Man, i got the shit kicked out of me this weekend. Unlike CSI, this dealt with the mind. I really do not want to go through this again It may seem that I have this chuckly outlook. But I am not. Black is the backdrop for all my scenes of life. I am so freaking sad, all the time. I'm a mess. All my music is morose. A couple of peppy tunes...that deal with suicide.
I need a mentor or something.
I'm just stating this because...well because.
Here are the facts. I'm young 40's. I have not had hair since 23. I have more bridges in my mouth than the 5 boro's combined. i have an identity crisis, the one guy I meet who absolutely craves me is married with two kids, I have been in and out of rehab two times, i make less than a babysitter most weeks. I just want this nixtric oxide that I can breathe and just be gone. i just wanna leave my writings, asinine and imbecilic as they are.
You know, about 6 months ago I met this dude, and as he slept, I was writing in the corner. We got into a convo about writing, I told him this is all that remains from my 'sold' storage spaces of yore. He 'promised' to put all of these in a safe place. regardless that he smoked crank; is'nt it the gesture which counts? God? Are you there?
I'm going to go to sleep now. For the meantime; read my archives March2005-June are classic.