Before I went to the last rehab, I checked myself into this joint which was an old hospital (where, ironically, I was born). It was like a 'safe place' and for people to detox. I did not need to detox, I had been clean about 8 days, but at this time, a little past Christmas, i was really suicidal. Every plan for offing myself came with complications. I unfortunately did not have a garage or a car for that matter,in which I could go silently into the night with the silent killer.Everything else kind of scared me or believe it or not, I was worried about the people I might harm. There is this bullet like express train that passes a couple of hundred feet away from my door. i wanted to jack-knife into it. Instantanious, and then I thought about the driver of the train and what would happen if it derails and shit like that.Ich-shnay.
I needed a bar-b-q lighter to lite my oven every time I used it,and I was going to turn on my Gas, whch recently got shut off,just to make that simple mistake of non ignition. But what if someone's pet or worse yet, someone else in my building died in the interim. What if the whole building blew up? That widow downstairs that I help with her Pathmark bags. What becomes of her? (cont)