Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Why do I feel compelled to write about this?

The job I have now before I start my real job next week is a real mind fuck. I'm power washing the algae off of 48 apartment buildings in Boca Raton. Since I am sans iPod, I have a lot of time to think, or; before I go crazy by doing such inconsequential work, I have to keep my brain ticking. I started playing this game wherein I would use the letter "M" and then go down the alphabet (A, B, C...ect) and think of a famous person with those initials. M.A., M.B., M.C. and so on. I did both "M" and "J" and succeeded at both by only missing M.X. and J.X. After I shot my load with this game, I came across a strewn cover of The Star or The Enquirer with Tommy Boy's picture on the cover and I started thinking about him and his fucked up life. How many "gay" guys get married three times? Although I've only seen snipets of his recent prolific displays, I feel I have some credible assumptions (good oxymoron Mickey!) regarding this guys life. By the way, I feel I am qualified to state this since I waited on Tom, his Mom and sisters once. (I have the credit card slip to prove it.) I recently read in a not so credible source ( I feel like Entertainment writer Jackie Hervey from the Onion with all these bad sources) that Mimi Rogers (T.C.'s first wife) was the niece of L.Ron Hubbard. So, Tom's agents at the time, knowing he was to be a big star, (but, alas; a queen) needed a beard. (Are gay males female coverups called beards? Elbows?) Enter Mimi and the Church of Scientology. After Mimi pressed and pressed for sex, Tom got sick of this and had to divorce her in an amicable and monetarily substantial way. Mimi has hardly worked since. At this point, Tom could not date anyone he really liked, but boy, did he situate himself in movies with them. Brad Pitt, Dermot Mulroney, Val Kilmer, Cary Elwes and all the extras who appeared in speedos in "Cocktail." In the midst of this, Nicole Kidman, a translucent presence making her name on American soil, was sought out by Tom, after finally noticing her in the last ten minutes of "Dead Calm." Not that Nicole did not appear in most of the movie, but so did a hirsute Billy Zane. After a 10 year commitment this time (these agents are not stupid...hell, they did not even think T.C.'s fame would last that long) and at least 10 guaranteed starring roles, the deal was sealed and then some! Two adopted children (one of them a black/mulatto boy) were thrown into the mix as well. Well, by this time, T.C. had gotten way to big for this planet. Along with his auditors and the hardcover version of Dianetics, T.C. divorced Nicole, fired his Publicist and set off to take his one man freak show on the road and across the world, hijacking a susceptible young ingenue with him, for his flight on the Thetanic Express. Poor bastard.
P.S. La Holmes just got dropped from any "Batman" sequel that may be in the works.

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