Smile though your heart is breaking

Yeah...got hired today.
I woke this morning from a dream which swept away from me as soon as my crusted eyes opened. River Styx, an arm, children, fear permeated.
I was awake 4 or five minutes when then palm of my left hand was itching like a gambler with a trifecta.It was then I realized this Italian (I think) wive's tale about an itchy left palm and good fortune. I sludged through the same ass procedures of the last 150 days, same outfit (Heh...it brought me luck once),and proceded toget talked down to by some twit...regardless (there is no room for negativity inmy life)...so,I take the SI RR to the Ferry to NYC and transfer,and when I am 38 of 78 on line fore a waitering spot this guy calls. (718) number....hmmm...I answer. "Hello" "Can I speak to Michael?""Yeah this is him", "Hey this is Justin from blah blah...would youlike to work for us"

Later Catholisism

I kind of stepped aside 5 years ago, but now I am gone. I still love you God, but I need a new adjunct.
Much love, Michael

The Runaways

In like 1974 I was watching this movie on channel 7. It was called "Dawn...Portrait of a Teenage Prostitute."
It starred a then post Brady Bunch Jan,aka Eve Plum(b)?. For me,the movie was riveting,because I have always,always wanted to run away from the scene I was in. And even then,I knew that Hollywood held something more,and yet something more dangerous than I was leading, but I was so attracted to that life so much more than this life.
Dawn, aka Jan Brady,is a ho on the rough and tumble streets of Holywood. But,as much as I was riveted to to Dawn and Alexander (Leigh J. McClosky), her male hustler friend, I was more riveted to the song that exited each scene.
If you know the song "Cherry Bomb" you know the beginning. Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun...Can't stay at home..."
These teasers where prevelent all through this movie, and when the song finally clicked in,and played, I was transformed.
I watched the credits,and people, if you watch CSI these days and hear a good song, they don't give credit.
But the God's were with me that night.
I sat about 2 inches from the big RCA..."Your gonna ruin your eyes".
And there it said.
"Cherry Bomb" by the Runaways.
The next day I made my way out to Korvette's and baught "The Runaways"

This is...Fresh Air

Man...I love Terry Gross. I picture her as this wormy, bespeckled , librarian type woman.She is the most intriguing woman, most introspective. I'm gonna make a shirt in the next month...I hope some of you will buy it (no profit on my end). Just fun.

The ROVE Boat

I saw the greatest job on line. They were looking for an Italian/American chef for a Chinese Cruise Line.

Fringers crossed

Meredith Viera is an IDIOT!!!

During Monday morning's Today show Oscar coverage Meredith Vieira pointed out the hugs between Hurt Locker co-stars Anthony Mackie and Jeremy Renner from the time the film was nominated to Oscar night, and asked if it was something she needed to be

"worried"

about.

VIEIRA: "You hugged him pretty tight, I must say, in the moment. There was a lot of man lovin' goin' on last night. Do I have reason to be worried?"

MACKIE: Not from me. No reason.

VIEIRA: "Okay, you're fine? Yeah?"

Al Roker expresses astonishment at the line of questioning.

Lego of MY New York

German artist Jan Vormann and a small army of volunteers spent the past two weeks filling cracks in New York City buildings with Lego bricks.

Vormann arrived in New York two weeks ago "to support Mayor Bloomberg in his everyday-struggle to make this city even more amazing," the artist said on his project Web site. This is not the first time Vormann has used Legos in this way, but the New York project appears to have involved an unprecedented number of locations.

Tina Louise and me

There is no way how things happen sometimes. In like 1990,I was a waiter at The Russian Tea Room. Good gig.
We (my maitre d did) get the list of celebs/important (or impotent) people that day. Normal..normal...normal, and then I see her at the podium. My love, my scrap book making woman. La Louise. Ona,the maitre d, had no where to sit her but in the middle of the Russian Tea Room and the tables we called Siberia. I did not have the pleasure of waiting on her. I braved myself, and when her campanion went tothe rest room, I moved in like an unwanted 2nd cousin. "You know" I stated while clearing the borsht remains, "God's little Acre" was a great film. Hook,Line and sinker. She was blotting her lipstick on a tissue I quickly buried in my pocket when discarded. I hovered so uncomfortably, I started reciting her Imdb bio a decade beforeit's inception.She invited me to her daughter's 21 party or some such thing (her graduation from NYU) I can not recall,but it was at the club, MK. I wore leather pants that night (it was June) I was dying. She wore this gorgeous leopard wrap dress (cheetah? Cougar), I had a drink, and I left while this little surfer punk was hitting her up.

One asshole

Man....You turned into the biggest asshole. I absolutely despise you. Billy Joel looks better.
I saw U2 at Cornell in like 82-83. it was roucous (sp). Sublime. I saw you again in 86...still small. I moved away and when i came back you were HUGE. Now,you (as the papers say) wear your oblig.glasses and you fake helping everyone yet dodging taxes. You sanctimonious piece of shit

Part88

Ya see. These people I was hanging around with were,I'm not saying beneath me, but they were not me. This charactor Steve, that i absolutly loved for bringing my face from a frown,up side down, I love. And then you get out of these closed quarters and you see how these people are. He treated everyone like they were his nurse.He littered profuselly, without err. He talked so loud on the phone on the train you would just slide further down the train so as not to know him.
This dickbag said something about me.

Part 88

This guy Steve was the biggest dick. I started being in public. I swear, he like threw his bagel wrapper on thr floor of the train. Besides that, he talked on the phone and he was this loud bitch. He is trying ...seriously...to 'save me'
This guy is so fucking stupid to realizehe is a caricature. Albanian or Yugo as he is.What a fucking dick. I absolutely hate this guy. Maybe heis pissedoff because, he felt , "felt" I was gay. And I made zero passes on this dick face.You should haveheard the stories both him and Castellano told. Fucking bullshit.

Ah Man...

I'm onna say it. I am one for three finding people. I soo wanted to find Miss Char S. easy as pie man. I put that unique name in a search engine and Blip! Gorgreous as ever. Now, i'm tring to find this guy. The thing is ,he has a very basic name "John Brown. Ask me again and I'll knock you down" It sucks. I kind of will never feelcompleter if i do not find this guy: Danny Edwards UMass Virgin Isles great friend Lalapalooza in Fla (I got run over by a Mister Softee truck). I miss and love this guy (not sexually, you pervs).

Christina Hendricks

What a goddess. Women,do you agree? I guess I've always had a thing for red heads, going back to Kerry O'Gara in my neighborhood and than Tina Louise. She's like a Victoria Principal, without the surgeon husband. I love Mad Men, and I love her. BTW...I first noticed her on "Life" a great fucking show on NBC which got cancelled due to a large chin.

Tee Hee

New Feathered Friend

So, this place is really a psych ward, with a special spot quar-dened (sp) off for their 28 day program. So, I was at the bottom right? Well, this is what I had to deal with. I made the call, went to the safe place and,this is the shape I was in, how low my depression hit me. I bolted from my apt. Ya know,I could NOT see the Forrest for the trees. I was so mind fucked that I packed up this blue collapsible duffel that Dona Freehoff had given me when I left for St.Thomas in 87'. I put the stupidest shit in there. I just figured that I will eventually have no stuff,why not lose it now. Say goodbye. Th Band Aid theory. Just rip it off. A little pain and then none.
But that theory is wrong. I am a person who reflects...a lot. Hence the 50 plus journals I've kept.
I have to say, that compared to some people's stories(of their loses) mine was not minimal but it could not hold a candle to them. (Does anyone know where that phrase came from?)
So, back to Steve. He was a good guy. He talked a lot, he was young, and I don't know the validity of his stories, but he made me laugh. A lot. And God knows I needed it at this point, because everything was kicking in. The MESS of my life, the missed chances at success, the missed chances at LOVE. And now, everything I had ever held onto was probably (at this point my Landlord was calling nine times a day, and that was 10 days before)gone. (cont)

New Feathered Friend

I had no desire to be this guys friend. He made me laugh a lot, when it was needed. He was this character. So, with a voice actually louder than mine, we became friends.
We ended up rooming at Staten Island Psych Care. We were the best roomates, ever.
Cont.

God Almighty

I'm watching this guy on YouTube who I know as Pedro the Lion sing this gorgeous song "The Longest Winter", and I have never seen him. He's like this gigantic teddy Bear. I'm not into bears,per se, but it makes me smile.

Fair WeathrED friend Pt. II

So, I was hungry and broke. And thank God for some of these food banks I was able to eat. I know I'm a little chunky, but all I was living on was stinky ass chix buillon for Christmas through New Years. I was just waiting for someone to drop off a package. It was horrible guys. Ihave never been sosad in my life. I did it all to myself. Josie worked every single un medicated nerves of mine in a Costco parking lot, and although I do not remember this, apparently, I raised my hands to her. From there I was cut off for basically life. A month later, after discovering food banks and stuff, I willingly put my selfinto Rehab again. First, I had to stay at the place above. The safe place. It is here I met Steve. I thought he was a coolguy because he melded to me faster than I to him. We were totally friends in this joint. I introduced him to the movie "Rushmore" which he scoffed at, because either Croc. Dundee, Sly Stallone or The Rock was not in it. Dick. We both ende upgoing to South Beach Psychiatric Center for...cont (heh)

Fair WeatherED Friend

Before I went to the last rehab, I checked myself into this joint which was an old hospital (where, ironically, I was born). It was like a 'safe place' and for people to detox. I did not need to detox, I had been clean about 8 days, but at this time, a little past Christmas, i was really suicidal. Every plan for offing myself came with complications. I unfortunately did not have a garage or a car for that matter,in which I could go silently into the night with the silent killer.Everything else kind of scared me or believe it or not, I was worried about the people I might harm. There is this bullet like express train that passes a couple of hundred feet away from my door. i wanted to jack-knife into it. Instantanious, and then I thought about the driver of the train and what would happen if it derails and shit like that.Ich-shnay.
I needed a bar-b-q lighter to lite my oven every time I used it,and I was going to turn on my Gas, whch recently got shut off,just to make that simple mistake of non ignition. But what if someone's pet or worse yet, someone else in my building died in the interim. What if the whole building blew up? That widow downstairs that I help with her Pathmark bags. What becomes of her? (cont)

Sarah

This chick ruffles my feathers...her songs are like having root canals done on your ears. And she's Canadian to boot!