Saturday, September 30, 2006

Preverbial shit; hitting fan

Last week was a wake up call to my whining. In rehab they have this saying; "Get off the pity pot."
So, sans tooth; I will fill you in.
Every highlighted name is someone in my circle. My circle consists of 4 great friends and my family.

Yolanda (my sis in law) has to go back for a second mammography.

Barbara (aka Babs) has to have her breasts "needled" (I do not know the correct term for this procedure.) If liquid comes out of the lumps, that's good (a cyst). No liquid = biopsy.

Carol's (pic. of her and me in April archives) Mom has discovered spots on both lungs.

Donna (my truest love; mother of three with a dickhead husband whom she kicked out; friends 25 years) has been having these brain spasms and she had to wear a cap with electrodes for a full day after an unsuccessful EKG. No tentative diagnosis was determined. Script given for iron supplements and spasms continue.

I could put a colon and right hand parenthesis and make a sad face after each of these statements but that would belittle the situation. And here I am bitching and moaning about losing a tooth for a week. I absolutely love these women. They all are my age, and reality is kicking in.
I honestly do not fear death. The only thing I fear about it is not having enough coverage for my funeral and sticking the bill on someone.
That said. I fear for everyone else's health. I'm selfish that way.
I pray for these peoples positive outcomes and I get distracted too easily. I need the monastic environs of my rehab upstate. I pray on the train and get distracted. I pray in my bed (when I wake intermittently at 3 and 4 am) and get distracted from the white noise of the running t.v. in the background.
I just hope that God knows, these persons' outcomes are a gigantic heaviness on my heart.

The Best Word in the World Pt.2


Oxymoron #2

War on Terrorism

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Toothy McGrinner

Sunday I discussed with my mother what my future will be holding for me, could be holding for me, with some set plans for looking forward and upward. She's a frigging hard cookie to convince, but she appreciated my candor and the fact that I have followed her advice my whole life and all the rash mis-steps that I made were me running from personal aspects in my life that I hadn't yet come to accept at that point.
I felt great going home and as I was working on my script, my tongue was playing with the tooth next to my front tooth, which is kind of loose.
Before I knew it, it was hanging on a thread and three quarters of the way out of my gums.
I kind of resemble a Jack-o-lantern.
Not the best time to get head shots.

Monday, September 25, 2006

this is either really Jersey or really gay

Anjelina Jolie is on ass-smacker's show "Inside the Actor's Studio"
God almighty, this woman is a freaking goddess.
She is the hottest woman I have ever laid eye's on.
I would be with her in a second and I know I would get a boner.
I sound like such 'a gay' saying, I freaking Love her,
but I do.

Let it go

When I was about 9, my mom received some tickets for "A Chorus Line" for her family as a gift. Then, we were going through a divorce; so, the sperm donor drove us to Manhattan, and while we watched the show he was probably screwing some whore or at OTB.
We were driving home, on the Verazanno Bridge, and there is this big turn and there are these zebra 'warning' stripes.
We were all talking about the show still (I was taken with how it moved my Mom to tears), when I stood in the Cadillac (natch) backseat and peered over the two front passengers (Mom and Bio dad).
"Mom, I'm gonna be on Broadway too. And you can come to every show I'm in."
Up until this point in my life, I had never expressed any desire to be a cop or a fireman or an architect.
Sperm Donor turns around from driving, grabs me by the throat and tells me "No son of mine is going to be some faggot actor."

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Ben is Love

This WAS to be the name of my production company (if ever). Ben is the name of Brian's cocker spanial. It was when we moved down to Miami. Ben was like, 9 months old. I taught him to swim, and he taught me about intruistic love.
About three weeks ago I had a dream that Benny had died. (It's 13 years)
So, I called Brian @ the "ranch."
I left a message.
Two weeks later, I saw I had a VM. The operator was like 7-6-0 and I was like; where the frig is 760? " Hey Mickey, this is Brian..."
I instantly hit save.
I don't know why? I am always guilty.
Tonight, I listened to it. It was full of hate and rage and fuck you. I am so freaking sad now. I have been face-masked.
I lived my FUCKING LIFE through this asshole. I gave up everything other than being a housewife for this dick.
I have lost hope in make up sex.


I heard this years ago and it kind of makes sense.
Let's go back to the beginning of time or whatever.
There were tribes.
And each of us descended from such a tribe.
It was said that we would all find those from our original tribe.
That, this is who we gravitate towards.

Thanks guys or should I say, tribal ancestors


They say it's your

I became disgusted with Birthday's in Los Angeles. Brian would get these ivites stating: "Come join me.." Valet Parking available at my house..."

I wanted to throw up, and my cynisism rubbed off on him.
I wonder what's up with him these days.

Today is my birthday.
My mom is making eggplant parm. My desert island food.
God, I love her so much...

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Frig Contracts

So this is the deal i spoke of a few months ago. I was supposed to be on the Bravo show "Top Chef." I had a second call back, yet the day before one half of the production team asked me to come up with 'something' from my Past.
Errkkk. (car brakes slamming).
I went home that night thinking. Whay shall I reveal?
Gay is passe; and everyone knows all chefs are finoche's. (Italian word for fennel which also means 'gay')
I was not about to tell these eager beaver producers about my last 4 months in Rehab...they would have loved that.
Can you imagine? Everytime my face was plastered on the screen, underneath it would say "12 stepper" or "Drunk Bitch"
I would not prostitute myself for 100G.
So, I went for the secons interview at some hotel on 58th street (very cool, I might add).
I did the whole intervirew and, honestly, I was barren, but I did not think I had to be an actor. I wanted to recite recipe's.
So, blond assistant; who lived in Los Angelos yet knew nowhere I knew except for KooKooRoo was the person prompting me for fodder.
I told them I have not been in a relationship in over 8 years and that I have been through, possibly, 76 jobs.
Lookit...I'm seeing the promo's. I am so much canera ready (better looking) and talented.


Oooh, your my best friend

I remember being in High School and being friends with all these people and we were like, whimper weep, "it will never end." Well it did. I am now back in my hometown and I walk with my head down just so I will not see any of these 'monstrosities'--hah.
The thing is...I met Donna while I was in college. That was in 83 ish. We have had our ups and downs...usually my ups made her take downs; but I have known and loved this woman for 25 years-through 3 children-one dog who went to chase rabbits upstate and an asshole husband.

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Best Word in the World Pt. I



Scroll up...Look at my mug. Do I look like a big pansey? I have no lisp and I do not do Crystal.
All stereotypes are gone, right?
I fucking love "The Gilmore Girls."
I thought the gayest thing in my life was the brown "Carpenters" album.
Yet, maybe it's the witty banter or the pop references, but mostly it's the acting.
Kelly Richmond who plays Mrs. Gilmore is; the best actress . I IMDB'ed her and found out she won a Tony and an Obie. Cool.
Liza Weil is brilliant as Rory's nemesis. I actually IMDB'ed her after an episode of L&O:SVU.
I think that's when I started watching.
Anyway, this is a guilty pleasure you only admit on line or in an interview of Detour.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Mickey Italiano BUSTED...story at eleven

I can not begin to relate these last two days to you.
I was ready to walk from my job (as in, bolt) both yesterday, and today(and two weeks ago when I GAVE the first "two weeks notice" of my life.)
I fucking hate this job so much, it ties knots in my stomach at night and I pee a little blood in the am.

The sad thing is, I work with three people daily.

I am the guy who would get the best dinner (from the chef) via the dishwasher when I was Front of the House (waitering).
I am the guy who did not call Dajib, Nabs; because I could tell them apart.
When I cooked, I made the "Family Meal (all the employee's) with more love and care than I did the customers.
I loved all these restaurant people I worked with in Manhattan.
Fast Forward:
Staten Island...
I have this "Utility Man" <---pots, pans and jail teeth assisting me. Apparently he "went" (got sent while in Rikers for being on good behavior) to (gasp) 'Culinary School' and he thinks he is better than me.
I gave this job my two day notice because of this guy; and they have not come to me with any compromise. I am so fucking delighted. I felt so liberated when I told them this tonight.
I think they might be happy with this guy being their 'prision chef'? That will work, right? Who doesn't like a good balony sandwich. Poor Bubbies.
I need a job now. I do not want to not be on my feet anymore.
My fucking feet are killing me.
I mean; I'm not like that fat lady in the office who never leaves her chair, it's just that because of years on those black rubber mats my feet are aching.
Oh, the Busted part.
I cashed my check, and I ran up to the New Dorp train station to catch the 7:29. Of course, because I was not waiting for the train, it came early.
By the way, these are above the ground stations. I now had 20 minutes to wait for the next train.
On minute 14 I lit a cigerette and about a minute later I saw this husky man in blue coming down the stairs. Instinctively, I put the cig out. Fatty did not give me a warning. He saw the shaved head and he thought he made a killing. He called for back-up. (He could not, I swear; get in on his radio to check my I.d)) I was soon ensconsed by 4 of NYC finest. I wanted to scream. This was like a Sarte experience. Or a Munch painting. Whatever. I got a ticket after an hour of waiting when tubby said it would take a minute.
P.S. There was a hotty Russian woman cop. She was blonde (like Oxiana Biulle) and she was looking at me like; "fatty is such a dick...he does not even know the code" He didn't. He had to ask the sargeant what the code was for smoking on the platform.---> FAT FUCKING DICK


i just got free HBO for a month because all I wanted was to have Bravo added to my "150 channels plus Internet" and it wasn't there. I struck a new deal. Anyway, because I was pleasant to 'Rico' on the phone, he gave me 1 month free of HBO.
Hence me watching; "Meet the Focker's" tonight. I only saw like the first (boring) 30 minutes when Donna called.
I just caught the last 30 minutes as well.
But I am reminded of my days at United Talent Agency (UTA) {<---a powerhouse} when we repped Teri Polo and we sent numerous (!) tapes of her out every frigging day.
It worked.
Meanwhile; Streisand (who is very good here) got better billing then she; who was in the origional.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Hate is a strong word!!!

I kind of hate talking about porn-y things here, because as much as I love sex (when it droops it's ugly face at me); it's been kind of an under the cover subject with my family. I remember one time my cousin was talking about his orgasm via a shot glass and I know my mother was aghast. I, was just confused (still...hah).
I remember watching the "Queer as Folk" (Brittish Version) and one of the mom's of the gay guy said: "You know what it is...they are sucking cock"
This kind of made a profound statement to me. Cause it's the truth.
My mother and I can not converse, because; I think...she see's me sucking cock.
(By the way, I gag at draining pasta)
I work with this cool woman...let's say her name is Kim (inside joke)
She has this like ; magna cum laude Angel-Dar.
I would never, as Joyce states "don't delude yourself."
But I have to say, I told my little "Charlie's Angels" crew about her and they are freaking jealous!
I told Donna. "Listen...I'll be history pretty soon; you guys will all meet up at the wake. And then you will all be friends."
Kind of like the 9/11 widows but with less money, and she laughed.
She knew my prophecy was true.
Anyway, "Kim" is positive. The kind of person I need in my life. And she is not here for me. Because, I require zero.
I hope to be a special moment in "Kim's" life.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Oxymoron #1

radical Muslim

Mr. Menopause

I've been crying like crazy lately. I don't know what's going on.
Last week I made the CD that will be playing at my funeral.
I discovered this gem from my "older brother" listening days.
It's on "The Desperado" album by The Eagles.
It's called "Dooling Dalton/Desperado Reprise".
I want the Desperado version playing on a loop.

The queen of diamonds let you down,
She was just an empty fable
The queen of hearts you say you never met
Your twisted fate has found you out
And it' fin'lly turned the tables
Stole your dreams and paid you with regret
Desperado(Is there gonna be anything left, is there gonna be anything?)
You sealed your fate up a long time ago(Ain't it hard when you're all alone in the center ring?)Now there's no time left to borrow(Is there gonna be anything left?)Only stardust(Maybe tomorrow)Maybe tomorrowMaybe tomorrowDesperadoDesperado


Tragedy follows me in spades. And frankly; that is a full house I can deal with. I just finished reading "Dream Brother..." by David Browne (no relation to Jax). I freaking wept when I heard this poor bubby died 7 years ago. I started having dry weaping heaves re-living it. It's so weird; that all I could think was; I could save him. Same with Edie, et al. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, September 16, 2006

I think I've seen this movie?

I signed a year lease; and I'm kind of pissed. I think (gasp) I would rather live on Long Island near my friend Donna and her three boys that she is raising alone; thanks in no part to ANOTHER dickhead dad.
We've been friends for 25 years. Isn't that weird? I write that on applications sometimes, and it seems so inconcievable.
Today I had Brooklyn Union Gas (Keyspan?), Time Warner and Con (Get an) Ed come. I was joking to Joyce last night that I hoped one of them was a hotty.
You know the routine...scheduled between 8 and 12.
Around 11:15 Keyspan arrived (kinda fugly) and a minute later Time Warner um, comes. He was fiddling around as was I...hanging these effing panels for the third time because they are too long. There I am with my Black and Decker Power Tool, when this cable guy gets my Internet up. My 'Favorites' column is listed at the left; and he's like; "I love this site"
He was playing with himself the whole time.
It was kind of weird and kind of attractive.
I feel kinda whore-ish.
Like...What do I look like?
He had a wedding band on to boot.
Guy's are pigs.

Amazing Lyrics Pt. 1116

Your father cracks a joke
And in the usual way
Empties the room
Tell all of my friends(I dont have too manyJust some rain-coated lovers
puny brothers)
Dallow, spicer, pinkie, cubittRush to danger
Wind up nowhere
Patric doonan
- raised to wait
Im tired again,
Ive tried again,
andNow my heart is full
Now my heart is full
And I just cant explain
So I wont even try to

Friday, September 08, 2006

The Island of Misfit Toys

I just woke up. I had a real nitemare.
In case anyone needs to be reminded, I live on Staten Island, New York now.
I grew up here and I have not been back in about 22 years.
I had to pick up some stuff today with the owner of the place I work at. She drove; and we passed a few familiar locations.
(Actually, i know the whole fucking island by heart, but these streets seemed new and old to me)
We rounded a curve and cruised down a street, but the rounded curve had me transfixed in a way.
When i was 5 years old I peed on my brother as we were playing on the stairs. My (ahem) father was watching us because it was my mothers bowling night. His great parental skills led him to pack a small suitcase that we had with all my stuff and take me to this location on Staten Island. It is the home of a girls private school called St. Joseph's Hill Academy, but I did not (of course) know that then. It's a creepy (at night) location and he told me it was an orphanage. He dropped me off there with my little suitcase and took off.
After I shit my pants and cried he pulled up.
Happy Fathers Day.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Just Call me

Call me me Bi...Call me a chubette...I don't care. All I know is that Hope Sandoval's voice penetrates me (quit it, you pervs) so much. I love this woman's voice so much. You might know her from her band, Mazzy Star...They had a hit or two..."Fade into You"...She's so ethereal...I'm switching teams soon.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Great Lines in songwriting Part One

"Now that I've met you,
Would you object to
Never seeing, each other again.
Cause I cant afford to;
Climb aboard you;
No ones got that much
to spend."

Trouble Enough: Aimee Mann (from 'Magnolia' sntrk)

Shnooks on tape

My family has this place in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. They go every year. I have not been for the last two. Rehab and halfways and all the other shite. I was (as of February) all set to go. Plane tix baught; bringing my gorgeous friend Donna and what do you know; I get a (kinda) real job.
Long story short...I was living in Elmhurst in February so I decided to get this "Spanish to English" book(cd) on tape. I vowed to be as proficient at Spanish than my sister in law who is from Puerto Rico. I wanted to dazzle em'. I was going to listen to this 6 cd deal on my ipod for the 5 months leading up to the trip. I was going to speak the native tongue rather than eat it in some entree I may have mis ordered.
Suffice to say; because of this wretched asshole job; I never got to go.
The kicker is this.
I was listening to my 'library' on iTunes.
And after a great 'Hole' tune (Malibu), the freaking Spanish to English cd kicks in. At first I was trying to repeat and memorize ---> sidenote: I took Spanish for 3 years and got the 'hat trick' by going to summerschool for it 3 years(!)
So she's like: me pregunta el burro (?) And before the male voice answers ; I'm like: "I own a donkey"
And then he says (to my dismay): "My donkey can not make it up the mountain".
What I'm trying to say is; I fucked off in Spanish.

Funny Part:
Female Spanish Voice: Nunca Mas

Me: I know this one...Yeah!! Cool... "No More" or "Never Again"

Male Translator: "My child is not in school today"

I swear to you. This tape is like a fucking reject. So, if I would have memorised this tape, I would have been the biggest dick.

Monday, September 04, 2006

.99 on I Tunes will get you this gem

"Float On" Modest Mouse

Sick Fucks

When i was a young lad and I use to want to hang out with my older brother. It may have been because of a sick fuck named 'log'. He was 13 at the time (me 10) and he proudly showed of his 10 incher. I grew up with him my whole life and all, but this revelation at this age struck me.
"Log" would loop his pole through the chain link fence or whip it against a tree(never witnessed by me). Yet, I did get to see the great candle incident of 1979 and I fondly remember playing Marco Polo with him in my pool and he held his pole out and I thought it was someones wrist(?).... Polo
Log was a sick fuck, but not as much as Steve Irwin....later gator


Do you know? If I put "Christina Aguliara" in my headings; I would get about 25-35 losers coming to my spot.
Fuck em.
My 'friend' Bart just wrote the greatest essay (see favorites to link to him)

i guess on all your approximations: I am a dick

People hate much.
I just think that on the outside looking in. I seem like this free spirit. And they are so jealous that I "KNOW" what's going on. Like, I know my job and I can do do it, blah...
I'm getting sabotged
Yeah, these folks want my position. (YOU CAN FUCKING HAVE IT)
They minipulated the ribs I made for 6 hours, turning the jets up from 300 to 450.
Amd meanwhile this dude who I expect it to be is supposed to be 12 stepping.