Friday, December 15, 2006

No Need to hide your disappointment

Those of you who have travelled down this long and arduous highway with me in the hopes that I might secure myself a job for more than maybe, let's say a month, I've got some bad news.

Interview on Monday went well. I'm scrapping the bottom here, I'm applying for line cook positions, because I really need money, badly, and if you look on Craig's List, there are tons of these positions available. About two thirds of that ton are corporate umbrella type jobs. Meaning, there are hardly any 'mom and pop' restaurants in NYC anymore. Everything is affiliated with either an ego maniacal chefs 'name' or some 'theme' type restaurant whose corporate owners greedy, roux stained hands are umbrella's for any restaurant over 80 seats. 'Ruby Foo's' begot 'Dos Caminos' begot 'Atlantic Grill' begot 'Blue Fin' etcetera. And that is just one corporation (Be R Guest <--- figures it's a frigging Disney tune!). This joint I interviewed at was newly opened (bad sign). The first chef quit (can a flag be any redder?) The new chef seemed okay, and I specifically told him 'what I was looking for'. He yessed me to death. He actually wanted me to train that night (sung to the tune of 'Desperado'). I declined. I went back Tuesday and trained. You know what's funny about these places? The kitchen area has to be the most homophobic work place of professionals. Fag jokes and 'boyfriend' jabs are tossed around like a vinaigrette on frisse. Either all these guys are just closet cases or they are all idiots with bad jokes.
I totally got thrown into the mix right away and I superseded any expectations, and 5 hours later, with no training pay (these bastards have some racket), the chef hired me. He told me to come back today(Thurs) @ 2:30. I immediately sensed something was amiss. He was like a giant dick to me. He was telling me about these strippers who were there the previous night for someones Christmas party dressed in these skimpy outfits, and I was like, "Yeah?" or "Really". Like I was not all, testosterone about it. Who gives a crap. Then he would tell me things to do, and I'd be doing them and he was just so contradictory. I swear to you, my dear friends, I almost left three times, but I took a few deep breaths and I told/psyched myself into staying because I have to. The service started and this guy just ripped apart EVERY FUCKING THING I DID. I could make an amazing Risotto blindfolded, and he is seasoning it with more and more salt. Then he says something else to me, and he's like, 'What's wrong with you?' and next sentence, "Pay attention." FUCK YOU, you dick. Fuck you and that 27 year old chef mentality you have.
I was like, pulling off my fucking rubber gloves, "I don't need this shit" (very low voiced) but it seems that the whole kitchen became quiet. I frigging felt so justified walking out of there with my head held high. No dickbrain has ever nor will ever talk to me this way.
P.S. This is how hunger starved for compliments these guys (chefs) are. He was standing next to me, making a Demi-Glace, and he tasted it, and I hear him say to himself, "Sometimes I amaze myself."
I'm pissed because I left my French knife there. Dammit.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Welcome. Now go home.

Why are tourists such idiots? Even worse, when they are travelling en -masse. I mean with all those heads together can none of them come up with a concrete decision or the right directions? Did any of them research this trip they are on? Buy a "Fodors" or a "Let's Go"? Jeez. The Internet even has guides and directions and subway tips.
Do I sound too elitist? Do I sound like a stuck up New Yorker? I don't mean to be.
It seems that NYC has become a year round tourist destination. It use to be that the summers were do-able, and we would have February through April sans the ever increasing size (in number and girth) of these visitors.
It's not really the amounts of people that bothers me, it's the clear headiness in which they do things. Walking at a turtles pace four abreast on the sidewalks and up the subway stairs. During rush hour no less. Stopping mid sidewalk to pull out a map or gaze up at a building. Holding up lines in deli's or shops because Martha, who is in the bathroom, has the traveller's cheques. Traveller's Cheques!
I guess this would make most New Yorkers the savviest of traveller's themselves. I don't know.

Maybe it's all of us. The euphoria of a new city, the people watching and the shops. But, all I ask is, get a clue. Make a decision. If you are standing on the same subway platform with me for ten minutes with all the ladies from your red hat club, and the train pulls in, is this the time to feel hesitant if you are on the right side or if this is the right train to go to 'Ground Zero'? I know security is better in numbers but is it better in bunches blocking the revolving doors or at the top of the escalator? Must you all gather round the Metro-Card machine for one card?
I would like to make a video that will play on every Hotel channel in Manhattan. Just my little way of giving back.

Ancient Chinese Secret

I was walking along Rivington Place this afternoon and I spotted Monica Lewinsky shopping with an older woman. I of course was dropping off yet another resume.
The ferry going home was so overheated and so stuffy I sort of started nodding off. And I was thinking about the 'blue dress.'
Didn't she say that she tried to dry clean it but the sperm did not come (for lack of a better word) out?
Suddenly, I was awake, and I'm like, what?
Not to gross any of my female readers out, but, I am a guy. And, well I'm 41, and I've not been in a relationship for most of my life. So, I ask you to do the math.
Wasn't it a Gap dress? Probably a cotton blend or such? 60% cotton 40% rayon maybe? I've got better thread count sheets and they are sans stains. Same with some of my underwear.
So, now I'm confused. If anyone could answer this query, much thanks.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Next...on Lifetime

10 friends struggle through every day life in "Soccer Moms". STARRING
Judith Light as the coma victim, Tracy Gold as the illegitimate daughter, Donna Mills as the MILF, Lisa Hartman Black as the horse whisperer, Merideth Baxter-Birney as the abused housewife,Jaclyn Smith as the jilted secretary, Nancy McKeon as the single mother to a bi racial child, Valerie Bertanelli as the alcoholic, Michelle Lee as the shoplifter& Alexandra Paul as the professional dominatrix...with Tori Spelling as Carl the handyman.

I've been meaning to share this with you

I found this book of short stories written by Woody Allen from the early eighties. It's mostly an accumilation of stories he had written for "The New Yorker." The title of the book is called "Side Effects" and this quote comes from a story called 'Condemned.'

It kinda really made me think.

"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good one's slept better, Cloquet thought, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."

No Go For My Bro

So, my brother, Dr. Italiano is a BIG staunch Republican. Like, Major. He's younger than me by three years and our childhood name for him was 'bucky' (due to teeth) which changed to the popular, 'grouch'.He did really well in school and from a young age he had always wanted to be a Doctor. Problem being, we were in no position to afford anything other than State College and that required student loans, forget about the additional years of schooling required to become a doctor.
My mother heard about this deal wherein the Navy will pay for your Medical School, and depending on the amount of years you go to school, that is how many years you must give to the Navy by being a doctor for them.
Well, I guess the first couple of years went so well for him (the Clinton years, I may add) that he re-upped and signed a contract for 6 more years. He re-upped again, both times getting big ass bonuses.
Lately, his man, George 43 has sent him to Guantanamo Bay for 2 years, where he came back a different man, started gambling big time, got transferred to Connecticut, lost his house to gambling, and now guess what, they want to send him to Iraq.
This is the brother who for the last 3 years has driven me to madness when we would argue of this frigging war. He expressing the validity of it, quoting his National Review Magazines.
Well Grouchy aka Bucky is refusing to go, and he may get brought up on some sort of charges soon if he does not change his mind.

Friday, December 08, 2006

From Nikkie Finke of the LA Weekly

Calling Planet HollywoodSo I’ve read The Hollywood Reporter’s annual list of sky-high-earning actresses, and all I can say about some in the top 10: on what planet? Here are my reasons:

1. Nicole Kidman: Makes $16 mil–$17 mil per picture. What she should be earning: less than $1 mil.That’s right, I’m saying that Nicole should practically be paying film companies to hire her, not the other way around. That’s because she’s poison at the box office, the female equivalent of Sean Penn. Women dislike her, men don’t think she’s sexy, and those Chanel ads induce nausea. My guess is Nicole’s rate dates back to Sony Pictures overpaying her for that bomb Bewitched. Since then, she’s been doing smaller films, but is signing for studio projects right now. Note to majors: Save your $$$ and hire Reese or Angelina.

2. Reese Witherspoon: $15 mil. What she should be earning: $25 mil.Reese can do no wrong. Women love her, men love her, and the camera loves her. And she’s smart: When she was looking for a new agency, she lamented not owning her Legally Blonde character because it’ll be Broadway bound. Which doesn’t mean all her films are great, but she’s always great in them. She opens a movie. ’Nuff said.

3. Renée Zellweger: $15 mil. What she should be earning: $5 mil.Renée doesn’t open movies, unless the material is Bridget Jones–cloned. She’s fine as the wife or girlfriend, but her price needs to be cut to a third. Worse, audiences are sick of her changing hair color whenever she changes parts. That’s a dye job, not an acting job. Sadly, she’s lost her once-winning girl-next-door quality; now she’s trying to be a fashion diva. Ugh.

4. Drew Barrymore: $15 mil. What she should be earning: $3 mil.Drew has never been able to open a movie, and she never will. That doesn’t mean she isn’t sweet onscreen, but lately her roles have been too saccharine. If only she’d bring back that Poison Ivy edginess she once had. Women like her, but they don’t want to be her (or even briefly married to Tom Green), whereas men don’t think she’s hot anymore. Drew’s price should go up when she grows up.

5. Cameron Diaz: $15 mil. What she should be earning: $7 mil.Put her in a bikini, and she’s worth it. Put her in a chick flick (In Her Shoes, The Holiday), and she’s not. Everyone finds her sexy, but women don’t like her. (It’s jealousy. And not just because of Justin.) Plus, from the neck up, she simply doesn’t have much range as an actress.

6. Halle Berry: $14 mil. What she should be earning: $5 mil.Once she lost her shot at launching a new franchise as 007’s Jinx, she lost what should have been her biggest paydays. Alas, she’s now the wrong side of 40, and Hollywood is cruel that way.

7. Charlize Theron: $10 mil. What she should be earning: $10 mil.A smart actress, surrounded by smart people, doing smart roles. Just don’t fuck it up with too many vanity projects.

8. Angelina Jolie: $10 mil. What she should be earning: $25 mil.There’s no one hotter and cooler right now than Angelina onscreen and off (just ask the stalkarazzi), but that could change if she starts auditioning for sainthood by making too many message movies. Let’s hope she’s too badass for that.

9. Kirsten Dunst: $8 mil–$10 mil. What she should be earning: $1 mil.Eventually, the Spider-Man franchise will end. Marie Antoinette dying in theaters didn’t help her price. She was an idiot not to star in Bring It On sequels for big bucks. She’s not sexy enough and she won’t age well with audiences. This is a career about to end.

10. Jennifer Aniston: $8 mil. What she should be earning: $1 mil.She’s not a movie star. She’s a TV star. Big difference. Most of all, she’s not an interesting actress. She can’t open a movie, and her choice of material is abysmal. Sure, The Break-Up did okay business, but that was because of Vince and in spite of her. Soon she’ll be lucky to score the next Lifetime movie.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Enable

When you read this word, what do you think of? It's a very tricky word.
I use to thing of this word, translating into "helper, abider."
Until I went to ReHab.
Then this word took on a different twist.
If any of you watch 'Intervention' you might come to know a different definition of this word.
It's more along the lines of 'aiding and abetting (sic)."
It's a very popular word in the Hab.
(i just made that word up-{Hab}-hah)

Basically every family that attends the 'family meeting' 9 weeks into your recovery is introduced to this term. Because of the fact that they came (9 hour drive to Lake Saranac) means one thing.
The 'enabler' noun can be tossed about ad nauseam.
You were stupid enough to give your son a key to your has and now he robbed everything. Enabling.
You pay your sons rent because he is in this black stage and depressed. Enabling.

Whore

I've loved Theresa Russell since "Track 28", "Black Widow". I'm glad she is making some money lately. She is HARD looking but gorgeous. I wish I was a casting agent. Posted by Picasa

USA...USA!!!(channel)

Today was the Season 5 marathon for L&O:CI. (Law and Order:Criminal Intent) on the USA channel. If you do not watch this show, skip down to the next post.
I was in Rehab when this was happening. I did not understand why Vin D'Onofrrio and Kate Erbe were on one week and then (gasp) Mr. Big and my girl (Annabella Sciorra) were on the next.
A Wiki Post states that Vincent D'Onofrio (amazing actor: "The Whole Wide World" yeah I know "Full metal Jacket.) was suffering from a kind of nervous breakdown/exhaustion thing. Dick Wolfe (creator of L&O) decided to split the ..."Criminal Intent" shows between 2 teams. Hence Sciorra and Noth.

When I came out of Rehab and I was in the halfway house from hell, never able to change the channel on the 3 seperate televisions(playing Rap video's) in the house, I gave up on my favorite shows.
They were to be repeats that I have never seen before in my life, and in the words of REM; "I feel fine."
Dick Wolf was really testing me. I have to make a decision between "Oz" Erbe or "Soprano's" Sciorra. On "L&O" Hmmmm.
Erbe wins in a decision. While watchimg this season with Noth and Annabella it seems she is phoning it in, although I must think she was playing her character this way, I think she is just too beautiful to be credible in this situation. She is supposed to be the smarter one. But, now I wonder why she either left or got fired from this gig.
I completely dig Annabella Sciorra.
I completely dig Katheryne Erbe. More.
It's like rooting for 2 underdogs.
The worse thing he can do is add Lil Taylor. I'd be fucked.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Ben is Love

Thanks to bart , I need to talk about Ben.
In 1991 my whole world was crashing around me. The prior 3 years I was this club kid without the make-up. I was working 4 hours during the day and making major dollars and going out every single night getting free admission into Limelight, MK,The Roxy, The Underground et al. With drink tickets to boot.
But everything was falling apart. Or was it me?
In 1992, after a few weekend visits to So. Beach, Fla. with Joyce; I kept on reading that this was going to be the new 'Toronto' (meaning film industry.) I was taking all these scattered classes and lectures to hone my script @ that moment, and I thought that maybe, if I was in this budding enviorment, I might be able to meet with someone.
Brian (ex-lover/best friend) was now in Los Angeles. He was a semi succesful model in NYC and he was having trouble assimilating to the model/actor role he had to be in L.A. (Stiff as an emery board is what I remember him telling me his agent said on that commercial interview),
South Beach was the European catalog capital. (The sunlight) Remember when all those German tourists were getting shot? Yeah, that time.
Anyway, I had no choice but to make a move. I could not handle the 2 bedroom @ Washington Square by myself for (gulp...only) $1100. I did not want to deal with the parade of perspective roomates. 92 of them or so. It was a down market then (stocks, rent) so I just decided to fold like a crepe.
I moved down to Fla. two weeks later. I secured a spot in a weekly hotel room for Brian and I; who moved down a week later.
Yeah. I convinced him.
He braught down his little pup. Ben. He was about 9 months old now.
I never had a pet. I have always been afraid of dogs. (I use to deliver the "Daily News"). Ben was this 'bluff' Cocker Spanial. Dirty blonde-ish (bluff).
It was at this moment in my life that I truelly experienced unconditional love. (BTW: the song, "Unconditional Love" by Cyndi Lauper is so underated).
I could NOT wait to get out of work and run up to the motel/hotel and take Benny for his walk.
I taught him how to swim in the ocean. It freaking brings tears to my eye's thinking of it now.
He ate this whole slew of Kenny Cole shoes that I had been gifted. He just, I guess loved me so much when I (we) were out of the room, he needed our scent.
I wrote this great poem about benny called "Ben is Love." If anyone would like to read it I will send it to you.
Hindsight: To have this beagle-ish 'Snoopy' dog just love me and follow me around and obey me and trust me (when we went swimming the first time in the ocean, ben was shaking so much, I thought he was going to have a heart attack). Afterwards, when we went to Laguna (in Los Ang), he would Charge into the ocean.
Brian, Myself and Benny slept in the same bed every night. Do you know how beautiful it is to be woken up by these little velvety kisses by this sandpaper like tongue. And he knew all my hot spots. (I'm laughing writing this). He use to lick my ear til I was like, "Benny?" And he would have this huge smile on his face.
God is love.
Love is a dog.
God Dog.

Job #313 Update

Thank You, God
(Even if I do not get it)

I met for my interview on Saturday with Administration. Grueling, but good, because I felt so confident that this position was tailor made for me. I did not stammer or sweat. They left to have a confrence. They than asked me to meet with someone higher up today, Sunday.
I feel it went even better today. Unless I am a delusional. I'll know tomorrow a.m.
Perks: 9-5:30, M-F. Benefits after 60 days. Job Security and tons of advancement. Sweet.

Oh Yeah, I guess I should thank the kidney stones, because without them, I would still be putting in 6 days at 12-14 hours a day for the same money in a location by the S.I. Landfill.

(special thanks to Laura & Tesa)

Friday, December 01, 2006

And I think it's Gonna Rain Today

Today (friday) we are supposed to get a nice big storm. I can't wait because it would be the brightest thing in my life this week.
Of course, I have been interviewing again, since my aborted attempt at working 3 weeks ago hindered by nature and a bad diet in the form of kidney stones. I was told not to get too stressed. Ha-fucking-Ha.
Anyway, I've been sending out reams of resumes and getting call backs to interview and going on the interviews only to find out that the job they described is 'not exactly' the job the explained in the ad, per se. And like, I'm in no position to refuse anything, let alone a job that would have me waking at 3:30 am to get to the UWS by 5:30 am or the job (because they know they have you by the balls) that pays less than a babysitter or for that matter lestt than double of what my friend pays her housekeeper per hour. Every great job posting I see, I hit send with my resume and cover letter and say to myself "Be the Ball." (This was an expression I learned which helped me to hit better in baseball).
So, as I wait for my phone to ring with a 212 area code calling back with hopes that it is from the bachelor who is looking for someone to cook at his place for him nightly or from the the restaurant that needs an expeditor (salary, benefits, not cooking), I feel like once again I have to give in to the shitty job(s) that hire me on the spot. (The Kosher Restaurant, The Pakastani Deli who wants me to cook E-talian stuff).
Earlier today a job got posted for an Admin. Asst. for a High Profile Catering Org. to be a direct liason between the Chef and the Office with specified duties listed.
I could not type fast enough. I could not make the cover letter most specific to the fact that this job was for me. I wanted to implore them with out sounding too desperate to the fact that, I Want This Job.
Send.
Be the Ball. Be the Ball.
I get zero phone reception in my apartment. Sometimes, I'll leave the house and like 3 minutes later I will find out that I have 3 missed phone calls.
I shut my phone off. I went outside every hour after I hit send to see if I had any calls. On the 3rd attempt, I got the call (besides a few other jobs that I just put to save). The guy seems pretty cool. He is going to meet with me tomorrow (Sat.) and when I hung up and got up to my apartment, I freaking broke down.