Thursday, September 30, 2010

I swear this is going somewhere...

I once saw a stand up (Jeanine Garofalo) talk about the bus in the movie, "Speed" and how it basically had every stock character from Central Casting. (This must have been around the time of Hollywood's big diversity kick). She is like,"You have your angry black man, your snappy old lady, your immigrant Mexican maid, your Eskimo with his harpoon..."
The Staten Island Ferry holds about 4,000 people at it's busiest times. It runs every 30 minutes from Staten Island to the bottom (Wall Street area) of Manhattan. Also, it passes the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, The Verrezano Bridge...good views of the Brooklyn Bridge...and oh, it's free.
Because it leaves every 30 minutes, shuffling on and off should be the major logistics (besides crashing 2X in 3 years) of the Ferry people.
As the world,(yep, it is not only America) keeps getting fatter, it is also getting slower. I, on the one hand need to visit Jenny Craig, but I am still kind of light on my feet. Maybe it is the 30 years of working on my feet or maybe because I remember the days of people just moving in every direction at the speed of sound when I was a messenger as a kid in Manhattan. Remember those old movies where you see all these businessmen in hats getting off the train and just plowing ahead?
So, now I have this scenario of the 'Speed bus cast" with something akin to the term 'cockblocker'. You see, whenever I am trying to move, especially when it comes to entering the Ferry, (the doors just shut. You could be an inch away) I am CONSTANTLY getting 'cockblocked' by the Central Casting of extra's. Yesterday it all came together, in one perfect scene,that had me laughing. No exaggeration here. The casting sheet for the extra's would look like this:
  • Old man with hump carrying groceries (must have height differential in both legs)
  • Clueless German tourists walking 4 abreast
  • Woman with briefcase on fold up luggage wheelie thingy
  • Fat person (5 foot)
  • Fat person (6 foot)
  • Mother with 2 school kids who are doing everything but walking
  • Hasidic family with 6 kids all under 10 years. 1 double stroller, 1 regular
  • The shuffling elderly Chinese couple
  • Man with cane
  • Man with luggage
  • Woman with walker
  • The walking newspaper reader
  • The tourist who got separated from the group, turning back constantly
  • Pod of cell phone people (all loud talkers)
  • Homeless guy with cart
  • Apathetic group of teens
  • Eskimo with Harpoon
Can we please enact my idea (spoken about previously) wherein we have chalked out lanes. "Road Runner...Strollers and Families...Tourists...Sloths... " I would be very happy.

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