Sunday, December 03, 2006

Ben is Love

Thanks to bart , I need to talk about Ben.
In 1991 my whole world was crashing around me. The prior 3 years I was this club kid without the make-up. I was working 4 hours during the day and making major dollars and going out every single night getting free admission into Limelight, MK,The Roxy, The Underground et al. With drink tickets to boot.
But everything was falling apart. Or was it me?
In 1992, after a few weekend visits to So. Beach, Fla. with Joyce; I kept on reading that this was going to be the new 'Toronto' (meaning film industry.) I was taking all these scattered classes and lectures to hone my script @ that moment, and I thought that maybe, if I was in this budding enviorment, I might be able to meet with someone.
Brian (ex-lover/best friend) was now in Los Angeles. He was a semi succesful model in NYC and he was having trouble assimilating to the model/actor role he had to be in L.A. (Stiff as an emery board is what I remember him telling me his agent said on that commercial interview),
South Beach was the European catalog capital. (The sunlight) Remember when all those German tourists were getting shot? Yeah, that time.
Anyway, I had no choice but to make a move. I could not handle the 2 bedroom @ Washington Square by myself for (gulp...only) $1100. I did not want to deal with the parade of perspective roomates. 92 of them or so. It was a down market then (stocks, rent) so I just decided to fold like a crepe.
I moved down to Fla. two weeks later. I secured a spot in a weekly hotel room for Brian and I; who moved down a week later.
Yeah. I convinced him.
He braught down his little pup. Ben. He was about 9 months old now.
I never had a pet. I have always been afraid of dogs. (I use to deliver the "Daily News"). Ben was this 'bluff' Cocker Spanial. Dirty blonde-ish (bluff).
It was at this moment in my life that I truelly experienced unconditional love. (BTW: the song, "Unconditional Love" by Cyndi Lauper is so underated).
I could NOT wait to get out of work and run up to the motel/hotel and take Benny for his walk.
I taught him how to swim in the ocean. It freaking brings tears to my eye's thinking of it now.
He ate this whole slew of Kenny Cole shoes that I had been gifted. He just, I guess loved me so much when I (we) were out of the room, he needed our scent.
I wrote this great poem about benny called "Ben is Love." If anyone would like to read it I will send it to you.
Hindsight: To have this beagle-ish 'Snoopy' dog just love me and follow me around and obey me and trust me (when we went swimming the first time in the ocean, ben was shaking so much, I thought he was going to have a heart attack). Afterwards, when we went to Laguna (in Los Ang), he would Charge into the ocean.
Brian, Myself and Benny slept in the same bed every night. Do you know how beautiful it is to be woken up by these little velvety kisses by this sandpaper like tongue. And he knew all my hot spots. (I'm laughing writing this). He use to lick my ear til I was like, "Benny?" And he would have this huge smile on his face.
God is love.
Love is a dog.
God Dog.

1 comment:

Tesa said...

I'd love to read your poem about Ben. He sounds like he was such a sweetie. My email is iamtesa2 at

If there's one thing I've learned from this life, nobody will ever love you as much as a pet will love you.