm going to need you to look after things for a couple of days"
The worker asks;
"Why boss, what's up?"
The boss states;
"I'm going to Saskatchawan"
The worker says;
"What are you going there for, the only thing that comes from Saskatchawan
are whores and hockey players"
The boss says;
"My wife is from Saskatchawan"
Two beats later, the worker asks;
"What position does she play."

Thanks to David Rackoff "Fraud"
I am usually in the workers position of foot in mouth syndrome.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

That's some rough shit

60 Minutes had a great piece tonight on the Duke lacrosse players who were accused of raping the stripper they invited over. Because of the racial make up of Dukes surrounding areas (mostly black-low income) juxtaposed by the students families (rich-mostly white), a witch hunt was brought on by the state and the media. No one realized an over zealous D.A., lack of evidence and the credibility of the stripper in question was as newsworthy as headlines about spoiled white frat boys and rape.
Ed Bradley also talked to the other stripper who denies any of this happened. I love the timed photo's they show that one of the players took of the stripper passed out by their door. Of the injuries she claims she sustained but were visible before the alleged attack in the photos. Of her swinging on a pole 2 weeks afterwards.
This was a great journalistic investigation.
One thing that made me wonder was when the DA was asked about the lack of DNA evidence, he said; "...We did not have DNA 20 years ago and we handled these cases..." Yeah, did they not use to hang people 60 years ago for this kind of thing, based soley on accusations?
Rape is serious, I know, and I know the statistics and I fear for my niece. But I feel that besmirching three guys names is just as worse. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Pretty on the Inside

I love Courtney, always have. Through thick and thin (body types), all albums and all public nusinces. This is a clip from a documentary shown in England and was filmed around April of this year, it's pretty cool how she seems like she has her shit together. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

"So, you like rollerskating..."

One of my favorite 'Simpsons' episodes is when Lisa thinks she is Fugly. She is getting this caricarture done, and the guy is like, "You like rollerskating right? Everybody likes rollerskating." Obviously it was the only thing he could draw.
Is it me or are people just caricatures of there lives these days.
A couple of years back there was this commercial wherein this studly guy drove up in a Vette or something. The women in the background saying something about his over compensating. It got a lot of press.
These days, I look around, and it's like no one has any identity. White boys trying to be black. Asian chicks trying to be white/black. Grandpa homos trying to be young. And it's all in the same vein. Advertisement. If I was on 'Survivor' and was naked for a month straight and then I found an Abercrombie shirt, I would not wear it.
I wanna upchuck every time I log onto a guy who I may want to meet and he's sporting some 'Sexyback' (barf) look. Grow the fuck up.
When I sometimes want to comment on sites, I read the previous posts and then I sign off. These are people I do not want to be around. I'm such a cunt. I know.
I made light of this earlier in a post entitled: "What not to do do when you pose for a personal ad picture." (I think #1 was: don't throw gang signs).
I'm so unsure of the world today. The people running it, the people advertising it and the people profiting off it. I'm a cynical twat and i apologize to any woman reading this, I am using the word twat like the Irish...Meaning...Absolute asshole.
You know what sucks the most? I have kept my INTEGRITY for 20 plus years and here I am bitching about it.