Friday, December 30, 2011

EnD oF YeAr LiSts

Downton Abbey- It's not pronounced Down-town nimrod eurudite's. I watched the next season and I will not spoiler alert tell you anything...just that Edith is a tw...ryhmes with cot.

Walking Dead I honestly wish every charector would get eaten. Starting with that little jerkoff boy and followed by Gladys Kravitz with the camper. That nosey man with his nose hair and flaining nostrils irked me.

Justified Yeah, I thought I would never get into this show, but it hooked me. Shane, the scumbag partner from "The Shield" is in it as is Margot Martingdale,one of the greatest charector actressess next to Shield alum CCH Ponder.


I just discovered "Pulling" from the BBC which ran 2 seasons which means 12 shows and it is gone. They did the same thing with the origional Queer as Folk, and it sucks. But the BBC takes the backlash (really) from the fans and they make tV movies to tie up the ends.
(I also watched all of the "Inbetweeners" and saw the movie).

"Parks and Rec" I think Alainis had a song called "Perfect"

"Revenge" 2 words. Madeline Stowe

"2 Broke Girls" Everyone calls CBS the Grandma network. I have never seen/heard more blatant and raunchy second lines in my life. It's still a decent show.

I can not wait for "30 Rock"

Saturday, December 17, 2011

At Christmas Time

Have you noticed that no one believes in God? Since we are in 2011, it had to be around 1999 when all I met were all these people from the comedy front that were atheists.
I remember turning to co-worker Lisa one day and being aghast at the atheism projected from the comics. It seemed bitter.
I may be some idiot, and thats cool.
I have a zero religion that I pray towards. I just kinda believe.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Coincidence? I think not.

In AA they say "there are no coincidences". I disagree. I can not tell you how many I have had this week. Mostly involving words.

Por Ejemplo, por vavor: (By the way, this happened twice)

I was playing Boggle Bash, which if you know what Boggle is, it is randomly making words out of the letters given (I think it is 16). You are given 3 minutes.

Usually when I play, I am listening to the many podcasts that are stuffing my iTunes.

The first time the word I was typing and the word said by the person on the podcast, simultaniously, I just freaking smiled.

Oh, I forgot to say. The words, are not your basic verbs or smaller adjectives. May I now present you with the word I remembered, so I could write it down.

I was in a game, and as soon as I typed the word, MISLEAD, the frigging comedian or whomever said this word at the moment I found it and was typing it in. Now, besides the fact that MISLEAD is a 7 letter word (4 pts.)-it is such a random word.

The other coincidences involved a reataurant I worked @, long gone, and the first story I read in NY Magazine, mentioned this restaurant in the first paragraph,very random as well, as in they were siting a specific area of Manhattan, and they said, "...right around the corner from the old Cafe Rafaella".

There was one more but I can not remember it.

(BTW: The Boggle Board pictured above contains the names of 9 countries)

Downton Abbey

I can not say enough. I was laid up for a day w/the flu. I had this show on my list of things to watch. Oh man. 16 hours later. Watch This Show!!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Girl w/ The Dragon Tattoo

Is going to wipe up at the box office...So, is the Muppets

tea leaves...This pix is of Noomi Rapice from the European Version (who is more foxier (if you can believe it) sans makeup).

Boggle Bash

I play this for like hours on end. If I am all ready for an event...I dive down and play Boggle bash on pogo. I have like 2 million points. I use to look at other players with a million and say to myself,"really"? Ha. It's so easy. I try and use all my tokens on different outfits and stuff, I am quite embarrassed that I hit frigging 2 million.

Great Gatsby

I need to read this again before the DiCaprio movie comes out. (The females look amazing).


I havebeen thinking a lot lately...about how the tall guy gets the job over me. Maybe he is so looming. Honestly, I am the tallest of all my brothers. Big Fuck...they have hair. I am 5'8 1/2. I am short for an American,yet,I sympathsize with these giraffe's (guys) who have to duck under.

I am reading this great fictional book, and the auther satiated me with this line..."This iis not the best (Tall guy) but the client will employ. I, provide them with the head that is good enough,placed on the body they want".

Monday, November 21, 2011

In Defense of january jones

About 12 years ago i worked at a prestigious Talent Agency in Los Angeles. We were cleaning the shelves of anyone who did not belong to this agency. (I worked in the area of our clients and future client's demo tapes.) I was hired by a Temp Agency for this gig, and because of my eagerness and knowledge (Do you really want to 86 a copy of "The Bicycle Thief" ) just asking, they kept me on.
Anyway, January Jones was in our list way back then in 2000. I never watched her Demo reel and I am so less of a man for doing so.
I Love, "Mad Men". Possibly more than "The Soprano's".
I have watched bad actors in my life...from showcases to fricking Shakespeare adaptations.
She is a good actress, at least seminal. The Betty character, I believe is everything Matt Weiner has wanted. She is so cold and childlike. Has any one else have noticed that Sally is her doppelganger? Face, arm pulling back.
I have just re-watched every episode (some seasons 3 times),and I need to state that JJ has portrayed her character fine,

Thank You..."The Bugle" podcast

Man...I listen to many podcasts These guys are the most hilarious.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011


Holy Cow man...The hardest part was ridding myself of an identity,sortof Bruce Wayne-ish-yet in cyber space. The hoops and circles to get rid of a yahoo account; no wait: finding out how to do this properly in (and I dig nerds) alpha beta zeta speak is daunting.

Esplain Lucy: I cut my yahoo address which in which I held this account.

"I think I will throw this kid off the lifeboat" It was a mess. I am so glad to be back, my dear seven regulars.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


I am not trying to maximize this quake, but if you live on the East Coast, this stuff does not figure into our life here. I heard Cali's were mocking us...obviously length and girth of the quake. I have been through some big ass shimmers in Los Angeles.
Okay, I need to tell you this.
I walked a mile or so when my bus refused to move. i walked to the train station. I went down the stairs and some Asian guy was sitting there in his chef whites. I was like, "oh my God how are you doing after this shake up". And he said, quote, "You have fat belly. You are fat man"
Who, in creation talks to a stranger like this? Why, was I the one?
In college some girl I loved, was talking about me. She said I had tits.
I lost like 55 pounds and was skeletal. This fucking chinese dude screwed me up.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Crucial Blunders

Sometimes i wake up and I'm just smelling my pillow, trying to be Zen and it hits me.
My roof in St.Thomas was such. Southern exposure (the street where we hitched)...from my room, about 12 feet drop. Collorbone, bruised hip. East...3 feet...bruised ego. West is funny because I do not think I have ever been on that side of the hpuse.
North keeps me up at night.
Jay (my roomate) would go up in the early morn. to check the surf.
We had steps up and then some gate/ladder we had to swing over and walk parallell to the sun and reach the top.
I had a roof party one Monday. I brought up my stereo system (turntables in those days) and a big rug for dancing.
It was me, Marni, Sherrie and Jay. I dee jayed.
Afterwards me and Jay sat on the North side of the apt and blew a joint. I looked down and I have had thos fear of heights since, It was like an 180 foot drop/ My screams inside were audible. man. I think of this to this day and still sqirm/

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Another one for the 27 Club

Amy Winehouse now shares the list of musicians who are in the 27 Club. Those who died at, you guessed it, 27. Robert Johnson, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain...

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Rabbit Hole

Personally, I love reading. I also dig when I read something from a book will be adapted or was optioned to be a film. There are us snobs who will always say,"The book was better". Isn't that obvious.
I missed "Rabbit Hole" when it was in the theaters for that one week. Nicole Kidman got some kudu's for it. The rental (DVD) at the library looks to be about 3 weeks, so I requested the written source.
New Knowledge.
Pulitzer Prize Winner (07): Best Play
Big Tony Award winner.

Reading a play takes no more than 4 hours and your life is so enriched.
Please o to your library and ask for this.

Also...Do not read the last 6 pages in public, because you will lose it.

Friday, July 08, 2011


...So, in our elder years, your giving me these moles WTF

Calling Every Waiter or Waitress

Please, Party Down. It is one of those those that a) Got cancelled too early and b) neverhad a shot because it was on Starz.

Not since "The Comeback" has anything been so brilliant.

I can not even get into the cast. Perfection. Take my word.

Thursday, July 07, 2011


Have you heard? Everyone in L.A. is a whore? Well, I listened to this live comic podcast and this person actually branded themselves. I had zero idea what the fuck BRANDED means, but it seems like all the whore's are taking advantage.

I have never been so grossed out in my life.

I fucking hate Los Angeles.

"I'm branded with ciroc vodka".

It seems every no talent ass-hole want's to brand themselves to a company.

Hold myponytail, I am gonna puke.

Monday, June 27, 2011


I have had zero to do with my songs on Itunes lately. I have made every mix I can possibly do.
I have totallybeen into podcasts lately. Something, over a year ago I asked my friend Jen to start with me. So here are my favorite podcasts (all free) for you to stream at your boring job or download while your on the elipticle.

Pop culure happy hour NPR

Sklarsboro County if your into insane sport stories

Comedy Bang Bang inane and insane comedy

Extra Hot Great for Canadians living in NYC's view on culture

The Apple Sisters A comedy troupe from the 40's (read:now211)

I will continue.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

AM I Switching Teams..Fuck man

Staten Island makes me so fucking horny. I am now in love with this dynamo girl named _____.
I absolutely dig her. Her eyes are grey,jett black hair. She is so aweome.


I started this job (waitering) and the GM's name is Ted. I had Tom on the brain, so I was corrected. Did not last long. Nor my memory.
I came back the next day to train, and as I shook his hand, I said, "Hey Tom". The thing is, I did not realize it until I was at the bus stop 9 hours later.
The Kicker
I came home and was reading this story (on line), and the last sentence, I swear to God, said..."I'm Ted, not Tom".

Are We Not...

Shouldn't we have jetpacks by now? Man up. My feet are killing me.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest

I just finished the last of the three Swedish movies of "The Girl w/the Dragon Tattoo" series. I've read the books and I really think the movie adaptations are excellent. If you are looking forward to seeing the American version directed by David Fincher, I would go down to the library and take out the Swedish versions first.

Also,if you caught any of the Swede one's and thought the actress who plays Lisbeth Salander looked bad ass, check out this Charlie Rose clip of her from 6 months ago. ( about a 1/3 of the way down the page is the interview).

Thursday, June 09, 2011

"I can't get to sleep..."

I need all suggestions on how to fall asleep. The pharmacist told me to try benedril. Nope. I bought excedrin PM. Nope. Herb--> starts with a v and I had to make a tea with it. Zoinks.

Gym 2 hours. Nada.

Television, my best male friend

**Men Of A Certain Age

**Nurse Jackie

**United States of Tara

Need suggestions

Monday, June 06, 2011

If my last name was Weiner...

First off, and not being insensitive to Jewish last names, I would promote not having some name from the old country which when translated here gets you mocked. Ralph Lauren changed his name from Ralph Lipshitz. Would you buy clothes from Ralph Lipshitz?
So, trusty and fiesty Anthony Weiner want's to go to Congress and become Mayor or Governor someday of the state of New York.
Dude, change your name.
About 12 years ago, I can see him fighting with his mother and father. They won over a tray of Linzer tarts.
So,in the light of yet another scandal from (3 posts down he was not in it ) these cocky, brazen, drunk Congressmen and Senators (and Presidents), can we please fill majority with women?
If my last name was Weiner, the last thing I WOULD EVER do, is send cock shots via Twitter.
The puns don't write themselves.
NY Post is having a field day with the euphemisms.
The thing that grosses me out the most...he shaves/waxes his chest.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Is there a term for the abuse an adult child takes (gets)?

My friend has to be there. Ya, know? They are the only one around. The surgeries have been rough and still on going, and he/she is the dartboard. They can not take it anymore. They need to know if there is a word for the verbal and some times physical abuse that a mother takes out on her adult son/daughter.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Dreams: Open Doors

I never remember anything about my dreams, but two specific instances stand out. Open Doors in both dreams. I just read the meaning about this occurrence and it signifies new beginnings. I think I have hit the Jerri Blank stage of my life.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Do you think the NYT reads the Cool Store

an article in the NYT recently focused on....drumroll...Movies I say I have seen but did not.
Do you think they read me? Christ on a Cracker (my new favorite saying). Well I have had so many idea's stolen from me, I guess the Times is a plus.
But now, whenever I do this column,folks are gonna be like? "Was that it the Times"
I did it first,thanks.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My feelings w/ all these cheaters

Women have always played the most important part in my life. They have been leaders, consoler's, bread winners and smart. Lovers (at weird points), best friends (6 to date for 20 years or more) and abject.
Yet, being a non Nascar viewing, non Bon Jovi loving AMERICAN in this country in which I would gladly not fly a flag unless I had to, as a majorette in a marching band, no need to, right? The United States was supposed to be this bastion of Amendments and Inclusions and Statue's of Liberty. Yet we are not. Practically every European Country has voted a woman to highest ranking. We, revel and are bemused that a smart movie like "Bride's Maids" made so much money. There is a sick, dis-connect in this country. Too many dominant men were giving the impressions too their sons, as they were pushing them to the limits, that women were homemakers. Yet when these boys/men grew up,they realized who was the friend and who was the enemy.
I am a second generation from the guys depicted above. I sat around bong-a-thons with guys who had these feelings for their fathers "Breakfast Club" style. But now. Their realization is now.
If we had more women controlling Capital Hill,I believe, we would be on our way.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

WTF? **Adendum

I got an email stating that my blog views jumped by 400%. Hysterical man. I went from one viewer to 5!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

How can I defend Staten Island anymore?

2 or 3 members of Jersey Shore. Mob wives. I cannot defend this place anymore. "This used to be my playground" Kinda sucks, cause I used to be so proud.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Films I pretend I saw but Did Not

I'm lame. I know. Why do I pretend to be so portentous? Ughh. How do I live in this body? Cripes.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

My Beef with Kobe

About a week ago, Kobe Bryant called the ref, "a fucking fag". He was fined and he made some half-assed apology.
Living Muppet Bruce Vilanach responded this way::
Vilanch: If I called Kobe a nigger on national TV, I'd be out of a job and a house and I'd be targeted. We have to keep hammering that it's unacceptable behavior. His non-apology was very insincere. He's appealing the fine! I think he's a spoiled brat who's been enabled since he was a child. The irony is he was a guest star on Bette Midler's sitcom and he was perfectly nice.

He nailed it.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Listicle...Top 10 Best states

  • Washington
  • New York
  • California
  • Maine
  • Illinois
  • N. Carolina
  • Wyoming
  • Ohio
  • Mass.
  • New Jersey

The Last Office

Yeah,I totally teared up for the last 3/4 "Offices". (The Engagement, The Rent Song and This).
I never loved Jim so much as this episode (although I loved Krasinski in "Away we Go".)
I absolutely love Michael Scott, and I love Amy Ryan. Perfect Ending. Pam running to him with her shoes in hand. Carrell was so honest, if that seems like an actor term. He was it.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Hints for Tourists Pt. II

Stop walking 4 abreast while gawking.

Higher Power

In AA (not AAA), they ask you to find a higher power. If you happen to be atheist or a non-committal,they make some assie saying like,"Well, honor the lamp..." I'm not about to get into the life of Bill W. But he was extremely Catholic.
I needn't look far for my inspiration. I am no longer a Catholic,nor a Christian, yet unlike 1,000's of people I meet these days who need to proclaim themselves non believers, I believe in Jesus Christ.
God--->different feelings.

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Okay. Let me set the scene.
For those who do not know Staten Island IS considered a fifth borough of NYC.
Most of us take the ferry. The ferry takes us to lower Manhattan/Wall Street. But others have to take 2 different lines uptown.
The ferry is a place for sleep, a nod off before work. The wakes of the East River on any day can make a teething babe subside.
As with every morning at 6 am., you need to choose.
I have sat next to the Sicilian Construction Workers so high on double espresso's that my 24 minutes (ferry time) was squashed.
The (and I am not making fun off them) LOUD Polish ladies going to do "RHooM SerVice" at every hotel, and they have a cacklefest in the 6 am time.
I needed to so say. I always sit near the loudmouths.
This Morning Was Classic.
I got my seat (@ 6:20 am....the terminal is packed). Usual seat. I need to digress for a sec. (From the Russian/Polish housekeepers who are "too chirpy" for 6 am). I got a good seat. The end of the row. I sit and wanna listen to the waves. We have not left the dock yet. And I see this guy catty- corner from my eye plugging in some outlet to one of the 25 outlets on the boat. A lot ofpeople actually look stupid as they are charging their phones on the ferry. The fact that you braught your charger and you are yelling into the phone...Ughhh.
So, here is the couplet,the cherry on top.
As I said I was situated for a 24 minute ride from Manh.
I sitting, trying to draw off negative feelings, and this guy...He plugged in this jack, and I swear to God...This guy pulled out a Selectra 820 from maybe 1989,plugged him self in,squatted on the floor and plugged itinand started typing.
Do you know what the return button sounds like?He kept on hitting it...Like, Devilishly.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I SO need contact lenses

Fifth day of work @ Yankee Stadium.
I am the Manager of the highest acclaimed position in YS.
We, (all us newbies) toured THE WHOLE stadium yesterday. When we came to the exclusive Delta (still hate that airline) sky boxes. ( is gorgeous.)
I smiled with every bridge in my mouth.
I have to make this happen. Please

Tsunami is tsnow-me

If anyone goes back to the archives, one of my first major posts was writing about the Tsunami of, was it 2002? And here I feel I am ending on the same note. Another Tsunami. Man, I listen to BBC all night, I feel so sorry for these wonderful, resilient people. I have never been so riveted to an event so much...This is not "loo-key loo's on the highway",this is real. The fractured pain and sorrow that is hidden behind a face like marble in most elders. They have seen it all.
I have admired these beautiful people from Japan,when me and Laura Connair went to see the movie, "Come See The Paradise". It was about the Japanese American Internment Camps.
I think I'm done with blogging. I have so much more to expound on. I care not of the readership numbers, I just hope friends and strangers may enjoy my tome. Not asking you to reply
Figures. I finally got a job!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Funny Story about a Long Hair

I was hanging out on the beach with my friends...Meghan's was the name. I think. The beach,ya know. Dan was saucing up his lovely and I had jut finished an extreme game of Kadima with another good friend.
I went to relax at a picnic table and as I was looking at my cool toe's (second one is bigger), I saw this hair.
It was at least 6 inches long. I thought it was from some plankton or such from below the sea, but it was wedged into the space above my second toe (roast beef). It was ingrained. Me and Dan laughed about it. It was always fun (to them) to make fun of me. I plunked it out that day all though,it was embarrassing, I wanted it.
I have this eyebrow lash.
I have always wanted big ass eyebrows.
I tried mascara but I smear too much.
I touch my face, fight it...a lot
I have this eyebrow lash that is like 1 and a half inches long.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Me: As A Doggie

God...I want to rescue him/her...(tears streaming)


I'm all for no plastic bags and no happy meals...but taking in the guys from Guantanamo is so fucking liberal, I don't know if I can deal guys. I realize that 80 percent are innocent. Give me a different perspective please. Housing in San Fran/Berkely is basically 98% occupied-the most in the country. I am poor and need to leave my house, I would dig living in these area's.

Monday, January 31, 2011

How in the Hell did I ever like you?

This section is dedicated to people we thought we loved and admired and then we grew. And then we said, "echhh".

"Archer" :Best Show I just discovered

I was reading a lot about this show "Archer" on FX but it never registered. I knew it was a cartoon. Then I heard H.Jon Benjamin was in it voicing the main character. You may remember him as Slacker son Ben to Dr.Katz in sqiggle-vision. Then I just read a cool article on by the "Archer" guys,and it was so cool.

Don't get me wrong, I like a few cartoons/adult fare. I like/d "The Simpson's" (obvious), and "Daria","King...Hill" and even"Beavis...". I just don't have the frosh humor of "Family Guy",geeky nerdom of "Futurama". I was ambivalent.

"Archer"is one of the best written shows on T.V. It has more double entandre's and jokes in a minute than "30 Rock", which is a tall order.

I like how the main character's look so much like themselves. With no disrespect to J. Benj, cause Archer is the biggest stud, Mommas boy,spoiled lonely brat.

Try and get the first season from Netflix because the 2nd season just started and you can catch up. (I also know a site where you can watch for free. Ssshhhh!)

Sunday, January 30, 2011

God Almighty

Have you ever read the comments on HuffPo. Dont. That goes for The Daily Beast and especially Gawker. Tools.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Things onTV when you are a kid

There wasn't much. "In my day" we had channels 1-13 plus (hopefully nudies) on UHF which resulted in Spanish wrestling.

I remember being with my brother in our room and tuning into one of the first broadcasts of Sesame Street.

On Sundays we use to watch "Wonderama" and "Abbott and Costello".

Weekdays was a steady stretch of "Romper Room" and my man here. He use to have a morning exercise class/show, and like most Americans we watched on our belly in the living room . Rest in Peace mister.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

How Can You See So Many Movies (on your budget)?

A friend of mine from the Talent Agency in L.A. sends me a bunch of the end of the year screeners.
Just watched
"Easy A" great! (no sarcasm)
"Fockers 3" Unbearable. Just, like, yech.
"The Fighter" Awesome
"Black Swan" Eh...Campy
"True Grit" review below
I have like 8 more to watch....(Burlesque!!) <--ha

My Globe Predictions

If you never knew,the Globes are a 'lick ass fest'. They are smart, they want all the hottest people there, and so,this coillition of sychophants nominate everyone that they want to have 1 minute of face time with. So they can virtually jerk off to having had met them afterwards.
Actress Supp. Role Drama: My girl, Melissa Leo (If you have never seen 'Frozen River', you are missing the best).

Supporting Actor Drama: Christian Bale This is the biggest lock.

Foreign Film: I'm going with Swinton goddess and "I Am Love"

Director: Christopher Nolan for "Inception" which I am watching right after this post. I did not feel the Social Network had such great direction. It was a great movie, but ploddy. Ya kno?

Television Series Drama: Mad Men (A lot of people love 'Braking Bad' and "Boardwalk Empire'which I both love,but....Mad Men would be my desert island)

Actress Drama- tough one but I pick Elizabeth Moss

Actor Drama- Hamm- hamms down (ha)

Com TV Show- Modern Family (for normal tv,thisis awesome)

Actress Com-Torn between Linney and Fey yet I absolutely love Collette

Actor Comedy- Jim Parsons better win (2nd favorite show...Big Bang...)

Supp. Actress- Kelly MacDonald (Boardwalk Empire ruled)

Supp. Actor- Eric Stonestreet (Cam from Modern Fam)

We will see in a day or so...

True Grit

This girl deserves a Paquin.

This girl was unbelievably true (Listen to the Coen Bros talk on Terry Gross' show) grit.

I absolutely believed her in this role.

What a cool girl. She was only 13 and the last dozen chosen. Great movie. My only qualm is that when I watch it again on DVD. I have to put the sub-titles on for Jeff Bridges. And, I NEVER even could guess that was Matt Damon.

Wow. Great flick.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Did anyone see "The Fighter"?

I will write more about this tomorrow after my GG recap. Christian Bale was amazing in this and he does not win it is a travesty. Besides that he does not play up to these idiots i the GG stratosphere.