Ah Man...

I'm onna say it. I am one for three finding people. I soo wanted to find Miss Char S. easy as pie man. I put that unique name in a search engine and Blip! Gorgreous as ever. Now, i'm tring to find this guy. The thing is ,he has a very basic name "John Brown. Ask me again and I'll knock you down" It sucks. I kind of will never feelcompleter if i do not find this guy: Danny Edwards UMass Virgin Isles great friend Lalapalooza in Fla (I got run over by a Mister Softee truck). I miss and love this guy (not sexually, you pervs).

Christina Hendricks

What a goddess. Women,do you agree? I guess I've always had a thing for red heads, going back to Kerry O'Gara in my neighborhood and than Tina Louise. She's like a Victoria Principal, without the surgeon husband. I love Mad Men, and I love her. BTW...I first noticed her on "Life" a great fucking show on NBC which got cancelled due to a large chin.

Tee Hee

New Feathered Friend

So, this place is really a psych ward, with a special spot quar-dened (sp) off for their 28 day program. So, I was at the bottom right? Well, this is what I had to deal with. I made the call, went to the safe place and,this is the shape I was in, how low my depression hit me. I bolted from my apt. Ya know,I could NOT see the Forrest for the trees. I was so mind fucked that I packed up this blue collapsible duffel that Dona Freehoff had given me when I left for St.Thomas in 87'. I put the stupidest shit in there. I just figured that I will eventually have no stuff,why not lose it now. Say goodbye. Th Band Aid theory. Just rip it off. A little pain and then none.
But that theory is wrong. I am a person who reflects...a lot. Hence the 50 plus journals I've kept.
I have to say, that compared to some people's stories(of their loses) mine was not minimal but it could not hold a candle to them. (Does anyone know where that phrase came from?)
So, back to Steve. He was a good guy. He talked a lot, he was young, and I don't know the validity of his stories, but he made me laugh. A lot. And God knows I needed it at this point, because everything was kicking in. The MESS of my life, the missed chances at success, the missed chances at LOVE. And now, everything I had ever held onto was probably (at this point my Landlord was calling nine times a day, and that was 10 days before)gone. (cont)

New Feathered Friend

I had no desire to be this guys friend. He made me laugh a lot, when it was needed. He was this character. So, with a voice actually louder than mine, we became friends.
We ended up rooming at Staten Island Psych Care. We were the best roomates, ever.
Cont.

God Almighty

I'm watching this guy on YouTube who I know as Pedro the Lion sing this gorgeous song "The Longest Winter", and I have never seen him. He's like this gigantic teddy Bear. I'm not into bears,per se, but it makes me smile.

Fair WeathrED friend Pt. II

So, I was hungry and broke. And thank God for some of these food banks I was able to eat. I know I'm a little chunky, but all I was living on was stinky ass chix buillon for Christmas through New Years. I was just waiting for someone to drop off a package. It was horrible guys. Ihave never been sosad in my life. I did it all to myself. Josie worked every single un medicated nerves of mine in a Costco parking lot, and although I do not remember this, apparently, I raised my hands to her. From there I was cut off for basically life. A month later, after discovering food banks and stuff, I willingly put my selfinto Rehab again. First, I had to stay at the place above. The safe place. It is here I met Steve. I thought he was a coolguy because he melded to me faster than I to him. We were totally friends in this joint. I introduced him to the movie "Rushmore" which he scoffed at, because either Croc. Dundee, Sly Stallone or The Rock was not in it. Dick. We both ende upgoing to South Beach Psychiatric Center for...cont (heh)

Fair WeatherED Friend

Before I went to the last rehab, I checked myself into this joint which was an old hospital (where, ironically, I was born). It was like a 'safe place' and for people to detox. I did not need to detox, I had been clean about 8 days, but at this time, a little past Christmas, i was really suicidal. Every plan for offing myself came with complications. I unfortunately did not have a garage or a car for that matter,in which I could go silently into the night with the silent killer.Everything else kind of scared me or believe it or not, I was worried about the people I might harm. There is this bullet like express train that passes a couple of hundred feet away from my door. i wanted to jack-knife into it. Instantanious, and then I thought about the driver of the train and what would happen if it derails and shit like that.Ich-shnay.
I needed a bar-b-q lighter to lite my oven every time I used it,and I was going to turn on my Gas, whch recently got shut off,just to make that simple mistake of non ignition. But what if someone's pet or worse yet, someone else in my building died in the interim. What if the whole building blew up? That widow downstairs that I help with her Pathmark bags. What becomes of her? (cont)

Sarah

This chick ruffles my feathers...her songs are like having root canals done on your ears. And she's Canadian to boot!

Kate plus Eight?

I just wish anyone who KNOWS me can listen this song. ya know,it makes me wanna live another day.... honestly.keepme alive Click the link <-----My salvation lies in yourlove....

Rhianna-choking

God,I frigging Love New York. The Yankkee's won the World Series tonight. Today, pre-Championship,I wore my Masui #55 shirt. The ferry and Manhattan was a sea of blue and white. Shirts,,,Posada,petitte,A-Rod and ofcourse Jeter. Yankee people were like, Matsu; yea!!
For those that don't know, Matsui got awarded the MVPof the series. No, not A-Rod. My main man Hideki. It's like if "The National" won band of the year


"God damright it's a beautiful day" Eels

Suri goes to school

I have 4 brothers. Up until recently I had 3 plus one who was kinda pissed off (13 years) but he came bck into our lives and it's brilliant....seriously.It's not like a day passed. We talk almost every day, and now...I don'tknowif it's me, but I lost the other 2. Grouchy (bro #3), {we have prissy, fatty (me), grouchy and fruity} a doctor, just moved to Vegas and he was like, "schlubba, their is a room for you." well,I guess the white zin was flowing because as soon as i could click "tell me more" he fucked me over. Prissy, the elder, my guiding light, my (ugg) only muse and mentor was the one to come over the other night when Jo had her hystrionic post menpausal breakown. He smashed my soul to smithereens. I aplogize for being needy.

The Hills update

Did I ever talk about my foray in Delray? (hah) I lived in a sober house with like 8 idiots. All homo-phobes, and basically they all dropped trou for a crack rock in their past and I will bet the farm on it. Well, Mrs.Livingston moved in (god, I loved her..."Mr. Eddie's father...I think this started my Asianation)...queeny (natch, he was Phillipeeno-intntial spelling mis hap) and he had the best music on this double computer. I used to blast "Float On" by Modest Mouse (see FB for link)and clean the whole house, and, I WAS Sober. I know i've been bleak lately. I want to make it. Like Mare in Minneapolis. I have to prevail. I need my mind to start working for me more than answering trivia.

The Hills (hit this title for Alexi Murdoch) i don'tknow how

dear God readers, you must listen to this guy from Ireland. --->get this.... (firstname) Alexi...now you tell me about gentrification.(!) His name is the wonderful Alexi Murdoch. Listen, with your good ear (frinds of mine). YOU Are behind me, Toots. Fuck that. This guy is aces.

The link above is the only one I could find. Your welcome. This is the most wonderfulsong. Fuck You Miceli Brothers

John Gosselin

Sail away with me honey...now
I wanna holdyou now.

Fucking Brian
We both left the land of the uncircumcised penis together. Like outlaws. We took a "Thelma andLouise"photo when we left. I have it.
I knew this guy fot 13-14 years and nothing.
Does he not think of me some nights?
My favorite thing on earth was when we would pile into his Range Rover and go down to Laguna. By us I mean, Brian, myself, Rexie and Ben (chocolate lab and the most awesome Cocker)). I mean,there was silence in the car, but it was protected. A sigh was recognised, not a sound in the abyss. I'm trying to convey the absolut happiness, which it was. Bliss. Fucking Bliss.I could name 10 things if you give me a minute of why I should be happy he is not in my life. I'm on 2 and I miss him. Stupid Fuck.Sorry for all the cursing.

RHIANNA

Okay 4 or 5 readers...Were gonna shake it up a bit. Every title (subject of Post) is going to have nothing to do with the actual post. So, when i say "John and Kate plus Masterbate!", what i mean in the post is that i am still looking for a job. No rhyme or reason. Just looking for some mid-west nitwit find me and get some pissed off comments. (Rubbing hands together mishieviously) XXO

Are You A Douche-Bag?

My mother hates that word. And so would I, if it pertained. Who decides this stuff? Is just wearing an 'Ed Hardy' shirt enough? In my books, yes...but . Then wearing a diamond in each ear and calling them, "Q Z's" to Nancy Grace (aka Quibic Zarconia's) (sp). I have like 4 fabulous women in my life who keep me real. It seems that anyone can say anything to me and it would not be taken to the cliff. Like, I'm jumping because you said I'm fat. Fuck,i have 7,000 other reasons to jump.

I was thinking of this song...

Last night when i was flying. I don't know why. When me and Brian drove from Miami to L.A. this was just getting airplay (1993-sh?). It's the total traveller's song. I fell in love with this guy, ShannonHoon, lead singer of Blind Melon. And then he died. poor bubby. I met this great kid in Rehab #1 and we both knew the whole album. He got kicked out and then O'D ed. Gosh,he was so beautiful (interior wise...not esthetically).





All I can say is that my life is pretty plain I like watchin' the puddles gather rain And all I can do is just pour some tea for two And speak my point of view But it's not sane, It's not sane I just want some one to say to me I'll always be there when you wake Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today So stay with me and I'll have it made And I don't understand why I sleep all day And I start to complain that there's no rain And all I can do is read a book to stay awake And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape escape......escape......escape...... All I can say is that my life is pretty plain ya don't like my point of view ya think I'm insane Its not sane......it's not sane

Kings of Leon

Am i so regular for loving these guys?

10,000 miles

Blogger (this site) is kinda fucked (the last coupla days). I spent the last 2 hours trying to get on, through by-ways and hi-ways and now I friggin' forgot my point of view. Dorky me.