Friday, June 03, 2005

Don't throw stones; you heathens...

I just came home from a great meeting, and while storm clouds are threatening to give us here in Florida another day of great lightning storms; the air is as thick as pea soup and the temperature is as hot as a "straight" guy in a gay club. I wanted to channel my thoughts into my diary, but I decided to read some sites and then get down to business of expressing it on paper. I read Hunter's page , that freaking cutie; and he shared a little bit about his depression days and how it has all been eradicated in his life now. I smile for him and his success, because it is the joy that he has in his life now which washed away his solace. I am quite lonely down here in Florida, and I notice how my depression has been creeping up on me again...it especially reared it's ugly little head last week when I succumbed to the bottle again. I mean; am I really considering confronting the fuck-face aka father I had who ruined the shit out of all my self esteem and squashed every one of my dreams? Will this bring closure? Or more anger compiled with deeper depression? Will I be absolved of the newly formed unbeknownst to me angry face I have been sporting?
This girl at the meeting said something very profound (Oprah's favorite word), and maybe you can use it in your life, sans the alcohol and insert your own crippling device. She said that everything in our lives are situations, and when we "drink" they now become problems. Read that again, and try to get the full gist. Ponder, class.
I hope nobody thinks I'm this friggin holy roller reformer these days. I applaud (well, that's going a little too far) those of you with self control, I have a lot of control in other situations but alcohol has knocked my dick in the dirt for the last 15 years.
Salute!

2 comments:

Ethan said...

I hope things are better for you soon. I know the feeling you are facing

Christie said...

lol, that post made me laugh