Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The "P" word

I woke up one morning (this may be a former post; I don't know) and I had to pee, viciously. The night before Brian and myself went to see "Cry Baby"(new release-date it) down the street at the Waverly, and as usual, Mr. Thirsty(moi) had to get a 'big' soda. (Although back then they were not as huge). {A quarter more and you can have...}
It was a late showing, and we went back to Thompson Street and laid(layed) down for the night.
Anyway, I woke the next morning to get ready for work, dying to pee (natch) and when I stood in front of the Kohler ceramic, I either was 'pee shy' or 'had to many things on my mind.' Whatever.
I got into the shower (a rare; high pressured one I might add) and I figured, with no sweat from my brow, I'd pee there. Time is money.
When the warm water trickled over my supple body; oops,( I reverted. to my Penthouse 'Letters' days. )
When the warm water came down upon me, I knew i was gonna pee.
I was kind of aching at this point.
The next scene would have an ambulance pulling up, but instead I dug out my list of doctors and found a urologist who could take me.
I had not peed in 15 hours or so.
Next stop was 'Cabrini Hospital' where I stayed for 9 days.
My bladder basically was sick.
It was a form of 'Mono.'
Apparently, I was in such good shape that this 'flu-ish' thing took it's part on my bladder. One of the weakest organs.
I'll save the AIDS test debacle for another post (neg).
I was catheterized in O.R.
Does this hurt(?) I asked the nurse and in total NY fashion she replied that she does not know because she does not have a penis.
Day five, with my lips dry and looking for something frosty, I asked Brian to bring me in a beer.
It was that or a fountain 'Diet Pepsi' and although I don't care for beer (and Bri knew it), I guzzled one, while the guy next to me was dying from some liver thing. He was yellow and old and Spanish and his family loved me. Similar to the Corona Brian brought in.
When I drank the 'Corona' , it only took a minute for me and Brian to see it (or it's forefathers in the Urinary Tract) to pass through the catheter. It was kind of funny.
I thank Union 101 (?) for paying for this whole debacle, and I guess I've been stupid lately regarding my health.
I go shopping for necessities, ya know. Grade-A Burgers and Chicken Breasts; but I have not incorporated any vegetables into my diet. (I freaking love vegies). I've been lazy, ya know.
As a 'bachelor', and an avid TV-aholic (better than the hootch), everything seems to be on a sandwich these days. Not good.
I have kidney stones. They are minute, which means in other terms, I do not have insurance (from the hospital), so I will not get them broken up by a laser. I have 4. I passed (sorry) two. It hurts like fuck.
I've always been compassionate towards women giving birth.
I hear ya ladies on the 'tennis ball going through a garden hose.'
Turkey is a binder.
Mom is making a pork roast.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

1 comment:

donna d said...

good entry Mickey. Hope you piss those things out
Donna D